As always, the small noises that these raindrops make remind me of a gentle melody, one that I have listened to so gladly. It is a melody which brings me peace, happiness, fulfillment... But most importantly, it is a melody that brings me despair. I wish I could forget it, yet this life seems to enjoy tormenting me. It seems to have found unending pleasure in making me relive those wonderful memories, the days I wish I could forget. Sometimes I wonder if there is a sick, utterly twisted God behind this, who is watching me from the heavens above and wishes for me to suffer. Other times, I blame life itself and the river Léthe for being so unfair to me. But there are times when neither of those help.
In those times, when I cannot find anything to place the blame on, I am forced to remember Her. I am forced to recall how She looked in Her glory, how She ascended the stairway to heaven, how She lived, how She died, how She laughed and how She loved. At those times, I curse my perfect memory, for even if I can recall every single moment of Her life that She spent with me, it only makes me feel more alone. It only makes me curse this body, this life, this river Léthe. It only makes me wish that I had never met Her, but then, how would I know what it meant to truly live? Without Her life entwined in my life, how could I ever discover that there was something behind this shell called a body? I wonder how She changed my life, drawing me into Her world step by step. I wonder why She sacrificed Herself for the sake of one such as I.
But all those questions are useless. Only these perfect memories are left of Her and Her sacrifice, and so much time has passed since I have seen Her that only my immortal mind remembers Her kindness. She was left forgotten by the world regardless of Her divine nature. In fact, She was so forgotten by the world, that when She died, there were no tears shed over Her death. To the world, She was but an ordinary girl who played the piano, but to me, She was salvation and damnation at the same time. How could humans even start to understand what I feel when through the sound of the rain, Her melody comes back to haunt me? How can I expect humans to understand what I am if even She was shocked by my nature?
I do not know. But I know that these raindrops will torment me until the end of the universe. I know that these raindrops will never cease to make me recall those painful memories, those sweet moments of life that I experienced with Her. It makes me wish that there would be another one of Her so that She could make me forget those experiences. But then, the wounds on my heart will only be greater if the new She leaves me alone again, after spending the lifetime of a mere mayfly with me. And if I repeat that, eventually, then it would be my very soul that gave up on this body, because I would realise that She is but a momentary existence in my life.
But then again, that would not be so bad, would it? I would be free from the sound of the rain and the melody of Her piano, after all...