Ugly Good Bad

[Meraki]

Nothing had changed.

The apartment was just as they'd left it, a towel with dried blood was on the floor, from when Eliza was laid up on the couch after her near kidnapping. She moved to pick it up and toss it away, knowing that the dried blood would never come out. It was hard to realize that everything was still the same, but they were different. That week in Wisconsin gave them a new perspective and because of their argument, Rhett and Eliza were stronger as a team even when they weren't immediately together. "I'd love to stay for lunch," she said warmly as they settled back in to his apartment. There was a slight layer of dust over everything. She moved to drag her finger tips over the counter and found the residue on her fingertips.

She wiped it off on her pants and moved to get a paper towel to wipe it down.

"I'm not sure you have much food left," Eliza admitted as she leaned in to the fridge to look through everything that had gone bad in their absence. They were due for a grocery trip before the kidnapping, but there definitely was not much for them to eat. "I can order something, if you want?"

At least then he'd have leftovers until he could go out to the store. She thought about her own apartment and knew that she'd need to make a stop -- maybe even on her drive home. There was nothing there, really. She'd been there over the course of their moving in together, but she only stopped by to pick things up and clean a few things out. She hadn't checked her mail in what felt like forever and she was sure the landlord would be frustrated with her even though she continued to pay her rent on time. She thought of that bed and sighed. It was going to be hard sleeping in such a big bed alone again.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Eliza said as she finished eyeing the kitchenette, "Looks like no one's been here since we left – so that's definitely a good sign."

 

[Nav]

Rhett took a moment to just walk around his apartment to reacquaint himself with it. They had only been gone a week, but it felt like an eternity. Nothing felt familiar, even though he knew he had spent nearly six months in that apartment. Sighing, he finalized his walk through. Nothing looked sifted through or disturbed, and judging by the pristine layer of dust that had begun to collect, it didn't look like anyone had tried to get in either. Just like Eliza said, it didn't look like anyone has been there since they had left. Giving a considering nod, he dampened a paper towel and began to wash down the counter.

"Anything is fine," he agreed, knowing that all they'd have left that was doable and not expired would be ramen, but Rhett needed a little more sustenance than that. "Where are you doing to order in from?" He hastily picked up and wiped down the kitchen so it was 'good enough.' What it really needed was a good, deep cleaning, but he didn't see that being a reasonable prospect anytime in the near future. At least it was picked up, but there was a mountain of laundry to be done, a kitchen to be sorted, and dust to be brushed away. He was hungry, but even his hunger wouldn't settle his brain down.

"I mean, it's nice to see know one violated our apartment, but it makes me wonder what they've been busy with instead." He had been entirely expecting someone—Sylvia, but especially Robinson—to have tried to bust in their door with a 'wellness check' after Eliza had up and left. It would be weird with Eliza moving out, though. He had put his entire business on indefinite hiatus and without work to keep him busy, he wasn't sure what he'd spend his time doing all day. There were puzzles and games of Go to be played… books to read, movies to watch, Sylvia to meet but… he wasn't sure he was ready for the dull lonesomeness of it all.

He wasn't sure if he had the mental fortitude for it, either.

Letting a sigh work its way out of his lips, Rhett dusted his hands off and stepped out of the kitchen so he could flop down on the couch, already too exhausted to do anymore cleaning up. After lunch, he'd spend a few hours doing laundry and picking up, but all his brain could think about was food…. Food, and having to call Sylvia later in the day to inform her he was back in New York and ready to take her up on her offer.

 

[Meraki]

"Who knows," Eliza shrugged, "They're probably plotting the end of mankind as we know it."

It was a joke, but it strangely held quite a bit of truth. Between Robinson and Sylvia, she didn't doubt that the two had a whole mess of trouble lined up for the two of them and the city of New York. Eliza was not so selfish to believe that Sylvia only wanted to toy with Rhett, she knew that there was a bigger endgame here, but Sylvia didn't leave enough of a trail for Eliza to figure it out. She trusted Rhett, though. He'd shown her over the last few days that she had to let go – just enough that he could do what he did best. She could protect him, but he could also protect himself. He was smart enough to think himself out of most anything – she'd seen that plenty by now.

"I was thinking from the little Italian place a few blocks down. I need some good pasta and I need it stat. You want some? Or a sandwich or a pizza or – basically anything else? They've got some good stuff." Eliza moved to the side of the fridge and tugged down a delivery menu she'd put up months ago for all the times she'd obsessively ordered herself food. She handed it to him and flopped down on the couch next to him. She sat close, though. Close enough that she could kick her shoes off and slip her legs over his lap and settle her head against his shoulder. She should've started to pack – at least what she needed – but nothing in Eliza wanted to move.

There was too much to do – work, groceries, her apartment.

"Did you figure out what you want?" Eliza slipped her phone out and ignored the messages from Robinson to find the phone dial screen, "I think my stomach is going to eat itself in a minute. Or we could always put off lunch and not leave this couch again."

"That also sounds like a good option," she smirked, playfully.

 

[Nav]

"Okay, let's see here," he flipped through the menu when she dropped it on his lap, humming contentedly as he thumbed through each page. Pasta sounded nice, but so did pizza… and with pizza, he'd definitely have leftovers. Creamy white sauce ended up winning out in the end, and eventually he decided on the alfredo—a classic favorite. "Yea, I think I'll have the afredo and a side of breadsticks," he confirmed, pointing out the exact dish on the menu for her as she picked up the phone. It was hard to remember, even with a brain like his, that there was such evil out in the world. When he was curled up on the couch with Eliza, in their apartment, it felt like the whole rest of the world just fell away.

There was no good or evil. No black and white, just an obfuscated middle where he could exist comfortably and happily.

Tossing the carry-out menu on to the coffee table, Rhett leaned back with a sleepy yawn possessing him. The sunlight coming through the apartment windows was warm and joyous, dancing across his face and making him abruptly sleepy again. "Well, tell you whaaa-" his words interrupted by another yawn, "at. You order food and we have oh… a half hour before they arrive?" His hand creeped up under the hem of her shirt, ghosting across the beautiful arc of her hipbone as he sat up and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. Just when every last thought of Sylvia, Robinson, and their problems began to crack away and fall into pieces, his phone chirped.

Pulling his hand away from Eliza, though with some hesitation, he reached for his mobile and glanced over the message. I see you're back in New York. Tonight at 7PM on the Brooklyn Bridge. You know where.

"Yea," Rhett frowned, "We definitely need to get burner cellphones." The fact that Sylvia seemed to be able to track him so easily sent an uncomfortable shiver up his spine. She knew exactly where they were the entire time in Wisconsin, it seemed. Nothing could be hidden from her and Rhett never felt so violated in his life. It was a terribly uncomfortable feeling, but more so over his worry for Eliza. If she knew where he was, she most definitely knew where Eliza was, too. His eyebrows knitted together in concern and he looked over to the perfect planes and bends of Eliza's profile.

"Being apart… is that really the best choice you think?" He was second guessing himself again.

 

[Meraki]

Eliza made the call and tossed her phone off to the side just as Rhett slipped his hand over her hipbone and up her shirt. "They said thirty five minutes, so that gives us enough time to—"

His phone.

Eliza thudded her head back on the couch as she watched him read over the message. It didn't take a detective to know that it was Sylvia texting him, as she was really the only person who had such disgustingly impeccable timing. He made mention of the burner phones and Eliza nodded. It wasn't an ideal situation, but it was the one they found themselves in. Eliza would have to use her phone for work, but she could easily be traced by Diaz' phone, too, on a day to day basis. After all, they usually worked the beat together – that is, if he was still around. If he was still alive. Regardless, she knew that a burner phone would be best for usual contact and Eliza would just keep her normal cellphone at the office.

Where she usually was, anyway.

It was hard when he second guessed himself for Eliza to reinforce the idea of separating. She had worked alone for so long but with everything going on, she wanted to be by Rhett. She wanted to make sure he was safe and that Sylvia wasn't plotting to hurt him the same way she had killed her own child. That woman was vicious and could not be trusted. Eliza brought her hand up to his face to ease the furrow of his brow. "I don't know," she said honestly, "I'm not sure what's best right now. Maybe we try it – see if it helps, and then if things get worse we can go at it together. I just know that tracking to individuals is harder and requires more energy than tracking one group – from a logistical standpoint, at least."

"If you go meet with Sylvia and I'm here waiting," she admitted, "I'm a sitting duck. She isn't going to hurt you right now, we know that – but I'm a nuisance to her. The kidnapping? The bombing?" Not that Eliza wasn't a little proud that she'd managed to piss off someone like her. "If you're worried about my safety, I'll be safer at the precinct than anywhere and I can do some good there, too."

"But I still want to see you," she moved herself so she was straddling his lap, his face tenderly in her hands, "I know I said checking in before, and I love the sound of your voice – but I want to see you. I want to know you're okay."

 

[Nav]

"I don't know, I've never tracked anyone—or anything—before." He had tracked a cow once that had gotten loose due to a broken fence back when he was a teenager, but tracking a cow as it barreled through a countryside was nothing like what they were experiencing. He wasn't even sure what they were being tracked for… clearly, if Sylvia had wanted them dead, she would have seen to it already. She knew where they were, it seemed, and he couldn't help but wonder if the only thing keeping them alive was Eliza's ties to Robinson or if Sylvia actually found a use for Rhett in some way. Perhaps both?

He ended up leaning his cheek into Eliza's palm, looking back at her and shrugging. He hated not knowing things because usually he did know, or had a way to deduce the answer, but this whole mess had left him clueless. It wasn't anything he was used to, really. There were too many question marks and not enough answers for his liking, but every time he felt like they had discovered something, they just ended up unearthing a bounty of more unknowns. They still hadn't even figured out how the children kidnappings were tied to Sylvia and Robinson, other than the fact they were tied to them in some way.

With Eliza sliding in close and both of her hands against his cheeks, Rhett forced himself to sigh out and decompress the tension building in his chest. "That's a good idea," he agreed. He didn't know what was best; it was hard to make a move when you couldn't see your opponent. It was like a game of Go where Sylvia could see the whole board, but they could only see their pieces. It was maddening.

His hands slipped back around her waist, settling against the curve in her spine, "Well," he smiled, looking up to her, "We'll have to try to make them happen. I'm not sure how yet, but if there is one thing I've learned about you, it's that you usually get what you want when you want it," he replied shyly, his nose up against the crook of her neck, breathing softly against the sweet rise and fall of her pulse. "Let's talk about it after lunch right now we have thirty-one minutes and seventeen seconds before our delivery has been projected to arrive and I wish to not waste another second talking about having to make dates with you to see you."

Their relationship felt like it was going in reverse, in some ways. They were going from living together to not, to suddenly going on the occasional date. Nothing they had ever done had been proper and linear.

 

[Meraki]

"Oh absolutely," Eliza laughed, "I always get what I want when I want it."

His hands slipped over her spine and she lulled her head back as his nose brushed up against the sensitive spot on her neck, deliciously slow. "Let's," she agreed in a breathy voice, "Right now I just want you."

It did not take them long to break the couch back in. There was a perfectly good bed a few yards to the side but Eliza didn't even want to waste a moment walking. She would miss this and she was desperate in every movement to remember this. It wasn't a goodbye, but Eliza knew that when things got difficult in the coming weeks, this would be what she held onto. Those brilliant moments where it was just her and Rhett and not a single thought ran through her head. He always knew how to chase away her demons, bringing her back to him and cradling her heart and soul in his hands. These moments with Rhett made her feel like she was in the exact right place at the exact right time.

She loved him, truly loved him with every part of her heart that she thought she would never be able to use again. Sometimes it was rusty and she made dumb decisions that ignited fights, but he never let go of her and she would never let go of him, either.

It wasn't a traditional relationship, no, but they wouldn't have been able to exist the way they did if it weren't for the strength of their bond. She knew it would kill her to be away from him, but she would do anything to fight for the reality she wanted. She wanted to live with him, to be with him, and to experience whatever life threw at them – life outside of Sylvia and Robinson, outside the city of New York, maybe. She would entertain it, she really would.

Maybe it was time for a new start after all the madness.

When they finally pulled apart, Eliza settled into his arms and pulled the blanket up over them so she could curl into his side. Just as she got comfortable, she heard a knock at the door and she huffed. "Perfect timing," she smiled as she slipped free of him just for a moment to pull on his shirt which hung just low enough on her thighs. Opening the door, she greeted the delivery boy and took the food, leaving him gaping at the closed door.

"I missed New York pasta," she smiled as she settled back down with him, "Can you smell that? That is the smell of my childhood."

 

[Nav]

With every neuron of his being, Rhett wanted to be with her in every capacity—physically, spiritually, emotionally. She gave him strength in ways he hadn't always believed he had possessed and reminded him always that he was more than just a sum of his parts. He had skirted through life never truly engaged because he didn't need to be. He was intelligent enough to skate through life without ever having to truly work for anything; it was easier to put a hazy fog over his eyes and called it 'good enough,' but Eliza had changed all that. She had helped him pull away the hood to reveal life in every colour, in high definition. It was terrifying as even he wasn't sure what his mind was capable of, but she was always there when he needed her to be.

She had run a few times, but he knew down to his core that she would be there when he truly needed her. In that moment, he truly needed her.

Already she had proven that a few times over, but all the extra was just reward. Feeling her pillow against his chest once they had thoroughly reintroduced themselves to their sofa was the most euphoric feeling. His hands traversed the length of her arm, starting from the tip of her shoulders and crawling to her fingertips, where he slowly filled the space between her fingers with his own. Just as he was getting comfortable, cooing little nothings into her ear, the knock sounded. If Rhett expressed his mind, it would have been an annoyed groan. Eliza sprung up and fetched their lunch, either not noticing or not caring about the inquisitive eyes of the delivery boy traveling to her thighs.

"What's all this?" he wiggled against his elbows so he was sitting up, "Pasta and childhood dreams, is it? Well," he rummaged through the bag and found her meal, handing it off to her, before finding his own and hastily popping open the Styrofoam lid. Happy smells quickly greeted his nose and a content smile worked its way on to his lips. It was no Wisconsin home cooking but, damn, he had missed it all the same. It didn't take him but a minute to find the plastic cutlery at the bottom of the bag and dig in.

"I didn't realize how hungry I was," he admitted in-between bites of his lunch. It made sense, he supposed. His medication suppressed appetite, so he hadn't eaten much when it had been in effect. Now, he was jittery. His stomach churned with discomfort, but not from the food, and his mind was confusingly bouncing around. Negative thoughts kept constantly invading his brain and he had to fight them off with everything he had—reminding himself that those thoughts weren't his own, but merely his medication wearing off again.

He really ought to see a doctor again.

 

[Meraki]

Eliza smiled as Rhett pulled out the food and the smell filled the apartment. At one point it was just a cold, barren apartment that they had left in a hurry, but now it felt and smelled like home again. It was going to be so hard to go back to her own place tonight and sleep in her own bed. All she wanted was to stay here and it was going to take everything in her being to drag her out of their apartment. It wouldn't be so bad if she spent every waking minute at work, but she knew what Rhett would say to that. He would look disapprovingly at her and tell her that she couldn't just fall into old habits. She didn't need to be at the station twenty four hours a day anymore because she'd only done it to run from the life she was barely living.

Now she had Rhett and he reminded her daily exactly why she had worked so hard to change her ways.

This was healthy. Not Sylvia or Robinson, but she was eating better and sleeping better since being with Rhett. She spent less time working herself to the bone and instead let herself live a little. She processed the pain she'd endured and every day she worked harder to be better. Maybe nothing about them worked in a linear fashion, but she didn't need linear. She needed someone to love her with every iota of their being and Rhett did.

And she had learn to love herself, too, a little better than before.

"Me either," she hummed as she took up a big bite of her penne alla vodka. IT was the creamiest and most delicious meal she could remember having in recent memory, but then again something in her ached for the home she'd never really been able to call home. New York had broken her in a lot of ways, but it was still where she was from, and she knew these streets better than anyone.

She took another couple bites and they hit painfully in her gut at first, but then she let out a contented sigh. It was delicious in every sense of the word. "It's no homemade meal, but I missed this food. I guess I better get used to my chronic takeout tendencies. I'm dreading going back to work, it's going to be a shit show. Everything's gotta be a mess – or else Dawson wouldn't have called me."

"I should probably head there first before I go back to my place," she sighed and let her head fall back against the couch, "I just know Dawson's going to have a lecture a mile long and there's no doubt Robinson will be there once he hears, if he's not there already."

 

[Nav]

The food filled him up almost immediately. His mother's cooking was delicious, but there was just something magical about New York delivery food—perhaps it was all the butter and MSG, but he didn't even care. Whatever it was, he loved it and ate down every last bite to the Styrofoam until he was sadly using the edge of his fork to scrape off the last of the creamy white sauce. It was only when he realized he looked like a starving dog did he toss the waste on to the tea table to be thrown away later so he could lean back and sigh happily. "That was really divine," he mumbled out, his head rolling back on the couch arm as if he couldn't even begin to acknowledge just how delicious it had been.

"How was yours?" he finally asked. He had been so busy with actually eating his meal he hadn't said a word to her the entire time he had been eating. He didn't think he had really been all that hungry, but once those smells hit his nose, he consumed lunch like a man possessed. "It's pretty good though," he admitted, "Even if it's not homemade. Sometimes, homemade stuff gets overrated. My mom is a great cook, but she used to make this terrible Gazpacho dish that I always used to refer to as the Gestapo. She really didn't find it all that amusing." He cracked lopsided smirk. Even as a young kid, there was something cunningly amusing about Rhett. He seemed dry at his surface, but once a person got to know him, he truly opened up with a wicked sense of humor.

Scratching his collarbone, Rhett quieted down and considered the fact that Eliza was truly leaving. He didn't like it—not one bit, but he knew it was something they needed to try. Ultimately, he just nodded his head. "Yea, going back to the office isn't a bad idea." His own business was completely in shambles; he didn't feel comfortable taking on new clients knowing his future was so unpredictable, but he wasn't entirely sure how he was going to end up making ends meet and getting rent paid on time. He didn't bother Eliza with that conversation. He'd work something out—he was a fucking genius, after all, he should be able to figure out some way to pay rent.

"Well, just be safe," he concluded, zoning back into reality after a beat of distraction, "And don't let Robinson get under your skin too badly, yea?" He knew she'd be fine, but he felt the need to voice his concern for her, anyways.

 

[Meraki]

"It was everything I could have wanted and more," Eliza chuckled.

She wasn't as used to homemade meals as Rhett was, but something in her heart yearned for some real New York Italian food. It was terrible for her, settled like a hundred pounds in the pit of her stomach, but it warmed her all over. When she was a kid, she used to stop by the same little pizza food truck day in and day out just to grab a slice and a coke, so she could eat it on her long walks home. Wherever home was at the time. That kind of sense memory stuck with her long into her adult years. You could take Eliza out of New York, but it was impossible to pull the New York from her.

At the sight of his lopsided grin, she felt an emptiness hit her heart painfully. She wasn't one to dwell, to get sad and work herself up over things, but she would miss seeing that smile every day. She would miss his sharp humor and quick tongue. She would miss the little known facts he blurted out and the way he always managed to keep her on her toes. She knew that this was nothing more than a temporary separation, but it was hard for Eliza to grasp emotionally. It would get easier to deal with, she was sure, but for now it was painful. No part of her wanted to leave Rhett, especially when it seemed like the world around them was ripe for destruction. What if something happened? What if she couldn't get to him?

She couldn't let those thought cripple her, but she knew they would haunt her every single day until she saw him again. Until she could hold him again and be held.

"I'll do my best," she laughed, "He's got a nasty habit of living under my skin."

But this time was different. It didn't make her feel better, but she knew that this was her turn. Robinson had destroyed her life in a selfish attempt for personal gain, then he posed as her caretaker for years. No, not even posed because Eliza realized he genuinely believed he was like her father, despite what he'd done. He had her twisted around his finger for so long that it was time for her to call the shots. He would get under her skin, but she wouldn't let it dig in too deeply to her heart. She couldn't let it.

Because in a best-case scenario, at the end of this Robinson would be doing rightful time in prison – and she couldn't let herself feel bad or guilty about that.

"But don't worry, I won't go running into any bomb-rigged houses or fall down any rock quarries. I've had enough of that for a lifetime," she pressed a kiss to his lips, "I've had my fill of all that. I'll try to be safe though, I promise. As much as a cop can promise." Things happened. Eliza could never really predict what her job would throw at her, but she could promise not to act recklessly. But there were situations far beyond her control and at the end of the day she was sworn to serve and protect – and she would.

"I should put clothes on," she huffed and thudded her head against his chest with a defeated sigh, "I should do a lot of things, but I'm just dreading every moment."

 

[Nav]

"He's not a skin burrowing parasite. Perhaps he's a parasite, but he's still a man," Rhett reminded her gently, taking her takeaway plate from her hands and dropping it on the table so he could properly wrap his arms around her. As much as he wanted to tell her to be careful, he already knew she would be. There wasn't much else either of them could do, knowing that jumping out of the pan would only land them in the fire. Neither of them were safe—even Rhett, whose job didn't usually entail dangerous missions, had gotten his house broken into, his business broken into, himself kidnapped, and arrested. He knew better than to believe he was any safer than Eliza in any of this.

With a huff, he curled her tighter into his chest to a point he wondered if he was pinching her shoulders too tightly before he relaxed his grip some. "I'll pick us up some burner cells in the next few days and I can visit you at the precinct to give it to you. I have a little cash lying around." Cash was untraceable, at least more than swiping his credit card would be. He smiled, but it wasn't in earnest. There was sadness in there. Sad sounded so childish, like something flimsy, something one should be able to cast off with a happy reflection or the smile of a friend, but his sadness was nothing of the sort. It sat inside like a germ seed of depression, just waiting for the right conditions to grow, to send out roots and choke out the hope from his heart.

It was the trough through which he struggled to return to the peak, always afraid that this time the rungs would be too slippery, too far apart, or simply not there at all.

"Probably," he agreed, looking down at her and smiling a bit more earnestly this time—as if prideful that he had done that. "It's a little too cold out still to go romping about naked." He gave her a playful shake before curling his spine so he could press an adoring kiss against her cheek, then again, and a third time, just barely catching the edge of her lips as he did so.

"I love you, Eliza," he murmured, his lips still in contact with her skin, muffling every word but causing him to smile. He wished there was something more he could say, or something more he could offer, but the fact of the matter was that he was just as scared—or perhaps even more so—than she was. He had nothing to offer except his heart, though she probably already knew that she owned that. "This will all be over soon though. It'll have to be."

 

[Meraki]

"I'd like that," Eliza smiled up at him as he held her tightly in his arms. As much as she didn't want to spend days away from him, it made her feel better to know that she would see him soon. She just had to get through the next few days, that's it. She did note the way Rhett held her as though she were fleeting. It was almost painful at first the way he pinched her shoulders, but he adjusted and she couldn't help but hold him as well. Of course he was worried. She was too. They had stood by one another through so much now that it almost felt counterintuitive to split up, but she could only hope that Sylvia and Robinson felt the same. This was the right call, she knew it, but it didn't make it any easier.

"You be safe, too," she said and glanced up to him, his blue eyes tragic with something she knew all too well. All of this hurt and the reality was crippling. "If you need me, I'll be there, alright? No matter what, any time." And she meant it. Eliza would have moved heaven and earth to make it to Rhett if he was in danger. She would have walked through any fire, endured any pain, because he was everything to her. He had her love and loyalty, which meant everything to Eliza. It was all she had to offer and she would protect him until her last breath. That much she knew without a doubt.

"I love you, Rhett," she replied, catching his lips as they peppered her cheek in kisses. She pressed hers to his for a moment, deep and longing, before pulling back slowly. He was right. She couldn't leave wearing nothing but his shirt, though it was an attractive option to just stay. If she stayed, she could elect to take off more clothes as opposed to putting them on and that was an attractive option. "Alright," she breathed out and pushed herself up, though the lack of contact made her heart ache, "I should probably pack something. I don't even know where to start, honestly."

Within twenty minutes, Eliza had a good deal of her clothes packed into a duffel back she'd grabbed back when she'd been released from the hospital. She left her toothbrush at Rhett's, knowing that she had an extra at her own apartment and she couldn't bear the thought of taking something so symbolic. It wasn't much that she took – Eliza didn't have very many things to begin with – but once she was finished, she changed into a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt. She holstered on her gun and badge, tugged on her jacket and pulled her hair back up into a ponytail. It was a strange sight to see in the mirror. It looked like nothing had changed, but beneath the clothes she knew how different she had become.

She was not the same girl Rhett had found at the precinct that morning.

"Okay, I think that's all I need," Eliza said finally as she stepped out into the living room and slipped her boots on. Once she was ready, she turned to him and smiled, though the pain still ached in her icy blue eyes. "I think this is the part where you get up, come over here, and kiss me so passionately that it's all I can think about for the next few days to make this easier."

 

[Nav]

"Alright," After they had exchanged everything they needed the other to know, even though they already knew everything said, Eliza rose and Rhett wasn't far behind. He found some slacks and slipped into them so he could help her pack. When she had finished putting all of her things together, Rhett watched her for a moment. It felt unusual to see her in her uniform, like something was wrong. He supposed he had gone so long now without seeing her in it, instead seeing the image of his sultry girlfriend with her hair free and a playful smirk on her lips, that seeing her in the stiff white shirt without a hint of smile made him uneasy.

He ended up retreating back to the couch so he could let her finish in peace. She went through the routine of finishing everything, and Rhett's eyes followed her like a cat would watch a bug on the wall. His expression was serious, like he had just received some kind of humor bypass. It felt hard watching her pack up and his heart fluttered with adrenaline like she was leaving him for good—but he had to constantly remind himself that, no, she wasn't. She'd still be close—in the same city, even. She'd be within twenty square miles of him at any given moment. In fact, as she laced up her boots, he calculated the exact sphere of distance she would be from him at any given time.

She turned to him and Rhett didn't hesitate when she beckoned him over. He uncurled his legs from the sofa and padded to her, scooping his arms around her waist and without a single word, pressed his lips in a searing kiss to hers. Slowly, inexorably, it was soft and gentle and chaste and maybe there were no fireworks or sparks, but it was better than that. It was a wave of warmth that filled him up, spilling out from his heart and the warmth of Eliza's lips on his rushed to every corner of his body: the cracks between his toes, the crooks of his elbows, the tips of his ears. Every inch of him was saturated with love.

"I love you, Eliza," he slipped away, letting his arms fall heavily to his sides. "We'll be in touch, alright? Don't forget about me in that big wide world of yours." His words were an attempt at a joke, but they just came out sounding sad. He was struggling deeply, truly, and madly with the decision to watch her go out the door. She wouldn't be gone forever, he knew, but it certainly felt that way. He felt like he had just gotten himself together, got his feet back on solid ground, and now it had all been ripped out from underneath him. It wasn't just Sylvia and Robinson anymore, it was how Eliza had helped him through so much of his own crap and problems…

"Take care." He leaned against the door frame so he could watch her leave until she disappeared.

 

[Meraki]

That kiss was enough to stop her dead in her tracks.

Eliza thought it would help. She thought that maybe, by some act of God, that it would make this hurt less. All it did was break her heart. She could feel it as he pulled away and while Eliza liked to keep her emotions in check, it took a doubled effort to keep herself together. She never wanted any of this, but if this was what needed to be done to be with Rhett, she would do it. She would endure every god awful, heartbreaking moment of their separation. His kiss had filled her with so much love that it was almost startling to step away. "I love you, too," she repeated, the words never coming out as powerfully as she wanted. But she was finding that there were no words for what she felt for Rhett. He was her family, the one she had always searched for and swore she would hold onto with all her might if she found it. And she did. Even though they were standing inches apart, she could feel everything in her heart holding onto him.

And she knew that he knew, she just wished she had the words to articulate it. But he was the genius, so the words stayed muddled up in her own mind.

"Like anyone in this world could forget Rhett Wolfhart," Eliza offered with a warm smile, "least of all me." She stopped herself form continuing because she felt the familiar tingle of broken words in her throat. She felt unfamiliar tears prickling at her tear ducts and she cleared her throat for the sake of them both. She knew all it took was for her to turn around a beg him to not let her go and he had to know it would only take a single word to get her to turn around in that instant.

But they had to do this, as much as it hurt.

"You too, Rhett. I'll see you soon, alright?" she said finally as she took a few steps out the door and turned back to see him leaning in the door frame. "Don't miss me too much."

With a deep breath, Eliza started back down the stairs, taking them slowly as though gravity were pulling her back to the apartment. But she had to go. This time it wasn't running. For once, Eliza was putting someone above her own, selfish need. She wiped at her eye as she walked and quickened her steps until the cold outside hit her hard. With her bag in hand she loaded up her cruiser and settled into the front seat. Her first instinct was to pull out her phone, but she knew better.

Putting the car into drive, she sighed and took off for the precinct to face reality.

 

[Nav]

"I'll miss you way too much for my own good."

His admission was painfully true, his brow knitting together and a frown falling across his face. He tried his best to fight it, to push back all those terrible feelings swelling up from his chest and heart, but he couldn't hide them entirely. No amount of practice in the courtroom could prepare him for how he felt in that moment: desolate, afraid, alone. It took every ounce of resistance he possessed not to pursue after her, to whimper and reach out for her, to tell her not to leave—that he was sick and tired of always being left behind. Swallowing hard, he cursed himself internally. He wasn't being left behind… he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, but seeing her back as she strolled down the stairs and knowing he wasn't following felt like death by a thousand cuts.

Quietly, he shut the door and locked it so he could turn in and begin to face his own reality.

The rest of the day was spent cleaning up, picking up the cat, getting groceries, and settling back into a routine. He was beyond exhausted but having some groceries and a living ball of fur back in the apartment helped. The cat zoomed all throughout the rooms, stopping periodically to meow at Rhett's feet until she was picked up. Rolling on to her belly, she happily basked in his love almost all day. There wasn't much else for him to do. He had no work at the moment—no where he needed to be, no where he wanted to be. All he had left to do was wait for his meeting with Sylvia the next day.

By eight o'clock, he was in bed. He refused dinner, but snacked on popcorn as he watched a few movies from late afternoon to early evening, but when he got to a point where he could hardly keep his eyes open anymore, he cleaned himself up, and went to bed. Einstein was quick to follow. The little creature provided much needed warmth to his bed, the little patchwork feline curling up on his pillow at the top of his head.

All night, he tossed and turned. If he had dozed off, it must have been only in intervals because he could see the clock turning minute by minute as he tossed around under the covers. First, too hot, then too cold… too hot, too cold. He wanted to text Eliza, but could not. Did not. His mind was whirling a million miles a minute… so many numbers… he couldn't keep them all together in his head. Alone in the darkness, the grief was beginning to drown him, until he didn't even bother to fight to the surface until morning. He was so glad for morning to come. He was up long before the sun.

 

[Meraki]

Life without Rhett felt empty.

The moment she walked into the precinct, Eliza was met with cheers and a warm welcome. It seemed Robinson had spun some story about her needing medical leave after the attack and she could tell. Everyone she met with eyed her carefully, like they were making sure she was really ready to get back to work – but she was. She wasn't, but not for any of the reasons they believed. Dawson met her shortly after, came out and scolded her but broke into a smile. His hand clapped her good shoulder and handed her a pile of cases a mile high for her to get to work on immediately. Crime, he said, doesn't take a break when we do. But it was a nice reprieve to walk back into her office and sit down at her desk. It was exactly the way she felt it, not a single thing moved or touched, but she welcomed the opportunity to get lost in paperwork.

It took Robinson a full twenty-four hours to make an appearance.

Eliza had run by her place to stock some groceries and clean, but after a quick nap she made her way back to the precinct long before the sunrise hit. Diaz was still unaccounted for, there were a few cases that needed her immediate attention, but when she stepped into the precinct, she heard the woman at the front desk called out. "Morning, sweetie," she said as kind as she did every morning, "Got a visitor for you in your office."

Part of her hoped and prayed it would be Rhett, but when she managed a cup of coffee and headed to her door, it was a different frame that blocked out the light. Robinson stood tall, and turned to see her, his expression unreadable but his eyes relieved. "Nice to see you back, Liz."

"Nice to be back. Was there something you needed?"

He nodded and gestured for her office, "We've gotta talk."

Eliza stepped into her office and shut the door behind them. Instead of moving to sit, she leaned against her desk and motioned for him to take one of the seats in front of her desk. She wasn't losing the power in this conversation, not this time. "What's up?" she asked.

"I was just worried after your last call. About you coming home, about Wolfhart…is everything alright?"

"I'm back at work," she shrugged, "isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?"

"Dawson says he hasn't seen him since you showed up yesterday," he pointed out.

"What is this really about?" Eliza asked, taking a sip of her coffee, "What was so important you had to see me this early in the morning?"

"I need you to listen to me, Eliza. I need you to listen to me and understand what I'm saying."

"On or off the record?"

"Don't be like that, Liz."

"On or off the record?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Off."

"Fine," Eliza replied, trying her best to follow Rhett's advice and not let the man before her get buried too deep under her skin. "What do I need to hear so desperately?"

"I am the only one who can protect you from all of this, Eliza. There's a storm brewing and you know it. Wolfhart knows it. I know you're upset with me, I know we have a lot to work out, but you must understand that everything is so much bigger than you and me. If you get caught up in all of this again, you won't survive, and I can't let that happen."

"What won't I survive?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, Liz," Robinson said but she noted the overwhelming honesty in his voice, "I just know it's a battle you can't win. You don't always have to fight, you know. Don't stay at your apartment. Stay with me."

"The last time I came over, I got blown to near pieces," Eliza shot back, "Explain to me why exactly I'd want to do that a second time?"

"Because you know that wasn't me," he said matter-of-factly, "and you know that one day this is all going to become too much and I am the only person you're going to be able to run to. No matter what I've done, no matter how much you hate me, Liz, it doesn't change who I am to you. Once you can admit that to yourself, this will all became so much clearer."

He pushed himself standing, "I brought you lunch," he handed over a plastic bag with a white Styrofoam container, "It's your favorite Reuben from that little place I took you after you graduated the Academy. Figured you'd be out of groceries by now."

"I'll see you later, Liz," he said finally, setting it down and turning away. "I'm counting on it."

 

[Nav]

The wind up on the bridge was fierce, causing it to bob up and down, back and forth. He had taken the subway to Brooklyn and walked the rest of the way to the Brooklyn bridge, hands buried in his pocket. It was cold, early evening, and the sun was sinking on the horizon… grey and gloomy. He could see Sylvia's outline ahead of him, a dark smudge against a dark smudge of winter. Her hands were in her pocket and in the center of the bridge she waited for him. She didn't look at him though. She was leaning on the bannister, looking over the edge at the churning, confused water below. Surprisingly, even the water looked grey.

Rhett walked slowly, unwillingly, pretending to admire the bridge. It was a marvel of steel and cables; it spanned the river six lanes wide and looked like it had been beamed from outer space. The old brick one that was still on the city's postcard crumbled and became unsafe. He was told the city had sold it and shipped it, brick by cracked brick, to Dallas. Rhett didn't know if that was true or rumor. He struggled through the snow, the cold nipping at his toes and a shiver rising violently up his spinal column.

"Hello, Rhett," Sylvia said in her smooth, silky tone that was like a cup of hot coffee on a winter day, "Glad you could make it."

"You called and I came," Rhett replied, coming up next to her and resting his elbows against the railing, following her gaze down to the water below. Behind it, a backdrop of cityscape exploded like a riot of lights. "I want to know what's going on."

"I know you do," she smirked, their eyes still not having connected but he could feel her aura consuming him. He wanted out immediately, away from her, but his mind stopped vomiting numbers. Instead, all he could think about the cold that was causing his ears to ache, and the cold that was entering his heart. "I know you do, Rhett, you're too smart for your own good. I was going to try and offer you a deal but…" she tsked, "You have grown too close to that meddlesome cop to be useful to me anymore, at least without a small show."

"A show?" Rhett straightened, reaching out to grab Sylvia's shoulder and yank her so she was looking at him, "What kind of show… if you even think about…"

Sylvia jolted when he grabbed her, a scowl creeping across her face, "Rhett, I'm not going to hurt your beloved yet," she warned him, peeling his fingers away from her shoulder, "But I do want to show you what side of the war you're playing against—and will lose against."

Her hand slipped into her pocket and produced a small, old flip phone. Rhett hadn't seen one like it in years, but she hastily flipped it open and depressed the dial button. The bridge snapped below his feet, shaking violently, but this time it wasn't from the wind alone. There was an enomorous explosion. It was as if a fist of orange flame had decided to punch its way through the heart of the city. Windows shattered; he could hear them breaking from the bridge. Smoke and fire rushed out and for a second, it was like the entire world was silent. He ears rang as he fumbled back from the bannister—hearing nothing but the dull drone of his own head. Cars behind him slammed on their brakes, people getting out of their cars to scream, to cry, to film on their cellphones.

The pillar of fiery smoke and dust, still boiling up from where the bombs had gone off far underground was being violently agitated at the bottom. A series of secondary flashes broke out, just in time for the alarms to begin to sound.

"That…" Rhett couldn't get his breath together, or his thoughts, "That… You just…" he was numb.

"The central law offices… home of the DA," she looked to him, "Good thing I just happened to be out on an errand during this terrible tragedy—during this terrible act of international terrorism." The little phone slipped from her hand over the bridge and fell, consumed by the river below. Rhett couldn't even react; he just stared at the fire building to the grey skies. His only thoughts were of Eliza.

Sylvia brushed past him, pausing to perch up and press a kiss to her cheek. "You should rethink who you want to be an ally with, Mr. Wolfhart. Eliza is a tough girl, but she's no me." She walked away from him, both hands in her pockets because she knew Rhett wouldn't pursue her. He didn't. All he could do was fumble for his phone to dial Eliza's number.

To hell with separation; he needed to hear proof she was alive and well as the images of how she had been after the last explosion crept into his mind.

No, no, no, no, no.

Please. God, no.

 

[Meraki]

It an instant, her heart stopped.

It was late, just after dinner and Eliza had gone half on some Chinese food to be delivered to the office. Dawson had barely signed for it when the world shook beneath their feet. It was a powerful blast, one that caused the dust to crumble down from the ceiling and everyone to brace their desk. The alarms sounded a moment later. Dawson's phone ringing a moment later. Never in her time as a cop did Eliza believe she would ever have to answer the call for a terrorist attack.

Gearing up with her fellow cops, it didn't matter that she was a detective. It didn't matter how long she had been gone – every abled bodied cop was on their way to the scene of the explosion. The air outside was dense with smoke and rubble, people were crying and screaming, some holding loved ones and pulling others far away from the blast. The Central Law offices were only a few miles from her precinct, and they didn't bother with their cruisers. Streets were blocked off, cars were stuck, and they ran as fast as their legs could carry them, hoping onto firetrucks and ambulances as they barreled through. Eliza pulled her mask over her mouth, the thickness of the air penetrating her lungs immediately. It was like driving into hell.

The fire, the cries, the blood.

The bombs had set off within a five-mile radius, nearly leveling three entire blocks of buildings and a few smaller bombs down by the DA's house. That much Eliza could pick up over her radio, but it was a lot of confusion. Phone lines were scrambled and she couldn't think about anything but Rhett. She pulled her phone out and dialed his number but the line cut dead almost immediately and she cursed protocol. "Madison!" she heard Dawson call out as they bolted into the aftermath of the explosion. There were leveled buildings, concrete tens of feet high, but more than anything – there were the bodies. Splayed out against the concrete, buried beneath the rubble, people running and dragging themselves away missing limbs and bleeding.

She had to help. She just had to.

Eliza moved to start pulling people from the rubble. Person after person, she lifted them up and carried them off until some medical personnel could get to them. Most of them were innocent bystanders, people walking and driving home from work and school just outside the area at the wrong time. The air was so dense that Eliza had to move after a short while to take oxygen from one of the fire trucks, breathing in deeply to stop the burning in her lungs. There was so much to do, so many people that were still stuck below the surface. Her muscles were tired, eyes burning but she had to keep moving.

Was this was Robinson was talking about? What this the magnitude of what they were facing? After all, she knew where Sylvia was. Sylvia was with Rhett somewhere Eliza did not know, but that meant they were safe, right? That meant Rhett was alive?

Her shirt and jacket were covered in blood and debris, her face tinged a dusty white from the aftermath. She dug until her hands bled to pull people out, to try and make some difference and convince herself that this was not Sylvia's endgame. Had she intended to kill Eliza?

No, not yet. Otherwise the bomb would have gone off at the precinct.

"Madison! Over here!" Dawson called out and Eliza bolted over the rocks to where he was, moving blocks and rocks far as he could to uncover people beneath the rubble. It was only then that she caught glimpse of a familiar face. It was bloodies and bruised, half of his skull missing but she would have known that face anywhere. "Diaz," she choked out through the smoke, "Diaz! Dawson, fucking get this off him!"

The two of them tore slab after slab of concrete from him and Eliza moved under his shoulders to pull him out. He was unresponsive, every bone she felt was near shattered in her hand but she felt for a pulse and cause a glimmer. "He's not dead, yet," Eliza moved to his chest, "We have to get him out of here. We have to move. I need an ambulance now!"

Dawson rushed back as Eliza started CPR. She knew it was useless. Fuck, she knew it wouldn't make a difference. But she knew why he was there – he was there because he had caught onto the tail end of the lead her and Rhett had found. He was a good partner, would have followed her into hell if she asked, and he did. Fuck. She couldn't feel his heart anymore, no amount of CPR curing the inevitable. "Five minutes," Dawson came back, "We can't get another one this close for another five minutes."

"Eliza," he grabbed her hands and looked at her, "Enough."

He was dead. She knew it.

"Fuck!" she growled out, wiping the dust from her face, but only streaking more against her forehead.

Finally, her phone rang. There was an overwhelming explosion of fire, the sound of cries and sirens drowning out the sound of her own voice, but she answered and heard a familiar voice. "Rhett?!" she called out, her voice hoarse from the smoke over the noise, "Are you alright? I—"

"I'll come home tonight," she called out, hoping he could hear, "Wait for me."

 

[Nav]

Nothing was more painful than being useless.

He knew there was nothing he could do… he'd just get in the way of the first responders if he tried to go down and help, so for a long time, he just stood numbly on the bridge staring at the smoldering sky. Traffic was coaxed forward again, but no one was moving quickly. It was like the entire city was having a heart attack. Against his ear, Rhett kept his mobile and he kept dialing Eliza over and over. Maybe she was helping, maybe she was hurt. It didn't matter, he'd call her forever, if he had to. He'd call her forever until he got news.

The flames burned with colors he never believed they could. With each flare, he knew that was another body, another chunk of building, another possession. The smoke was being carried to the left by the wind, over the rest of the city, raining down dirty ash like anti-snow. As the sirens became more noticeable, wailing around the bypass, he imagined everyone he had ever known rushing out to bring in the dirty laundry. He watched the flames like it was on TV, somewhere far away, not in his city… not when he didn't know where Eliza was. The flame had no culture, no pity, no mind, yet it consumed whatever it pleased. Its only criteria was if it could take it and reduce it to ash or something molten and foul, then it would.

He was more than a few blocks away, but he could see the ash fluttering through the breeze. It began to stain his face… it stained the steel beams of the bridge, it stained the cars driving past. Many had their windshield wipers on to brush away the ash and soot, but it was no use. The ash bit, and bit away.

Exhaling a slowly breath, he moved to hit 'end call' so he could call again when he heard a voice on the other end of the line. "Eliza?" he breathed out—oh, thank god. He felt a teardrop of relief form in his chest. She was alright… she was alive, she wasn't agonizing in pain somewhere, or dying, or dead. "Eliza—I'm so glad to hear your voice." They didn't have long to talk. He could tell from the sounds behind her that she was at the scene. It didn't take a genius to understand that. "Okay, I'll see you soon."

And that would have to be enough.

There were no taxis so Rhett walked home. Truthfully, he needed the walk. He needed the numb cold to stun his senses and to soothe his wildly beating heart. He needed those moments because once he got to his apartment and showered away the ash, he got to work. He couldn't do much to help the chaos and disorder, but he was a genius and that meant he wasn't about to just sit aside and do nothing. Printing out a map of New York city proper, Rhett began to pin things to his wall. For once, he didn't care about his security deposit on the dry wall.

They needed to get ahead of Sylvia, not just continue to trail behind her.

You should rethink who you want to be an ally with, Mr. Wolfhart. Well, he'd just have to have Sylvia learn the same thing.