Daydream, I sleep
With my eyes wide open to the world
Daydream, I see
The utopia of my imagination
Daydream, I wish
That your whispers would come true
Daydream, I think
That I think too much about you.
I think its safe to say that everyone has principals and ideals as far as what they look for in a significant other. I'm just curious as to what traits you all think would compose your perfect match! These can be both physical and personality wise, but I don't want anyone to start arguing about the worth of physical appearance so please respect everyone's feelings. Also please don't name names or anything personal like that ^^
High fantasy, modern fantasy, gaslamp fantasy, Anything Fantasy, dark comedy, supernatural, paranormal, psychological, essentially everything except slice-of-life and historical.
I would love to find someone who is as interested in writing/character creation as I am. I want someone who I can get giddy with, and bounce ideas off of. At the very least, I want someone who will listen to me get excited about my own stories and characters and not treat me like a total weirdo.
I would love someone who is able to get me out of my comfort zone, but also respects my boundaries. I'd love to go out more, but I don't want to go to clubs, and I'm certainly not into parties. Push 'em, don't trample 'em, you know what I mean? In the same vein: someone who challenges my thoughts and beliefs.
Someone who is kind and sensitive and treats others with respect. Someone who doesn't actively hate other people. I can't really deal with the whole 'misunderstood misanthrope' thing.
Someone who I can discuss serious and potentially offensive topics/hypotheticals with. For example, discussing eugenics without immediately being shut down because 'EUGENICS ARE BAD.' Yes, but let's discuss why they might be bad.
I don't want to be obnoxious or arrogant, but frankly at this point in my life I just need someone who can keep up with me mentally. I don't... like... having to explain what everything I'm saying means all the time. That doesn't mean I don't love teaching people new things. I fuckin' love that. Know what I love more? Someone who can teach me things. Heck yeah, let's learn new things together! I LOVE LEARNING.
Someone who has a shitty sense of humor. I need those puns and dad jokes in my life, okay. At the very least I need you to put up with me when I tell them.
Someone who feels they can be honest with me, and visa versa. Am I being completely unreasonable? Tell me. If you're being a twat, I want to be able to tell you without you getting bent out of shape. Obviously there's this thing called 'tact,' but I don't want to be the person with spinach in their teeth sitting in a room of friends who don't say a damn word about it.
tl;dr: basically my best friend/roommate except in female form. I mean, we're basically married anyway, but it would be nice to find someone I can also kiss and cuddle with.
Otherwise, I'd love to find someone who has a similar sex drive. In fact, that's probably necessary. I'm not opposed to sex (though I'm a virgin nerd lord), but it's not something I have too much interest in. I wouldn't be a good partner for someone with a really high sex drive, and they wouldn't be a good partner for me. I also absolutely hate the idea that 'if you really love someone you'll do sexual shit you don't want to do just to make them happy' that is apparently super prominent in our culture? Like no, that's not how shit's going to work. Respect me and my boundaries and I will respect yours.
Appearance is not quite as important, but I'm more attracted to other feminine ladies than I am very butch ladies. There are plenty of soft butch women I'm attracted to, and some girls can rock androgyny, but when it comes to hard butch... not so much. Unfortunately I'm not attracted to most masculine qualities, and that also includes appearance most of the time. D: However, I would never completely discount someone just based on their appearance. This is only where my preferences lie.
Secondarily but importantly, that they care about their physical health. If they're seriously going to run themselves into a grave by the age of 40 because of a drug addiction, or because they're morbidly obese and refuse to live better, then I can't subject myself to the emotional turmoil of watching them kill themselves. I just can't. I've had a loved one die because they refused to get help and eventually their life collapsed on them. I don't need that happening to me again.
I needed someone who balanced me. I had a pretty good idea what that would involve in the bigger scheme of things - a guy that would not be a pussywhipped lump of moldable clay, because I am a very dominant personality and I crushed the hearts of several boys. >>;; But also who was not an aggressive dominant person who would destroy my sensitive feelings and make me feel like I had no power. And a few random things. I couldn't deal with someone religious, they needed to have good teeth, and love animals. And be willing to let me handle the home and household while they went to work.
Other stuff I discovered while we together that just confirms how awesome we are and why I made the right choice. O__O We'll break in to song at random, be it one we like or shit we're making up on the spot because we're just singy people. We both think poetry is the shittest form of art. Neither of us are keen on the whole romantic tango in real life. We're perfectly comfortable just sitting in silence for hours and hours and hours doing our own things. We have the same sense of humor. We understand and get each other's families because we have the same kind of background. He can finish my food for me when I can't. He puts up with the fact that I adopt people an animals like a disney princess. And I am amused that he looks dangerous where ever he goes, wears long old west coats and fills our house full of weapons for no reason beyond the fact he likes to play with them.
Urban Fantasy, High Fantasy, Epic Quest, Sci-Fi, Time Travel and World Hopping, Steampunk, Action/Adventure, Modern Drama, Mystery, Slice of Life, Romance, and many more.
don't get your panties in a twist, it's not as shallow as it sounds.
It's something my big sister suggested to me when I was having boy-related conflicts a while back: she said to think carefully and come up with a list of things that are necessary or deal-breakers. The key part is 'think carefully.' Tall may be attractive to me, but unless I really honestly truly find guys my height or lower utterly un-datable, it doesn't belong on the list. For example, on my sister's list is that they must like dogs, because she has dogs, loves them, and dogs are a non-negotiable part of her life. capiche?
Therefore, the list is actually pretty short, and there's actually a lot of people who more or less match all of the things, but timing and chemistry and stuff are factors too
So, because I'm in a sharing mood and this isn't anything I'm embarassed about anyway, Mini's List!
(obvious) Single
Monogamous
Doesn't try to change me, but accepts that I do change
Does not yell in anger
Nonviolent
Can make me laugh
Hugger/Physically affectionate
Adventurous/Open-minded
Lives close / not a long-distance thing
Feminist/Egalitarian
LGBTQ+ friendly / accepting person / generally not a prejudiced ass in any way
At least a few hobbies in common that we can utterly and unabashedly geek out over
List will probably change as I go through life and my priorities / stances on things change, but right now there are all more or less non-negotiable.
don't get your panties in a twist, it's not as shallow as it sounds.
It's something my big sister suggested to me when I was having boy-related conflicts a while back: she said to think carefully and come up with a list of things that are necessary or deal-breakers. The key part is 'think carefully.' Tall may be attractive to me, but unless I really honestly truly find guys my height or lower utterly un-datable, it doesn't belong on the list. For example, on my sister's list is that they must like dogs, because she has dogs, loves them, and dogs are a non-negotiable part of her life. capiche?
Therefore, the list is actually pretty short, and there's actually a lot of people who more or less match all of the things, but timing and chemistry and stuff are factors too
So, because I'm in a sharing mood and this isn't anything I'm embarassed about anyway, Mini's List!
(obvious) Single
Monogamous
Doesn't try to change me, but accepts that I do change
Does not yell in anger
Nonviolent
Can make me laugh
Hugger/Physically affectionate
Adventurous/Open-minded
Lives close / not a long-distance thing
Feminist/Egalitarian
LGBTQ+ friendly / accepting person / generally not a prejudiced ass in any way
At least a few hobbies in common that we can utterly and unabashedly geek out over
List will probably change as I go through life and my priorities / stances on things change, but right now there are all more or less non-negotiable.
Urban Fantasy, High Fantasy, Epic Quest, Sci-Fi, Time Travel and World Hopping, Steampunk, Action/Adventure, Modern Drama, Mystery, Slice of Life, Romance, and many more.
1. He'd be a Christian. Sharing religion seems important. lol.
2. He's open to some anime, video games, or other nerdy hobbies in general so we can be nerds together.
3. He'd treat my family with kindness and respect. The person my brother married doesn't treat my family well sometimes and I see how badly it hurts them, my mom especially, behind the scenes. I don't ever want her to go through that again with someone her kids date.
4. He's funny and likes to laugh. Life would be boring living with a completely serious person.
5. He'll remind me I'm important to him. I have low self-esteem at times so I hope whoever I get with will text me just to say I'm beautiful or do something special for me for no reason. Doesn't have to be an all the time thing, but it would be nice to see that occasionally. ^_^
6. He exercises / wants to be heathy.
7. He's responsible / wants to work hard in his life.
I can't think of anymore right now so I'm gonna leave it at lucky #7. Happy Easter, y'all! :)
I don't believe in a perfect anything, but I like to think @Rain of the Night is the closest thing to what your looking for from me. ;) Four years and still counting.
Ya know, I don't really have a definitive list of traits that my SO absolutely needs to have, but a few specific things do come to mind when I think about it.
They have to be open minded and respectful of my beliefs (kinda goes without saying).
Pro equality. Do I really need to elaborate?
No smoking. I absolutely despise smoking, and secondhand smoke makes me sick.
When it comes to religion, I don't necessarily care if they're religious or not, but obviously they gotta be willing to accept that I'm an atheist and not try to change that.
They need to not only be supportive, but also a good motivator. I get discouraged rather easily and it would nice to have someone that could prevent that from happening.
Ya know, I don't really have a definitive list of traits that my SO absolutely needs to have, but a few specific things do come to mind when I think about it.
They have to be open minded and respectful of my beliefs (kinda goes without saying).
Pro equality. Do I really need to elaborate?
No smoking. I absolutely despise smoking, and secondhand smoke makes me sick.
When it comes to religion, I don't necessarily care if they're religious or not, but obviously they gotta be willing to accept that I'm an atheist and not try to change that.
They need to not only be supportive, but also a good motivator. I get discouraged rather easily and it would nice to have someone that could prevent that from happening.
Fantasy, medieval fantasy, vampires and other supernatural creatures, magical, yaoi, mature, romance, horror. I also have a thing for darker themes. More than everything I love varied roleplays, with comedy, drama, action and dark things all thrown in.
-Willing to be helpful and accepting of the fact I won't seem to be a human all the time, and sometimes I steer towards being more of a corpse. Or a weeping ball of pain. Chronic neck/shoulders pain, migraines and remnants of depression do this to me.
-Don't smoke anything. This is non negotiable. It's not part of my 'perfect partner' list, it's a basic requirement.
-Would be a roleplayer too, so he understands why I like it so much.
-Partially overlapped music tastes, but not completely so we can show new music to each other.
-Funny.
-Intelligent.
-Tall.
-Broad back.
-Nice, round, squeezable butt.
My boyfriend meets everything in this part of the list :P But since this is a list about a PERFECT match, I'll go fully at it, including things that would be only present in shitty smutty fantasy novels.
-Completely in sync sexually, somehow our changing libidos are always matched, and every move he does is perfect and sex couldn't be more glorious.
-Doesn't really want children, so I don't feel pressured to have them.
-Something I have doubts on: would I like him to have so much money that we can live comfortably for the rest of our lives, doing whatever we want without worrying about bringing bread to the table? I like to think that, if I didn't have to worry about money, I could fully dedicate to my hobbies and be an amazing artist, but I don't know if I can be trusted. Maybe I'd turn lazy.
-Amazing cook.
-Athletic body, with nice muscles but not to the point of being a body builder. Actually strong muscles, not just good looking ones. And not a hella lot of body hair.
I'm dividing this into two lists, a "Out Right Necessary, Deal Breaker otherwise" list. And a "This would be nice, but I can live without" list.
Also note for stuff like this I often don't even know (that clearly) what I want, or I'm just bad at thinking about it on the spot. So I'll largely be building off of other people's list that I agree with (and as a result will likely make a Part 2 as this get more responses).
Also, also, these two lists are being sorted into "Relationship Range" and "Marriage Range". Because there's a few extra things that get added onto the table when Marriage (or at the very least, child raising) enters the table. Note everything on the relationship list would still apply to the Marriage one, the Marriage is strictly extras, and in all honesty? Being in a relationship where I'm well aware wouldn't last under Marriage would be a huge stress on me. Because I'd gain all these feelings for them, really want to be with them, but have the knowing fact that a horrible break up is doomed to come at some point. So unless if you're an outright perfect/dream, dating/relationship partner, I'm more likely going to want a friends with benefits in that case. If for nothing more than my own lack of ability to handle such situations.
I mean, it's not like I enter every relationship going "We are going to Marry one day!", cause you know, that'd be kind of insane. But obviously a big part of dating is trying to find your future life partner, so having the "We're happy now, but aren't marriage material" issue puts a huge hamper/limit on the whole deal when it's not even a realistic possibility without one of us massively changing, you know?
Relationships
1. Honesty
It's quite simple, if I can't trust you our relationship has no basis to really continue. Otherwise it's less of a relationship and more of a "What you been doing?" game.
1a. Isn't Absorbed in Social Rulings?
Ok, that title confuses me even, but I cannot for the life of me think up a proper name to explain this. Basically, an issue I constantly run into with family is they seem to function on a giant list of expected social norms. But these aren't social norms common across everyone, just among them. But they act as if it's among everyone, and respond to outsiders of it in an alien or aggressive manner. Examples? Being too quiet during dinner = being angry, being politically and comedically open = Problem person with questionable sanity.
Basically, I need whoever I'm with to not instantly respond to different behaviours as something to be alienated or vilified. If you're concerned about me, feel free to voice it, explain it and enter dialogue about it. But don't just shout at me out of no where and go "Anthony!" or have me learn from Mom someone else later that you spent several hours back talking me out of 'concern'.
1b. Doesn't play guilt trips
This one has largely to do with my upbringing. For the sake of my Autism Therapy my Mom made a habit of guilt tripping therapists, teachers etc into helping. But she became so proficient at it that it found itself bleeding into the home life. To where I've seen her do it on my friends to the point they walk right out of the house without a word. It's something I've grown to despise seeing that damage it does to people, and it's not something I tolerate people pulling on others.
2. Can handle both poor humour and dark humour
This includes the Dad jokes, puns, the offensive jokes etc. I make these jokes, and I make them a lot (as TS can vouch for). I'd just feel too awkward and on edge if I can't crack certain jokes with the person I'm with.
3. Can handle discussions on a variety of serious topics
Anyone whose met me in person, or has just seen me on forums enough should know that me and debate threads are unavoidable. I might have points where I say "I don't like debates" and try to avoid them, but I always end up coming back. Me and serious discussion is just an unavoidable part of who I am, so the person I'm with needs to be ready to entertain that. Otherwise just like with the humour I'm going to feel like I'm walking on too many egg shells in order to make them comfortable.
3a. Can handle long-winded/not focused rants
You might even be catching it now. But sometimes I have a tendency to being on an innocent topic, and then once into it enough it turns into a rant. Sometimes completely on point and just really long. Sometimes I get reminded of something else in the middle of it, and end up simultaneously responding to the topic while also blowing off some steam. This stuff happens and it isn't planned or concious on my part, it just happens... And when it does happen over something like text it's next to impossible for me to go back, clean it and make it non-ranty and still get the message across... So basically if you're spending a long amount of time with me, this is something that will come up a lot. So I need to feel comfortable doing it around you and not be worried that you're going to be annoyed at me for it.
3b. Open-minded about different topics
Basically I'm fine if you have trouble understanding or following certain topics or views, I'm fine we we don't agree on everything (hell that would also be unrealistic). But as long as you're at least open to listening, and not going to judgement as anything less for the disagreement that's all I can ask for and I'm more than willing to help teach and clarify what I can (but be warned, I suck at wording things. And as pointed out to be a while ago, I have habit of jumping from A to C without explaining B).
4. Can handle a loud/raised voice
No I'm not going to suddenly yell at you or treat you as some sort of punching bag, nothing like that. But sometimes situations can get me heated, family drama, huge work/school stress, maybe you caught me in an emotional spiel about the importance of education, whatever it is sometimes when I get passionate and/or angered by something my voice will raise to where I'm yelling. Not at anyone specifically (unless if you're purposely/knowing causing shit and playing dumb about it) but more just in general. So I need whoever I'm with to recognize that when it happens no I'm not mad at you, I'm just getting a bit into the moment. If you feel off by it by all means feel free to let me and I'll calm down, just don't have the initial reaction be "Oh god we're fighting!" because that is rarely the case.
5. Cuddles! <3
I'm not a very physical or huggy person usually, where unless if you're little cousins of mine I'm not ever asking a hug out of anybody, ever. It's just not something the vast majority of people have reached a comfort level for. But what this also means is I have a lot of built of need/desire to just break out into long extend cuddles and hugging with someone. So if you happen to be the person I'm dating at a time, me cuddling you, playing with your hair, kissing your cheek/neck constantly is something you're just going to need to tolerate. :3
6. Similliar Interests
We can have a good amount of differing ones, but there was to be at least a few that we share so we can completely nerd out together. And it has to be those that we can keep bonding over during a prolonged period of time. Not something like one or two TV Shows that will find it's way into the untouched logs of history given a few years.
Marriage
1. Wants Kids
I want children, this is completely and utterly non-negotiable. I have way too many happy thoughts/day dreams imaging having a kid one day and hearing a tiny voice call me "Daddy" for someone to take this away from me.
2. Not Strongly Religious
I'm completely fine being with a Religious person. But not one where it becomes a big part of their identity and day to day life, I live too much in the world of scepticism that being expected to follow religious traditions constantly in my own home would be incredibly awkward. And being expected to raise my kids religiously is something I just cannot bring myself to do. Support them in studying religion and seeing if one works for them? Go right on ahead, but raise them into a specific religion? No way.
Relationships
1. Public Displays of Affection
Kind of an extension on the Cuddles, I'd love it if we could just break out into cutesy cuddles or kisses any time we feel like it. Buuuuut, I understand how that can be really awkward for some people, and honestly as long as we get to do it when by ourselves I can manage. But not having to restrict it to being alone is preferable.
2. Being Dominant in the Relationship
Not to be confused with walking over me or anything. Anyone who knows me well knows I'm opinionated, and I'll be damned if I let anyone keep be silent. But in regards to a relationship I have a MASSIVE attraction towards those who can take charge in stuff like normal and private romantic affairs, and completely beat me in any sort of physical contest (which trust me, isn't hard). An easy way to put it would be in regards to Gender Roles of a traditional marriage, I'd want to be the wife in most respects (and yes, I'm a Straight Cis-Male for those now wondering :P).
Note: This is partly why I don't tend to pursue relationships too strongly and rather let it happen naturally. There's a whole list of other reasons too, but one of the perks it has is it instantly raises the chance of the girl being of the dominant personality type.
3. Intelligent
Like in the Serious Topics extensions, I'm ok is someone has trouble following some topics (god knows I do at times). But the more we can be on the same wave length so less time is spent explaining and more time is spent talking, the better.
Marriage
1. Wants Pets
I grew up with Dogs, by all respects I would like to continue having dogs for the rest of my life. That being said though, I'm not the most active pet owner (yeah for being an Introvert!) as stuff like walks are more often replaces with stuff like sitting on the couch together, and the dog running in the backyard till they're tired. So if it's not something the wife has a strong desire for too, I won't push it because in most likelihood she'd end up being the one handling more of the stuff. Not out of a lack of care, just out of a natural disposition to initiate stuff like a walk.
Nothing I felt was strong enough to even warrant being in the "Would be Nice" list. But since others are discussing physical preferences, I felt I should share mine.
And note, all of these on combination may not necessarily be good either. Kind of like with food, I love Poutine, and I love Tacos. But I wouldn't necessarily like a Poutine Taco... Even if that is now making me both hungry and curious as to what one would taste like.
1. Shorter Hair.
Now don't get me wrong, long hair can get worked far more often than short hair. But when someone does get the short hair right? It's hard, if not impossible to beat.
2. Blue Hair
I'm a big sucker of blue hair. I want it to get it myself, and girls with it have their chances of me being attracted to them sky rocket.
3. No Make-Up
I prefer natural beauty to make-up. I know some people can outright rock make-up, but still, natural is my preference.
4. Similar Height
Significantly taller or shorter would be a bit odd, in perfect preferences I'd want them just a few inches taller than me. Anything from 5'9" to 5'11" approximately (I haven't measured this out, I could be off. I'm just eye balling based on my own height of 5'8"). Short enough I can easily rest my head on their shoulders and snuggle up easily, tall enough it helps make them feel dominant over me.
5. Some meat on their bones
This has a fair amount of wiggle room in it. Basically, don't be skin on bones and you're good, have a little extra on top and you're gold.
6. Foreign Accent
Mainly UK accents or Australian. Yes I know this isn't physical, but it's on the same level of importance as the other stuff here. Nice, but not that big a deal.
This is going to sound strange, but someone who can say no and expand my way of thinking or at least broaden my understanding. It's sorta about believing something I'm on the other side of the fence about. Not in something delusional that is proven wrong beyond doubt, 'cause cults and mental wards aren't the best place to start dating. I'm looking for someone with strong convictions. I have to be challenged in a relationship. I can't promise I'll change my opinions, but I have to be intellectually challenged because I get bored with people who I can walk over with some pretentious monologue.Because of this, the second thing would be someone who can properly handle conflict. Because this can and will happen and I do not match well with people who can't stand up for their selves without making a stupid fuss about it or try to manipulate emotionally. Communication is important in any relationship, but for me there apparently need to be separate master courses.
Also smoking hot and high sex drive and something they're passionate about.
I'm horrible with lists like this, 'cause well, I understand the question, but even if you'd throw me a backstage pass to omnipotence and the tools to sculpt a person, physically some things I'm attracted to are on complete opposites of each other's spectrum, whereas mentally and emotionally... I'd already know everything, you know? I'd be too much in control and there wouldn't be anything to learn or explore anymore.
Prob'ly won't happen but.... someone who actually likes me. And doesn't smoke. That's all I can ask for to even be somewhat realistic. Oh....and not emotionally manipulative.....
My family I currently live with smokes like crazy, I don't notice it at all but company constantly complain about it. It'd be nice to not have my partner doing something that both makes the house constantly annoy guests, and not do something that's slowly getting me killed.
