Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by SlappyKincaid, Aug 7, 2012.


    That's all fine and dandy, but an evil wizard zombie threatens the peace in the lands by trying to kill the shit out of everyone, but he can only succeed if he finds all the pieces of an ancient token, crafted by elves in a furnace stolen from the gods by evil...elves...or something...

    You, adventurer, must stop him! Or join him! Whichever is more fun! [This is probably in the wrong place and will die horribly!]

    The lands are divided into several regions, each ruled by a powerful leader who wants the whole world for himself (or herself), and must defeat the evil zombie wizard whatever by whatever means necessary! And then they have to fight with each other for dominance...or for their love...


    ...In the mountains lies one kingdom, high above, their people are short and strong, and stubborn. The mountainfolk are tough, surviving harsh winters and nothing else because that's the only season in the mountains. The harsh conditions and the king's (or queen's) iron fist, literally a fist made of iron, rules unconditionally. Yes, in the mountains, the men are men, and the women are too.

    To the east lies the swamps, ruled by the grumpy swamp dwellers, each one more grumpy than the last. In the swamp, the dishonest thrive, the king/queen is a murderous coward, and everyone smells like butts. No one likes living in the swamp, but you do what you have to in order to survive. Yes, even that.

    The plains to the south are pretty nice. The people that live there are nice, they help each other out and they live in peace. The king and/or queen hang out with the peasants from time to time, and the nobles have more than their own personal interests in mind when they interact with other. The people of this region are nearly perfect, aside from the devil worshiping. Oh, did I forget to mention that?

    In the north is nothing. Don't go up there, it sucks. Trust me. If you really want to, I mean REALLY want to, go for it, but don't come crying back to me when things don't go your way.

    Out west is the desert. The desert people are tall and thin, and good with their hands. They work hard, and seem to be loyal to their king and/or queen, but secretly want to overthrow them. They keep to themselves and rarely leave the desert, but with the wizard snowman or whatever trying to shake things up, they might be more inclined to relocate.

    Somewhere in these lands are elves and werewolves and zombie elf werewolves in highschool, but high in the mountains, lies a secret society. It's actually in a high school, but it's a secret high school, and in there is where the main bad guy lives. I forget his name, but he's a big jerk with super powers and he's really hard to kill and he wants everyone to die or something. I forgot what I wrote before, and those words are all the way up there, so whatever he's doing, it's bad. I blame his upbringing. He never had a positive role model growing up, and now look at him. All secretive and evil, trying to rule the world or kill it or some combination of the two.

    Well, that ain't going to fly with most everybody, so the kings of each area are recruiting soldiers of fortune to go and beat up this wizard zombie and stop him from breaking everything.

    Pick a region, hell make up a region, pick a people, hell be a king or a queen, y'all can even fight over it, just be as stupid as possible. This is to get all the crappy writing out of your system and just be goofballs. Be dumb as hell. I encourage it. I guess don't break the global rules though. Like, of the site. But yeah, otherwise just go nuts.

    Unless this kind of thread isn't allowed. I don't even know. tl_dr_439.jpg

    [I'ma be the evil jerk wizard guy by the way]

    Frank the wizard zombie was both a zombie AND a wizard, because that's what he always wanted to be. He also hated everyone, mostly because they mocked his dream. "You can't be a zombie AND a wizard, that's just silly" they'd say, before throwing apples at him.

    "You'll see!" he would yell, under the barrage of unripe fruit. "I'll be the greatest zombie wizard there ever was, and I'll make you pay! Pay in blood! Because I'll also be a vampire! And that's like money to them!" Frank was also a vampire, you see, and he knew what they used for money since he and Dracula's life savings are both kept in a blood bank. Frank made himself giggle with that awful joke, but then realized he didn't know who Dracula was, since this was a separate universe. Frank decided he should stop sampling his potions on himself before he had an existential meltdown.

    His revenge fantasies fueled his hatred and drove him to the edge of madness, before throwing him over it, allowing him to hit every branch of the crazy tree on the way down to the hell that is insanity. He also hit a few branches on the zombie tree, and on the werewolf tree. But only a few.

    Using his evil wizard powers, Frank the Magnificent, which he was only known as within the confines of his own mind, sought to destroy everything, but even with his near-godlike powers, he still needed something to help him achieve this goal, otherwise the author would just be making one post for laughs. For this, he turned to the ancient elvish token of Remoulade. Forged in the fires of hell, in a furnace stolen from the gods, the token had some kind of power that no one, not even its creators understood, and Frank wanted that power, for he thought it would help him rule the world for a bit before he killed everyone.

    However, his evil, evil plans would not go unnoticed, and the leaders of the nearby regions began to get restless as they felt a storm brewing.
  2. OOC: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to join!

    IC: A shady man appeared in the evil zombie wizards fireplace. "I hate doing that so much." he muttered to himself. He noticed a picture of him and Frank on the wall, arm around one another, beer bottles in hand, and a pile of dead people under their feet. That was a fun night. He remembered it vaguely. DJ (death junior) started walking. "Frank where are you bro? I'm hungry and there's no food in hell. You got anything?" he asked. He ravaged through Frank's fridge. You could here him mutter, "an arm, a brain, a leg...oh this is different...FRIED CHICKEN!!!" there was suddenly a huge smile on his bony face. He sat on a nearby couch and dug in. "Never mind I got it frank." he shouted with a stuffed mouth.
  3. Frank heard DJ come in the house, but he was taking an important call... After wrapping that up, he didn't wash his hands because he's a disgusting bastard, plus he's undead so why the fuck would he need to?

    "Hey! DJ! Don't eat all that chicken! Oh you little-" Frank gave up being buttmad about it and conjured up a blood smoothie and sat down on the couch with his friend.

    "Aren't you supposed to be gathering soldiers, or tokens or some shit? I gotta lay off the shire tobacco, it's frying my memory lately."
  4. DJ snickered. "Psh no!" he let out. DJ took another bite out of the chicken. He decided to scoot closer to Frank. "Sooooo, honey. What ya got for me tonight." he snickered again. "Any surprises." he busted out laughing at the persona he was playing to get a laugh. "Naw but seriously bro. You and I need to get out there. Ya know the world already under you're grasp. You have me. I'm death's son! I mean what could go wrong?...You know what I'll help you plan out."
  5. Outside, or somewhere nearby...or maybe inside; who knows. There was this cat girl. Her name was Z'harli and she had cat ears and a cat tail. She watched the zombie-wizard-werewolf-dracula and the guy eating chicken, waiting for a time to pounce, ready to kill. She put on her little cat-girl paws and cat-girl feet, ready to attack and kill. She had on this sexy little leotard, and her giant bewbs were giant, and bouncing; even when she wasn't moving.

    "IIIIYYYYYAAAAHHH!!" She screamed at she jumped through the window, breaking shards of glass as she entered, her awesome kitty powers turning the shards into sacred jewels, jingling against the floor as she tucked and rolled inside.

    "I'm Z'harli and i'm gonna kill youuuu!" She exclaimed adorably, locking eyes with the wizard and immediately getting a nosebleed and rocketing off her feet and falling to the floor.

    "MeeeeoooowwW" She groaned, trying to stand up, but slipping and falling back down.

    "Maybe not"
  6. ((Holy. Shiz. This is awesome.))
    Trishy, Franks sister, was asleep. Or plotting against her brother. Or maybe both. Well, she was doing that, when suddenly, there was a noise! It was the sound of glass breaking. And something yelling. So, she got up from bed, somehow already fully dressed and wearing makeup, and trudged downstairs. When she reached the bottom, she looked at the Cat girl. Then Frank. Then D.J. And back to Frank. "What in the hell is going on down here!?!?! I was busy plotting against- I mean sleeping!" She said, glaring at Frank.
  7. D.J. raised an eyebrow at the cat girl..."WOAH!" he said to himself. He turned into his human form immediately. "Thank god I'm a sexy half blood." he thought. He helped the cat girl and made sure his charming eyes and face was the first thing she saw. "Hey you okay? Don't kill us." He smirked, and his eyes fell on her boobs. He tried not to break out into a "DEEUUMMN!" D.J. looked at her. "So what's your na..." He was interrupted by Franks sister. He absolutely loathed her. He winced at the sound of every word she made. "Why must you be down here?" he asked the obnoxious sister.
  8. She turned her head to glare at DJ. She knew he hated her, and she hated him as well. She wanted to puke every time she looked at him. "Why must you exist?" She countered, crossing her arms over her chest, contemplating on whether or not to zap him in the face with a lightning bolt.
  9. D.J. clenched his fists. "Cause I'm hot, and I'm the heir to my dad's thrown." he smirked at her, as he put one hand behind his back, for his scythe was forming slowly. Just in case... "Does that answer your rather ignorant question about me? Or do you need more proof!" He tightened his gril on his now fully formed scythed. He loved how Frank was still sipping on his blood smoothie. "Bro what the hell!?!?!? You do nothing as your stupid sister insults me, AND a super hot cat girl crashes through your window..." he shook his head, and got ready to fight Frank's sister for he knew it was going to happen.
  10. "You? Hot?" She said, looking at him in disbelief, before she started to laugh. "Ahahahaha!!! Y-you??? Hot???? That has got to be the funniest thing I've ever heard!!!!" She said, laughing. Suddenly, her face turned serious. She glared at Frank. "Seriously? You do nothing about this?" She sighed, shaking her head. Her attention once again turned to DJ. She chuckled, balling her hands into fists. Her fists glowed a blueish hue, giving off sparks. She grinned, preparing herself for the inevitable fight.
  11. “Mrow!~” Z’harli stood up and shook her sexy cat ass. She hissed at the other woman, just because. The attractive man who helped her up made a big deal out of her, and from her stand-offish attitude and sparks of electricity coming out of her hands, Z’harli could tell she was a biotch.

    “I will kill you all with song and dance!!” Yelled the cat girl, her hot tats bouncing around, being jiggly and wiggly. “I’M A KITTY CAT! AND I DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE AND I DANCE DANCE DANCE! I’M A KITTY CAT, AND I MEOW MEOW MEOW AND I MEOW MEOW MEOW!” She jumped up and down and pulled a microphone out of nowhere. Z’harli started moving her hips from side to side, little hearts and bubbles starting to glow and radiate from her body in a very whimsical way. She made clawing and biting gestures, pouncing after the bubbles that had suddenly appeared.

    Just as suddenly as the hearts and bubbles appeared, a giant stage and strobe lights came up from the ground, under her feet. When the hearts and bubbles filled the air, Z’harli hissed and showed her fangs, changing her song to a more serious, dangerous tone.

    “I’M A KITTY CAT! AND I KILL KILL KILL AND I MAUL MAUL MAUL! I’M A KITTY CALL AND I’LL MURDER MURDER MURDER YOUR FACE!!!” The bubbled turned to orbs of fire and the hearts transformed into daggers and knives, attacking everyone in the room.
  12. D.J. moved his blond hair from in front of his eyes and smirked at Frank's sister, "Ya sure I'm not hot?" he winked, however the cute look on his face disappeared, because he had a nosebleed and nearly fainted when the cat girl started dancing. He started to mutter weird sounds and made weird faces. Her boobs were all over the place. His fingers in a squeezing motion. D.J. was starting to feel light headed so he sat down and watched. "!!!" He looked over at Franky's sister once more. "See if you were like this maybe I would respect you so much more, ya ugly witch...still doubt it." his scythe still in his hand. He continued to look at the cat girl. "M-may I have you sexy cat-girl?" He seemed not to care about the last set of words, but he still cared about her damn body.
  13. "My frickin nipples are killing me," Doer-Of-Untold-Chilling-Harm-Esquire Bad-Ass-Guy thought to himself as he fell from 60,000 feet towards the "secret" highschool hide out of Frank. D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. was a shirtless assassin which usually wasn't a problem but at 60,000 feet temperatures are just right for some serious serious nippage. "I should have brought some poisonous spiked metal nipple tassels or something," he thought seriously before bringing his mind back to focus on the task at hand.

    D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. was a soldier of fortune. Literally. He won the power token lottery amassing a fortune of 69,000,000 platinum tiddlywinks and becoming one of the richest men to have lived in an eon and enabling him to quit his job in customer service. He started binge drinking shortly after. After that, he started smoking shire hashish. After that, he started snorting "Mountain Snow" with high-priced elvish escorts. It was shortly after that that he contracted the zombie clap from an elvish escort who had died two weeks prior but still needed the money to pay off her cable bill. After he got the zombie clap, he realized he needed to change his life. While perusing the nudy mag section of his local convenient store ("Wanking to Werewolves" was his favorite followed closely by "Big Booty Pixies") he stumbled across a copy of a "Soldier of Fortune" magazine. "What the fu...," he had trailed off as he reached for a "Witches with Wands" magazine he hadn't seen before. "That ish is hella freaky," he started to say, however, as he started pulling the magazine off the rack it knocked the Soldier of Fortune magazine off the rack and onto the floor.

    D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. left it there on the floor and bought the Witches with Wands.

    Completely randomly, King Zing of the northwestern region asked him if he'd go and try to kill Frank for a $100. D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. was to the moon high on snow and had no idea what was going on so he said "Yeah...hell yeah, I'll kill someone." And now here he was 3 hours later free falling towards the highschool passing through 30,000 feet at terminal velocity.

    He rehearsed his plan in his mind. First he would land on the roof by the sky window. Then we would snort a hit of snow off of an elvish escort's rack. Then he would crash through the sky window surprising everyone and would start killing anyone he found. He would do all sorts of cool ass ninja kicks and karate chops. It would be frickin awesome! They'd be all like, "What the hell? Who is this guy and why is he killing EVERYONE?!" and he'd be all like "Yahh, hiyahh!" Chop chop chop! Just killing everyone! Then the hot chicks would all get in line to...

    D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. was just about to complete his fantasy when the thought occurred to him that he should probably pull his parachute cord right now to slow his descent onto the roof. Then the thought occurred to him that he didn't have a parachute. Then the thought occurred to him that maybe he could fly. Then the thought occurred to him that he wasn't a bird. Then he realized how high we was and that he really didn't know anything about being an assassin and for a split second he realized that maybe he shouldn't have made such a huge decision as accepting, planning, and attempting an assassination contract when he was blitzed out of his mind on snow.

    Less than half a second later, D.O.U.C.H.E. B.A.G. crashed through the sky window of the secret highschool with a trailing shout of "Sssshhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiii...!!!" right before he hit the floor and exploded at the feet of a smokin' hot cat woman with gigantic knockers.
  14. Once upon a time, there was this cool ass motherfucker who won't be named for a moment. He was alone under some tree totally just chilling because that's what cool people do (right?) and he was a cool person. Like, totes to the thousand. Unlike these other braying jackasses, he was special. How special, I doubt I can clarify. But he was special alright. His ever evolving powers were growing every day, his most current one being his 'eyes of annihilation,' which was basically just an advanced form of concussive blasts being fired through his pupils in brilliant beams, whether merely to provide force, disintegrate, or heck, even teleport people to random places. And they could even change directions.

    Someone fuck with this kid. I dare you.
  15. D.J. moved to the side right before a man crashed through the roof window. A little glass fell in his hair, and he shook it out. He moved his blond bangs from in front of his eyes again. He widened his eyes, and immediately pulled out his scythe."YOOOUUU!!!" D.J. shouted. "You have cheated my father so many times!!! HE HATES YOU!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE JUST DIED...JUST WHY??? my dad used to stress himself out over you. He would come home and kill my mom...j-just to bring her back to life and keep doing it over and over again, in so many different ways." D.J. was about to cry. He remembered being a hopeless little half-blood. "Wh-what's your problem!" D.J. wanted to reap away with this guy. He wanted to stomp his face into cement, then repave it so he couldn't breathe. He wanted cut off his head and hang it up on his dad's mantle. He was ready to kill. A little blood thirsty. He stopped paying attention to the sexy, homicidal cat girl.
  16. All kinds of shit was going down in Frank's living room, and he was less than amused. Some cat lady just busted in through the window like a rude jerk, just bled all over the fucking place, and now his sister was down here starting shit and acting a fool.

    Frank just sipped his blood milkshake, trying to enjoy it, but the arguments got louder and louder. Frank conjured some of the blood on the floor into his cup to refill it, longing for when everyone else would be dead and the world was his. Finally, he had had enough, and he yelled at the top of his zombie wizard lungs,

    "SILENCE!" Which garnered people's attention for a short moment. "Everyone here needs to calm their fucking tits! Especially you! Those shits are all over the damn place!" he said, pointing at the cat lady.

    And then some guy fell from the sky and broke Frank's only skylight. I MEAN COME ON, REALLY? THOSE AIN'T CHEAP!
  17. The skylight proceeded to be broken even further as some other asshole dropped in. This was that cool motherfucker from the tree who decided it clearly wasn't enough to relax, but he had to come on down and mess up everything. He had sensed the angsty young people, slutty neko sluts of whoredom, and all other known forms of scum an villainy. As well as some guy named Frank, who was also probably evil to some extent, but he seemed to highly doubt any possibility of insanity or dark evils because HE WAS SPECIAL.

    Waitaminute. Who the fuck was so special?

    I'll tell you who: Rock Secord, the adventurer with heat vision.

    "I WILL FUCK YOU UP!" He proclaimed. "FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"

    Then his cool Annihilation Vision shit activated, two red hot beams flying out of his eyes all fast-like and then changing directions at the last moment to melt DJ's clothes off on accident, as well as scar his chest and shit, maybe. These powers are poorly defined, really.

    "You dirtbags are in for it now!" He exclaimed. "It just so happens…I hate you for some reason involving…OUR PASTS!"
  18. Z’harli dodged the glass that was raining down from the ceiling, turning her attention to the Zombie-warlock-dracula guy named Frank. She immediately got another nosebleed, this time falling forward with a loud cry and rubbing her giantgantasaurus tits on him. </SPAN></SPAN>

    “Nyaaaaa” She mumbled as she passed out, her tail flicking in the air with a spaztastic display or sillyness. </SPAN></SPAN>
  19. D.J. moved to the side right before a man crashed through the roof window. A little glass fell in his hair, and he shook it out. He moved his blond bangs from in front of his eyes again. He widened his eyes, and immediately pulled out his scythe."YOOOUUU!!!" D.J. shouted. "You have cheated my father so many times!!! HE HATES YOU!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE JUST DIED...JUST WHY??? my dad used to stress himself out over you. He would come home and kill my mom...j-just to bring her back to life and keep doing it over and over again, in so many different ways." D.J. was about to cry. He remembered being a hopeless little half-blood. "Wh-what's your problem!" D.J. wanted to reap away with this guy. He wanted to stomp his face into cement, then repave it so he couldn't breathe. He wanted cut off his head and hang it up on his dad's mantle. He was ready to kill. A little blood thirsty. He stopped paying attention to the sexy, homicidal cat girl.
  20. ((:O I'm gone for one school day and this happens? Ooooh god now I have to read all thisss. XD))
    Trishy frowned. "Ugly witch!?! I'll show you ugly wit-" she started, but was cut off when a man fell through the ceiling. "Bloody hell?" she said, because she was apparently British. Then DJ started freaking out. "Bloody hell?" She repeated. Then another guy crashed through the ceiling.!"Bloody fucking hell?!?! Where in the hell are you idiots coming from?!?!" And then DJ's clothes were melted off by the second man who fell through the sky light. "MY EYES. I'M BLIND. SCREW THIS. I'M GOING TO GO BLEACH MY MIND. SCREW ALL OF YOU." She shouted, her hands over her eyes, and turned to walk up stairs. She ran into a wall. "OW. SHIT." She scooted to the left and began walking up the stairs, flipping off everyone with her free hand.