Warped Sayings

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by RiverNotch, Jan 27, 2015.

  1. Basically, post here sayings that are either twisted so as to be humorous, or are simply humorous by themselves (whether they are legitimate or not). The one rule is that you may post only three sayings at a time, at most.

    To begin,

    If at first you don't succeed,
    you're a failure.

    What doesn't kill you
    will find a way.

    As all roads lead to Rome,
    all chatrooms lead to Berlin.
  2. Fool me once,
    ram it up your arse.

    Fool me twice,
    you're my new sock puppet.

    Fool me thrice,
    prison style.
  3. dont get even
    get odd
    • Like Like x 2
  4. An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay
    but morticians will still be on standby.
    #4 RiverNotch, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2015
    • Like Like x 1
  5. An apple a day keeps the grocer employed.
  6. bah weep grah nah weep nini bon
  7. When life gives you lemons,
    Make orange juice and leave life wondering how you did it.
    • You Get a Cookie You Get a Cookie x 1
  8. One scoop of sugar,
    makes the diabetic frown.
    In the most malicious way!

    An eye for an eye,
    well that's a lot of eyes.

    If you don't got nothin' nice to say,
    say it anyway!
    • Like Like x 1
  9. When all else fails, poke them in the eye and run like hell.
    • Like Like x 2
  10. An eye for an eye works
  11. The early bird
    gets the worm
    and also the bullet.

    Better to have loved and lost
    than to still be a virgin.

    Also, http://www.gocomics.com/ozy-and-millie/2014/08/01
    (The comic, by the way, was originally published six years before The Dark Knight, and since I love it (the comic) that much, I don't want anyone to point out that that was also said by the Joker, alright? Unless the Joker you're talking about is actually older than the comic...
    The old site is this: http://ozyandmillie.org/ )
  12. A penny saved is still not enough.

    When in Rome, actually question how you got there in the first place.

    Don't cry over a failed internet connection.
  13. You can't have rain without clouds
  14. "There are no stupid questions. There are, however, many inquisitive idiots."
  15. Wait, I thought I posted this one already? Welp, here I go again...

    "One bird in the hand is better than ten crapping on your car. "
  16. a bird in the hand means youre probably a falconer
  17. When life hands you lemons, don't make lemonade. Cut those bitches open and squirt them in people's eyes. Then everyone will be just as fucked as you are.
    • Like Like x 1
  19. life gives you lemons, return it for scotch
  20. Rome wasn't built in a day, it was built in six and one rest.