- Invitation Status
- Looking for partners
- Posting Speed
- Multiple posts per day
- One post per day
- Multiple posts per week
- 1-3 posts per week
- One post per week
- Online Availability
- I work 10 hours days 4 1/2 days of the week as a vet tech. Some days I come home and just fall straight to bed after a long day, but others I'll come on. I also compete in obedience competitions with my dog, so a lot of my time is spent training with him. The weekends and Mondays are my best days to be on.
- Writing Levels
- Intermediate
- Adept
- Advanced
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- Primarily Prefer Female
- Genres
- Modern, Slice of Life, Medieval, Romance, Action, Adventure, Animal fiction (not anthros or furries), a little bit of Fantasy
"Okay, you've been acting strange since this weekend. Actually, no, you've been acting strange this entire semester. What's wrong with you, Hayden? What's going on?"
As Hayden and Emily sat in the living room of their apartment with one another that Monday night, Emily finally spoke up to her, causing Hayden to pull her legs up to rest on the couch as she leaned her head back and blew out a sigh. It seemed as if the harder she tried to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind, the more he was in it, clouding her mind and clouding her judgment. It had been hard to concentrate on the rest of her classes that day, and she sure as hell wasn't doing well with the homework and studying that she was supposed to be doing, which resulted in her coming in the living room with the crestfallen look upon her face, something that more than likely prompted Emily to come over to the girl, sit next to her, and then decided to question her. This just... It wasn't right! But while she told herself that it was wrong to have those thoughts about her professor she couldn't help but have them, and she couldn't help but like them as well and think that they were right. Always did they send tingles down her body, always did they make her feel warm, and always did they make her want to be with him rather than where she was in that moment. But she couldn't do that. She could only imagine the trouble that could come from something like that.
This was just a little crush, or at least that was what she had been trying to convince herself of. It would pass eventually, because really she couldn't have that strong of a feeling for him, right? She didn't even really know him, after all. She was only letting this consume her mind so much because she hadn't had a crush on someone in so long that she didn't know how to deal with it. Yeah, that seemed like a plausible explanation for all of that. Either that or she was just desperate for some sort of companionship that came from the male gender because she hadn't had that sort of attention in a long while, not that she really wanted it when she really thought about it. There was a reason, she knew deep down, as to why she didn't date and why she didn't want to date anyone. But maybe dating was going too far when she thought about him. This was just a crush. Once this semester was over with and once she would likely never seem him because she didn't take any of his classes, then she wouldn't have to be bothered with him. Those thoughts would pass, and then she wouldn't have to deal with it any longer.
"Come on! Spit it out." Apparently in that moment, however, Hayden wouldn't be able to forget those thoughts because of Emily's persistence on trying to figure out what's wrong with her, and it seemed as if saying that she was fine wasn't going to work that time. "Is this about some guy?"
When Hayden turned to look at Emily who had her brows raised, she saw a sort of spark come from them after she spoke the question, and Hayden was all too sure that the nearly guilty look on her face had given the girl enough of an answer to excite her. "Wait, really? This is about some guy?!" A laugh belted from Emily's mouth as she slapped the arm of the couch, her head leaning back before she pitched it back forward to look at Hayden. "Is that why you've been so uptight lately? Because you actually like someone?"
The back and forth pestering from Emily went on for about thirty minutes with her continuing to try and prod answer from Hayden who only answered with little mumbles and grumbles as her faced continued to turn redder and redder as she sunk her face into her hands after a while. There was a part of her that wanted to be angry with Emily because of this, but there was a part of Hayden that knew that she couldn't be. Emily was only being curious like she normally was with her energetic self, and Hayden wanted so badly to confess to the girl. She wanted to tell her what she was feeling and who she was beginning to have feelings for, but she knew that she couldn't. Those words and her thoughts could not escape from her mouth and mind. "It doesn't matter," Hayden finally bit out as she picked her head up, herself biting the inside of her cheek. It was odd to feel tears beginning to spring to her eyes in that moment, but she knew that they weren't due to sadness; they were due to confusion and frustration, two things that she never was good with dealing with because she didn't know what to do or how to handle herself. She hated being out of her own control, and she was beginning to feel this situation getting out of her control. "It's not like I can have him anyway." But then, maybe she was a little sad, because as soon as she spoke those words she knew that it was true. She couldn't have him, and she was going to have to accept that.
There were other fish in the sea, and there were more guys running around campus that she could date if she wanted to. But that wasn't something she wanted to do. She hadn't sought this man out; he just came into her life, and she had fallen for it. Maybe it was a sign of something good, and maybe this was a sign for her to take unless she was stupid and foolish. But... She couldn't have him because he was her professor, and she was his student. And that was what stopped her from wanting to do anything. In a way, it scared her.
-----
Hayden forced herself to not go to the office hours the next day. Actually, she did nothing that pertained to that class or the professor for that entire day just to keep him off her mind. It worked a little, even if there were still strong, lingering imagines and memories and thoughts that circulated through her mind and kept her up at night because another dream appeared in her mind. It was just like the first one she had, nothing any different when she thought back to it, but it still bothered her nonetheless because it still felt so real. Why was her mind so wrapped around him when she knew that it shouldn't be?
Groaning to herself, she shifted her backpack on her shoulders and headed to her English Lit. class, herself deciding at the last minute that she was actually going to go just to make sure that her attendance didn't get messed up. She wasn't going because she wanted to see Doctor Ralston and because she wanted to hear his voice. No, of course not! But even if she had quickened the pace that she took, she still ended up late to the class, everyone's eyes turning to look in her direction as she pinched her lips together and went to go sit where her normal seat was. And just like the last time she hadn't paid much attention to what was going on until the professor brought out the papers after telling them all to put their books away so that they could do the instructor evaluations. When the paper was passed over to her she passed the others back before she set her eyes on the words, biting her lip as she pinched her brows. Never before had she felt so anxious to fill out an evaluation for a professor. But why should she be nervous? Just answer it honestly and then she could be on her way.
With that thought in her mind, she nodded to herself and started to go through the evaluation. Every once in a while her pen would stop and hesitate for an answer, Hayden asking did she really need to give him this good of a marking. This wasn't because of how she felt towards him, she told herself as she marked every question with a five. He deserved those ratings because he was a good professor and he actually seemed to care about his students. Or, rather she liked to think that he cared about them. That he cared about her... She wrote a little evaluation for him on the last section of the paper, just writing down that he did an overall good job with the class. There was a little quip that she wanted to throw in there just to make it seem a little more light hearted, but at the last minuted she decided against the action and merely put that she had learned a great deal in that class and that she would recommend him to other students if she was ever asked, and that she, surprisingly, enjoyed the class. He made it interesting and easy to learn in his own way.
But she stopped herself from saying anymore about it, herself knowing that if she didn't stop she would continue to ramble on with a bunch of nonsense that would turn more into a confession of her feelings for him rather than an evaluation on how his class was this semester. That was something that couldn't happen, and when she was finished with the evaluation she stood from her chair and walked over to her desk. Don't look at him, don't look at him, she told herself, but as soon as she made it tot he desk and placed the paper face down on it, she couldn't help but look at him and stare for a second. And as he looked back at her she couldn't help but feel her breath catch in her throat as she looked at his eyes. There was just something about him that she couldn't explain, something that made her wonder about him, something that made her want him even more. Hayden opened her mouth to say something to him, but when she found no words to come from her mouth, she closed it and took a step back. "Um... Have a nice day." Another person walked to the front of the class to give him the evaluation, and when he started to leave so did Hayden, ducking her head as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She had to stop these thoughts...
-----
Hayden didn't go to her English Lit. class that Friday and the next Monday, herself too determined to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind. It didn't work. In all honesty, the fact that she hadn't gone to class had probably been the worst decision she could have made because all she continued to think about was him, which was something that she didn't want to do. What was he doing in that moment, what was he telling the class? Was he wondering where she was, was he concerned over the fact that she wasn't in class? No, of course not, she told herself. He wouldn't be concerned about her not being in class. She was only a student, and students skipped class all the time, especially that class, so why would he care about just her? Why did she want him to?
"I like him! Okay, I like him and I know this!" Slapping her hands against her sides, Hayden yelled at herself in the mirror a week later that next Tuesday, the last day that she was going to be on campus before she headed home for the Thanksgiving break, a time when she figured she should be overly excited because she was finally going to be going home, yet finding herself in a little more distress than she wanted to. As she packed her bags she continued to stare at her mirror before, always looking at herself, always picturing Doctor Ralston behind her as well, asking to help, asking her why she hadn't been in class the past two class days. "So just stop thinking about him, please." Sighing, her shoulders slumped as she blinked her eyes at her appearance, she shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "I admit it. I like him and I don't know why." She just didn't know what to do about it.
She had to talk to him. Even if she told herself that that was a bad idea, she just had to see him again, even if it would end up hurting and confusing her even more. Maybe just seeing him again would clear her mind a little. Leaving her suitcase open with it only half way packed, Hayden grabbed her backpack, laptop, and headed out of the apartment so that she could head onto campus, going in her mind about what she was going to do and what she was going to say. If anything, at least she had a reason for going to this office hour; she had missed two days of class, and because of that she had probably missed a lot of information that could go in her essay. She needed help, in more than one ways no less, but this could be a reason for her to go. After all, she had an 'A' in the class as of right now, and why let one final essay let the grade tumble lower? And his office hours were open at the time anyway; why not take the opportunity?
But never before had she hesitated as much when she made it to his door, standing a few feet away from it and out of the door way so that he couldn't see her. With her biting the inside of her cheek, and with her fingers tapping against herself she couldn't help but want to turn back and just leave. This was stupid, this was so foolish! But even as she told herself that she could herself that this needed to happen. If anything, she had to tell him something and then he could let her down. Even if she didn't want that to happen, it would be all for the better. Her mind would then begin to realize that he didn't want her, and then she would move on. As simple as that. To be honest, the thought process helped with her nerves a bit, and it even made her a little more confident. Odd how thinking about getting hurt by someone could make her do something. But she knew that this was for the better.
"Doctor Ralston?" Knocking on the door the normal way she did as she stepped into the room, biting her lip as she looked at the man. "Um... Hi. I just have some questions about the essay and about what I've missed in class since I haven't been there."
As Hayden and Emily sat in the living room of their apartment with one another that Monday night, Emily finally spoke up to her, causing Hayden to pull her legs up to rest on the couch as she leaned her head back and blew out a sigh. It seemed as if the harder she tried to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind, the more he was in it, clouding her mind and clouding her judgment. It had been hard to concentrate on the rest of her classes that day, and she sure as hell wasn't doing well with the homework and studying that she was supposed to be doing, which resulted in her coming in the living room with the crestfallen look upon her face, something that more than likely prompted Emily to come over to the girl, sit next to her, and then decided to question her. This just... It wasn't right! But while she told herself that it was wrong to have those thoughts about her professor she couldn't help but have them, and she couldn't help but like them as well and think that they were right. Always did they send tingles down her body, always did they make her feel warm, and always did they make her want to be with him rather than where she was in that moment. But she couldn't do that. She could only imagine the trouble that could come from something like that.
This was just a little crush, or at least that was what she had been trying to convince herself of. It would pass eventually, because really she couldn't have that strong of a feeling for him, right? She didn't even really know him, after all. She was only letting this consume her mind so much because she hadn't had a crush on someone in so long that she didn't know how to deal with it. Yeah, that seemed like a plausible explanation for all of that. Either that or she was just desperate for some sort of companionship that came from the male gender because she hadn't had that sort of attention in a long while, not that she really wanted it when she really thought about it. There was a reason, she knew deep down, as to why she didn't date and why she didn't want to date anyone. But maybe dating was going too far when she thought about him. This was just a crush. Once this semester was over with and once she would likely never seem him because she didn't take any of his classes, then she wouldn't have to be bothered with him. Those thoughts would pass, and then she wouldn't have to deal with it any longer.
"Come on! Spit it out." Apparently in that moment, however, Hayden wouldn't be able to forget those thoughts because of Emily's persistence on trying to figure out what's wrong with her, and it seemed as if saying that she was fine wasn't going to work that time. "Is this about some guy?"
When Hayden turned to look at Emily who had her brows raised, she saw a sort of spark come from them after she spoke the question, and Hayden was all too sure that the nearly guilty look on her face had given the girl enough of an answer to excite her. "Wait, really? This is about some guy?!" A laugh belted from Emily's mouth as she slapped the arm of the couch, her head leaning back before she pitched it back forward to look at Hayden. "Is that why you've been so uptight lately? Because you actually like someone?"
The back and forth pestering from Emily went on for about thirty minutes with her continuing to try and prod answer from Hayden who only answered with little mumbles and grumbles as her faced continued to turn redder and redder as she sunk her face into her hands after a while. There was a part of her that wanted to be angry with Emily because of this, but there was a part of Hayden that knew that she couldn't be. Emily was only being curious like she normally was with her energetic self, and Hayden wanted so badly to confess to the girl. She wanted to tell her what she was feeling and who she was beginning to have feelings for, but she knew that she couldn't. Those words and her thoughts could not escape from her mouth and mind. "It doesn't matter," Hayden finally bit out as she picked her head up, herself biting the inside of her cheek. It was odd to feel tears beginning to spring to her eyes in that moment, but she knew that they weren't due to sadness; they were due to confusion and frustration, two things that she never was good with dealing with because she didn't know what to do or how to handle herself. She hated being out of her own control, and she was beginning to feel this situation getting out of her control. "It's not like I can have him anyway." But then, maybe she was a little sad, because as soon as she spoke those words she knew that it was true. She couldn't have him, and she was going to have to accept that.
There were other fish in the sea, and there were more guys running around campus that she could date if she wanted to. But that wasn't something she wanted to do. She hadn't sought this man out; he just came into her life, and she had fallen for it. Maybe it was a sign of something good, and maybe this was a sign for her to take unless she was stupid and foolish. But... She couldn't have him because he was her professor, and she was his student. And that was what stopped her from wanting to do anything. In a way, it scared her.
-----
Hayden forced herself to not go to the office hours the next day. Actually, she did nothing that pertained to that class or the professor for that entire day just to keep him off her mind. It worked a little, even if there were still strong, lingering imagines and memories and thoughts that circulated through her mind and kept her up at night because another dream appeared in her mind. It was just like the first one she had, nothing any different when she thought back to it, but it still bothered her nonetheless because it still felt so real. Why was her mind so wrapped around him when she knew that it shouldn't be?
Groaning to herself, she shifted her backpack on her shoulders and headed to her English Lit. class, herself deciding at the last minute that she was actually going to go just to make sure that her attendance didn't get messed up. She wasn't going because she wanted to see Doctor Ralston and because she wanted to hear his voice. No, of course not! But even if she had quickened the pace that she took, she still ended up late to the class, everyone's eyes turning to look in her direction as she pinched her lips together and went to go sit where her normal seat was. And just like the last time she hadn't paid much attention to what was going on until the professor brought out the papers after telling them all to put their books away so that they could do the instructor evaluations. When the paper was passed over to her she passed the others back before she set her eyes on the words, biting her lip as she pinched her brows. Never before had she felt so anxious to fill out an evaluation for a professor. But why should she be nervous? Just answer it honestly and then she could be on her way.
With that thought in her mind, she nodded to herself and started to go through the evaluation. Every once in a while her pen would stop and hesitate for an answer, Hayden asking did she really need to give him this good of a marking. This wasn't because of how she felt towards him, she told herself as she marked every question with a five. He deserved those ratings because he was a good professor and he actually seemed to care about his students. Or, rather she liked to think that he cared about them. That he cared about her... She wrote a little evaluation for him on the last section of the paper, just writing down that he did an overall good job with the class. There was a little quip that she wanted to throw in there just to make it seem a little more light hearted, but at the last minuted she decided against the action and merely put that she had learned a great deal in that class and that she would recommend him to other students if she was ever asked, and that she, surprisingly, enjoyed the class. He made it interesting and easy to learn in his own way.
But she stopped herself from saying anymore about it, herself knowing that if she didn't stop she would continue to ramble on with a bunch of nonsense that would turn more into a confession of her feelings for him rather than an evaluation on how his class was this semester. That was something that couldn't happen, and when she was finished with the evaluation she stood from her chair and walked over to her desk. Don't look at him, don't look at him, she told herself, but as soon as she made it tot he desk and placed the paper face down on it, she couldn't help but look at him and stare for a second. And as he looked back at her she couldn't help but feel her breath catch in her throat as she looked at his eyes. There was just something about him that she couldn't explain, something that made her wonder about him, something that made her want him even more. Hayden opened her mouth to say something to him, but when she found no words to come from her mouth, she closed it and took a step back. "Um... Have a nice day." Another person walked to the front of the class to give him the evaluation, and when he started to leave so did Hayden, ducking her head as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She had to stop these thoughts...
-----
Hayden didn't go to her English Lit. class that Friday and the next Monday, herself too determined to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind. It didn't work. In all honesty, the fact that she hadn't gone to class had probably been the worst decision she could have made because all she continued to think about was him, which was something that she didn't want to do. What was he doing in that moment, what was he telling the class? Was he wondering where she was, was he concerned over the fact that she wasn't in class? No, of course not, she told herself. He wouldn't be concerned about her not being in class. She was only a student, and students skipped class all the time, especially that class, so why would he care about just her? Why did she want him to?
"I like him! Okay, I like him and I know this!" Slapping her hands against her sides, Hayden yelled at herself in the mirror a week later that next Tuesday, the last day that she was going to be on campus before she headed home for the Thanksgiving break, a time when she figured she should be overly excited because she was finally going to be going home, yet finding herself in a little more distress than she wanted to. As she packed her bags she continued to stare at her mirror before, always looking at herself, always picturing Doctor Ralston behind her as well, asking to help, asking her why she hadn't been in class the past two class days. "So just stop thinking about him, please." Sighing, her shoulders slumped as she blinked her eyes at her appearance, she shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "I admit it. I like him and I don't know why." She just didn't know what to do about it.
She had to talk to him. Even if she told herself that that was a bad idea, she just had to see him again, even if it would end up hurting and confusing her even more. Maybe just seeing him again would clear her mind a little. Leaving her suitcase open with it only half way packed, Hayden grabbed her backpack, laptop, and headed out of the apartment so that she could head onto campus, going in her mind about what she was going to do and what she was going to say. If anything, at least she had a reason for going to this office hour; she had missed two days of class, and because of that she had probably missed a lot of information that could go in her essay. She needed help, in more than one ways no less, but this could be a reason for her to go. After all, she had an 'A' in the class as of right now, and why let one final essay let the grade tumble lower? And his office hours were open at the time anyway; why not take the opportunity?
But never before had she hesitated as much when she made it to his door, standing a few feet away from it and out of the door way so that he couldn't see her. With her biting the inside of her cheek, and with her fingers tapping against herself she couldn't help but want to turn back and just leave. This was stupid, this was so foolish! But even as she told herself that she could herself that this needed to happen. If anything, she had to tell him something and then he could let her down. Even if she didn't want that to happen, it would be all for the better. Her mind would then begin to realize that he didn't want her, and then she would move on. As simple as that. To be honest, the thought process helped with her nerves a bit, and it even made her a little more confident. Odd how thinking about getting hurt by someone could make her do something. But she knew that this was for the better.
"Doctor Ralston?" Knocking on the door the normal way she did as she stepped into the room, biting her lip as she looked at the man. "Um... Hi. I just have some questions about the essay and about what I've missed in class since I haven't been there."