Warped Sayings

Life's like a box of chocolates

Empty after your wife gets in it
 
Tragedy is comedy plus time,
especially if it was racist.

Genius is one percent inspiration
and ninety-nine percent get a fecking shower.

Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around for a while,
you might crash it.
 
"A fly in the garlic butter."
(a fly in the ointment)
 
Found this in a nation's signature in NS:

Women belong in the kitchen.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen.
The kitchen has the food.
 
"Don't kick a dead gift horse in the mouth."
 
this entire song

ex. "For every cloud that has a silver line
You'll find one that has decided to lead a life of crime"
 
a rolling stone gathers less crowds than all the rolling stones
 
A dollar saved has an NPV less than a dollar earned, given that value decays over time.
 
Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss you'll die of lack of food and air, and your body will drift in space forever.
 
If it looks like a duck, and quakes like a duck, chances are it's your stalker in a duck suit trying to lead you into a false sense of security.
 
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better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and vomit on everything
 
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I'll beat your head in with a rock.
 
If you can't beat 'em, auto-tune them.
 
Life is like a roller coaster. Only five minutes in, and you're sick.
 
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