Activate my Heart

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden watched his thin wrist as he went to go press the elevator button, noting once again just how skinny the other was. "Ah." Zaeden's voice came out before he could stop himself. His eyes averted Loki's gaze for a moment, then looked back at him, placid as ever. "Are you hungry?" Zaeden asked, unsure of how to go about what he was wanting. He didn't want to seem like he was going to force food down Loki's throat though it was obvious to even him that Loki needed to eat more. However he wanted to spend just a bit more time with the other, other than doing work or just standing. And though he may not regularly eat human food he still could so maybe getting break fast was a easy way to spend a little more time together. "Perhaps something other than muffin?" Zaeden asked, his best attempt at a joke, but his voice was too flat and his face gave away nothing of his internal debate.

 

[Volo Morior]

He jumped slightly before looking back at the other, a bit surprised. He tilted his head as the other looked away. He held the males eyes when he looked back and blinked in confusion. The others attempt at a joke made him laugh slightly. He shook his head a bit, his expression conflicted. Did the other want to spend more ti me together too? "I dont..." He started, glancing away. "Rather I can't really go out." He said softly, his hand reaching to his arm as it always did.

He could now hear the elevator coming up and his mind was battling itself. He wanted to spend time together, and if it wasn't so scary he would want to go out... "You've seen how I am with people, being out anywhere is..." His voice was meek and self conscious, but as he finally heard the elevator stop before them and open he inhaled and decided that he may as well try to do something different. Nothing would change like this.

"Would... I mean... do you want to come up?" His eyes refused to look at the other, instead he felt more like shrinking into himself. Maybe he couldn't handle this after all. But he wanted to. "If you want to eat too I can cook... something. Only if you want..." He finally shut his mouth, he sounded ridiculous to his own ears and decided that shutting his trap would be a better solution.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden watched him carefully and was patient until Loki had finished. It was obvious he was forcing himself and Zaeden almost said no just because he didn't want to make Loki do anything he wasn't comfortable with, but then he thought that if the younger man was pushing himself this much for Zaeden he should be respectful of that and help him the rest of the way.

Swiftly he stepped inside the elevator and pushed the hold door open. "I'm not picky." Zaeden said letting his voice be quiet and calm to help center Loki back to comfortably. "I'll eat anything you make." He was trying to be encouraging, but wasn't sure really how to be. He stopped wondering and fretting over whether or not he was broken since he was starting to care, and just decided to accept that Loki was going to be special. He wanted to treat him kindly and maybe even help him.

His finger held open the elevator doors patiently so that when Loki was ready he could step onto the elevator and press his floor button.

 

[Volo Morior]

He felt as though he was waiting a long time for the others answer even though it was truly brief. But when the other stepped into the elevator and spoke Loki perked up. He stepped in as well, though his heart was hammering with anxiety against his ribs. He hit his floors button and watched as the doors closed. He immediately felt as though he had made a mistake, being in an enclosed space with someone was something he didn't tolerate well.

He pressed his back to the wall, gripping his arm tightly though he gave the other a small smile even as he was trying to make sure he kept breathing. When the door finally opened he swiftly stepped out, feeling much better in the more open hall. He walked down to his apartment and unlocked the door before looking back to the other. "I've never had someone over before." He said with a light laugh as he walked in.

He flicked on the lights, walking into the living room. "I don't have much furniture, but sit where you want. I'm going to change out of my work clothes before I cook." He didn't feel comfortable wearing his stiff working clothes when he was home. He walked to his bedroom and shut the door, locking it behind him as he tried to settle himself. Maybe this was a mistake.

He undressed quickly before pulling on some navy blue sweat pants. He nearly slipped into a tank top but remembered the marks on his arms and instead pulled out a baggy sweater. It was oversized, and part of his shoulder was exposed as the sweater sagged slightly on his thin frame. He sighed and walked back out as he tried to seem at ease even as his arms felt like they were burning.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden fallowed patiently behind Loki and glanced about his private living area. His home was larger than his hotel room but that was too be expected. However it did have a similar window, and that is where Zaeden decided to stand as Loki went into his room - his ears didn't fail to hear the click of the lock but he wasn't offended. His grey eyes scoped the scenery just outside the window. It was the same city and yet it looked different, or so he thought. Perhaps it was just the angle of the building and the different sides of the ones around them, but he wasn't sure if maybe it was because he was in someone else's private living area.

His grey eyes darted over to Loki when he came out redressed, immediately noting the looseness of the sweater and the bit of skin that showed on his shoulder. His enhanced eyes could now see the little vein on Loki's neck pumping blood throughout his body. Zaeden didn't understand why his eyes had focused on such a insignificant part of Loki's body,but he almost couldn't pull his eyes away from that blue little vein.

"Its nice." Zaeden finally complimented the place that was Loki's home. Though he didn't seem to have much, if felt cozier than the blank-bland hotel room he was staying in. Which for himself was perfect because he didn't own anything personal, and he didn't want to have a large space that would end up wasted. But Loki's place felt more lived in then he thought it might.

 

[Volo Morior]

He held his arm as the other looked at him, glancing away as he felt a slight flush on his face. He hardly ever was around people when not in work clothing and even though he was covered it felt embarassing. He jumped slightly when the other spoke nd gave him a soft smile. "Thanks. I don't have much but it's just me so..." He had a feeling he was going to be rambling if he didn't keep himself in check.

He walked to the kitchen which was divided from the living area by a counter. He glanced over his shoulder before looking around for cups, then for anything he could make for dinner-or breakfast in the case of normal people. "You can sit where you want." He said simply, trying to hide his anxiety. There was a couch and his usual lounge chair, he hadn't needed more seating than that.

"Want something to drink? I don't have much, just water and juice..." He didn't drink alcohol and so didn't keep any in the house, and easily perishable things like milk never got used fast enough. He finally pulled down a box of pasta and rummaged around until he found a can of tomato sauce. He sighed, he didn't even keep vegetables or meats on hand either. "Plain pasta and sauce okay? I don't keep much on hand." His voice was full of nerves, he'd never had someone over before and didn't know what to do to be a good host.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden walked to the counter that separated the two halves of the room and leaned and arm against the counter top. "I don't mind standing." He watched Loki begin to rummage around and found he was actually curious as to what sort of meal Loki would make. Zaeden had of course tasted many different types of human food but he hadn't ever paid much attention to them when he actually did decide to try them, so he wasn't sure what the standard from meals were. He had simple just said nothing when asked what to drink, as an android he didn't get thirsty and he didn't want to deprive Loki of anything he might need for himself.

"Sounds fine." He did speak when Loki mentioned pasta and sauce. Oddly enough Zaeden had never had spaghetti before so this would be his first time trying noodles with sauce on them, even if there was nothing else. A sort of strange curiosity built within him.

Part of him wanted to offer his help, but he wouldn't know where to begin, and this wasn't his space. Seeing how particular Loki was he wasn't even sure if offering to help would help relax the other, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to push boundaries. Loki had let him into his private area already, what if pushing his boundaries made Loki take back everything and put more distance between them? For some strange reason Zaeden did not like the thought of Loki hating him in any form of the word. So he just stayed standing where he was and kept quiet watching curiously to see how things would move along with the food.

 

[Volo Morior]

He was a bit nervous having the other watch him, but wouldn't say anything about it. Instead he nodded at the reply and put a pot of water on the stove top, pushing a button to turn it on. He added a little salt to the water before finding a smaller pot and pouring the sauce in. He rummaged around again until he found a couple dried herbs. He added those to the sauce and set it aside, he'd wait until the pasta was almost done before heating the sauce up.

He then went to the fridge and poured himself a glass of Apple juice, taking a sip as he tried to keep himself hydrated, even if he rarely ate. "I've never had someone in my apartment before... so... sorry." He mumbled, placing his drink down and turning to face the other. He anxiously pulled his collar up to ensure it hid the top of his scars as well, but on his thin frame it soon slid back down again. He wasn't sure if they were even visible, but it was an ingrained habit.

He wondered what it was about the other that made him invite him over. This was very much against his normal mode of conduct, but in a way it wasn't as bad as he had imagined. Sure he felt awkward, maybe a bit scared, but it wasn't as panic inducing as the couple times his boss had tried to enter to check on him back in the beginning. Those instances had left him a shaken mess for a couple days even though he did have a decent amount of trust in the man. His eyes glanced up to Zaedan as he tried to reason why this person was different.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden's eyes watched as Loki swallowed the juice and watched his throat move as the liquid traveled down his throat and wondered if the sensation of swallowing was different for humans. Androids were supposed to be made to replicate humans only be better, but how could he compare sensations such as drinking? He found himself growing a strong curiosity for everything Loki did and it was becoming dangerous. When his eyes fallowed his movement of the gulp he watched as Loki's hand tried to adjust the collar of his sweater only to have it slump. His sharp androidian eyes caught a glimpse of scars on part of the unhidden flesh that the sweater revealed, but he said nothing as he let his eyes travel back up to Loki's.

"Thank you for inviting me." Zaeden said in response and his voice became softer, almost sweeter. Having his suspicions confirmed that Loki wouldn't have just let anyone in his private space, but had just let Zaeden invade, made him feel...special. If he so dared let himself feel anything at all. Something warm whirred in his chest for a very short moment and Zaeden blinked in confusion of himself.

He leaned his hip against the counter a little more and slumped his body so both his elbows were resting on the blank counter top, his eye level lower that Loki's now, wondering if that might help him relax even more. "We just wait?" Zaeden asked actually a little curious about how food was made and cooked. He'd never bothered to observe before and to him Loki seemed quite skilled. Zaeden still hadn't bothered to go see the kitchen of the bar so he had no clue about what sort of food they made there either, he hadn't cared enough to pay attention.

 

[Volo Morior]

Was it just him or was the other watching him very closely? Maybe he just felt it more because there were no customers or noise to distract him from the others very presence. He smiled softly at the others voice, the tone was somehow...soothing Maybe? It was a different voice than the other tended to use down stairs.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again as he tried to think of what to say. His fingers fiddled with the hem of his top anxiously. "I... enjoy talking to you. It's easier than talking to the others..." his voice was barely above a whisper, but he had a feeling the other could hear even that just fine. His face flushed slightly, but it was the truth. Maybe it was because the other was rather quiet, and unlike with the others he didn't move through a conversation so quickly that Loki fell behind.

He watched the other shift, before blinking at the question. He nodded slightly. "Once the water boils then I can add the pasta. It shouldn't take too long..." His voice trailed off, then he blinked and perked up just a bit. "Ah, you wanted to see the hat right?" He asked, glad to have a distraction if only for a moment.

He exited the kitchen and made his way to his chair and knelt on it before leaning over and retrieving his project from its spot. He brought it over and while keeping his usual distance from the other he held it up. "Its not finished yet." He said a bit awkwardly, but he was still a bit proud of it.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden thought that sounded awfully simple for cooking, but perhaps his imagination of crazy sorts of preparation were just that, his imagination. If cooking wasn't all that complicated then maybe he wouldn't mind learning how to. Though he wasn't sure if the sudden desire to learn to cook was so that he might have a hoby to speak of, or if somewhere deep inside of him he was wanting to take care of Loki - as he obviously wasn't too concerned with eating normal amounts of food.

He waited only but a few moments until once again he came out and showed the hat he had been working on. Zaeden tilted his head as his eyes scanned over it as Loki held it up. It looked rather plain compaired to some of the hats Zaeden had seen women wear, but he found he liked the simple design better. It seemed to fit Loki a little better anyway. His hand came up as he pointed to Loki's hair. "Doesn't it go on your head?" He said, though his voice was flat and serious, he was partially joking too. He knew that hats went on the head, he wasn't stupid, but now that he had seen the unfished hat part of him wanted to see how it would look on Loki's own head.

Zaeden had no clue where all his curiosity was coming from but he was having a hard time fighting the urges now, and he felt so much more comfortable around Loki, he was glad he was not alone in this feeling however. It was obvious that the both of them enjoyed each other's company. And what a weird pair they made. Something whirred within him at that word, pair. Why did that make him feel so odd?

 

[Volo Morior]

He watched the other curiously, did he dislike it? Loki had been making it just for something to do so it wasn't as though he had a vested interest in someone else liking it or not. He tilted his head slightly at the comment, finally chuckling lightly. The other was definitely odd. "Mm, yeah. But it'll come off the needles if I put it on now, I have to finish it first." He was smiling, even if it wasn't completely intentional the other did cheer him up a bit.

He looked down at his hands then, thinking for a long moment. He opened his mouth slightly before closing it, chewing his lip before finally deciding on the wording. "Does it... bother you that I'm so..." he faltered, fidgeting with the stitches on the needle anxiously. "I mean... like before... and now too... you don't come closer than this." His eyes flicked up to meet the others. "Ah, I mean I'm grateful for it! I think that's why I was okay inviting you up... but is it.. inconveint at work?" He looked away again, it had been bothering him, he didn't want to impede the other in any way.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden watched Loki's body language closely and waited patiently before he was finished talking. His eyes lingered on the others lips after he watched him chew his lip nervously, wondering why that was even a habit, and what Loki might do if Zaeden was the one biting on his lip. But he wasn't stupid enough to actually try it, he knew a action like would ruin what ever friendship they had with each other, and he wasn't about to risk this strange connection just to experiment with his own emotions.

Zaeden found it odd how much he liked when their eyes met, it made him feel calmer, but he understood why Loki kept looking away. Although he understood it was a part of his uncomfortable nature around other, he was still curious as to how his life had led up to this point. Looking down at his own hands he actually gave thought to the question Loki had asked.

He himself had never liked getting too close to others, and when he was forced to it was never because he wanted to be that way himself. So it wasn't so much of an issue that Loki needed personal space, it was a bit of a relief that there was someone who was similar to him. However, as he stared at his hand he couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to hold Loki close to him. Loki had so far inspired such strange feelings with in him, he was curious to see if holding him would feel different than it had when he held others in the past. That being said he would not push Loki past his limits, and he wouldn't hate waiting for Loki to be ready.

It was a strange feeling realizing that he was actually feeling for the first time, more than just anger and irritation. He clenched his fist only slightly and let his hand drop down by his side looking back up at Loki, staring into his eyes.

"It doesn't bother me at all." He said, and for the first time in his life - without him realizing it - he smiled. It crept slowly onto his face but altered his face completely, the corners of his mouth curling up slightly flashing his perfect white teeth, the corners of his eyes wrinkling handsomely as the cool grey sparkled like never before. His smile was kind and gentle, and only for Loki.

 

[Volo Morior]

His heart was racing in his chest, but he couldn't help it. What if the other admitted that it was annoying? Loki had little faith that he could change it though, his aversion to touch was subconscious, so much so that even if he truly wanted to reach out to someone he doubted he could. It was painful to admit that to himself, but it was a truth he could do nothing about.

He realized he was holding his breath in the uncomfortable silence. It hadn't been that long but it felt like an hour had passed to him. Maybe he should tell the other to forget he'd asked, he could brush it off. He looked back to the other, the words in his throat, but they stuck there as their eyes met. He was at first incredibly relived at the others words, and his heart had slowed almost instantly by at least one beat.

That only last a moment though. Soon it picked back up and Loki felt a blush creep into his features. He was openly surprised, the other was actually smiling. He stared for another moment, his mind having a minor malfunction. Not only was he processing how glad he was to be receiving a smile from the other, but he also had the immediate thought that the other looked good when he smiled.

He looked down hurriedly, his eyes focusing on a single stitch in the hat as his fingers fidgeted nervously. What sort of thing was he thinking? Sure this wasn't the first time he'd thought someone was good looking, but it had always been a logical thing, never an emotional one. But he was blushing over it. That was definitely a thought he shouldn't have had.

But in the end he smiled slightly, a bit giddily happy. "I'm glad." He said honestly, his expression a true one, out from behind his normal mask of forced politeness. He stood there another moment before flicking his eyes up to look at the other again, but he didn't lift his face, instead he glanced to the side before looking down again. "If you smiled like that for the customers you'd have girls all over you." He said with a light laugh. He wanted to openly say the other looked handsome like that, but it was such a forward thing that the wording didn't exist in his mind.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden smile didn't fade as he watched Loki's cheeks flash pink with a slight blush, but only widened slightly as the thought in his head only focused on how cute Loki looked blushing. It was weird for him to think that another person could be cute, but he definitely thought Loki was rather adorable in nearly everything he did. He couldn't explain the reasoning even to himself.

His head tilted a little when Loki looked down instead of keeping eye contact, not wanting to miss what expression he had on his face. His smiled laxed a little but didn't fade when he heard Loki say he was glad. His chest began to feel warm like it had when he saw the true expression and not the masked face the other showed far too often. It was that unmasked expression that Zaeden longed to see more and more, since that first smile he had seen. But his smile faded a little more when the other suggested that he smile more at work. "That's not what I want." The words flowed from him before he even thought about how he really felt, but they were true. He didn't want women all over him, nor did he want men all over him either. But that wasn't quite what he meant either, but he wasn't 100% sure what he was feeling so he didn't know how to say it.

He just kept searching Loki's face with his eyes, wanting to make eye contact once more. For a few long moments the silence hung in the room again as Zaeden searched within himself to find the answer to his sudden changes and what they meant. But he still was unsure. When he spoke again his voice was soft, almost a whisper. "Was it strange?" Almost childish in tone, as though he was embarrassed of himself. Which in a way he was. It was strange feeling a smile on his face, the machinery beneath it wasn't used to such expression but the smile had come easily when he thought of being there for Loki. But maybe it had been too presumptuous of him to even think Loki would want more out of their friendship then they already had.

Maybe his smile was strange, and maybe he should go back to being emotionless and dead to love. Life was easier that way, and things would be simple again. But he couldn't help but feel somewhat sad at the thought that maybe Loki found his smile strange, or didn't like it. Perhaps that was why he wasn't making eye contact any more. Zaeden didn't like these new thoughts swimming through his head, but he couldn't help but wonder.

 

[Volo Morior]

He felt the other looking at him and the blush wouldn't fade. Instead his ribs were starting to hurt from the pounding of his heart and he was having trouble remembering to breathe in even rhythms. He felt that this feeling was different, if only slightly, from his normal anxiety. It didn't feel scary, he wasn't panicking, but it was fairly close. The same light headed feeling, the same want to hide away somewhere.

He flinched a bit when the other spoke, looking up slightly, quizzically. He had meant it more as a compliment, or maybe a joke, and hadn't expected a real response to it. He didn't want to meet the others eyes just then, he was too concerned over how foolish he must look, all nerves compared to this person who was the picture of calm.

But when he heard the others question his heard stuttered for just a moment. Was it strange? What? That he had smiled? Loki was so caught off guard that he almost didn't give an answer, he wasn't sure what answer there was to give. He was frozen for a moment until finally he met the others eyes, probably looking more earnest than needed. "Ah, n-no... I mean..." He cursed himself for constantly tripping over words.

He tried to call himself as best he could, his face burning hotter while he tried his best to keep from looking away. If he could just spit it out. "I thought it l-looked... n-nice." He was almost visibly shaking, his fingers twitching slightly with nerves. He finally had to look down again to keep his mind from going completely blank. "But it's weird for me to say that, r-right?" He wished he could stop stammering. he felt so self conscious that he wondered if he'd be able to look at the other square on again.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden's face was calm as he watched Loki fidget and his cheeks get a darker red, his eyes caught a bit of the flush showing on the top of his shoulder where his sweater was falling down still. He felt his lips wanting to curve in a smile, why was a pink Loki so adorable? But he was also partially worried, he seemed to be having trouble breathing, and Zaeden's sharp ears could hear just how fast his heart was beating. Maybe he shouldn't try to push any further. HE nearly took a step back but then Loki looked back up at him and he could see the determination on his face.

Zaeden was a little worried when he started to see Loki trembling, that he almost missed what he said. Nice? Zaeden was caught off guard and smiled again, the honesty in Loki's voice and the integrity in his face told him that he really meant what he said. It wasn't just a compliment thrown into the air so that he could gain something for himself. And for some reason that made Zaeden feel undeniable happy. He brought his hand up to cover the lower half of his face, if his cheeks could blush they would be just slightly, trying to hide his smile. He turned his head slightly, Loki was obviously being pushed to far for comfort so he wanted to back down, but hearing his words brought new emotions he didn't know how to control.

"It's not weird..." HE paused for a moment not looking at Loki talking through his hand. "I'm..happy." He finally said as his grey eyes glanced back at Loki.

In the silence that he waited for Loki's response his ears caught the sound of boiling water. He turned his head and dropped his head as he looked to the kitchen and noticed the pot for the noodles was ready. Using the hand he had covering his face he pointed. "Its boiling." He stated flatly just incase Loki had forgotten too. And since Zaeden had no clue what to do with it he couldn't go handle it himself.

 

[Volo Morior]

He couldn't help but feel more and more nervous energy building in him. How could the other look so stoic? While here was Loki, the epitome of human anxiety and emotion. He was nervous in the silence, his lungs burned as even though he was breathing, his shallow breaths did little. He should have just stayed quiet and avoided this whole situation, but he really liked the others smile. It felt warm and kind, and he wasn't sure how often he would be able to see it.

When he heard the other speak he managed to glance up and blinked. The other looked really... something. He didn't have a word for it, or at least he didn't want to admit to himself the first word that had come to mind. Was the other embarrassed? Loki felt a bit of shock flash on his features when the other said he was happy, and Loki couldn't help but feel happy too.

He looked at the others grey eyes for a short moment, he felt they looked just a bit different just then. His eyes darted away again and he chewed his lip, he needed to stop blushing like a fool, and being able to breathe would be a bonus. He was floundering, trying to think of a coherent response when the other spoke.

His head snapped up and he followed the others pointing before he deposited the hat on the counter and quickly skirted back into the kitchen. He had completely forgotten that he'd put the water on, but was immensely glad for it. He ripped open the box of pasta and poured it in, stirring a couple times to make sure it was all beneath the waters surface.

He sighed heavily, while his heart was still sputtering along it had slowed some what, and he was breathing again. The distraction had come at a good time. He didn't turn back to the other for some minuetes, he knew his cheeks were still just a bit pink, and he had a feeling that seeing the others eyes would make him flush again in short order. He needed to calm down first, then he could put the mask back up, that was probably best. "I'm glad... that you don't think it's weird." He finally said softly, stiring the pasta again absently. His other hand fiddled with his shirt, pulling the collar in place again. But he couldn't help a small smile and the warm bit of happiness in his chest.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden watched his back as he stirred the noodles and just watched him for a few minutes. It was so strange the things whirling inside him. He had always been a void of emotions, but now he felt..happy, and a little embarrassed for feeling so happy. Why had Loki's words made him happy? Why had he smiled at the human? What was this bubbling inside of him? He knew not, but he couldn't say that he hated it. Quite opposite actually, he found himself wanting to seek the feeling further. But he had no clue how to pursue, and he was sure Loki would need time to get used to him more.

As he watched him stir he felt like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how to speak what he was feeling so he kept quiet and waited until the food would be ready. He stood still at the counter leaning against it as he watched Loki's smaller form. He was definitely an interesting human and he wanted to keep making him smile.

(sorry its a little short)

 

[Volo Morior]

He tried to remain as distracted as possible as he put the sauce on to warm it up while the pasta cooked. He wasn't used to feeling this way around others, at least not in person. Over the past few years he'd gotten to know a few friends online, and that was the only time he let his mask fall with others. But in that case the screen served as his mask, the protection from another person was due to the very nature of his comfort with them, they couldn't see or touch him. It was safe.

He let the silence continue until the food was done, putting on some oven mits so he could strain out the pasta without risking a burn. Once that was finished he added the sauce and made two plates, putting a normal amount on Zeadans, while putting about half that on his own. He covered the pot and walked over to the counter and offered the other the plate and a fork, placing it down before the other would reach for it to ensure there were no mishaps.

"I hope it's okay." He said softly, his eyes glancing up to the other and then back down again as he started fiddling with his food. It was a bad habit, but he was a slow eater, and often he would fiddle around with his food before convincing himself to eat it. He finally took a bite and was glad that it tasted okay, if a bit plain, and then repeated the process. Move it around the plate, eat a small amount, repeat.