Ugly Good Bad

[Meraki]

"Maybe I played too easy to get," Eliza hummed and then let it fall into warm laughter. Easy was not a term for Eliza Madison – at least, not when it came to real affection. She'd spent much of her life being the rebellious teen and young adult the world had molded her into and with that came a bit of promiscuity. Eliza liked boys, she liked boys fawning over her and ones that drank too much Budweiser under bleachers before driving her home on his motorcycle. She liked danger, liked the feeling of adrenaline coursing through her as she ran from the cops or managed to break out of school and skip third, fourth and fifth period with just enough time to make it back unnoticed for music last period. But things like prom – like high school sweethearts and being tied down never really interested her. It felt fleeting.

Everything did to her back then.

Luckily, Eliza had been smart enough to keep herself from getting pregnant, though she certainly had a scare or two. It was probably different for her, though, considering the fact that bringing a child into the world scared her more than anything. Not because she wouldn't love a child, but because she worried about the world. She worried about what kind of life the daughter or son of Eliza Madison would live. How would she explain her scars to them?

Rhett nuzzled into her and tried to get comfortable, but instead Eliza shifted to lie down and bring him with her. She held him affectionately to her chest and leaned down just enough to catch his lips in a warm, gentle kiss. "That was really nice of her and I'll be sure to call Linda, but you should rest," Eliza nuzzled her nose into his hair and peppered a few more kisses there, "We both should."

The next thing Eliza knew, she was waking up in the morning hours of the next day. Not that she would have known from the blacked out curtains, but she was pulled uncomfortably out of sleep by a few coughs. Once she came to, she curled against Rhett and exhaled. The fresh air cathartic for her lungs. "Rhett?" she mumbled still clinging to sleep, "What time is your appointment?"

 

[Nav]

Rhett was normally fine with morning. They came swiftly and he never fought them. Years on the farm had conditioned him to appreciate the first rays of sunshine come morning, but he fought those first few minutes with everything he had. The searing pain his head had reduced down the pain scale to a more manageable level, somewhere around the point where he didn't feel like he was on the verge of death of internal skull implosion at any moment. It ached, still, and the few sparks of light that did make it past the curtains were unwelcome. At least when he opened his eyes and reached for his phone on the coffee table, he didn't wince when the screen read '6:32' back to him.

The phone clattered back on the wood where he dropped it and he turned back into Eliza's embrace, where he had spent his entire night. "Nine," he replied groggily, "We have time." But not much. Rhett was in desperate need of a shower to help wash the rest of his migraine down the drain and he needed clothes that weren't just lounge slacks. More importantly, he was parched and starving, two things he needed to take care of before leaving the flat that morning.

After a few more moments of arguing internally with himself, he sighed and sat up. He blinked a few times, and licked his lips as he stared blankly at the apartment. The little cat was lounging in the single ray of sun that had broken through the heavy drapes. Even sitting up, the headache didn't surge painfully like it had the day before. All in all, he felt much better and that very nearly convinced him to cancel his appointment and work instead on the Sylvia case. Unfortunaely, he knew Eliza wasn't about to let him bow out.

"Alright, alright," he stood, finding his balance again before padding into the kitchen to fill up the kitten's bowl and getting the coffee pot started. "I'm going to shower," he said, leaning over Eliza and pressing a kiss to her cheek before sauntering into the bathroom.

The shower did everything he needed and more. It didn't soothe his pain, but it helped with everything else. His muscles immediately relaxed, his body drooped, the ache in his joints eased. He was in the shower for nearly a half hour before he even started shampooing and rinsing, but once the water was suggesting it would start going cold, Rhett finished up and got out.

How many drops of water were falling every minute? Every second? Four-thousand sixty-nine, four-thousand seven-hundred and eleven…

"Hey," he called to Eliza, drying off and wrapping the towel around his waist, "You may want to wait fifteen or twenty minutes before showering. Sorry."

 

[Meraki]

Without Rhett there, Eliza grasped a bit helplessly at the couch before curling into the warmth he left behind. Mornings weren't pleasant, but Eliza just ached from head to toe with a ferocity that was enough to pull her back into the couch forever. Her lungs were aching, her muscles cried out, and it felt like everything was overworked and on fire. She didn't bother to follow him, but a half hour later when he came out of the shower, she finally blinked her eyes open a bit. "Hmm?" she yawned and a few coughs rippled through her, "Mmm don't worry about it. I grew up taking cold showers, they don't bother me any." It seemed like a good idea, too, because she felt the heat on her skin. She wondered if she had managed a slight fever, but the doctor said to just take it easy and take her medication to prevent infection.

Eliza pushed herself standing and moved to the bathroom where she ran the water. It certainly wasn't warm, but her muscles ached after a long stint at the gym, and gave her a bit of relief from the heat on his skin. She washed her hair until the water actually began to run cold and the goosebumps rose on her skin. She wrapped a towel around her and dried off her hair before slipping on a pair of jeans and a deep blue v-neck. Movement took a bit of effort on her part, her motions slow from her tired lungs and exhausted bones, but she kept a steady pace. It had to be well after seven and with all the traffic through the city, they would have to leave sooner rather than later for his appointment.

She left her deep, black locks and let them just hang waved over her shoulders. She felt cleaner, but she still wanted nothing more than to curl up underneath a blanket. Eliza yawned and stretched as she walked back out into the living room and kitchenette. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist and managed to settle her chin into the crook of his neck.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, pressing a kiss to the skin she could reach, "At least a little better, I hope?"

 

[Nav]

By the time Eliza had gotten out from the shower, Rhett had managed to dress himself and pick up around the flat. It still wasn't clean, but the heavy drapes had been pulled back and there was coffee on the pot. More importantly, the dirty dishes had been moved from the sink to the dishwasher and the counters had been scrubbed down just enough so they looked like they weren't about to spring mold at a moment's notice. The cat was fed, Rhett had sipped down coffee, and he looked infinitely better than he had the day and night before. A brightness had returned to his eyes, though it was clear exhaustion and pain still clouded them distantly.

It was seven fifteen… and thirty-seven seconds by Rhett's brain's calculations when Eliza made her way out of the bedroom and cross the kitchen to press a kiss to his cheek. "Well," he said, "Better than yesterday, at least." His brain felt like it was more back to normal than it had been the day before. He had spent his time cleaning also contemplating how many cans of soda were produced in the US every year and derived how many cans of soda the average person consumed in the US every year. The number he came up with was five-hundred and ninety-seven.

Immediately, the calculations dispelled from his mind when he felt Eliza's chin weigh on his shoulder. He glanced over to her, giving a smile. "How are you feeling?" he had worried about her lungs, though he finally was able to sound more genuine in his questioning of her well-being than he had been the night before, where pain clouded every thought so violently he could barely string sentences together.

Ultimately, he was feeling the pressure of going to his doctor's visit and he was busy concerning himself more with Eliza than himself (which, admittedly, was normal). This time, it was used as a diversion in his own mind to distract himself from his own discomfort and fear. What if they found something? What if something was genuinely wrong with him? Swallowing down those thoughts, he reached back and hooked an arm around Eliza's waist, pulling her in tighter to his back.

"You about ready?"

 

[Meraki]

"I'm okay," Eliza breathed out at his question, resting her forehead on his back as he pulled her closer. It wasn't anything serious, but the doctor had told her that she would experience a bit of discomfort in the way of a cold afterwards. A little congestion, uncomfortable pressure on her chest, slightly feverish skin. It had to be a fever because Eliza ran pretty damn near like a machine and when something was off, she noticed. But it was of little importance, it would just be uncomfortable for her, but nothing a scarf and some medication wouldn't help. Even before the explosion when Rhett was not in the picture, Eliza never really stopped for sick days. Taking days off were reserved for that one root canal she had or for the terrible pneumonia she got a few years back. Unless a doctor deemed it mandatory, she never really stopped.

She didn't neglect her needs, per say, but instead she just kept up her water intake, took some meds, and rode it out day in and day out. There were a lot of times throughout foster homes where she would fall ill and she was entirely on her own. She remembered having bronchitis as a child and not seeing a doctor for nearly a week until her then foster family just couldn't bear the sound of her coughs anymore. She used up all her sick days in high school, too, but none of them were actually for being sick.

"Just gotta ride it out," she said finally and pressed a kiss to his back before wriggling out of his hold so she could grab his hand with hers. She knew how big today was for Rhett and come hell or highwater she would be there for him to support him through everything. She wasn't a doctor and she wasn't sure that there was much she could do to ease the discomfort in his head, but the least she could do was make sure that whenever he looked back, she was there.

"Let's go," she said finally, tugging him towards the coat rack so she could wrap a scarf around her neck and opt for a heavier winter jacket. Even the heat from the apartment made her flushed skin rise up in goosebumps, but the cold air would feel good. At least for a little while. "The sooner we go, the sooner we get back and we can spend my entire day off together."


"Even if it's just lying on the couch," she smiled and took his hand again. "I'm really proud of you, you know."

 

[Nav]

Eliza wiggled from his grip and Rhett put down his coffee mug, knowing that she was right in so far that they needed to get moving if they wanted to make it to his appointment on time. He did end up looking to her with a surprised expression on his face when she mentioned taking the entire day off. He knew Eliza didn't often take time off unless it was doctor mandated, and she had told him the night before that the doctor had only required her to take a full twenty-four hours off, which would have ended that day late morning. He had been anticipating her to return back to work as soon as they had finished at his appointment, but he was both pleased and excited to hear that would not be the case.

She was getting older, as they both were, but not yet in a sense of grey hair and wrinkles. They weren't children though and every year inching into adulthood made it harder to recover from injuries and illnesses. Extra time away from the wreckage would do them both some good, and that thrilled him to hear.

Following after her, he pulled on a scarf and his coat, buttoning it up to the collar. As he worked to get his shoes on, he peeked up at Eliza. "Proud of me?" he echoed, chuckling softly, "Why is that?" he hadn't done anything particularly worth pride, aside from finally giving his neurologist a call. Of course, he had really only been avoiding the specialist out of a busy schedule, not really avoidance. He had gone to his doctor well over a year ago about his headaches and when his doctor couldn't help and referred him to a specialist, he ended up meeting Eliza and a whirlwind that followed… time had never really been playing well on his side, ultimately.

Finally ready for the cold weather lurking outside their doorstep, Rhett grabbed the keys, wallet, and phone before making his way out of the complex. It was snowing lightly, but the sun still managed to emerge between the clouds periodically. The fresh snowfall transformed the city, leaving it pure and virgin, and at first glance… everything seemed normal. The people unaffected by the blast had returned to work, their routines, their lives, and while no one had forgotten what had happened, life had to keep moving on.

It didn't take him long to hail a taxi and he stepped on to the curb, opening the door for Eliza. "After you."

 

[Meraki]

"I just know that this is a lot," Eliza shrugged, "to finally take the time to do this. I'm proud of you for making time." That and she knew that it was never easy to revisit things that plagued you. Eliza had lived a lifetime pushing things down and back, but once she met Rhett she had to drudge them up one by one to deal with them as they deserved to be dealt with. She did not regret it and it made her a better person, but the process had been arduous and exhausting. She hated every moment of reliving that pain but she knew she had to do it because from that pressure and discomfort came new understanding and openness. She noted the surprise in his expression when she told him she was taking the rest of the day off, but she just let it be.

Smoke inhalation was no joke in that sort of setting and she had enough to deal with between the fever that eased in and the uncomfortable pressure in her lungs. It felt like a hangover, but one that made her breathing just a bit more labored and her movements a bit more restrained. At least she wasn't vomiting, that was the worst and while Rhett had proved her wrong time and time again, she still had a bit of a fear of making her sickness known. Twenty-four years of being self-reliant and being left to deal with things like sickness affected her just a bit at a base level. She would never stop the world for how she felt.

But twenty four extra hours off from work seemed to be enough of a step in the right direction.

He allowed her into the taxi first and the two sat in the back as the taxi detoured through the city. A lot of the major roads were still closed. She felt a bit of a chill in her skin though she was bundled up and Eliza just rested her head on his shoulder as her hand entangled with his own. It was a short trip to the hospital, people moving about as life went on, and Eliza sighed as they pulled up to their destination.

A round of coughs rose up from her ailing lungs and she cleared her throat. Once they were back out into the cold, Eliza looked up at the gentle snowfall, and smiled. "At least it's a pretty day out," she said as she took Rhett's hand and slipped out of the taxi alongside him, "You ready?"

 

[Nav]

Was it even a lot? Perhaps a few months ago, it would have been completely overwhelming for him but given the circumstances, going to a doctor seemed like nothing at all. After Sylvia, after Robinson, after being kidnapped, after nearly losing someone he loved, after the explosion… after everything everyone in the city of New York had lost, Rhett realized he could put up with going to a doctor. In fact, he realized he needed to. Eliza had learned to go to the doctor, Eliza had learned to take a day off and Rhett quickly realized it was his turn to do the same.

He remained surprisingly calm the entire trip as a result. Worrying wouldn't solve anything and he knew whatever he dreamed could be wrong would just make everything exponentially worse, so he chose not to think of those things. Instead, he bidded his time calculating the number of active taxi cabs in the US. 233,900. In NYC? 13587… approximately.

"It is very pretty," he agreed as he stepped out of the cab after paying the taxi driver. "Yes, I am." Leading her into the main entrance, he came up to the main reception area. The polite woman checked him in, but directed him to the elevators to take him to the sixth floor, where his specialist would be. "Check in with them, too, Mr. Wolfhart," she had told him. Walking alongside Eliza, Rhett followed the instructions and made his way to the elevators, up to the sixth floor, and checked in at the neurologist's office's front desk. Taking a seat while he waited to be called, Rhett looked over to the outdated magazines on the side table before glancing back to Eliza.

"You can wait here, if you want," he said, "Or you can come back with me, I think. I don't know?" They weren't technically a couple in the eyes of the state, but he imagined no one would argue it. "I'm not really sure what is going to happen." Probably some tests—blood work, perhaps, and a brain scan. His doctor had even suggested that they might very well do a spinal examination as well, in the event that something in his spinal column was pinching and causing the headaches. After doing some research on his own, he had come to the conclusion that just about anything could cause migraines; it was bound to be a long, mysterious process for some time.

"Rhett?" a young nurse had stepped out from the back rooms, looking down at her cart before locking eyes with Rhett when he stood and gave her a lopsided smile.

 

[Meraki]

"I'll see if they'll let me go in," Eliza smiled at him, "otherwise, I'll be right here."

Eliza hated doctor's offices. They weren't too familiar to her, but any time her sickness or ailment was bad enough that she needed to come to a doctor, all she could remember was the pain and discomfort. Most of the time, she would stay there until the state could send someone to fetch her or Linda if she was off work. A lot of times Eliza didn't go back home after doctor's visits, she was shipped off to another, never to hear from the old families again. No, Eliza didn't like doctors but she knew that she had to be here to help support Rhett. She had no idea what a neurologist did other than work with the brain, but she knew that brains were not something to idly fuck with.

And she knew that there was a bit of anxiety about it, even if Rhett didn't look worried.

The nurse called him in and the two of them stood. Eliza approached her as cordially as she could, with a smile on her lips. "Hi, I was wondering if I could go in with him, I'm—"

"Of course, Mrs. Wolfhart," she smiled and Eliza immediately felt a blush rise in her eyes. "Oh, uh, Ms. Madison, actually. Eliza."

"Oh, well," she still gave Eliza a warm smile, "Right this way, Eliza. Now let's get you both settled."

Eliza felt her hand tighten on Rhett's as they walked in, following the woman to where Eliza presumed they would take al look at Rhett. She had no idea how any of this worked, so she took a backseat and supported him through whatever he needed her to do. Even if it was just to sit there and be a comforting hand to hold.

 

[Nav]

The office they had been led to was shiny and new, but also plastic and sterile. It attempted to be warmed with burnt sienna wall paint and a few pictures of prairie grass, as well as several month's old magazines lied out on a faux wood side table. He was glad the nurse hadn't disallowed Eliza from joining him when she informed her that she wasn't actually Rhett's wife because he felt the first edge of discomfort rise through him when he was sat down at the edge of the examination table. She took his pulse and his blood pressure, nodding and sayind they were both 'very good.' Lastly, she took his temperature, which came back normal.

As she punched all the information into the computer, she looked back at him, "What is bringing you in today, Rhett? I see you have a referral from your doctor…. Dr. Cuddahet?"

"Yes," Rhett replied with a gentle smile, "Yes, I do. I went into his office about a year back from severe and semi-regular headaches, or migraines. I've tried a variety of different cures for them, but they seem random and uncontrolled."

"Mhm, mhm," she listened, punching in his responses into her computer program. She kept asking him questions: how often did he get them, what was the pain like, where was the pain, how badly they debilitated him… the question and answer session went on for a good fifteen minutes before she seemed satisfied and clicked out of her program. "Dr. Tanker will be in with you shortly, alright?" The nurse saw herself out once agreed with a small nod.

The doctor who entered only a few moments later had the posture of a soldier. Every action she took was precise and purposeful. She smiled in the cold and distant way professional do; Rhett could never be comfortable around such expressions. He needed genuine faces, preferably a smile, but if not he'd rather they didn't fake it. She introduced herself, pulled on gloves, and began to work her fingers around Rhett's neck and jaw. She asked him to turn his head this way and that, giving commands rather than requests.

"I see in your family history here sent over by your general practioner, you have brain cancer that runs in your family," she continued, pushing her rolly chair back to the computer and jotting a few things down.

"I—" Rhett paused, having to pull it up in his own memory bank, "I suppose I do. My great grandfather passes away from it."

"You're young, Mr. Wolfhart, but I think it may be a good place for us to start, just to eliminate some big ticket items. Migraines like the ones you described can be caused by hundreds of different things—environmental, physical, or psychological."

 

[Meraki]

Brain cancer.

That was something Eliza didn't expect. The words hit her a bit harder than she thought, the anxiety welling in her chest at the thought. She didn't mean to let it hit her heart so painfully, but every abandonment issue in her flared at once. Go figure she finally found someone who made her want to be better, who opened her up to life and love, and then there were those two words: brain cancer. People had left her time and time again, choice after choice leaving her alone, but never had she lost someone so involuntarily. God, what was she doing? She hadn't lost anyone yet, there was no diagnosis, it could be anything – that's what the doctor said.

And Eliza wasn't a doctor. Not even close.

She remained by him, as always, and just watched as the doctor felt around and scribbled a few things down while the two talked. She felt entirely out of place, especially since she was not his wife, but she made no attempt to move. Brain cancer or not, she would stay there because that's who Eliza was. She loved and loved entirely, fiercely protective and loyal almost to a damn fault. She loved Rhett and no matter how much fear she felt, she would not let it show. Especially when this was his diagnosis. She would support him through anything, but she cursed Sylvia endlessly in her mind.

Terrorist attacks, kidnappings, murders – and somehow in the mess of it all Rhett was struggling with his own ailments. How dare she put more on him through all of this? How dare she do anything to inhibit Eliza's ability to care for him? Fever be damned, Eliza just wanted to help. She wanted to take care of him, to bare her teeth to the rest of the world and protect him.

Eliza didn't say anything, just occasionally reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. She knew that he wouldn't be able to hold onto her through everything, but she wanted to be there for him as long as she could. To hold his hand as long as he could.

And to remind him that no matter what the diagnosis, she would always be there.

 

[Nav]

Mathematically, he knew the chances of having any type of cancer at his age. Even with a family history, it was low. The mere suggestion was hard to cope with though because it was so unknown to him. It had always been his brain: his best gift, his worse curse. He couldn't believe that cancer was something he had to worry about. Even the doctor had said it: it was just a big ticket item they wanted to eliminate right off the bat. It was just a precaution, nothing more. That didn't stop the spike in his heart rate he felt rather suddenly. He tried to soothe himself by dividing the ticks of the clock by the beats of his heart. Twenty seven. Nineteen. Seventeen. His heart rate was all over the place.

Feeling Eliza's hand shake into his own forced him to smile. He looked to her and tried to ooze confidence: he was fine. It was a pinched nerve, it was an offkilter jaw hinge, it was stress. His migraines were anything but cancer. It would be laughably cruel if he ended up terminally ill at this point. He had found finally something worth living for.

"Let's go take our scan, Rhett. We'll be away just a minute," the doctor said stiffly to Eliza. Giving a nod, Rhett rose with one last hand squeeze to Eliza before the pair left. The scan didn't take long since he didn't have to change into scrubs. About fifteen minutes later the nurse saw him back to the room. For a few moments, it was just the two of them.

"Don't worry," was the first thing out of his mouth, giving a soft smile as he settled back into a seat next to her. "I'm sure she's just making sure it's nothing super serious." Whether he was trying to comfort her, himself, or both, it was hard to say. "Sorry, I wouldn't have asked you to come if I had known cancer was going to come up."

 

[Meraki]

Eliza spent an entire, excruciating fifteen minutes alone.

Once he was gone, she pushed herself standing and let out a deep breath. She just needed to be moving, to give herself something to do other than sit and worry. Her skin was flushed a bit was fever but she walked over to the small sink in the office and ran the cold water, just enough to splash her skin and ease the heat rising in her. Eliza should have had more faith in the world by now, but she didn't. She had faith in Rhett, but the world was still a cruel place. She knew the darkness too well and the pain that rose off the streets like the steam from subway vents. The universe was cruel sometimes – the same universe that made the only father figure in her life the murderer of her parents, that abused Eliza over and over until she believed that no one would ever and could ever love her, that killed Diaz, leveled New York and nearly took her from Rhett all in the same day.

It seemed too like the universe to shatter something good until it was broken beyond recognition. Cancer was farfetched, maybe, but for a moment Eliza began to realize the severity of what this could be. She just wanted him to get help, to have relief from the headaches and be able to engage in life the way he wanted to. Terminally ill. God, she shook her head and tears pinpricked in her eyes before she blinked them away. Sometimes it felt like she was destined to lose everyone, and no brute strength or determination mattered. Her parents were gone, Diaz was gone, and she couldn't even go with Rhett to a scan. Sometimes she really did feel entirely useless.

She took a seat and curled her scarf closer. It was just the exhaustion speaking, peeking up and pulling her back under. After everything in the last few days, her emotions were shot and nerves were frayed. She needed to heal, not just physically heal in terms of the fever that began to grip her, but emotionally. She had to breathe, so she did, and she didn't let herself burst out in argument. She just sat back and let the doctors do their job. It was all she could do in order to be there for Rhett.

Once they returned, it was just the two of them and her hand found his automatically without thought. "I'd be here no matter what was going to come up," she said simply, her hand raising his up so she could press a kiss to his knuckles. Even with all of this, Rhett was the only one that matter. "We won't know anything until they tell us, but it'll all work out. They're just being careful."

"Watch it be because you drink too much caffeine," she jested gently, "They throw around cancer and it's really just your coffee addiction."

 

[Nav]

Eliza's hand was in his own in seconds and he curled his fingers around hers lovingly. He understood her feelings because he was experiencing them, too. He knew there was something wrong with him, the body didn't emit pain unless there was something wrong, but to hear that dreadful word had caught him by surprise. It shouldn't have, he should have seen it coming but he hadn't. It felt like the rug had got tugged out from underneath him and he had just smashed his face into the wood floor. Once he got a diagnosis, the cancer thing would be water under the bridge, but it was unnerving to wait and wait and wait for the doctor to return.

Stress palpitated off of Eliza's form in equal measure to his own and it made him all the more nervous. His guts felt heavy, like they had been filled with wet cement that was beginning to solidify. The kiss to his knuckles dragged him out of his thoughts and he smiled sleepily, looking over to Eliza. "You're probably right," he chuckled softly, "Or stress. A lot of migraines come from stress." It didn't help that his brain worked multitudes faster than most people's did, so he wondered if his brain was just like a car and the engine was beginning to overheat.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a knock came at the door and in stepped the doctor. Her expression was hard to read, stuck in neutral, as she took her seat. "Well, Mr. Wolfhart, overall, things seem pretty healthy. I do have several concerns, though. There is some dark spotting in the imaging around the embryonic cells. I don't want you to jump to any sort of alarm," she quickly added in, "Dark spotting can happen and be perfectly benign with no need for treatment."

"That being said," she continued without a moment pause, causing Rhett's heart to stop in his chest entirely (or so it felt), "Given your family history I am mildly concerned I might be looking at primitive neuroectodermal tumors. Given your health, age, and symptoms, it's unlikely. Very unlikely, but I'd like to investigate further until my doubt is confirmed. I would like to take an MRI scan, but the system is booked out, so you'll have to make a follow-up. In the meantime, I am going to draw some blood for a white blood cell count and to get a picture of your overall health. I am also going to prescribe you Sumatriptan, which should help relieve your migraine pain if and when you get another."

Rhett exhaled slowly, his first breath since she had started speaking. "Okay…" he replied after a long moment, trying to process all that had been said and for the first time, his brain couldn't work fast enough. "Yea, okay."

 

[Meraki]

Eliza had no idea what to do for him.

It was beyond her capabilities to process. He managed to reply an okay, but she was still sitting there moments behind in the conversation. The doctor had gone to get everything she needed to get Rhett was he needed and Eliza just sat there with his hand in her own. It was the only thing that she could process. The feeling of him there and she knew she had to be strong for him, but she was so tired and her lungs struggled to find the breath she so desperately needed. What was best? What could she do in that moment to make anything okay?

But that was the thing about illness, there was nothing she could do except be there – but it didn't feel like enough. It never felt like enough. They had so many plans, so much they needed to do, but everything hit the wall and they were suddenly stagnant. She felt bile rise up in her throat and she swallowed it down, managing a heavy breath or two after the fact before she turned back to Rhett and the doctor. Between the fever and her own mind, Eliza felt like she was burning from the inside out.

"How soon can we get a follow-up?" her voice rang through the silence of the room, but her voice was deceiving. It was stronger than she thought it would be, confident and pulled together even though she felt like everything in her was scrambling to be of use.

 

[Nav]

How did one even go about getting such news? Rhett couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have someone confirm the disease. For him, it was still up in the air… a mere possibility, but what did he even do? Did he try and find a job like he said he was going to? Did he work-up a will for what little he had left? Did he pretend like nothing was wrong or did he act like everything was wrong? There were no answers for him and that was the hardest part about it. In no certain terms did he like uncertainty, his brain just wasn't wired for it.

"We'll be able to get him in in about five days, let me check the schedule here…" she murmured quietly, staring at her computer screen, "How about next Thursday at noon?"

"Hm? Yes, sure, that's fine," Rhett answered with a meek nod, "That sounds great, thank you."

"The front desk will confirm your appointment. Rhett," she said, spinning in her chair to face him, "Try not to worry about this, alright? Your likelihood is very small and even if it turns out to be anything more serious, we would be really early on detection." Rhett managed to smile to her words, forcing every ill feeling down deep in his chest and giving only a small nod, clinging to her words Your likelihood is very small like a mantra. He couldn't let himself worry about it until he knew for certain one way or another. For the next five days, he'd continue on as he had been before… he needed to get at Sylvia and it never seemed so important to him as it did in those moments.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Wolfhart. I'll see you in five days." The doctor stood and stretched out her hand that Rhett took and gave a small shake and even smaller smile.

"Thank you."

As quick as she had returned, she had gone… on to other appointments, other patients. For a moment, Rhett just sat there, staring out the open door into the hallway with a sign pointing towards the Lobby.

"That wasn't what I was expecting."

 

[Meraki]

"Me either," Eliza breathed out.

The two of them made their way towards the lobby and checked Rhett out before making their way back into the cold New York air. It was frigid against her flushed skin and she pulled her jacket tighter and buried the hand that wasn't instinctively clutched in Rhett's and shoved it into her pocket in hopes to warm herself up. She was trying not to worry, as she knew it would just make everything worse, but she couldn't help how the news hit her deep down. She was sick of doctors, sick of hospitals and decided that between the two of them they had seen the inside of far too many doctor's offices to ever step into one again after his MRI. It would come up clear, she knew it would.

It had to…right?

Even then, what were the odds of survival for early detected brain cancer? What would they do? Would they let Sylvia go on with what she was doing? Would he still want her to move in? God, of course she was going to still move in with him, but she had no idea how to help him – she had no idea how he was dealing with this and asking "are you okay" seemed a bit uncomfortable at the moment. She knew he wasn't okay.

They wouldn't have been at the doctor's office if he was okay.

Eliza hailed a cab for them and the two of them climb in. If she was going to help deal with this, they had to be home. Her head was swimming and her eyes felt like they weren't focusing right. The last thing she needed was for this to get worse on her end. He didn't deserve to deal with her after that doctor's appointment. She would figure it out, she'd ebb the fever and then they could talk about this. Then they could figure out what they were going to do next.

If there even was anything to do next – maybe they just kept living until they had a solid diagnosis. Whatever Rhett needed, she would do. He just had to ask.

She didn't really have the words, that much was clear, but she inched closer to him in the cab and curled around his arm affectionately. She pressed her head to is shoulder and smiled into his jacket, a gentle warm smile. It was the only thing she knew felt right in that moment – being close with him.

 

[Nav]

Eliza had never genuinely been an overly affectionate person. Rhett had always believed it was because she prided herself too much on her independence and he wondered if she feared being seen as weak or incompetent if she was affectionate with someone. Whether or not that was true, he didn't know, but he did know that Eliza had never been the type to kiss or cuddle in public. It had never really bothered him and he felt proud the first time she reached over and snatched his hand in public. Feeling her curl around him so unashamedly in the back of the cab brought a renewed smile to his face.

He looked down to her, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the top of her head before letting his cheek fall to resting against her crown. Whatever lie ahead of them, he didn't know… he couldn't even speculate, but they'd get through it. Again, he repeated to himself that his time at the doctor's office hadn't been a diagnosis, or a life sentence. It had been something unusual on his scan that could have been any number of things. The scientist in his brain already knew that, no technology was perfect and sometimes disrupted imagery came back. It could have been a shadow, a slight discolouration, a cluster of veins or arteries that gave an illusion on the picture.

It was hard to pretend that he wasn't disturbed by the possibility, but he couldn't spend the next five days getting down on himself or his life situation. Not when there was so much else happening.

Resting his hand on Eliza's thigh, he gave her a small squeeze and lifted his head so he could look down to her. "Since you're taking the rest of the day off, maybe we should order in some Chinese food and talk about Sylvia and Robinson a little. Timing isn't ideal but…" Rhett needed to keep moving forward. Marinating in his own confusion and concern would do neither of them, nor the city of New York, any good. There were people out there who were going to get hurt and destroyed if Sylvia was allowed to carry on and with a fresh, painless head, Rhett was ready to work. He wasn't, however, going to fill his prescription. He couldn't; he didn't have the mental fortitude to take any pain killer and not become dependent on it.

"Then, tonight, we can enjoy some wine and relax."

He had heard her coughs and wheezes and he knew she wasn't very well herself, so he was feeling bad his own aches and pains were stealing the show. As much as she wanted to be there for him, he wanted to be there forever. Maybe they weren't married, but he was there through sickness and health.

 

[Meraki]

"Well, considering "Chinese food," "order in," and "wine" are the magic words to my heart, I think we can manage that." Eliza smiled up at him after he pressed a kiss to her crown and squeezed her thigh affectionately. She would not let herself fall into a darkness over a diagnosis they didn't have yet, but it took her a moment to push it from her mind. She wasn't sure how well she felt in terms of talking about Sylvia and Robinson, but they needed to, and if he was up for it she would talk about it a million times over. If there was one thing she was beginning to realize, it was that Rhett was not going to rest just because of this and neither would she.

Well, within reason. No part of her wanted to exacerbate her lung ailment – as the last thing they needed was for her to accidentally irreversibly harm herself.

She turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek, then his lips before offering him a loving smile. The cab driver pulled up and she wiggled out of the car and took his hand so they could make their way all the way up the stairs and to Rhett's apartment. Well, their apartment. She would have to find time before the month was up to move some of her stuff in (not that there was much). When they slipped into the apartment, Eliza peeled off her jacket and scarf, brushing the hair from her face so she could make her way over towards the kitchen sink. It felt like the thing she needed in that moment to keep surviving was a glass of water. Her throat was on fire and the fever was gripping her mind enough that she felt a bit dehydrated.

She picked up her phone and scrolled to find the number of the nearby Chinese place that she had ordered from a million times. Once she put in their usual orders, she set her phone down on the counter to charge and turned it to silent so she wasn't tempted to answer her phone on her day off.

"So, where do you wanna start?" Eliza asked as she took another sip of her water and leaned against the breakfast counter, "Food will be here in twenty minutes or less – thank god. I can't remember the last time I ate."

 

[Nav]

After the cab ride and stepping into the cool air, Rhett hurried into the complex and up the stairs to their apartment. His air felt like it was searing when he walked into the heated space, causing him to inhale sharply—a whistle creeping between his lips as he pulled off his coat and scarf. The air felt scalding hot at first, but the temperature quickly evened out until it was comfortable again. Eliza had already taken care of their lunch order and Rhett was quick to step into the kitchenette and de-cork a bottle of wine. They were both off for the day, so what was the harm in having a wee drink before noon?

Pouring two glasses, he extended one to Eliza before crashing down on the couch. "I don't know where to start," he admitted, "Or what to do if we even had a place to start. I think for now, Sylvia is off the table. She's too far ahead," she was steps ahead of him in their game and Rhett knew he wouldn't be able to touch her, he wasn't sure he could even get ahold of her. She was clearly quite busy with other things. "Perhaps we should focus on Robinson. I still don't know what part he plays in all of this, or where he came in and why. Clearly, he's loyal to Sylvia, but for what reason? More importantly, did that loyalty start before or after you? Well, it had to be after…" he mused aloud, "Sylvia was only a child herself when you and Robinson first met, so, how did Sylvia and Robinson connect? What goal could they possibly share?"

Robinson, for all his shortcomings and downfalls, didn't seem like the type who wished to climb the ranks of society. Already, he could see the direction Sylvia was going in: assistant DA, DA of New York… working with the vice president and national government agencies… her interests were politically driven, but Robinson? Robinson didn't make sense. He had moved up the police chain, but he had never jumped to a prominent or important position. He had never even run for State Governor, even though he had plenty of opportunities to do so.

"Maybe he doesn't care about what Sylvia is doing, maybe they're just scratching each other's back. Robinson is helping keep police off of Sylvia, Sylvia is…" he came to the same roadblock again and again. What could Sylvia possibly offer Robinson that wasn't power or money? "He already had all of those arrests removed from his record because of the mysterious fire and the name change from Neil to Robinson, unless Sylvia knows about it and could ruin him with it but—it's got to be more than that. Everything changed after your parents' murders."

Rhett was just a stream of consciousness, thinking through everything quietly to himself and vocalizing it out loud, "So Sylvia must be doing something for him in return. It's not giving him money, it's not helping him excel his career so… what? What could it be?" So many pieces, yet they all seemed to be center pieces to a puzzle—like there weren't enough side pieces to box everything in.

"What if it's you? You are clearly the most important—and only—person in his life. What if Sylvia is promising him… you? It might certainly be why she hasn't tried harder to kill either of us."