To Do and Die (Peregrine X DotCom)

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Them. It was the mysterious "them" again. "They" were going to hurt her. It was nearly too much for her to bear. Instead she steeled her nerve. It would do no good to try and reason with Drew right now. He wouldn't even hear anything she was trying to say. He wasn't in a state of mind where he could understand her attempts to reason with him. She would just have to force the situation.

"No," she repeated. No reasoning. No explanation. No attempts to cajole him. Simply a refusal. And that was all he would get from her. Lily was done reasoning. She was done trying to comfort him. Right now, it was simply a matter of saving him, or letting him fall. She'd deal with the fallout of it once he was over this. "We are leaving. Right now." She stood, pulling Andrew forcibly to his feet. Neither of them would be getting dressed before they left. There was simply no time for it. She wouldn't let Drew get any worse. "If you don't follow me into that car, right now, I'll call the hospital, and they'll come and get you, and take you back."

It was a cruel thing to do, and Lily knew it. She was playing off his fears, and doubly so. On the one hand, Andrew had told her that he did not want to go back to the hospital. That he never wanted to go back to the hospital. On the other hand, he was obviously desperately afraid of the "them". If he was trapped in the hospital, "they" would be able to get him easily.

Lily let him go, stood, and walked out the door. In the last instant, before Andrew would be able to see it, she scooped up the phone and tucked it into the waistband of her pajamas. She didn't want Andrew accidentally grabbing it.
 
For a long moment, Andy could only stare at the doorway through which Lily had just disappeared, feeling so strongly as though she'd physically struck him, he wondered if he'd have yet another thing to convince her of. Part of him felt incredibly angry, and it was not a feeling he enjoyed. He had been...different in the beginning. When he'd first come back. Lily had stayed close, for some reason, even the morning he'd woken up to her greeting him with a black eye. She never told him he'd hit her. But they both knew what had happened. And even that was still better than the morning he'd woken groggy. That morning, his sister was the one to tell him they hadn't been able to keep him from fighting. They'd had to sedate him before he remember where he was.

Another part of him felt sick. Andy could hardly stand feeling a little irked, never mind actual anger, and especially not anger toward someone he needed to believe him. To trust him. So few people trusted him anymore. That had all come crashing down when he'd gotten back from the war.

Lily had trusted him once. Hadn't she? They'd been together a few months now, she must have seen something in him, something other than a thing to take care of, someone to fix. Something other than a defensive sense of humor and a tendency to go along with whatever was happening around him, good or bad.

That much was clearly gone, though. This was not his girlfriend anymore. This was his doctor, that woman whom he'd found so frustrating, so...so like Jack...that...

Well. That part wasn't important right now. Important was Lily threatening to call the hospital. Any part of him that had been angry before dissolved in a fog of fear and disbelief. She thought something was wrong, and she meant to shake him out of it.

He didn't like it. Wanted to resent her, blame her, show her he wasn't lying, wasn't crazy.

But he'd already wasted too much time in the house. He stood, trembling again, and searched first the bedsheets, then his nightstand, then the carpet, the closet and under the bed for his cell phone. He needed it. Fuck, he couldn't even remember why, but he knew he needed it. He became more frantic with each passing second, imagining Lily in the car, dialing 911. Imagining Altman's men dressed like nurses, shooting Lily through the head, bundling him up and taking him away. He hadn't moved fast enough. Hadn't --

He was in his pajamas and barefoot when he showed up outside the car door, now shivering in earnest.

"Lily, I can't find my phone. We can't go yet. I can't find my phone. Please, Lil."
 
Once Lily made it outside she perched on the hood of her car, foot tapping relentlessly. Her eyes locked on the door, waiting, desperately, for Drew to appear. She didn't want to have to hold to her threat, to actually call the hospital, but if he forced her to go back in... she would. It was for his own good.

Just as she was about to lift herself off the hood, about to go get him, Drew appeared in the doorway and practically bolted down the stairs towards her. She felt herself briefly sag in relief. He'd come. It was obvious he was even more stressed out, more worried, but that would calm down once they actually got on the road. She'd find some classical music, which would hopefully keep him calm.

The last thing she expected him to do was ask for his phone. She should have known better, had known better before the long wait, but his mind was so focused on the phone that of course it would be the first thing he tried to find. Lily seemed to relent slightly under the abject fear in his eyes. She didn't want to risk him going for the phone, not when it seemed so very important to him at the moment, but she also knew that Andrew was desperate enough that he wouldn't be getting into the car until he was sure that his phone hadn't been lost. "I've got it. Now, get in the car Andrew. Last chance."

She climbed into the car, but didn't show him the phone. She was afraid he might end up trying to get it away from her. When he wasn't looking, she would hide it more effectively. Lily could not deny a great deal of curiosity about what could be on Andrew's phone that was suddenly so important to him. She had no doubt that whatever had triggered on this deterioration was stored on that phone, and allowing him to use his phone all evening had only increased the trauma of whatever this trigger was. She wished she could search through his phone, and find the trigger. Maybe then she'd better be able to help him.

She wouldn't, though. And not just because she had no doubt that she would never be able to crack Drew's phone, because he'd always been good at passwords. Instead, it was mostly because she didn't want to think she was "that woman". If it wasn't Drew, she never would have even contemplated doing something so invasive. No, she'd hide the phone, first for the ride, and then in the cabin. She'd hide it somewhere that he wouldn't find it, even if he tore the whole house apart. She'd have to hide her phone, too. Change her voicemail to let people know she was out of reach, that she'd only be able to check her messages or email on a rare occasion. This was going to be hard. She'd deal with it.
 
He didn't like this.

He didn't want to go, and he didn't know how to make Lily understand how dangerous this was. She didn't believe him. He knew that, and he knew it wasn't her fault, wasn't really. She was trained not to believe him, it was practically her job. But he couldn't point to that when Altman's men had her bound and screaming, torturing her to death like they'd done to Jack, turning her into some sort of...undead monster killer.

She was frustrated. He could see it in the tension in her shoulders, in the way she wouldn't look at him as she pulled her car out into the empty street. The cabin was three hours away, and it was just going on two in the morning. The sun wouldn't be rising for another few hours still. Andy rubbed his arm and turned to look at her. She had the phone. She'd said she had it, and he had believed her, because she'd never lied to him before. She'd always been honest, even when that meant she was putting herself in danger, like now. He could trust her. He had to. If he wanted to save her, he had to.

"You...you can't drive the whole way, Lily," he said, trying to keep his voice even. If she thought he was arguing again, she'd only ignore him, shut him down like before. He had to get her talking. Lily was smart. He could convince her, he was sure. He just had to get his phone away from her. And then hers. She couldn't call the hospital. That...that was too much.

"It's late, Lil, it's not safe. It's...we could stop at a motel for the night. Just 'til the sun rises. It could still be outside the city. But we'd be safe there. It's an hour away. You can drive there, if you want, I trust you, Lily. We'll just stop for the night. We'll be fine."
 
"We're fine, Drew," she consoled softly. There was a slight crack in the window, which caused cool air to rush over her face. Her hands were clenched so tight on the steering wheel that her knuckles were starting to turn white. Despite the fact that she'd only gotten a few hours of sleep, Lily would have sworn in that moment that she'd never felt more awake. "You can find a song on the radio, if you want. We'll be there in just a few hours." And, almost as though as an afterthought, she added "I trust you, too." It almost sounded more like a confession of love.


Far above the car, so far above that it would be possible for any normal eyes to see it, a little bird was pacing the car, moving at speeds that would have been impossible for any real animal to maintain. Jack was trying to keep himself calm. He'd managed to plant a piece of himself on the car, when he had started to realize how wrong things were going. Lily. Damn that woman. He'd been so close, so close to making this work, to getting this all to work. When Andy had fallen asleep, Jack had realized that he was only a few hours away from getting what he wanted. Now... now he was days, at the least.

He tried to keep himself calm. He told himself that it didn't really matter. Not really. Andy was nervous because Jack had convinced him that, if he took too long, people would come and kill him and Lily. But Jack knew better. No one would get close to them, assuming that none of Altman's men were watching the cabin. Even if they were, Jack would have time to get rid of them before Lily and Andy were put in any danger. It was perfectly safe, and nothing would be lost, except for a few days. He told himself it didn't really matter.

He was still mad. Not at Andy. He'd been watching, and he did believe that Andy had done everything in his power other than outright attacking Lily, or forcing her to call the hospital. Jack had already decided that the cabin was preferable to the hospital as well, and he agreed that Andy's actions had only reflected basic necessity. Andy was also in the set of mind that would cause him to do everything in his power to get that message out as soon as possible. That included while they were at the cabin. Andy wasn't at fault.

Lily, though, was. At first Jack had been appreciative of her attempts to keep Andy grounded and stable. It had furthered his interests. But now, now she was getting in the way, and there was nothing Jack could do about it that wouldn't break Andy. He would simply have to be patient, wait this out. Somehow.

Once Lily decided that Andy was "stable" again she'd let him go, and then Jack would get him back on task, sending that information out, luring the people in. Once that was over, Lily could fix to her heart's content. Hell, Jack would help her. It would be better if Andy didn't think he was real while he pursued this final mission of revenge.

It was only a couple of days.

A couple of days.

A couple.
 
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Andy didn't say anything for a long while after Lily spoke. He just stared at her profile, silhouetted in the otherwise unflattering light of the street lamps outside. He stared at the tendons that stood out on her arms the way she clutched the steering wheel, at how straight a line her spine made, so she almost wasn't even leaning forward against the seat. He knew she had to be tired, like he knew that she could handle it. Her job required more emergency hours than one might think necessary for a therapist, but she worked in the psych ward. Night hours could be some of her busiest.

She wouldn't show the strain, he knew. Not now. This wasn't Lily anymore. This was Doc, and something more, too. Doctor Johnson was more appropriate, he guessed, because that was who he'd started seeing just a week after he'd woken up from the last of his surgeries. This was who was driving him up to her cabin in the woods, strangely enough, but it was Lily who'd answered him a few minutes ago. She made it hard to predict, sometimes, who she would be. Even when he pushed her, even when he lost himself and made her become his doctor instead of his girlfriend. Even when she should have been afraid, not of his delusions, but of him, she was cool and calm Doctor Johnson. Or else she was Doc. Lily. And Lily was warm and gentle, and while he didn't understand it, he loved her for it. Just like she had loved her when she reminded him of Jack.

He wanted to argue more, but he knew she wouldn't turn around, and it would only scare her more. She was right -- they were stuck, at least until they reached the cabin. Then, he would have to find his phone. He would have to figure out some way to keep them hidden up there, and that might mean taking her phone, too. That was alright. He was pretty sure he could make her forget that, as long as there were no real emergencies. Because if Altman and his men came for them, Andy knew 911 wouldn't help in the least.

He knew that, but he couldn't let Lily understand that.

Still. There was nothing he could do now, except try and make her feel better. So, he didn't say anything. He found a song on the radio he wouldn't be able to remember later, and he tried to sit still. He wasn't worried about falling asleep. He was too wired for that, and he wasn't sure Lily would know what to watch for. Hell, he wouldn't know what to watch for, but at least he had some combat experience.

Trying to lean back, Andy exhaled shakily and rubbed a spot on his arm before poking his finger through the hole in his t-shirt. Jack couldn't save him anymore. Not from this. But that was okay. He had everything he needed to keep himself -- and Lily -- safe.
 
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The sun was just starting to crest the horizon, staining the cabin in banded shades of light red as the rays of light broke through the trees. It would have been an incredibly beautiful sight, if Lily hadn't been so tired. The rush of adrenaline, or whatever it was that had kept her going for the past three hours, had now fully and completely worn off. All she wanted to do was take off these damn pajamas and crawl into bed. But she couldn't. Not yet. First she had to get Drew settled.

He had been in a state of perpetual half-awareness for the entirety of the ride. She had watched him out of the corner of her eye, involuntarily, for almost the entirety of the ride. It was a good thing that the roads had been completely empty, since it was the middle of the night. She had watched him drifting on the edge between awake and asleep, unwilling or unable to actually cross the boundary and rest. Occasionally he would reach out, changing the radio station. Neither of them ever really noticed what was playing.

Now he lay with his head against the window. Still in that rumpled shirt. She'd have to make sure that changed once they'd both gotten a bit more sleep. it was another reminder, another trigger. She'd have to go over every item in his wardrobe, make sure there were no more holes. There would be no more relapses. She would make sure of that. Somehow.

"Drew," she said, gently. her hand came to rest against his shoulder, and stayed there as he flinched. "We're here. Come on. Let's go inside."
 
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Drew -- Andy? no. Drew. With Lily, he was Drew -- unsuccessfully shook himself awake, scrubbing a hand over his face while he waited for one reality to assert itself over another. One usually did, if he was patient. And usually patience meant he was closer to whatever reality he was supposed to believe. Usually the one Lily wanted him to see. If it wasn't breaking in -- like the nightmares, and everything that came with them usually did -- then he was probably right, probably okay to let himself adjust to the world around him. Lately, there hadn't been much else. He would still wake up screaming sometimes, but that was less often, and those truths never lasted long. Not with Lily, anyway.

And what else was there now? If it wasn't cold hard fear, if it wasn't smoke and fire and blood and death, then it was quiet mundanity, the life he had returned to. With Lily. With Lily's help. Here, on the edge of sleep, he could see that, just barely. He could feel her. And if it wasn't war, then he wanted it. Whatever it was.

He looked over at her, finally, remember slowly where he was, who he was. She like that, he thought. That was good. She needed a win. He couldn't quite remember why right now, and was in no place to push himself. But he could see it in her face. If he couldn't give her anything else, he could give her some reassurance that he was where he was supposed to be. Wherever that was.

He gave her a slow, if slightly distracted smile, trying to ignore the feeling that he was forgetting something, like he'd left the stove on at home. That was for later. Right now, they both needed sleep. That was the responsible, rational thing to do.

It was what Jack would have done.

"Hey," he said quietly, even as an image, something bright red and shapeless, flitted through his mind. He frowned a little, hesitating.

"You...you alright? Want me to grab the bags while you get inside?"
 
"Leave the bags," Lily replied, quietly, getting out of the car to open Drew's door for him. "I'll get them later. Once we've both had some sleep." Once Drew was asleep, she'd be able to hide the phone. Hide her phone, and her laptop, which she had packed without the knowledge of what was to come. She'd turn off the internet, maybe unplug the phone cable as well. She'd just have to hope that there were no emergencies with work. She had her own emergency to deal with.

Something out in the woods moved, her eyes turned away from Drew, tracking the movement unconsciously. it had seemed so unnatural. She turned her attention back to Drew. Probably just a deer, spooked by the fact that its normally empty home had been invaded.

"Come on, Drew." His door was open, his seatbelt unbuckled. If he was smaller, she'd lift him into her arms like a child. instead, all she could do was carefully help him to his feet, as they stumbled, step by step, into the house. She laid him to sleep in the guest room. It said something, she knew it did. Something about their relationship at the moment. Last time they'd both slept in the comfortable queen bed in the room across from the kitchen. But this time, she was here as a doctor. Drew was her patient. She had to help him, and to do that she couldn't be his lover.

She sat him down on the edge of the bed, pulled the covers back, before helping him under the covers. Everything she did was rhythmic, slow, like some sort of careful dance recital. She didn't want him to wake up. Not yet. Let him get a bit more sleep first.

A part of her was tempted to use this quiet complacency of his to try and get that shirt off, so he'd stop touching the hole in the side. But, no, best not to push him too hard at first. After all, she'd already gotten his phone away from him, and that was a step in the right direction. One thing at a time.

"Sleep well, Andrew," Lily said softly, rubbing his hair off his brow. "Try not to dream."

All she wanted to do was go to bed. But, not yet. She had some work to do first. Just a bit more, and then she could rest. Hopefully she'd be able to get a couple more hours of sleep before Drew started screaming again.
 
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Andy slept straight through until early evening, which would have alarmed Lily if she hadn't nearly done the same thing herself. She was careful first, of course, as thorough as anything she did in her life while she cleaned up the cabin. Her brother and his wife had moved to California last winter, and her parents were too old to come up here much anymore, so it remained mostly unused and undisturbed when she wasn't there...though she couldn't quite rid herself of the feeling that she was missing something.

She told herself it was just nerves. Andy was sleeping peacefully, and she'd hidden his phone in an old shoebox in the winter storage closet. Her own phone, her laptop, and even her reading tablet she'd left in the trunk of her car, tucked under some blankets, just in case Andy went looking. The way she'd put him to bed, she didn't think he would, but he was always much more docile and much less easy to read when he was like that. She'd have a better sense of how closely she needed to watch him when he woke up for real.

That turned out to be several hours later as the sky was getting dark again. It'd been a while since Andy hadn't slept through two nights back to back, but when he woke this time, it was closer to what she expected, and she was at his bedside before the real screams had started. That was good. It meant when she woke him, there would be more confusion than fear or panic. It meant things were safer...for both of them.

She felt the first signs of relief start in her shoulders when Andy first asked where they were, and then what time it was. The techniques she'd taught him for grounding himself, keeping himself tethered in the moment instead of drifting through old memories. She held her breath and waited for him to ask for Jack, or his phone, and he seemed to hesitate once he realized they were at the cabin. But after a moment's careful thought, he only nodded slowly and grinned at her, that old, easy grin, the one that had let her start seeing him as a person instead of just a patient.

It was better after that. They stayed up for another couple hours watching old Seinfeld episodes on DVD -- she'd disabled the phone jack, wireless, and cable. They wouldn't be needing it anytime soon. She'd gotten him to shower and change, and breathed another sigh of relief when he didn't even try to put back on the shirt he'd been wearing. She threw that one away, buried at the bottom of the can.

By the third day, Drew was seeming more himself, if a little more cautious. It made her think he knew he'd been off, but was being careful not to go too near to any edges just yet.

In fact, Andy couldn't rid himself of the feeling like he'd forgotten something...and worse than that, of the feeling that he was being watched. He worke Lily up twice in the next two days, both times certain that they were ind anger, though when he couldn't say from what, she carefully reminded him or where they were, until he could recall for himself. He started to settle as the knot of tension eased a bit every day. The trip was certainly unexpected, though not unappreciated, and by the end of the fourth day, even Lily seemed to be enjoying herself. Andy -- Drew -- could let go of whatever anxiety he was carrying, if only for her. She was pretty when she laughed, all dark hair and gray eyes and the freckles he couldn't help but tease her about.

It'd been a while since they'd had a vacation, if any of the former camping trips they'd taken together could really be counted.

But this was nice. Drew had nearly convinced himself of it by the time he was ready to get back to the city and back to work. This was good. All he'd needed was a few days' break.
 
Other than the two men who had been silently watching the cabin when Andy and Lily first arrived, there had been nothing for Jack to do these past several days except watch Lily slowly stabilize Andy. And, seeing as that was not something he particularly wanted to see, Jack found himself rapidly getting incredibly bored. He would have thought he was beyond boredom at this point, but obviously that wasn't true. He hadn't realized until this moment exactly how much excitement there had been in his life since he had graduated high school. Very little of it had been good excitement, in fact, most of it would land solidly in the category of "bad", but it had been engaging at the very least. Now, though, there was nothing for him to do except sit and wait. He hated it.

Jack had never been particularly good at just waiting. He always wanted to be occupied with something. And now, when he had such an obvious goal and a method of achieving it, doing nothing was even harder. He found himself stewing in his thoughts, which was the last place he wanted to spend too much time.

So, Jack devoted himself to two things, watching And and Lily, and experimenting. The first was quite easy. A fat, adventurous squirrel took to begging for scraps whenever the two of them sat down for a meal, while a little bird would quietly follow their path whenever they went for a walk. A spider spun a web in the corner of the kitchen, stubbornly resisting all of Lily's attempts to kill it, and setting immediately back to building a web whenever she destroyed the previous one.

As for the experimentation, well, Jack still had the two bodies of the men who had come to stake out this cabin. It was the perfect opportunity to start his research into whether or not he could access the memories of a human brain. On top of that, he found a secluded spot, far from the cabin, and began to work on exactly what he could produce with his body, the shapes he could adopt, anything and everything that might, at some point, prove as useful as the fluid that had turned him temporarily invisible.

At this point, Jack had gotten so used to spending time as an amorphous, shapeless blob that was good for nothing but hearing and seeing the the internal systems he had one been so used to, the breathing and the heartbeat and the blood vessels and the muscles all began to seem incredibly unnecessary. Of course, if he wanted to pass in general public, or under observation, all those different bodily rhythms would be necessary, at least in essence, to create a successful illusion. All the same, he began to see which ones he could easily leave out, and the kind of effect it would have. It was almost alarming to see how little he truly needed.

He continued to stretch, continued to push, and every time he found something new, something that he would have thought impossible up until that moment, it sent a little burst of excitement through him. Once, pain had been his drug. Now he had found a new addiction, and one that might, ultimately, have been even more dangerous.
 
Drew slept soundly all the way through their fourth night at the cabin, and Lily woke the following morning to the smell of eggs and bacon. She'd never been much of a breakfast person, but the sounds of frying fat and butter seemed just shy of an angels' chorus, and for the first time that week, she allowed herself to linger in bed a few moments longer.

When she finally emerged to the kitchen, it was to Drew humming tunelessly under his breath, a sound that gave her pause for a moment until he looked up at her and gave her that goofy grin she'd once found so disarming.

"Hey," he said brightly, and she noticed with a small smile of her own that he hadn't started at all to see her walk into the room. That was good. She told herself that was good. Something had happened to shake him last weekend, and she didn't know what -- though she was determined to find out -- but it seemed to have just been temporary. Another day or two, maybe, and they'd be ready to head back to the city. That was good. She didn't want to think about the work that was piling up when she was hardly even able to check her email.

"Lil?" Drew prompted gently, and she looked at him again, realizing she'd be staring off.

"Morning. Hi. How are you?"

"Good," he said, and sounded like he meant it. He was usually pretty good about telling her when he wasn't. Though when he really wasn't and when he thought he wasn't could be...tricky. "You? I made breakfast, since you weren't up at the ass crack of dawn today. But...um...well, I hope you like your toast carcinogenic. I figure it's better than forest fire, right?"

She laughed a little and circled behind him to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Definitely. Sleep okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." He paused and looked at her. "Right?"

The look he gave her was so hopeful and earnest she found herself wanting to console again, and then reminding herself -- again -- that he wasn't a child. Just her boyfriend. And just now, even less than that.

Still. She couldn't find it in herself to leave him hanging on an answer, either.

"You were fine, Drew. I was thinking we could probably head back to the city in a day or two, if you're ready."

His face brightened abruptly. "Just say there word," he said. "Not that this hasn't been fun, but...well, we did sorta split in the middle of the night." He paused again as if to run his tongue over those words, tasting them, wondering again if he was missing something. Lily felt herself tense. But Drew only said, "Gotta get back to reality sometime."

To this, Lily said nothing. She gave him a strange smile and then topped off her coffee again.
 
It took four days of constant work. Four days of pushing and pulling at the brains of Altman's dead henchmen, all the while keeping their bodies flawlessly preserved so that, when the moment came, there would be no risk of the memories being distorted. Four days of building, destroying, and rebuilding his own brain, purely by instinct, watching the way the nerves within his mind changed with each new "memory" he formed. Four days of studying Andy's mind, too. Watching what fired when Lily spoke of the past, of anything he would need to remember. And, Jack was rather ashamed to admit, the occasional, hesitant, gentle, unnoticable prod to his friend's mind, because he needed a pure, live specimen. All he had right now were dead ones, or ones that he couldn't guarantee were actually real.

Four days, but finally he got it. And when he did... god, the answer seemed so obvious. He couldn't believe he had missed it for so long. It wasn't like learning math, or learning another language. It wasn't something that came in bits and pieces. It was like knowing how to walk, or knowing how to breathe. It was something that was simply done. Simply... understood. It was, well, it was like knowing how to think.

Now all that was left was to put it to use.

The two men were Nathan Mabbet and Joshua Holzer. They'd never even known each other's names, but had been assigned to work together by Altman, and the information had been passed on to them by Altman's right hand man, Nick. They, too, had been informed of the danger of the situation, and about what had happened to the last fifteen people who had run into Andy. But they were hitmen, and part of that meant that they had an instinctual belief that they were ultimately infallible. Besides, this was just a stakeout job, and it was a stakeout job on a highly improbable location at that. Normally Altman would have only sent one man, but the circumstances had been unusual enough that he wanted to make sure, if one of them was incapacitated, the other would still be able to report back about Andy's location. Not that either of them had gotten the chance in this instance.

They'd been informed that, whenever they weren't in clear visual of each other, they were to stay in constant radio contact, forgoing the usual ten minute routine for one a couple second in length. At first they'd grudgingly talked to each other in short, terse sentences, but as the time moved forward and the mics stayed on through whatever they might be doing, gradually they began to talk more as friends than as colleagues. By the end they had been trading off making up bawdy lyrics for a new song to take back to the other men when it finally came time for this job to end. They had thought it would be soon. After all, how much longer would Altman be willing to pay them to sit on their asses and watch an empty cabin?

And then... both of them had realized that something was about to happen when the car had started its way up the long driveway to reach the cabin. They had been instructed to report to Altman the moment anyone arrived at the location, but they also knew, as well as everyone who worked for Altman, the man's intolerance for a lack of competency. It was just simple observation. All they had to do was get to the positions near the cabin they'd marked, one up close, one far away, and wait for the people to get out of the car. Once they had confirmed it was the target, then they would leave. And, in the moment, they forgot the most important thing, staying in constant radio contact.

And then... they only caught a brief glance of Andy before something... something monstrous... fell out of the sky on top of them. And then... and then they died. Quickly and violently.

In that instant, every piece of Jack, everywhere in the world, shuddered with shock and loathing. And then he had died. It wasn't like seeing it from the outside. That was nothing. This... this was the memory, the experience of death. In that moment, Jack remembered dying. Sure, it wasn't him, it was the two hitmen that were laying on the ground in front of him. But that didn't change the fact that he had just experienced death, the most primal fear of any living thing. Even something as monstrous as him.

Death. He brought out the memory again. Remembered it again. He took the memory like a fragile piece of paper, stretched it out in front of him, carefully removing every crease and fold until it lay, flawless, in front of him. He watched it again. And again. And again. The shudders weakened, before stopping altogether.

Jack had stopped consciously fearing death a long time ago. But he hadn't realized until this moment how the desperate instinct of life still clung within him. Now, even that was quelled. Even that instinct no longer feared the reality of death.

He could not decide whether this made him more complete, or less.
 
"So, where do you wanna start?" Andy said, feeling nearly normal for the first time in almost a week. Granted, normally generally came with a few false starts. Mild anxiety, extreme touch aversion, optimism bordering on desperation...but that he could deal with. He knew why Lily was nervous, and certainly hadn't forgotten any of the strange and terrifying things he'd dreamed and hallucinated over the last several days. But they felt...farther away up here. Easier to evade, more readily made into phantom nightmares. Jack was dead. Andy knew it, and he hated it, but he couldn't let it hold him back anymore, couldn't let it stand between him and Lily. Not when she was trying so hard.

He grinned brightly at her and offered the crumpled map he'd dug up from behind the couch between them. Normally, he'd have relied on his phone, but...well, Lily said it wasn't a good idea and he believed her. Maps were easier, anyway. Faster. Tangible. Real.

"The river trail looks alright. Not quite straight up, but enough to not be boring as all fuck. And ends in a waterfall." He jabbed a finger at the map. "I think we're...there. Four miles, round trip. Shouldn't take us more than a couple hours. You ready?"
 
Lily's eyes kept drifting back to Drew as she pulled her hiking boots on, lacing them up twice around her ankles. He didn't seem to notice her soft glances at all, although the possibility that he might simply be too polite to say anything crossed her mind.

She still had no idea what had triggered his relapse, and at this point Lily had forced herself to resign to the fact that she was never going to find out either. She couldn't bring it up to Drew, out of fear of triggering another relapse, and she knew there was no way she'd ever be able to guess it with any certainty. It frustrated her a little bit, this inability to figure out the problem, and it kept lingering in the back of her mind, out of fear that it might happen again.

All the same, she was rather proud of Drew. Despite how angry and resistant he had been to her attempts to get him out here, he seemed to have completely forgiven her for the method she had been forced to use to get him out here. Not only that, but he had been cooperative with all of her attempts to get him grounded and stable again, despite the fact that some of them, maybe more than she was willing to admit, had been mostly unnecessary, and she had only done for her own peace of mind. He had never once complained, though. Not only that, but his dreams seemed to have gone silent again, or, at the very least, no longer caused him to start screaming in the middle of the night.

It was a brisk day, and Lily shivered slightly as she stepped out the door, very ready to get moving and warm up a bit. Drew, too, seemed eager to get moving, and both of them quickly fell into step beside each other, stride quick but comfortable.

It truly was a beautiful hike, Lily had to admit. The forest seemed to be practically bursting with life, much more than she remembered from her previous visits. Little brown birds flitted by in the branches above, while squirrels raced around, chattering at them and each other. At one point the two of them even spooked a deer, only for the curious creature to start following them a few hundred yards down the path. She and Drew chattered away rather randomly, about anything and everything that came to mind. The conversations were entirely harmless, nothing more than small talk, and at times they would fall into a comfortable silence and just listen to the sounds of the forest for a little while before starting to speak again.

Three quarters of the way to the waterfall the path started to get steep, and their conversation cut off more permanently. Lily could feel the faint burn starting in her calves, and she was panting rather heavily by the time they reached the top. She sat down on a rock, turning to smile at the waterfall, which was, in all honesty, really more of a trickle than a cascade. All the same, it was enough to create a small puddle at the bottom of the short cliff, and it created enough spray that the nearby rocks were completely covered in verdant green moss.

"This really is a nice spot," Lily said with a sigh, turning to squint through the trees in the direction they had come from. If it wasn't for all the branches, it probably would have been a really beautiful view. "Good choice."
 
"It's really the only one we had," Drew said, nonchalant as he studied the nails on one finger. He'd used to bite them bloody, back when he'd first gotten back, before he'd met Lily. They were shorter now than they had been about a month ago, but that was probably for the best. He rubbed his arm without thinking and strolled to the edge of the small pool.

"But I guess it's nice. Still, they were a little...overzealous in calling this a waterfall, y'know?" He toed a rock into the water and watched it sink to the bottom.

And then he blinked.

Something had changed. He couldn't guess what. Hell, he couldn't even see it, really, but he could sense it. Something in the air, the the essence of the woods around him. One minute, he had been hiking in a nondescript clearing with his girlfriend. Then...the stone. The water. The quiet, all of it gone in a matter of seconds.

He heard his breathing change before he felt himself go rigid, and in the back of his head, he knew what was happening, though he didn't know why. It had happened like this a lot in the beginning. The stupid flashbacks could be -- were -- triggered by any and everything. It never had to make sense.

"Lily?" he said, his voice tinny in his ears under the sound of gunfire. He exhaled and dug his nails hard into his palms. Tried hard to remind himself of where he was. It had been good. They had been good.

"Lily." If she gave a response, he didn't hear it. Probably because she was gone. Dead. Fire, smoke, bone and blood and --

And Andy was gone.
 
Lily didn't realize that something was going wrong until Drew said her name. Later she would kick herself for it. She could make all the excuses she wanted. It had just been a long hike, and she'd needed to catch her breath. She'd been studying the water and the forest around them. He'd been doing so well. She should never have allowed that to lull her into a false sense of security. It might not be her job to watch him most of the time, but it was right now. They were both here so that she could help him. Later she would regret it.

In the moment, though, all she could do was react. She had to get Drew calmed down, and quickly. If he bolted out here in the woods, not really seeing what was around him, it was all too possible that he could end up running off the edge of the path, and falling down into the forest below. At best, he would suffer a broken arm. At worst... Either way, it would force him to go back to the hospital. He'd been doing so well.

"Drew," she responded, although it was obvious from the way his eyes were darting about that he didn't hear her. "Drew, I'm right here. Remember? We hiked up to the waterfall. If you take a couple steps forward, you'll end up getting wet." As Lily, she wanted to touch him, use her own body as a source of stability for him. As Doctor Johnson, she knew that could easily heighten his panic. "You see it? How far would you say it is from top to bottom?"
 
He knew the voice.

Drew...Andy...Andrew? He didn't know his own name, or where he was, or who was there with him, or whether they wanted him dead, missing, or alive. But he knew the voice, and that was enough to start.

"L-Lily..." He said her name more out of habitat than anything else. If he tried, tried hard, he could almost picture her there, somewhere near him, not dead, not dying, not bleeding out or screaming. Lily like she had known him after. She was quiet and strong and beautiful and new and she hadn't been there, so she couldn't be there, and he couldn't be there.

He wanted to run but he felt rooted to the spot. He tried to make himself see what was around him -- what was really there, not technicolor imaginings of something dead and gone.

"Waterfall," he said, and shut his eyes and repeated it until he could see it, or something like it enough that he could fold around it. Yes. There had been a waterfall. They'd gone hiking to find it. Hiking in the woods near Lily's cabin where she'd brought him to get him out of the city. There were far from the city now. It was quiet here, and safe.

Safe.

"I...Lil?" He said her name one more time, and this time reminded himself she was there. Reminded himself of her presence, her voice, her touch, her face.

"We went hiking," he told her quietly. He still hadn't moved, his body still so rigid he thought his spine might snap. His heart still hammered against the inside of his ribcage hard enough to bruise. But he could hear her again.

"We went hiking to find this w-waterfall, b-but it wasn't very good. Just a stream with a puddle at the bottom."

He opened his eyes hesitantly, full expecting to see something terribly, fully ready to run.

There was nothing. Greens and blues and grays and a tiny waterfall.

He said her name a last time trying hard to make it sound even half as grateful as he felt. He was still shaking, still shaken. Didn't feel stable by a long shot. But he wasn't gone. OR at least he wasn't alone. He thought he could go for a stiff drink or a nap or both.

"T-ten feet," he answered slowly. "Maybe fifteen. Twenty max."
 
"Yeah. I'd say about 13 feet. If you put three of me on my shoulders, I'd easily be able to reach the top." There was a slight smile on Lily's face. Many people who caught it in just a glance might have mistaken it for pleasure at what Drew had said, and in a way that was true. But the pleasure didn't originate from what he'd said, but rather the fact that he'd said it at all. He was already coming back, and it had taken little, very little, prompting on her part. That meant he was doing better, even if something had triggered a panic attack for him. Normally it would have taken a lot more effort on her part to get him to focus on what she was staying, and start participating in the grounding efforts.

"Isn't the view from up here remarkable? I used to come up here all the time when I was a kid, and I could name every peak. Most of the names have slipped my mind by now, but I still remember one. You see that mountain over there? It isn't the tallest one on the horizon, but it is pretty tall. Right there where the mountains that are more in the back dip behind the row in front? The one that gets really pointy right at the top? You see it? That's Komin peak. When I was little I always thought it was Cumin peak, and I used to think that's where the spice came from." She laughed slightly, before offering her hand to Drew. "I think we could probably have come up with a much better name than Komin for a mountain."
 
"It's...it's good," Drew -- Drew. He was Drew -- managed after a moment. He seized her hand the very moment she offered it to him. They were smaller than his. Drew had never been particularly tall, but at 5'10", he still had a few inches on Lily. And yet she looked so large in his life now, a quiet pillar of strength, he was always a little surprised when he recalled how little of him she actually took up.

It had been hard, coming back to himself to find he'd hurt her. Bruises around her collarbones, her eye or jaw purple and swollen. He still didn't know why she stayed. Duty or guilt or something else equally horrifying.

But he wouldn't think of that now. Now, he shut his eyes and listened to her voice and took a deep, shuddering breath, intentionally filling his lungs with air that smelled of pine and rain instead of ash and blood.

He was here. This was now. He was alive. He was safe. He could count on none of those things to have existed prior or present, but for now, he was okay. They were okay. Suddenly exhausted, maybe, but alive and away from danger.

"It's good," he said again, and sounded a little more certain this time. He exhaled shakily then opened his eyes again to look at Lily and was pleased when she appeared only as the Lily he knew. "I think we'd have liked it here, my sister and I. But maybe...just picture for now."

He swallowed and took a deliberate step from the edge of the pool and back into the center of the clearing, gazing cautiously down the shadowed path.

"You...are you okay to head back down yet? Or you need a minute? I'm alright, I think," he added quickly, giving her a lopsided half smile. "I just...dunno, this place feels too...maybe we should try somewhere else."
 
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