A Twist of Fate

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((As much fun as one could have while getting a haircut lol I was kinda tired so I did almost fall asleep during the shampooing because my salon does a little head massage as they do it haha and my hairdresser braided all my hair after she cut it to show me where the layers would stick out XD that was kinda funny. My brother convinced me to get a 3ds, too, but I bought the Pokemon x in town and the ds on Amazon, so now I have a game and no console...))

As much as being able to touch so much made him feel anxious inside at his own thoughts, Mallin felt no more comfortable or happy anywhere else besides in his friend's arms. It was an embrace that was kind, caring, loving even. He hadn't had anything like that in a long time. Getting a hug from children or from someone he had healed that was grateful wasn't the same as being able to hold and be held by someone he cared for so dearly and had thought lost to him. Part of him almost hoped his brain was just misinterpreting those feelings as a different sort of desire.

When Cryon pulled back, Mallin's fingers lingered almost too long where they had curled into the man's clothes, where he had sworn he felt his friend's strong heart through his fingers. Everything was unsettled, like on the edge of some overhanging cliff, some tipping point neither of them could see and Mallin couldn't take it. He was too tired for this, and too afraid, and he knew just as every time he encountered something difficult he just had to force himself to do it and deal with the consequences.

". . . Will you finish your letter?" The Mage prompted softly, glancing at the paper and worrying at his lower lip with his teeth, wondering if it was his imagination that Cryon's eyes were darting away from nerves and directing his own towards the desk for the same reason. "I . . . I don't want to say anything until you've finished." He wouldn't distract his friend from his duty to the kingdom like that. He had to wait.
 
(Oh XD Well hopefully the ds comes in soon. Its a good game)

"...Yes, finish the letter."Cryon mumbled, running his hand through his hair with a nervous twitch of his lips. He had all but forgotten about it, his thoughts having gone to feeling of Mallin's lips against his. It made him swallow nervously, glancing at the mage and watching as he chewed on his bottom lip, shaking his head and reaching out, letting his fingers brush his cheek.

"You'll make it start bleeding if you keep doing that." He said, letting his thumb brush over Mallin's lip to pull it from the bite of the mage's teeth. The skin was soft and delicate, and Cryon froze for a minute, pressing his lips into a thin line before he dropped his hand and looked at the desk. "The letter..." He mumbled, picking up his pen again and staring at the page, reading over what he had written before he had gotten distracted. When he found his place, he dipped the pen in the ink well, setting it on the paper, and writing as quickly as the pen nib would allow, the words etching into the paper gently and drying within moments.

He paused for a few seconds now and again, mouthing the words back to himself before deeming them good and continuing on. He knew it wasn't his best writing ever, but he was both too nervous and too excited for what Mallin might say once he's finished. He could barely sign his name before he set down the pen with a shaky breath, glancing at Mallin at the corner of his eye before he began searching for the wax that would make his seal.
 
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((Hopefully because my dad has Prime it'll be here tomorrow lol))

The tension had Mallin looking at the desk rather than at his friend, and the first touch of fingers against his skin caught him off guard. His eyes darted up to Cryon's, and his breath caught softly at the gentle brush of the other man's thumb, his lips parting slightly and so releasing the hold he'd had with his teeth. Bursts of confusing thought were going on in his head and his cheeks turned a vibrant shade of pink as Cryon went back to his letter, mind running in circles. That wasn't normal, was it? Perhaps a firmer touch, or even the words themselves, but put together and done so gently - if Cryon would touch his mouth like that, he wondered, would he kiss it instead? It was giving Mallin ideas and hopes he had wanted desperately to keep away, knowing it would only hurt him when they weren't true and not wanting to disrespect his friend with such fantasies.

The Mage was lost in this agonizing spiral of thoughts as he listened to the gentle scritch of Cryon's writing, and he almost didn't notice when the letter was done. Shifting a few papers aside, Mallin found the stick of red wax and lit a small bit of flame over his own fingertips to melt it rather than finding his friend a candle instead. As Cryon found his seal, Mallin carefully dripped wax in the right place to seal the envelope, and cooled the stick carefully to keep it from dripping on anything else when he was done. And then he was left with his own promise of speaking once the letter was completed.

". . . I don't want you to hate me." The Mage said weakly after a long and uncomfortable pause, shifting anxiously in his chair and wanting to move it further away but not wanting to hurt his friend by doing so. "Will you promise me you won't?" He knew his friend would say yes. Even if it weren't true, Cryon would say yes. Who could really know what would make them hate another person, or how much hate they were truly capable of? But he had still needed to ask.

"I . . . I find . . . women to be attractive," he started, struggling with words and running his thumbs nervously over the bandages on his hands as he fought the urge to get up and pace. He couldn't look at Cryon. "Would . . . Would you be angry with me if . . . if I told you that I sometimes s-see men the same way?" He could hardly force the words out, his voice shaking a bit and feeling the anxious and nervous feelings crushing down on his shoulders and lungs, but he had to say it. Earlier was better, wasn't it, so that Cryon would have time to be angry for a while and maybe forgive him later on? That was, at least, what Mallin hoped for as he waited for an answer. Maybe his dear friend would even hit him.
 
Cryon's hands were shaking as he slowly looked for the seal, the tension in this room almost graspable in his hand as he found the seal. He watched the steady drop of the wax as Mallin helped him, his eyes wondering over to the mage and the slight pink of his cheeks the had the King sucking in a soft breath through he slightly parted lips. He didn't know what to do, and he clutched the edge of his seat with one hand as he finally turned his eyes back to the letter and pressed the deal into the wax, carefully removing it when he was finished and leaving it to cool.

Cryon didn't dare speak as Mallin began to talk, not trusting his voice or his mind at the moment as the mage begged for the King to not hate him. He couldn't ever imagine a scenario where he could hate Mallin, not again, and his heart only picked up speed as he listened to the mage continue on with what he needed to say, and maybe his first lingering thought was this ecstatic drive in his chest that started his heart into a raging rhythm and left him clutching his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white. Then there was a stirring of hope that burned Cryon's throat, making him swallow nervously.

"Do you...." Cryon tried to say, only to stop and turn a light shade of red. How was he ever going to get the words out? "Do you find...me...attractive?" The king asked, trying to crush the hope that was refusing to give way to anything else. He wanted Mallin to feel the same way, but he was scared. He didn't know what he would do with the information he had now, or how he would ever be able to live with the feeling in his heart if the mage said no with those delicate lips.
 
Mallin felt ill, sick to his stomach like he might need to leave the room at any second despite knowing he had to stay put. He couldn't just run away, not for this. This was something he had to face, had to endure in order to move on, to live with no secrets. He had always tried to have as little secrets held away from everyone as possible, as it was always something that drove walls between people. The problem was not knowing how this secret would be received. Everywhere was different, and it was difficult finding out which places would accept him and which would rather burn people like him at the stake, as it wasnt something anyone talked about. He could only hope his friend wouldn't be angry.

Cryon's question had Mallin biting at his lip again, fighting down a sound of distress because he hadn't expected to have to answer that question so soon. He had known, though, that curiosity would come, whether it was before or after anger, and he knew he had to answer even though it felt as if it physically hurt him, his muscles tense and trembling. Finally, he gave a slow nod, unable to look at his friend still as shame burned to the tips of his ears.

"I-I won't touch you anymore," the Mage managed shakily afterwards, quickly trying to get the words out as if afraid of the assumptions that would be made, "if you - you don't want me to. . ." Even simple things like a helping hand or playful shoves - he would stop if this new information made Cryon uncomfortable, as long as it meant he could still stay by his friend's side. The thought of it hurt so much it stung his eyes, but Mallin took careful breaths and did his best to stay as calm as possible. He just had to ride out the reactions. If it came to the horrifying scenarios in his head, he could cry when he was alone in his own bedroom again.
 
Cryon barely could breathe, his chest burning with what could only be described as euphoria, even though he was frozen to the spot as he watched the emotions play on Mallin's face. Not touch him? How could he ever think that Cryon didn't want him to touch him? Cryon would never want Mallin to stop touching him, even if it isn't in a romantic sense.

"No, please." Cryon reached out, grabbing Mallin's hand and pulling it close to him. He set the mage's hand in his chest, letting his racing heart pulse against Mallin's hand in an effort to portray how he was feeling, how to explain when he didn't have the words to explain it for him. He took in a deep breath, just the feeling of the mage's skin against his like a warm beacon for he realized he needed.

Cryon leaned forwards just the littlest bit, his heart rushing as he let his forehead rest against Mallin's. He's never done this before, and he felt so scared at what he was about to do as he let his free hand rest on the back of the mage's head. "I don't know what I'm doing." Cryon whispered, meeting his friends gaze through his lashes.

(Sorry it's a bit sloppy)
 
((Its all right haha clumsiness is appropriate for these two))

Mallin jumped when Cryon grabbed his hand, honest to god jumped. He had been so afraid the man would hit him or simply spurn his touch forever that suddenly having his friend's fingers closing around his was too shocking and he hadn't been ready. He still wasn't ready, even as he realized that Cryon wasn't holding his hand but pulling it closer, splaying the mage's fingers out over his chest. Mallin's eyes went a bit wide at that, and his lips parted on words he couldn't form, gaze zeroing in on their hands as he felt the light thump of Cryon's heartbeat. It was faster than it should have been, and the Mage felt like the world was turning too quickly.

And then it got worse, or better, or something else Mallin couldn't describe. Cryon was so close the mage's heart raced faster, the fantasy in his head playing on without his consent as their heads touched together, skin warm against skin, and he nearly had to go cross eyed just to see his friend. It was too much, being so close with Cryon's fingers in his hair, close like he wanted to be and yet not quite the. He would surely go mad if nothing happened, whether it was positive or negative.

"What . . . What do you want to do?" The Mage managed, his voice barely above a whisper, hardly contained panic in his chest. He had his free hand on Cryon's arm, as if it would make the man come closer or pull away or just do something, and he couldn't remember putting it there. "W- We can . . . figure it out together." He knew what he wanted. He wanted to kiss this man and keep their friendship intact. It was an impossible hope, wasn't it?

((Off to work))
 
Cryon wasn't sure what to say to Mallin. How could he tell him that he wanted to kiss the mage, to hold him close and never let go. How could he ever find the words to tell him he wanted to be best friends, but also more than he could ever hope for. He couldn't, and he doubt he would ever be able to, so he just took a deep breath, the air catching in his throat when the tips of their nose just barely brushed and have him chills down his spine. He was just...so close.

It's now or never. Cryon couldn't help but think, leaning in and just letting their lips just brush, just barely. It felt more like a tingle, and his lips felt like they were already on fire, but he just wanted to do it one more time, just a little bit longer than he did the first. So he did, letting their lips press together for a little longer, testing the waters of this new feeling that filled him to the core.

"I'm sorry." Cryon mumbled, blushing as he closed his eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of Mallin's skin on his forehead soothe him just the littlest bit. "...I...I couldn't stop myself. I want....I want this to work." Cryon stopped speaking, swallowing and finally opening his eyes to look at the mage. He hoped he hadn't moved too quickly, hadn't scared Mallin from actually giving it a try.
 
The first touch almost made Mallin pull away, if only out of sheer shock and awe, and only an intense fear of losing what had just happened and having it only be a ghost of a memory kept him in place. His eyes widened a little at that first brush of lips against his, and fell almost closed at the second, longer press together. He couldn't react, at first. To have his worries soothed, for the most part, and his suspicions and fears dealt with - it was overwhelming. It felt as if he'd simply stopped functioning and could only stay still.

Mallin's eyes burned a bit still, but he didn't want to ruin everything by letting emotion get the best of him that way, even if he was both relieved and nervous still. "Have . . . Have you never . . .?" He didn't want to make Cryon think he was upset, but he was worried that this might even be the man's first kiss and he might muck it up somehow.

"If you . . . want it to work, you have to . . . you have to turn your head a little. . ." It was a silly thing to say, probably, but it was all he could think of when anything bigger was too overwhelming. He did shift back enough afterwards to turn his head without bumping noses and kissed Cryon gently, chastely, for a few long seconds. When he had accomplished that, the Mage gave a faint sort of whine and flopped forward to rest his forehead on Cryon's shoulder, fingers curled tight around the man's arm where they had rested. "I was sure you would hate me." The idea that his friend would not only accept him but was the same as him was too much to bear.
 
Cryon let his cheeks burn with embarrassment and shame at his own little truth coming forwards. In truth, he never really thought about relationships more than a passing glance, nor a small flare of interest that was quickly extinguished the moment he walked away from someone. He never considered it weird that he didn't bother to search for love, and he couldn't help but wonder if his heart knew all along that Mallin would come back into his life.

At the third kiss, Cryon's eyes fluttered closed and he relished in Mallin finally responding, a sort of sigh escaping his lips the moment the mage pulled away. With Mallin's forehead on his shoulder, Cryon hugged him close, his heart aching to give all the affection he could to the man.

"I could never hate you." Cryon said, his voice sincere and comforting as he leaned his head gently against Mallin's. It was true, and it always would be, no matter what happened. There was too much history, too much love that had already embedded itself deep within him ever since he was a child. He had loved Mallin when he was younger, and although it wasn't the same feelings he felt now, he knew that that is what flared this romantic urge from the King. "I wish I could hold you forever." He commented, letting his hand slide up Mallin's back to the plane of his shoulder blade, tightening his hug just slightly. He didn't want to ever let go.
 
((Bit short, sorry))

The hand that had been over Cryon's heart had at some point found its way to his lapels instead, finding a grip as if letting go would mean none of this had ever happened. It wasn't the first time Mallin had ever kissed anyone, though his experience was still limited to only a few passing faces, and it was the only time he had ever felt so overwhelmed by it. He had always loved his dearest friend, even if it had only been a child's attachment at the very beginning. Now, being held so close and treated so tenderly, Mallin felt as if the relief in his chest might just burst free.

"N- No one will be happy." The Mage said faintly after a long moment spent only holding Cryon tight with his eyes squeezed shut. "I don't - I don't want to hurt your reputation. . ." Cryon was king, and he needed to be good in his peopl's eyes. Mallin had no idea if people in Jorell would simply accept the fact that they loved each other or if they would try to find a different king, if only because Mallin was a Mage and one that had killed the last king on top of that, no matter that it wasn't his fault. There were just too many variables.
 
Cryon tensed a little at the mention of what the citizens would think. He didn't know how they would react, or even if they would be able to. He's never ever seen a man that liked another man before, and although the thought didn't repulse him, it did bring up the question on whether the people would ever agree with what he was doing.

"I..." Cryon stopped, holding Mallin just a little tighter as if that would give him all the answers. In truth, he didn't have any. He couldn't assure the mage this time, because he simply did not know. "I don't know what will happen when they find out. There could be treason, or a riot." He mumbled, his fingers twitching at the wave of fear that washed through him. He wished that he didn't even have to think about it, that they would accept him no matter what, but that never seemed to be the case.

"What do you think we should do? I....I can't go back now, not after...." Cryon swallowed thickly, his eyes closing to force the burning from the back of his orbs. "I don't want to not be able to touch you." He said, the only time his voice held determination. He would not give up Mallin for anything.
 
Why did everything have to be so terrible? Mallin wished they lived in a world that would simply ignore them and let them go on with life. And they were both so young still. How could they know what others would think when they hadn't had enough time to know, to encounter anyone else? Not in this place, anyway. Not here and not now - at least, not that was known.

"We - We could keep quiet. . ." The Mage suggested finally, shakily, knowing now that Cryon would never be able to simply drop it and look from afar. How could he be asked to do that? They had only just gotten close again. "Wait and see if someone says anything. . . Y-You could touch me like normal still. . ." It would be a test, really, interacting as they pleased and waiting to see what happened. What if no one said anything at all? So long as they didn't kiss in front of anyone or something like that they could always deny it in the end. Whatever it took to keep Cryon safe.

". . . Maybe . . . Maybe Nima. . ." Mallin shifted back a bit to change his grip, holding onto Cryon still and nuzzling into the crook of his neck for his own comfort as much as Cryon's. "He might . . . give an honest answer, and keep a secret. A-After the wedding. . ." It would be better not to disturb the man or possibly incur his anger or hate just before he was to be married. It was all just so unfair.
 
Although Cryon didn't like the idea of hiding from everyone, he knew that it would be best for the both of them if they went along with that idea. He gave a small nod, swallowing the thick lump that had made its way into his throat and taking a deep breath when he felt Mallin nuzzle into his neck, shivers crawling through his spine at the feeling.

"That's how it'll have to be for now. Maybe we could....come out at a later time, or maybe let other's discover on their own. I...I don't want to hide forever." Cryon said, his mind rushing too fast for him to be really thinking straight. He had no idea what to do, and how he wished he could see the future and learn what happens, but he couldn't. His thoughts traveled over to the council members talk of marriage and felt his skin chill and his heart skip a beat. What if they forced him to marry a princess? What would happen to them then?

"Let's not think of it right now." Cryon said, banishing the thought from his head as he leaned his cheek against the side of Mallin's head. He didn't want to think about worrisome things now, not when he had Mallin in his arms and the lingering tingle of the kisses still on his lips.
 
It was a painful mystery, not knowing if they would ever be able to love one another without hiding and face no consequences. Mallin had a worrisome thought of Cryon's counsel, and what Oma and Nata might think of the both of them after everything came out. Would they be glad, at least, that he and Cryon were happy? The other members would likely be displeased, but Mallin had a feeling they were going to be that way no matter what happened.

"Okay. . ." The Mage murmured softly, not satisfied but knowing they wouldn't be able to get answers so soon. It was just one more knife's edge for him to balance on, and he knew it could go wrong with just one slip up just like the rest. For now, he didn't want to think of it. If they could put it off for a while, it would be okay. They would just act normally when around other people.

"Can we just . . . go relax for a while?" Cryon was finished with his letter and they didn't have a meal to attend just yet. They could go back to Cryon's quarters where the doors locked and no one disturbed and just relax. "You can beat me at chess." Mallin offered with a faint smile, and gave the king another light nuzzle against his neck. He had, just barely, felt the way Cryon had shivered the first time, and curiosity got the best of him but he had decided not to do it again after that. He just wanted to be near his dearest friend and not have anyone get in between them for a while.
 
"Yeah, let's go." Cryon said, not having any more words too say as his breath caught in his throat at Mallin's nuzzling. He liked it. He liked it a lot, but didn't comment as he slowly eased himself from the mage's grip and gave a small smile, just to try to ease the conflict he saw there. Finally, he stood and hesitated just a moment before he grabbed Mallin's hand and squeezed then letting go and heading towards the exit of the room.

Quietly, he led Mallin from the hallway to the main foyer, trailing down the hallway towards the stairs that would lead them to his room. He didn't really talk, focusing on his feet and the presence of Mallin beside him, his heart picking up speed the closer they got to the room. A few servants gave a greeting as they both passed, and he mumbled his back to them and when they finally made it to his room, he let out a sigh as the door shut behind them, locking it and feeling his thoughts wash away as he looked at Mallin.

"So, you said something about chess?" Cryon said, his voice lighter now.

(sorry it's short)
 
Mallin wanted to stay the way they were as much as he wanted to go somewhere 'safer', but he knew sitting that way was going to begin to hurt after a while. When Cryon pulled away from him he did the same, took a moment for a few careful breaths before getting to his feet because there had been a lot of nerves in just the past few minutes and he felt oddly shaky still. At least, he thought, there was no way for anyone to know what had gone on behind these doors simply by looking at them.

The walk back to Cryon's quarters was a bit nerve inducing on its own, despite knowing no one knew anything. Mallin did smile a little and give a polite nod and hello to the people that greeted them, not wanting to be rude, and was just glad when the door closed behind them. He did, discreetly, take a moment to lock it so no one would walk in on them, and ran a hand through his hair with a little shake of his head to clear it.

"I haven't played in years." He said with a little smile, even though he meant he hadn't played since he'd left home as a child. "You could remind me how to play, and relax for a little while." Maybe once he remembered how and they were a bit more evenly matched it could even be how he helped the king unwind at night after a long day of work.
 
"That sounds like a good plan." Cryon responded, smiling at Mallin and feeling his heart warm as he finally let it sink through him that he had kissed the mage. He finally let his eyes wander of Mallin's face, to finally take in what he had tried to ignore at first, like the beauty he saw there in his skin and eyes, the softness of his hair. It made him feel warmer than he had ever felt before.

Instead of commenting on it though, he walked over to his dresser and picked up the board and pieces that rested there, usually a decoration for him than an actual game that he played. He had no one to play with after all, and he grinned at the mage, feeling lighter as he set the board on the small table that rested in one of the corners, fixing the pieces that had gone askew.

"Do you remember the basics?" Cryon asked as he took a seat at one of the chairs, looking at Mallin with a small smile. It wouldn't be hard to reteach him all that he had lost, and he might pick up some old memories on the way that would make it go more smoother.
 
Mallin stood back and watched as Cryon got the board game out, pulling off the cloak he was very aware wasn't his and setting it over the back of a chair for the time being. It was warm enough inside that he would be all right, but he did move away to open the curtains a bit more and let some more light into the room so it wouldn't get too cool and so they wouldn't trip over anything. It seemed strange, having such heavy curtains when the sun wasn't so intense here as it was in Arcturus, but he supposed people probably kept all sorts of hours in places like this.

"I remember how things move, I think." Mallin said with a little smile as he sat down opposite his friend, giving a shrug as he settled in. "And that I should not like to lose my king. But it's been a decade since I last played so I doubt I remember the strategy of it all." That much was more difficult.

Some of it came back to him as he went through trying to remember the names of the pieces - most of them he got right, though he did switch the of bishop and rook before he got it. The first practice game went horribly, but he did do his best to pay attention to the game and the moves Cryon made rather than simply staring at his friend because he was somewhat 'allowed' to now. That was a strange adjustment and would take some getting used to, even if he couldn't say he disliked it.
 
"You're a quick learner anyways." Cryon said with a wave of his hand as he took a seat at the table, his eyes focusing on the pieces with a slight purse of his lips as he decided his strategy. He began slow, took an easy to learn route of the game at first, and although Mallin didn't do very good at first, he could see the man quickly comprehending at least the basics.

Despite his focus on trying to teach Mallin the game, he couldn't help but let his eyes wonder to the mage, tracing every little feature of the man with his eyes. He couldn't help but smile at the concentration on his face, and glanced down at the board, feeling a child-like sense of shyness rise in him as he fiddled with his fingers under the table, watching the piece that Mallin had moved before devising a good move around it.

"You're doing a lot better." Cryon mumbled, letting his eyes flick back up to Mallin as he moved his bishop in the right spot, trying to focus instead on what Mallin's moves might be. It was harder with a new player, as they were good about being unpredictable, mainly because they weren't drawn to particular strategies.
 
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