The Student and the Professor {Ashes}

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"Okay, you've been acting strange since this weekend. Actually, no, you've been acting strange this entire semester. What's wrong with you, Hayden? What's going on?"

As Hayden and Emily sat in the living room of their apartment with one another that Monday night, Emily finally spoke up to her, causing Hayden to pull her legs up to rest on the couch as she leaned her head back and blew out a sigh. It seemed as if the harder she tried to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind, the more he was in it, clouding her mind and clouding her judgment. It had been hard to concentrate on the rest of her classes that day, and she sure as hell wasn't doing well with the homework and studying that she was supposed to be doing, which resulted in her coming in the living room with the crestfallen look upon her face, something that more than likely prompted Emily to come over to the girl, sit next to her, and then decided to question her. This just... It wasn't right! But while she told herself that it was wrong to have those thoughts about her professor she couldn't help but have them, and she couldn't help but like them as well and think that they were right. Always did they send tingles down her body, always did they make her feel warm, and always did they make her want to be with him rather than where she was in that moment. But she couldn't do that. She could only imagine the trouble that could come from something like that.

This was just a little crush, or at least that was what she had been trying to convince herself of. It would pass eventually, because really she couldn't have that strong of a feeling for him, right? She didn't even really know him, after all. She was only letting this consume her mind so much because she hadn't had a crush on someone in so long that she didn't know how to deal with it. Yeah, that seemed like a plausible explanation for all of that. Either that or she was just desperate for some sort of companionship that came from the male gender because she hadn't had that sort of attention in a long while, not that she really wanted it when she really thought about it. There was a reason, she knew deep down, as to why she didn't date and why she didn't want to date anyone. But maybe dating was going too far when she thought about him. This was just a crush. Once this semester was over with and once she would likely never seem him because she didn't take any of his classes, then she wouldn't have to be bothered with him. Those thoughts would pass, and then she wouldn't have to deal with it any longer.

"Come on! Spit it out." Apparently in that moment, however, Hayden wouldn't be able to forget those thoughts because of Emily's persistence on trying to figure out what's wrong with her, and it seemed as if saying that she was fine wasn't going to work that time. "Is this about some guy?"

When Hayden turned to look at Emily who had her brows raised, she saw a sort of spark come from them after she spoke the question, and Hayden was all too sure that the nearly guilty look on her face had given the girl enough of an answer to excite her. "Wait, really? This is about some guy?!" A laugh belted from Emily's mouth as she slapped the arm of the couch, her head leaning back before she pitched it back forward to look at Hayden. "Is that why you've been so uptight lately? Because you actually like someone?"

The back and forth pestering from Emily went on for about thirty minutes with her continuing to try and prod answer from Hayden who only answered with little mumbles and grumbles as her faced continued to turn redder and redder as she sunk her face into her hands after a while. There was a part of her that wanted to be angry with Emily because of this, but there was a part of Hayden that knew that she couldn't be. Emily was only being curious like she normally was with her energetic self, and Hayden wanted so badly to confess to the girl. She wanted to tell her what she was feeling and who she was beginning to have feelings for, but she knew that she couldn't. Those words and her thoughts could not escape from her mouth and mind. "It doesn't matter," Hayden finally bit out as she picked her head up, herself biting the inside of her cheek. It was odd to feel tears beginning to spring to her eyes in that moment, but she knew that they weren't due to sadness; they were due to confusion and frustration, two things that she never was good with dealing with because she didn't know what to do or how to handle herself. She hated being out of her own control, and she was beginning to feel this situation getting out of her control. "It's not like I can have him anyway." But then, maybe she was a little sad, because as soon as she spoke those words she knew that it was true. She couldn't have him, and she was going to have to accept that.

There were other fish in the sea, and there were more guys running around campus that she could date if she wanted to. But that wasn't something she wanted to do. She hadn't sought this man out; he just came into her life, and she had fallen for it. Maybe it was a sign of something good, and maybe this was a sign for her to take unless she was stupid and foolish. But... She couldn't have him because he was her professor, and she was his student. And that was what stopped her from wanting to do anything. In a way, it scared her.

-----

Hayden forced herself to not go to the office hours the next day. Actually, she did nothing that pertained to that class or the professor for that entire day just to keep him off her mind. It worked a little, even if there were still strong, lingering imagines and memories and thoughts that circulated through her mind and kept her up at night because another dream appeared in her mind. It was just like the first one she had, nothing any different when she thought back to it, but it still bothered her nonetheless because it still felt so real. Why was her mind so wrapped around him when she knew that it shouldn't be?

Groaning to herself, she shifted her backpack on her shoulders and headed to her English Lit. class, herself deciding at the last minute that she was actually going to go just to make sure that her attendance didn't get messed up. She wasn't going because she wanted to see Doctor Ralston and because she wanted to hear his voice. No, of course not! But even if she had quickened the pace that she took, she still ended up late to the class, everyone's eyes turning to look in her direction as she pinched her lips together and went to go sit where her normal seat was. And just like the last time she hadn't paid much attention to what was going on until the professor brought out the papers after telling them all to put their books away so that they could do the instructor evaluations. When the paper was passed over to her she passed the others back before she set her eyes on the words, biting her lip as she pinched her brows. Never before had she felt so anxious to fill out an evaluation for a professor. But why should she be nervous? Just answer it honestly and then she could be on her way.

With that thought in her mind, she nodded to herself and started to go through the evaluation. Every once in a while her pen would stop and hesitate for an answer, Hayden asking did she really need to give him this good of a marking. This wasn't because of how she felt towards him, she told herself as she marked every question with a five. He deserved those ratings because he was a good professor and he actually seemed to care about his students. Or, rather she liked to think that he cared about them. That he cared about her... She wrote a little evaluation for him on the last section of the paper, just writing down that he did an overall good job with the class. There was a little quip that she wanted to throw in there just to make it seem a little more light hearted, but at the last minuted she decided against the action and merely put that she had learned a great deal in that class and that she would recommend him to other students if she was ever asked, and that she, surprisingly, enjoyed the class. He made it interesting and easy to learn in his own way.

But she stopped herself from saying anymore about it, herself knowing that if she didn't stop she would continue to ramble on with a bunch of nonsense that would turn more into a confession of her feelings for him rather than an evaluation on how his class was this semester. That was something that couldn't happen, and when she was finished with the evaluation she stood from her chair and walked over to her desk. Don't look at him, don't look at him, she told herself, but as soon as she made it tot he desk and placed the paper face down on it, she couldn't help but look at him and stare for a second. And as he looked back at her she couldn't help but feel her breath catch in her throat as she looked at his eyes. There was just something about him that she couldn't explain, something that made her wonder about him, something that made her want him even more. Hayden opened her mouth to say something to him, but when she found no words to come from her mouth, she closed it and took a step back. "Um... Have a nice day." Another person walked to the front of the class to give him the evaluation, and when he started to leave so did Hayden, ducking her head as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She had to stop these thoughts...

-----

Hayden didn't go to her English Lit. class that Friday and the next Monday, herself too determined to keep Doctor Ralston out of her mind. It didn't work. In all honesty, the fact that she hadn't gone to class had probably been the worst decision she could have made because all she continued to think about was him, which was something that she didn't want to do. What was he doing in that moment, what was he telling the class? Was he wondering where she was, was he concerned over the fact that she wasn't in class? No, of course not, she told herself. He wouldn't be concerned about her not being in class. She was only a student, and students skipped class all the time, especially that class, so why would he care about just her? Why did she want him to?

"I like him! Okay, I like him and I know this!" Slapping her hands against her sides, Hayden yelled at herself in the mirror a week later that next Tuesday, the last day that she was going to be on campus before she headed home for the Thanksgiving break, a time when she figured she should be overly excited because she was finally going to be going home, yet finding herself in a little more distress than she wanted to. As she packed her bags she continued to stare at her mirror before, always looking at herself, always picturing Doctor Ralston behind her as well, asking to help, asking her why she hadn't been in class the past two class days. "So just stop thinking about him, please." Sighing, her shoulders slumped as she blinked her eyes at her appearance, she shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "I admit it. I like him and I don't know why." She just didn't know what to do about it.

She had to talk to him. Even if she told herself that that was a bad idea, she just had to see him again, even if it would end up hurting and confusing her even more. Maybe just seeing him again would clear her mind a little. Leaving her suitcase open with it only half way packed, Hayden grabbed her backpack, laptop, and headed out of the apartment so that she could head onto campus, going in her mind about what she was going to do and what she was going to say. If anything, at least she had a reason for going to this office hour; she had missed two days of class, and because of that she had probably missed a lot of information that could go in her essay. She needed help, in more than one ways no less, but this could be a reason for her to go. After all, she had an 'A' in the class as of right now, and why let one final essay let the grade tumble lower? And his office hours were open at the time anyway; why not take the opportunity?

But never before had she hesitated as much when she made it to his door, standing a few feet away from it and out of the door way so that he couldn't see her. With her biting the inside of her cheek, and with her fingers tapping against herself she couldn't help but want to turn back and just leave. This was stupid, this was so foolish! But even as she told herself that she could herself that this needed to happen. If anything, she had to tell him something and then he could let her down. Even if she didn't want that to happen, it would be all for the better. Her mind would then begin to realize that he didn't want her, and then she would move on. As simple as that. To be honest, the thought process helped with her nerves a bit, and it even made her a little more confident. Odd how thinking about getting hurt by someone could make her do something. But she knew that this was for the better.

"Doctor Ralston?" Knocking on the door the normal way she did as she stepped into the room, biting her lip as she looked at the man. "Um... Hi. I just have some questions about the essay and about what I've missed in class since I haven't been there."
 
While he was going through the evaluations for his Intro to English Literature class, he couldn't help but try to find Hayden's among the stack. By this point he knew the handwriting of everyone in the class - this was the girl to always chewed on her pen caps, this was the kid who dyed his hair bright green in the middle of the semester - so getting to her familiar handwriting made his breath catch in his chest. She had been very kind, but he found himself oddly disappointed. What did he expect, a confession of some sort?

No, but maybe he was hoping. He was ashamed to admit that he had looked over the university regulations, and relationships between students and teachers weren't necessarily forbidden, just highly frowned upon. Discovering that had been a mistake, however, because they just fueled his daydreams. Before he had thought that he would immediately lose his job if they had a relationship, but now that it was only a possibility, he almost wanted to toss caution to the wind and kiss her.

But he wouldn't dare make that step. Though a relationship wasn't against the rules necessarily, he still held a position of power over her. He was a professor, he was older, he was taller and stronger, and he would never use any of those things to his advantage. What if he said that he liked her, and she complied because he was an authority figure? If she thought that h was blackmailing her somehow? He would never be able to forgive himself. It would always be in the back of his mind, whether she actually liked him or if she only agreed to see him because she was scared or something.

So he wouldn't say anything. It helped keep a small barrier up between her and his heart, and while he couldn't stop the fantasies and dreams, he could stop himself in real life. And considering her discomfort with him lately, he didn't figure he would be seeing her in his office hours, which made going to them seem pointless. No one came to see him, except the few times she had came with her papers in hand. Even if she did poorly on this paper, she couldn't get lower than a B- in the class, so she might not even care.

Trying to push these thoughts from his head, the week pushed on. Office hours were quiet on Thursday, and when his Intro to English Literature class finally came around, he was surprised at Hayden's absence. She had been in class every day this semester, whether she was paying attention or not. Was she ill? He lectured and discussed like normal, but he kept seeing her curled up in bed with a fever and the chills. Of course, imagining her in bed led to him imagining her in his bed, which lead to other inappropriate images that brought a flush to his cheeks. He kept hoping that she was just really late, that she would come through the door at any minute. But she didn't.

--

After a boring weekend spent grading papers, playing with the now very comfortable Eve, and having dreams about Hayden (both chaste and dirty, though both inappropriate), he was almost excited to get to class. But Hayden wasn't there again. He wondered if he should send her an email, just to see if she was okay. But he wouldn't, and hadn't, done that for other students, so he refrained. Classes were cancelled for Wednesday through Friday, with only one week after that before finals. What if she didn't come back to class? Had he offended her that much, or was something really wrong?

His paranoia followed him into the next day. Sitting at his desk during office hours had once felt like a break that he didn't need. They had evolved in to hoping to Hayden's company, and then daydreaming about impossible scenarios between the two of them. That day he had thoughts about taking her to the beach. Their university was only about an hour away from the coast, an easy day trip. He imagined driving her there in his old gray Camry, the windows rolled down and her hair whipping in the breeze. He imagined her there, in a modest bikini, being ogled by every guy on the beach. But despite her admirers' youth she always came back to him, to the blanket that they shared.

He imagined them having lunch of fruit and crackers, then walking along the shore looking for interesting shells. He imagined her pulling him behind a rock face for a quick kiss that turns into a heated make out session. He imagined them driving home anxiously, her pulling off her bikini top as soon as he locks the apartment door behind him. Just as he was getting to the part that would cause him to need to take a trip to the restroom, a light knocked shook him from his reverie.

"Doctor Ralston?" He knew that voice anywhere. Hayden stood in his doorway, backpack in hand. She explained why she was there, but he could sense that she was a bundle of nerves, her face slightly pale and her expression grim.

"Come in, Hayden," he said softly, standing to close his door. Glad that the fantasy had stopped where it did, he found himself alone with the object of his desires. In a closed room. Very close together. "I'm really glad to see you," he said, trying and failing to keep his tone jovial. "I missed you in class."

Of course, keep sticking your foot in your mouth, Ralston, he told himself as she passed over her laptop. It wasn't as good as the last draft she had shown him, but easily fixed up. He knew that he wasn't being super specific, overwhelmed by the scent of her perfume. But after nearly 10 minutes of barely there conversation, he sighed. "There isn't much else I can do for you in this regard," he said, a sad smile on his face. "You've become much better with literature, and I'm really impressed with your work." I'm impressed with you was what he really wanted to say, but he could. Couldn't. If she had something to say, he gave her the floor. He thought that this could really be it, this could be the last time that she needed me, and he wasn't sure if anything at that moment could make her more sae
 
"I missed you in class."

Those words sprang out to Hayden as soon as they were uttered, causing her to stop her movements that would lead her over to the chair that she had sat in two times before to discuss papers with him already. Her eyes blinked as she looked at him, her face flushing, until she turned her head to look away, cleared her throat, and then went to go sit in the chair as she slung her backpack off of her shoulders. This wasn't good. Maybe her earlier plans had all been for naught because that phrase he said to her made it all so much harder for her. She imagined that he was saying that he missed her because he actually missed her, but she knew that that couldn't have been the case. He as only telling her that because it was the polite thing to do and because he, again, was only trying to show that he was concerned just so that he could get her to do a good job on her work. How many times had he said that to other students? That he missed them and that he was glad to see that they were back and okay.

Now she was beginning to depress her own self. So before she could become even more engrossed with her thoughts, she pulled out her laptop and started asking questions about what she missed and about other things that pertained to the class. The past times she had been in this office with him she had been fine, but now as she sat right next to him she had to resist the urge to want to reach out a hand and touch him, to touch his face and the hair that grew on it, and she had to resist the urge to want to reach out and touch his hand to see how rough or smooth they were just so that she could become better antiquated with them. The room was beginning to heat up, or maybe that was just her, and she had become all too aware of how close she actually was to the man, and of how she was paying even less attention to what he was saying that she had intended to. Was this how high school girls felt when ever they had a class with a, as they called 'hot teacher', or substitute that distracted them so much that they could do nothing but laugh and giggle cutely when he would come by felt? When she thought back she remembered how a few of her high school girl friends fawned over a regular substitute that would come when ever a teacher needed a substitute, and how they would always talk about him and how they would always try to get his attention while never doing their work or while trying to make it seem as if they didn't understand the work just so that he would walk over to them. Was this not what she was doing? Was she not only coming to Doctor Ralston because she wanted to see him, because she was fawning over him like some love struck high school girl?

In that moment she felt inferior, and as she looked back at the man she couldn't help but let that feeling wash over her. While before she knew that he was the professor and she was the student and that he was older than her, it hadn't come to her attention of just how much more life he had experienced than her. He had the title of a Doctor, meaning that he had been through so much schooling, so many experiences that he had gone through that got him to the point that he was at, and what about her? What had she done? She was just a twenty year old going through college at the moment, and while she knew that he had been doing the same thing when he was twenty, the differences were still there. He would likely try to stifle down a laugh if she said anything about her feelings, let her down politely and then she would be on her way. Wasn't that what she wanted before, though? To have him let her down so that she could move on? Now she was afraid of that, and the very thought of it caused her heart to pound heavily in her chest.

When there was nothing left to say about the work, Hayden having stayed quiet through the majority of the discussion, she leaned back in the chair and nodded her head, giving him a little smile as well to his compliment. "Thank you..." She bit her lip, almost told herself to stop talking, but then she continued on after a short pause, "For all the help you've given me over the course of the semester. I mean, sure I did the work, but I don't think my essays would have been as good without your help, or even my grade for that matter." Her face warmed up, but so did the smile that continued to stretch across her lips because she knew that all of this was true and that she meant it. "I really appreciate it." She still didn't like literature, however, but she nonetheless appreciated what he had done to help her throughout the semester. Would she ever have another professor like him after she left his class?

Suddenly she grew nervous again, causing her to rub the back of her neck as she breathed out a nervous laugh. She wanted to lean forward and kiss him, she wanted to hug him or just have any sort of physical contact with him, but she couldn't. She just couldn't do that and she knew she couldn't and she reprimanded herself for having those thoughts and wants. "I just have... One question though." Her gaze left him and looked around the empty office before she looked back at him, looking at his eyes. "You're office is so barren. Usually professors have pictures of things their kids drew or pictures of them with their family, or just their family, but you don't." She knew that she was pushing the bound of personal questions, but she couldn't help but ask it. It may give her more answers than she really thought. "Or they just have things to represent other people, people that they probably care about and... Love. But you don't, or at least not that I can see. Why?"
 
The whole time he edited her paper he was intimately aware of how close she was, how her breathing wasn't regular, how the warmth radiated off of her in waves. Of course, he had to ignore all of that. He turned his brain to 'Professor Mode' and focused on the words on the page and the literature in the book. He actually thought he could keep it together during her time in his office, but of course that was completely delusional.

Her words completely destroyed his 'Professor' facade, the sincerity in her tone and on her face nearly breaking him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her face in his hands, press his forehead to her's and look into her eyes. "I appreciate you, too," he said quietly. "You're the only student that bothered to come to my office hours this semester. So thank you for that."

When she asked about his office, he figured that he should have seen it coming. She had been in here enough times to look around, and she was curious enough to wonder why his office was so bare. He leaned on the arm of his chair, bringing them a few inches closer than before. Not his intended outcome, but her presence helped him relax, and he needed it, considering that he knew he couldn't hide anything from her.

"Well, there used to be pictures," he began, his eyes darting around the empty space. He remembered taking down the pictures the day after Karen officially filed for their divorce, tossing them out, including the frames. His office, which had been so comfortable for years, had felt barren and strangely smaller. Now he felt that he was practically sitting next to Hayden, though there was space behind them both to move. He didn't, and she didn't, so he figured that he was okay.

"I met a girl in college. She was nice and smart and made me laugh. We dated for nearly four years before she agreed to marry me." Instantly he was taken back to his wedding, his and her family huddled up in an overly hot church. The location had been her idea, along with nearly everything else about the wedding. He remembered that she looked beautiful in white lace, and he wondered how Hayden--

No. No, stay focused. "We were together for almost eleven years. The pictures that used to be here were vacations, of the house we shared, her nieces. But last spring she told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore. The divorce was finalized just a few months ago." He felt as though he was taking a breathe for the first time in ages, his tone calmer than he would have thought. Talking about it now made it seem as though it happened to someone else, as though it wasn't his heart that had been broken.

He remembered the finalization of the divorce pretty clearly, despite the amount of alcohol he had imbibed to dull the pain. He remembered Hayden being one of the few people that had gotten him to smile during that time, and wondered if she knew at all how much she had helped him.

So he decided that he would tell her. "You, actually, had a part in all of that mess," he said, stroking his trimmed beard thoughtfully. "You came to my office hours during that time. You probably remember, actually, I looked like I hadn't taken a shower in days," he said, chuckling slightly. "It hit me pretty rough. I still loved her, and here she was, with some younger man, divorcing me. Getting lost in a drink was how I chose to deal with the pain. Take it from me, that way is terrible and you should never do it!" He laughed then, a self-depreciating sound, unable to look away from Hayden's honest eyes.

"But... I'm over her, and I'm better now, I think. Thanks to lots of things. Time. My job. Eve." His hand twitched, and he wondered if he was going to do this. It could be the worst mistake he ever made, but he couldn't stop himself as he reached forward, enveloping her smaller hand in his. She was warm and he thought she might be shaking. "And you. Thank you, Hayden."

His smile was shy and he fully intended on pulling his hand back and making some sort of joke to lighten the mood. But he didn't. He held her hand, and it was better than any soothing balm he could imagine. He felt a bit at peace, and he figured that if she threw his hand away and stormed off now, at least he would have this perfect moment cemented into his memory.
 
So she was the only one that had come to his office hours? While it came as a surprise to Hayden, there was a part of her that knew she shouldn't be surprised about something like that. After all, what students normally came to a professor's office hours unless they wanted to beg and plead their case in order to get some extra credit because they decided that they wanted to slack off in class at the beginning of the semester? Even if Hayden had been doing that terribly in any class, she knew that she wouldn't have been able to swallow her pride enough to do something like that. If anything, she figured that she would have done what she did with this professor, except maybe she wouldn't have started to fall for that professor, and maybe she wouldn't have dreamed about them or wanted to be with them in some sort of way. But that was besides the point. Just to hear him say something like that sent a rush of happiness through her, and in that moment she almost felt privileged to have been the only one to come to his office hours even if she knew that others had just as many opportunities as she had to come to him. While there was a part of her that wanted to think that she was the only one allowed to see him, she knew that wasn't the case, but it made her feel better nonetheless to think of that.

But then he started talking about why his office was so barren, and that was when the surprise came. As soon as he mentioned that he had been divorced at the beginning of spring last year she thought back to how he had been at the beginning of the semester and of how there seemed to have been a low point from him. Apparently the divorce process had been long, stretching out over the course of the beginning of the semester before it was finally taken care of, and she remembered the way that he looked before. So down and sad, as if he had lost his whole world, which, in a sense, he probably had. Eleven years... Eleven years he had spent his life with someone only to have that ripped away from him when the divorced had been finalized and he was left alone. That was why he mentioned that the apartment was empty. That was why there had seemed to have been a lingering sadness in him; he was lonely and he was sad.

Hayden grew sympathetic over the man's troubles, even if he said that he had gotten over it and that he was over his ex wife, but then that sympathy, while still there, suddenly turned into a bit of anger. Why would any woman want to break his heart like that? Why would any woman want to leave him, and apparently for another man since a younger man had been brought into the mix according to her professor. Why would she do that to him? Granted, she didn't know the marriage and she didn't know the real circumstances that came with everything that happened, but she couldn't help but wonder why that happened. He seemed like such a nice, loving man who would be willing to give so much for someone he loved. Why would someone not want someone like him?

Her lips turned down into a frown, but even so she found herself leaning a little closer to the man. In that moment she wanted to comfort him, as if she really could, but that feeling only intensified when he mentioned that not only had time and other things helped him, but she did as well. She wasn't sure whether or not she could believe that, but she wanted to. She wanted to be the one that had helped him through his sorrows, in the past and even now, because she realized that she wanted to see him happy. She wanted to see him smile, and she wanted to be the reason why he smiled. And when he put his hand over hers, encircling his larger fingers and overall hand around the back of her hand... She froze, even if the rest of her body felt on fire from that one touch, especially on the skin of her hand.

His hands were rougher than she had expected, but she knew that that was likely due to him having played hockey. Odd how she could remember such a little detail about him that he had only mentioned once and in such a small instance when she couldn't even remember important details about some of her friends when they told her things. Her eyes traveled from his face to look down at their connected hands, her face blushing now, her eyes blinking as her mouth was opened slightly ajar due to surprise, shock, but an overall warm feeling that made her want to melt. Why had he taken her hand? Why was she not pulling away? Because she didn't want to. Because she wanted to stay in this moment with him, because this was a bit of the physical contact that she wanted to have with him even if it went against everything she was telling herself in her mind and what she had been telling herself.

She realized that the room seemed even smaller to her in that moment, and she had become more aware of the fact that the door was closed and that the sounds behind the door were little to nothing, only little mumbles but they were only heard if they were directly in front of the door. Normally those sounds would pass just as quickly as they came, and while it worried her a bit, she almost didn't feel that worried. It was as if they were in their own little private space, something that only the two of them could share, and while she knew that she was exaggerating on the matter, she couldn't help it. No one knew what was happening, and likely being said, behind the door and she was happy about that.

Eventually she raised her sight to look back at the man's face and his eyes, her other hand moving to rest on top of the one that he had placed on her other hand. It had been a surprising movement to herself, but he was the one who initiated the first bit of contact, so why couldn't she do the same? Maybe he just needed the comfort, she could use that as an excuse. "I don't think I've done anything to help you cope," she started, her head tilting a bit. "But I'm sorry that that happened to you; no one deserves to go through something like that after so many years. It must have hurt." You can't be involved with him, she yelled at herself in her mind, it's a terrible idea! But she pushed those thoughts aside and continued where she was. She didn't want to leave this spot.

"I don't know what it's like to be in love since I never have been in love with someone, or at least not the real thing, but I do know what it feels like to have someone leave you. It's not fun, and it hurts." She gave him a small smile, sympathizing with him, but there was also a softness that came with the smile as well that told that she cared. Again she told herself that this is not what she came here to do, nor what she had expected, but she was now just taking things how they were. Perhaps she was taking him grabbing her hand out of context, and maybe she was blowing it out of proportion, but she couldn't help but run with it. What if he really did care about her? What if he really wanted her to be there and what if he meant everything he had told her in the past? "But maybe that's just a sign that she wasn't right for you, and that... There is someone else out there for you to spend your life with." Was she talking about herself? Maybe. She wanted it to be her for some odd reason, even if her mind was throwing out red signals to her. "Maybe now you just have another chance to find the person that is actually right for you and the one that you're supposed to be with." She was trying her luck, like she told herself that she was going to do when she came in there. She was testing her luck to see if he would let her down, tell her that he wasn't interested and for her to have a nice day and go home. This, she figured, would give her the answers, even if it would make her look like a desperate high school girl with a crush on her teacher that wanted so badly to have all of his attention.
 
When her other hand touched his, his hand now surrounded by her soft skin, he felt as though his heart was about to beat out of his chest. Her eyes were on him, the pretty orbs looking at him through her lashes. What did this mean? Was she just being nice? Pity for the poor professor who just dumped his pathetic life story on her, without much prompting? Her words, while not being original, did make him feel better. Mainly because of the tone of her voice, so soft and caring and he could melt just listening to her speak. She could be reading the dictionary at that moment and he really wouldn't care.

At her mention of loss, he frowned. She was so young to have lost someone, but her eyes spoke to him clearly with experience and understanding. And... something else. Something in her smile told him that she was holding something back. It was an affectionate expression, but filled with so much... something. Something that he wasn't ready or willing to identify, something that was too real and couldn't be true all at the same time. She was looking at him how she did sometimes in his dreams - the dreams where she loves him.

Though part of him still found it impossible, the experienced part of his mind told him that she was definitely flirting with him. This beautiful young woman, with so many choices as to who to spend her time with, sought him out. Realistically, he knew that she hadn't needed his help after the first assignment. So why? Why did she keep showing up? Why did she invite him to the chili cook off? Why did she smile at him in class like she did when she clearly thought he wasn't looking?

At her words, Jack felt his neck flush. Certainly Karen wasn't the right person for him, but was Hayden? His mind wanted to wait, wanted to think it over some more, but his heart was leaping out of his chest in his eagerness to scoop her up into his arms and not let go. Another chance, huh? Was this is second chance? There were so many problems that they would have - his job, her friends, their ages, the future - but that all seemed inconsequential with her sitting so close, his hand touching her hand.

So he was going to go for it. He was tired of waiting, tired of being afraid. Maybe the deadline of the end of the semester was making him flustered, but not having her in class for the past half week made him miss her. A lot. Way more than he should admit. So he would make the move, and she could decide what she wanted.

He glanced around quickly. His door was shut, the window was shut, no one would be around right now. He leaned forward, their faces only a few inches apart. Her breath was warm against his skin, and he smiled, the smell of her perfume a light, pleasant scent. His other hand reached up, cupping her jaw in his palm. Her skin felt better than he could have ever imagined. She blew his dreams out of the water, and he let his eyes drift down to her lips.

"If..." he began, swallowing carefully before continuing. "If you're implying what I think you're implying... then it would have to be a secret. Just between us." His chest was burning with desire and fear, and he felt more alive then than at any other part of his life. "If you want to be with me," he said slowly, watching her face carefully, "then all you have to do is let me know, Hayden."
 
Hayden hadn't expected it to happen. She hadn't expected for Doctor Ralston to lean forward and bring their faces closer together, and she hadn't expected to feel his hand against the skin of her jaw, causing her to visibly shiver at the touch as she leaned into his palm a little more so that she could get that extra bit of warmth that she could from it. It took an incredible amount of effort on her part to not close her eyes in that moment that she wanted to sink into, and it took her a lot to not just lean forward to rest her lips upon his. She saw the look that he was giving her; she caught the notice of his eyes going down to her lips, causing her to lick them to wet them just a bit as she swallowed afterwards and picked her eyes up to look into his. She hadn't been this close to him before, or at least not in reality. In her dreams, she had been a lot closer to him, she had been just as warm however. Why was he able to make her so hot and bothered? Why did she find herself so attracted to this older man when there were other good looking guys that walked around campus and that were her age? She could fall for them all she wanted and it wouldn't cause her this much confusion. No one would care, and she knew that. But people would care about this. People would care about the two of them because all anyone would see was that a professor, an older, bigger male, was with his younger student.

But did she care what other people thought? Not really. All that mattered was what she felt, and what he felt.

The rate of her heart quickened, and she was almost positive that he could see and hear it in her chest just as she could in her ears. But then the sounds of her heart were left from her mind when he finally spoke back to her, her eyes widened at his words. What was he saying? Why was he doing this? She wanted to deny anything that was circling through her mind with this. She still wanted to believe that she was only imagining him doing all of this to her, but she knew that she wasn't. This wasn't him just being nice to her, because if he was being nice he wouldn't have touched her. He would have stayed away from her, told her to leave, and then that would have been it. But he hadn't stopped anything. He initiated even more contact between the two and didn't seem put off by it, and from the look in his eyes, even if she saw a bit of fear laced in them, there was also a desire she saw in them. Desire for... Her, or at least that was what she wanted to think. He wanted her, she thought, and she wanted him yet she found herself hesitant to say anything. She was... Afraid.

It would have to be kept a secret between the two of them. She knew that, but his last statement put her off a bit. All she had to do was tell him. But then what? What would he say? What would he think? There were so many reasons that she could conjure in her mind as to why this was a bad idea, and why she should just get out of the little hold he had her in and run out of the office as fast as she could, but then there were so many reasons she could check off as to why she should stay and just tell him. "I..." She hesitated to speak, the little squeak coming out of her in surprise as she finally opened her mouth. She was enraptured with this man. She wanted to see more of him, and she wanted to know more about him. She wanted to experience things with him. She wanted to do something with him. But it was all so confusing. "I don't know what I want," she finally whispered, still having that overwhelming feeling of doubt coming over her. He couldn't possibly want to be with her. He was only playing with her heart because he could see how she felt.

"You've just... I don't know why you've got my attention, my attraction, like you do. But you just do." Again she paused, swallowing again as she realized that she was beginning to confess things faster than she was able to stop the words from coming. "I want to say that I want to be with you, but I keep thinking that it's a bad idea because there's no possible way that you feel the same." And there was no possible way he felt the same way. After she spoke those words her face turned red, and she instantly shook her head and pulled her head back out of his palm, and she moved her hands away from his to rest them back against her lap. The loss of contact hit her hard, and she instantly wanted it back in that moment but she refrained. She bit her lip and turned to look away from him, bitterly laughing in that moment. "No, I'm just... I'm sorry, I'm crossing the line. Um..." Shyly, she turned and looked back at the man, feeling ashamed and embarrassed over her confession. There was no way he felt the same. "You must think I'm just some stupid twenty year old who becomes too infatuated with people too quickly. You don't feel the same, there are a lot of other women out there for you, and there's no way that you would want to be bothered with some college student." Again she swallowed, but instead of sitting stiffly, she reached over and started packing up her laptop, determining that she had made a fool of herself and too embarrassed to want to face him in that moment. "I-I should go. I'm wasting your time and speaking nonsense."

Why had she suddenly lost her nerve, she asked herself. Why was she afraid to face him now after saying that she wanted to be with him? This was just so confusing to her! Why was this happening now?
 
The movement of her jaw under his hand as she talked felt so nice that her words almost didn't penetrate his mind. Her whisper made his blood run cold. Had he made a mistake? Was she afraid of him now? He needed to move away, move his hand from her face, but he felt frozen in place. The last thing he wanted was to have Hayden hate him, and he wanted nothing more than to just start the day over and not make this huge mistake.

But her next sentence stunned him again. Her attention? Her attraction? Jack knew he was moderately good looking for a guy in his thirties, partially because he worked out and stayed out of the sun. But he knew that there were very handsome young men on campus, and Hayden was one of the prettier undergraduate students. Well, in his opinion, anyway. To even hear that she felt some sort of physical attraction for him brought back the dream he had the previous night. A simple one, where he took her ice skating. He brought her back to his apartment, and they had curled up together on the couch, Eve purring on Hayden's lap. She had been so beautiful in the low lamp lights in his dream. Now she was pale in the midmorning light, looking like she was about to throw up on him. But still beautiful he couldn't help but think.

Her next sentence floored him. She didn't think he felt the same? He had basically just told her that he did. But as he thought over his words, perhaps he wasn't quite clear enough. But it was so difficult, as the two of them were both so cautious, so analytical. So afraid. Hayden pulled back, and he immediately wanted to reach for her again. His hand felt so wrong, like it had found it's purpose in touching her face and it had been ripped away suddenly. Her hands slipped away and he pulled his own back, leaning back in his chair. He was getting rejected, he though. Rejected again. She bit her lip and he wanted to reach forward and pull it away from her teeth, kiss her until she couldn't see straight anymore.

Ha, she thinks that she's crossing the line? He almost wants to laugh, but he doesn't. He lets Hayden finish, because now he knows what he has to do. It goes against everything he's learned in higher education - metaphors, lyrical prose, subtle love confessions - none of those will work. She was babbling now, he knew, but he let her talk, wanting to make sure his words were perfect. When she started putting away her laptop, he leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees. This gave her a slight height advantage, as she was sitting up properly. Maybe it would make her a bit more comfortable, he thought. Looking up at her, he allowed a small smile to flow onto his face. He was too far in, the line having been crossed. Now he would finish things the proper way.

"You can walk out that door now, if you'd like," he said, his tone soft and warm. "You can email me your paper and never come back to class. You can never have to see me again, if that's what you want. But I'd ask you to hear me out first."

Tilting his head back slightly, he took her in - still pale, still nervous, still beautiful. Her fear made him stronger for the moment, wanting to be what she needed. "I've had a crush on you for months, I think," he finally said, and it felt like a barbell that had been crushing his chest had finally been lifted. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "If there was a line to be crossed, I did that a long time ago. You came to me for help on your assignments, and I fell for you." He wouldn't say love, not yet. That word was too powerful, and he didn't want to scare her. Hell, the thought of being in love again scared him, too. "I think you're one of the smartest, kindest, sweetest women I've ever met. And I haven't been able to think about anyone but you for so long. So really, while there are women out there, the only one that holds my interest is sitting in this room right now."

He lowered his head, running his fingers though his blonde hair. "So you can leave if you want. But don't walk out of that door thinking that I'm not interested in you, because I am. You're intelligent, hard working, beautiful, and so very kind. Honestly, I don't deserve you, but I'll be your's, if you'll have me."

There. He said it, straight out. He hoped that he left no doubts, as he wasn't sure if he could form any more coherent words. It felt as though his heart were beating in her hands, and the slightest movement could crush him. But this was the decision that he had made, and if she decided to break his heart, then he would deal with it. But a small twinkle of hope existed, he thought. Maybe she would want him. He just looked at her and waited, as though she were a judge and he the man on trial.
 
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When he told her that she could leave and never come back to his class again, Hayden felt her heart begin to break, even if she told herself to not let something like that happen to herself. That was what she had wanted; for him to tell her to leave so that she could start the process of getting over him and telling herself that it never would have worked out anyway. She went to nod her head, and she could feel tears begin to spring in her eyes, but then something made her stop, his words made her stop. Hear him out? What did he have to say to her? What could he possibly have to say about any of this after what he had just said before? Hayden thought about getting out of the chair and leaving, but instead she set her backpack back on the ground and looked at the man before her, anxious, now, to hear what he had to say. And to say the least, his words floored her in a way that she hadn't expected.

She wouldn't be surprised if her heart just leaped out of her chest as she listened to his confession, and as she looked into his eyes. He had had a crush on her for a while, he had fallen for her after she came to the office hours because she needed help and because she just wanted to talk to him so that she could hear his voice. And she knew that he was telling the truth. While there had been doubt before and while she had believed he was only doing this to pull one over on her and to trick her to see if she really was just a naive college student who let her hormones and emotions get the better of her, those fears and reservations were pushed out of her mind as she continued to look and listen. There was a sincerity in his eyes, a certain look that told her that he wasn't lying and that he wasn't only saying this to make her feel better. He... He really wanted to be with her. He wanted her to be with him, and she wanted the same thing. The rush of feelings that overwhelmed her in that moment caused a bit of a pause in her breath before she was able to suck in a breath, and she had no doubt in her mind that the look she sported across her face was one of surprise and absolute shock.

Her back straightened in the chair as she watched him lower his head a bit, his words still ringing in her mind, bouncing back and forth as she tried to make sense of the situation. Actually, could she really make sense of this situation? Did feelings for people really make sense most of the time? No, and despite the fact that she had never had feelings this strong for someone, she couldn't deny that this confusing feeling was only natural. Maybe that was why she was able to tell that it was real and that it wasn't just a figment of her imagination. She was feeling nervous, confused, anxious, happy, ecstatic... She wished that she was able to pick out one emotion, but she wasn't able to. Only one time had anyone confessed something like this to her, but when she thought back to that day it was nothing like this. That other guy didn't have the sincerity or voice that Doctor Ralston had in that moment, and he didn't have to look either.

He would be her's if she wanted, and oh did she want that. Her fingers twitched and her body trembled a bit. Was this a mistake? Was falling into this, falling more for him, going to blow up in her face one day? She sure hoped not. But she said nothing to him as she muddled through her own thoughts and just stared at him, stared at this man, a man that she had only spent not even a handful of times with yet felt so strongly towards. She hoped she wasn't making a mistake. She hoped that she knew what she was getting herself into...

But even before she had been able to say anything to him, her body seemed to be on autopilot. When he looked back at her after stopping his confession there only seemed to be a ringing in her ears, but she nonetheless moved closer to him and leaned her face back into him like it had been before. Except, unlike him, she hadn't stopped, and when their lips touched together she couldn't help but feel that spark and flame that settled in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't help but feel the tingles that ran across her lips and through just about every nerve in her body. This was so much better than the dreams she had had about him; this was real. His lips were soft, warm against her's, and as she closed her eyes she sunk more into the feeling. She had never initiated anything like this before, or at least not so quickly, and never before had anything felt so strong and powerful to her. Hesitantly, Hayden pulled back from the lingering kiss, though kept her face only a few inches away from his. Instead of the just about fear stricken look she held before, her expression was now softer, a smile even gracing her lips as she breathed out a shaky breath and opened her eyes back up to look at him. "This could land us in a lot of trouble if anyone found out," she spoke softly, blinking her eyes as she let them travel to look back down at his lips. "This could cause so many problems for us... But I want to see where it goes. There's just something about you that draws me to you, and I don't want to let that go." She was willing to risk the fears in her mind for him, and to her that said a lot.
 
He was so sure for a moment that she was going to leave, that when she leaned forward, he thought that she might slap him. Feeling foolish for even thinking that, he watched her come closer. He could feel her breath on his face again, but she didn't stop. Instead she brought her lips to his mouth. He had heard as a kid that getting a kiss should feel like fireworks were going off in your head. When he had first kissed Karen so long ago, it was nice and warm and satisfying, and he thought that the fireworks idea was just an exaggeration. But he was wrong. Hayden's lips were like sparklers against his skin, bright and sharp and hot. Though the kiss was chaste and short it was better than any kiss he could remember.

When she pulled back she took his heart with her. He knew he was gone when he saw the soft look in her eyes and the smile spreading across her lips. After listening to her words, he took her hands again and lifted it to his mouth, pressing his lips to her knuckles. "I'm willing to take this risk," he told her, his voice steady. "I've thought about it for a while now. There aren't any university rules that explicitly state that faculty and students can't have a... romantic relationship," he said, stumbling over the word 'romantic'. Suddenly thoughts of buying her flowers and watching the sunset with her came into his mind, and he smiled. Karen had hated stuff like that, but he had always been a romantic at heart. "But it would be better to keep it between us, if that's okay. I don't want anyone to think that you didn't earn your grade, because you did. At least you aren't taking any more English classes. That kind of helps, actually."

He kept looking at her, unable to comprehend that they had just agreed to see one another. "There's something you have to promise me, though," he said, his face serious. He lowered her hand and took it in both of his, cradling it between his. Her hand felt like a baseball inside of his catcher's mitt hands, but it was nice. He felt like he could protect her in a weird way, though he didn't think she really needed his help on that front. "While our age difference doesn't matter to me in the slightest, I am... ah..." Jack stopped for a moment, a blush creeping up his neck and blending into his beard. Being straightforward had been working so far, so he decided to say exactly what he meant. "I'm probably more experienced than you when it comes to romantic relationships. Mainly the physical aspect." There, he said it. He didn't know if she was a virgin and he wouldn't ask, but he was sure that he had more experience just because of his age. "If anything happens between us that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me to stop. We can talk thinks out, take things at your pace."

Jack grinned now, glad to be done with that aspect of what he needed to say. "I'm just amazed that someone as beautiful as you could like someone like me." Unable to hold himself back any longer, he gently pulled her closer, wheeling his chair over until it was practically touching her chair. His hands moved to her face, and for a moment he just held her there, his heavy lidded eyes taking in her face and expression,before he pressed his lips to her's again. He was slightly more aggressive, moving his lips with practiced ease. Kissing her made him feel so light, so free. He moved his right hand back to cradle the back of her head, finally pushing his fingers into her silky hair. The sensation of the strands running through his fingers nearly made him moan, but he held back, sure that he would scare her off if he started making weird noises right off the bat. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly, but didn't deepen the kiss, keeping his tongue firmly in his mouth. He wouldn't rush her. She would set the pace, and he would be more than willing to comply.

After a few minutes he pulled away, a bright smile on his face. "I'll miss you over the break," he said, suddenly remembering that she was most likely heading home tomorrow. "Would... would you like my phone number? You can text me if you want, but if you don't, it's okay," he said, hoping that she would take him up on his offer.
 
Even if there still was a bit of fear laced through her because of this entire ordeal, Hayden found herself more happy about this than she thought she ever would be. She listened to what he said and nodded her head, agreeing that things would be better left just between the two of them so that no one could accuse them, or him rather, of her only getting a good grade because of what happened between them now. Because even if it wasn't necessarily against any university rules like he said, it was still heavily frowned upon and even she knew that. But even as she thought that, it put a bit of a damper on her spirit, if only because when she really thought about it, she knew that she wasn't going to be able to go on any proper dates with him in the area. More than likely they would have to sneak around and find their way far out of the little college town where people wouldn't recognize them and where people wouldn't call them out on anything. They would even have to be careful over the way that they went about something like that as well, seeing as if anyone recognized their cars or just saw the two together in one of their cars it would probably raise suspicion. And if they ever made it far in their relationship, pushing boundaries even further to take a new step and direction in their relationship at any point, she knew that the two would be probably unable to stay at one another's apartment, her's because of Emily and because many other students lived in the complex and apartments, and his because other people who walked around the university probably lived there as well and to see the two of them together, going into an apartment...

It was going to be a lot of work, Hayden knew that, but again she told herself that she was willing to put in the effort that she needed to in order to see where this relationship would go. When he put his hand around her's she looked at him when he seemed to take a serious tone with her, causing her to raise her brows a bit as she nodded her head. Promise him something? Okay, that seemed like a reasonable thing to do, and when he finally decide to speak she couldn't help but snort out a little laugh. There was no doubt in her mind that he had more experience than her, given the fact that he had been married for nearly eleven years and given the fact that he had dated his ex wife years even before that, along with possibly other women. It intimidated her a bit, if only because she had not much experience over the fact that she had only had one relationship in her life. But at least he was going to be willing to stop for her if she ever grew uncomfortable with anything. It wasn't that she had thought that he would do anything less, but to hear him say that brought that extra bit of reassurance to her, causing Hayden to smile as she nodded her head. "Okay, I promise. I'll let you know if I ever feel uncomfortable about anything."

But his compliment caused a warmness to come through her, a feeling that she was beginning to love. As he pulled himself closer to her, their knees now rubbing against each other as he leaned forward, she took the kiss with vigor, loving the feel of his hand cradling her face, loving the fact that his lips felt so warm against hers. Even if his kiss was a little more aggressive then what she had done to him, she still reacted to it as she tried to reciprocate the action, sighing heavily though in a good way. She moved her hands up to rest against his neck in the moments of the kiss until he pulled back, her hands trailing off of him to rest against her lap then. How was any of this happening? Why was any of this happening? Why was she questioning it?

"I'm going to miss you too," she spoke, meaning those words after he said those to her. Odd, how when just starting this... Relationship? Is that what they were calling it? She was going to end up leaving for home in just few hours, leaving him while not being able to spend enough time with him. She wanted to though; she had half a mind to throw her travels out of the window for the day so that she could leave tomorrow, but she knew that she couldn't do that. She had already told her parents that she was going to be home later tonight, after all, and if she knew her mother at all, Hayden knew that if she didn't show up or was much later than she had said she would be she would be yelled at. She had to go, unfortunately, and she wasn't going to be able to tell any of them about any of this. "But I think having your phone number would be great." She just about beamed at that as she nodded her head. It would keep them connected while they were away, even if the words between them would only be sent through text unless one of them got the nerve to call the other during the break to actually hear the other person's voice.

In that next moment, they exchanged phone numbers, Doctor Ralston giving his number to her and then Hayden inputting it in her phone while she gave him her number so that he could put it in his phone. Her eyes started down at the number as she smiled and bit her lip, a funny feeling bubbling up in the pit of her stomach as she breathed out a little sigh. Instead of putting 'Doctor Ralston' to indicate the name for the person calling, she put 'Jack', something that she figured she would have to get used to calling him. She pocketed her phone afterwards and looked back up at the man, her cheeks still a bit flushed as she couldn't help but laugh lightly to herself. What a turn of events. At first, she thought that he would call her foolish and send her own her way because he didn't feel the same, but it turns out that he did. And she was happy about it. When she looked down at her watch and noticed the time, she frowned before looking back up at him, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't want to go, but you're office hours are over, and I should probably really be going. Wouldn't want anyone getting suspicious for staying much longer than need be, right?" She cleared her throat then and rubbed the back of her neck. "I've got a class to head to in a few anyway, and then after that I'm heading home." But when she mentioned home, she suddenly stopped as a frown took the place of her lips. "I'll send you a text before I leave and hit the road, okay?"
 
As she mentioned the time, his eyebrows raised. Glancing at the wall clock above her head, he sighed, wishing that they could have a little more time together. "You've got a point there." He stood, taking her hand so she stood next to him. He was about six inches taller than her, if he were to guess. It had been hard to tell before without being close to her. But now they stood less than a foot apart, holding hands, and Jack could fully look at the young woman without feeling embarrassed. Of course, there would be problems. They would have to sneak around a bit, and he felt bad that she couldn't have a normal relationship, but he would do his best to make it better for her.

When he mentioned going home, he couldn't stop a frown from crossing his face. He wouldn't be able to see her until she returned to campus, and it just seemed like far too long to be without her. The thought nearly made him chuckle; they had kissed twice and now he was going to be lonely without her presence for a few days. "I'd appreciate that," he said in response to her offer of a text message. "I don't know how far you have to go, but please drive safely. If anything happens on the road, don't hesitate to call." And he meant it. If her car broke down three hours away, he knew that he would jump in his car immediately to help. He was that kind of guy, he guessed. He'd probably do the same for a friend, but for Hayden... He wasn't sure what lengths he would go to for her, but he was willing to find out.

His eyes darted up again. His office hours had been over for nearly ten minutes, and he had a class to get to as well. Without thinking he pulled her to his chest, burying his nose in her silky hair, enjoying finally being able to feel her and touch her without hesitation. Jack pulled back, giving her a gentle kiss that he hoped was filled with all of the things that he still wanted to say - be careful, I'll miss you, you're beautiful, thank you, thank you, thank you.

--

After his last class of the week, he went home and immediately started pouting. Though their relationship was new, he missed her already. He wanted to talk to her, ask her all about her studies, her hobbies, her goals. He wanted to know her favorite color, if she liked chocolate, what kind of music she favored. It was like being a kid again in the best way, his mind and heart opened for the first time in so long.

Laying back on the couch, he sat his phone on his chest, soon joined by the cat. Where could he take her on a first date? They couldn't go anywhere in town, so it was either bring her here or go out of town. Jack knew a couple restaurants about thirty minutes away, a movie theater near by. But was it too much, too soon? Maybe he should just invite her over to his place, order some food. He wished that he could cook. Despite his practice, he could really only make eggs and bland chicken. Hayden might like to meet Eve, at the least.

The phone vibrated on his chest and he gave a start. But it wasn't a text. It was a call from his mom, making him smile. "Hey, Mom," he said as he answered.

"Jack!" she replied, her voice light and happy. "I miss you so much, dear! I wish you could come home for Thanksgiving."

"Me too. I could try to catch a late flight-"

She scoffed, and he could see her face in his head - the phone held up with her shoulder, her curly blonde hair falling to her chin, her eyebrow raised, a half smirk quirking up her lips. "Nonsense! You have a lot to do, and I'll see you in a month. Have to keep focused so you can get tenure!"

Ah. Tenure. He hadn't thought about it for a little while, but this new relationship felt more important. Not that he could tell his mom about Hayden. They generally avoided talking about his love life anymore, which he appreciated. "I know, Mom, I know. I still miss you."

"Well I miss you too! I'm looking mighty forward to Christmas!" Their conversation went along until he head a quiet tone, indicating that he had a text. Taking his phone away from his ear for a moment, he say it was from Hayden.

He was trying to make up some excuse to get off the phone, but then she said that she was meeting her girl friends for a game of Rummy and that she would talk to him later. After a quick goodbye, he opened his inbox, drinking in her words. He told her to be safe while driving, adding in an 'I miss you', hoping that he wasn't being too forward. Which was laughable after their goodbye, but he didn't want to scare her. He would never forgive himself if he chased her off with his enthusiasm.
 
Hayden didn't want to leave the office, this little private space that her and Doctor- Jack, had with one another, if only because she wanted to keep the privacy about the two of them. But she knew that nothing could be done about that; she was going to have to get used to sneaking around with him. But when she stood and he took her hand, she walked a few steps closer to him, herself tilting her head up a bit to look at him as she laughed out a little giggle. And when he pulled her into the hug she instantly wrapped her arms around his back, pressing the side of her face where it rested as she closed her eyes and breathed out a bit of a sigh, becoming enamored with the warmth that was being enveloped with her. This was so much warmer than any coat that she could ever wear, as well as more comfortable than any coat that she could wear. It was funny to think that he was making her feel like such a little kid, one that always found a sort of giddiness when walking into a candy store or when being told that their parents were going to take them to the toy store. If this is what she was going to feel like every time she was around him... She could certainly get used to it.

It was almost a little overwhelming, however, and even with the smiles, laughs, and butterflies running amok in her stomach, she was still a little afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting in some sort of trouble because of this, afraid of getting him in trouble. But she figured that she would cross this bridges when they made it to that point. After all, what even were they at this point? They expressed their interest for one another, they wanted to try this out, but this didn't mean that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. It just meant, to her, that they were going to see if this lead to them wanting to be in an official relationship. But if she was already feeling this way towards him, and so quickly at that, was there really any doubt in her mind that she wanted to be considered his girlfriend? But all in due time, and even Hayden knew that. While she felt strongly for this man already for reasons unknown to her, she wouldn't rush this. Rushing would only cause them trouble, and she wanted to savoir all of this. She wanted to make sure that the feelings that were bubbling in her insides were actually real and true and not just something she was feeling because he had expressed his feelings towards her. No, she wouldn't make that mistake again. Not with him, and mostly because she refused to put herself in a situation like that again.

After the kiss she leaned back a bit and hesitantly took her hand out of his hold before she gave Jack one more lingering look before she walked over to the door and walked out. Even if she hadn't wanted to, she couldn't help but let her eyes quickly sweep over the empty halls that only held little mumbles in them from the other open doors along the way. Had anyone heard them? Was someone going to the dean of the school now to tell? Doubtful. She hadn't heard any footsteps by the door, and while she hadn't really been paying attention to that in the office, she figured that she had nothing to worry about. Besides, she had to be... Calm about this, otherwise she would look suspicious and that would due no good.

When Hayden finished her class she went back to her apartment and packed her things up before she took them all down to her car and then headed back up. She double checked to make sure that she had everything, and after checking off the mental check list she had in her mind, she nodded to herself, waved Emily goodbye since the girl would be there for another day, and then left to head down to her car. She breathed out a sigh as she settled herself in, buckling herself up and then starting the car, but after that she reached over to grab her phone and texted her parents to let them know that she was on her way, and then she texted Jack, smiling to herself as she stared at the name for longer than she had really intended to do so. Why was even looking at his name, why was even thinking that he was going to be the one on the other end of the text to read this, send tingles through her? She tried to push the thought aside, and eventually she pulled out of the parking lot after setting her phone in one of the cup holders and started heading on the two hour journey that it took to get to her parents house.

-----

Coming back home was always a joy, especially considering how she hadn't been back to her parent's house in such a long time, months even. She talked with them often, but there was still a difference with being in their presence than it was to just hear them on the other end of the phone. But because she still had a key to the house, as she pulled her suitcase up the steps of the front porch, she started to unlock the door, instantly beginning to hear the barks of a dog on the other side of the door. Hayden couldn't help but grin at the sound, an overexcited feeling coming over her body despite the already overjoy of happiness that had spread through her because of the events that happened earlier that day. She had confessed her feelings for her professor. It was still funny when she thought about it, something that made her laugh on the drive to her parent's house as she would shake her head and continue on the road. It seemed like such a far fetched thing, like something that would only happen in a movie or in a romance novel. But, it was something that she was living, or going to start living, and she was excited about it. Anxious even to see what was going to happen.

As soon as the door was opened, the sight of a golden retriever entered into her eyes, the dog's tail wagging furiously as he quickly bounded over to Hayden and jumped up, putting his front paws on her stomach as she grunted a bit at the feeling. She stumbled back a bit, laughed, and then reached with her free hand as she kicked the door closed with her foot to rub the dog's head. "Hey Comet! Long time no see, huh buddy?" Another laugh came from her before she told the dog to get down, which he listened, but pranced around her nonetheless as Hayden stepped more into the house, taking her shoes off since it was a policy that she had grown up with her entire life; always take your shoes off when in someone's house. "Mom?! Dad?!"

"In the kitchen!" She heard the voice of her father speak out, causing her to motion for Comet to follow before she headed in the direction, smiling as she peeked her head into the space. The smell of food drifted into her nose, causing her to smile, but her smile widened when she turned to look and see her mother, father, and her two grandparents on her mother's side all in the kitchen, her mother and grandmother standing by the stove while her father and grandfather sat at the table with cards laying out across it.

The festivities went as expected; as soon as her family saw Hayden walk into the kitchen she had been greeted with smiles, laughs, and hugs before they started shooting off questions to her about how she was doing, if she was hungry, if anything exceptional had happened in her life, and how her school in general was going. She answered each question that was given to her as best as she could, keeping the fact that she had recently found someone that she really liked at bay if only because that was not a conversation that she wanted to get into with all of them in the space, or with just them in general. But otherwise, everything had been good. She ate the meal that had been prepared, talked with her family for a little bit, and then she headed upstairs to her room with her suitcase in hand so that she could get ready for bed, even if she wasn't really ready. But the fact that every one seemed to have settled themselves into their rooms was enough to let Hayden know that it was time for her to just stay in her room for the night as well.

The room that she lived in before she headed off to college was left just as it had been, save for a few different modifications. The walls had been painted a different, softer color of baby blue, and the comforter had been changed to match the wall coloring as well. But the bed frame, dresser, and everything else in the room had been left in it's place, even the little trinkets and pictures that she had left on the dresser and hanging on the walls after she left, claiming that she wanted to keep them there just for sentimentality reasons. Breathing out a sigh, she went to take a quick shower before she headed back to her room and plopped onto the bed, reaching over on the nightstand to grab her phone out. It was in that moment she realized that she hadn't let Jack now that she had made it to the house safely, and an instant sense of regret filled her. How could she forget to tell him that?

Quickly she sent him a text, letting him know that she had made it to her parent's house and that she had been there for a while and then apologizing for not letting him know sooner. She just ended up becoming caught up with her family to have thought about it she told him, even if he seemed to have always been lingering in the back of her mind. But then she continued on with the text, asking how he was even despite the fact that it was late at night.

But she had been surprised when she got a text back not shortly after, Hayden having pulled the covers back on her bed to get herself a little more comfortable. She plugged the phone up on the charger that she plugged into the wall, and as soon as she did that the phone buzzed with a text from Jack, causing a smile to reach Hayden's lips as she let her eyes read over the words. They had a small little conversation back and forth with one another, just asking how each other were doing and how the rest of the day had been, but soon after due to everything that Hayden had done that day she found her eyes lids growing heavy. So before she could completely fall asleep, she sent Jack on last text, telling him good night, and then she went to bed.

------

The next morning Hayden woke up early with a debate in her mind; to text Jack or not to text Jack? In the end, she eventually did with just saying a little good morning, hoping that she wasn't disturbing or waking him up in any sort of way. She also hope that she wasn't seeming to be too clingy with what she was doing, but... She just wanted to do that. She wanted him to know that she thought about him, even in the morning, because really she did.

The day went on as her mother had described to her last night; in the morning they ate breakfast, and then her, her mother, and her grandmother went out to do a little shopping despite the fact that they were going to be shopping on Friday for Black Friday, they went out to each lunch with each other, and then they came back to the house to relax. She spent time with her father and grandfather, every once in a while checking her phone to see if Jack had sent her anything, and when dinner rolled around a few more guest that were going to be spending the next couple of days at the house had arrived. They consisted of her uncle on her mother's side and his three kids with his wife, and after getting them settled into the places that they were going to be sleeping in things winded down for the night.

And then Thanksgiving day came upon then. Hayden woke up early to help in the kitchen to prepare the food -not by her own choice but because of her mother- along with her step aunt and grandmother. More family was going to be coming throughout the day to celebrate the holiday, ones that lived more in the area, but at that point her mother just wanted things to be done and prepared. Not that that was anything unusual considering how planned her mother liked things to go.

She hadn't sent a text to Jack that morning, herself too busy, but after taking a shower once the afternoon rolled around, Hayden excused herself from the rest of the family and stepped outside that lead to the two acre backyard that her parents owed, the land fenced off by a fence in order for Comet to run around without them having to worry about him running away. They had a nice outdoor set that was used often during the heat of the summers with the in ground pool and concrete back patio they had with a table set. In the back was a more grassy area for the dog to run around in. But now the air was chilly and cold, but Hayden made due with the air that surrounded her since she decided to not have taken a coat out there with her. She stepped further out into the yard and folded her arms, taking a breath and then letting it out as she picked her head up and looked at her phone. She hadn't been able to hear his voice since Tuesday, and oddly that day she just wanted to actually hear him rather than she just send him a little text. It took a lot of nerve on her part, however, to press her finger against Jack's name and hit the call button, because they hadn't said anything about calling one another. But... She wanted to take a chance, and again she wanted to let him know that she had been serious about what she said in the office and that she hadn't just been saying that. She actually wanted to try this out with him to see where it could lead.

When she started to hear the dial tone on the other end of the line, she pulled the phone up to her ear and listened, biting her lip as her heart began to pound. Would he answer? Would he want to talk to her? Her feet paced around the perimeter of the pool, her head tilted back down as she watched her feet move with one step at a time.
 
The next few days brought Jack a level of peace that he hadn't had in months. The weight of his feelings for Hayden had been larger than he thought. Not that he wasn't still worried. So much could go wrong, and he wouldn't be upset with her if she decided later that she wanted a more conventional situation. But for now, for this moment, he knew that Hayden cared about him as more than her professor. Jack began reading a book for pleasure for the first time since Karen had said that she was leaving. Sure, he had read academic texts and books for his classes, but this was the first book he read just for himself. Also, he needed to distract himself, because he couldn't help but worry about Hayden.

When she sent him a text later that night, apologizing for forgetting earlier, a fond smile broke out over his face. She was so considerate, thinking of him on her holiday. Honestly, he wasn't sure if she would continue texting him, and he wouldn't have been mad if she hadn't. It was her holiday, this thing between them was so new... But here she was, texting him from her house. He send a message back telling her not to worry about it and asking about her day. They chatted like that for a while, and he wondered if this was how things were for the younger generation. Texting really wasn't a thing when he was in college, with cell phones still being rather large and inconvenient to carry around constantly. But now they were so small and could hold so much data, he didn't know what he would do without his smartphone. He was especially glad for it that night, as their conversation was light and pleasant. She wished him goodnight, and he felt a sudden ache. He missed sleeping in bed with someone. Sure, Karen snored like a rhino, but it was difficult to go from having another human in bed with you for so long to being alone. Eve helped in her own way, sleeping on the bed next to him. But at that moment he wished that Hayden was there, falling asleep with her head on his shoulder.

These thoughts, of course, escalated into a full blown sex daydream. Once he realized what was happening he snapped himself out of it, pressing the heel of his hands to his eyes. He needed to stop thinking like that, especially now. She would probably want to move slow, and he couldn't let his extreme desire for her physically slip. He wanted her in every way, of course. Her companionship was worth more to him than any form of physical contact. But he was still a man, still a human with needs, and the thought of her pressed against his body earlier that day came flooding back to him. Sighing, he got up and went to take a shower, figuring that he would be taking a lot of similar showers for the foreseeable future.

--

He spent the day before Thanksgiving grading papers, trying to get completely caught up before he had to grade final papers next week. That was one thing he kind of hated about being and English teacher - he had to read every paper, no automatic grading scantron for him. But a part of him enjoyed it, enjoyed seeing the different ways that students thought about the text. Sure, quite a few were partially copied from sparknotes and wikipedia, but there were some decent thoughts in there among the unoriginal stuff. Hayden's papers had always captivated him, a combination of scientific process and textual analysis. That mind of her's was what drew him to her in the first place, and he wanted to ask her opinion on so many things, to understand how she thought.

Hayden's good morning text had been a pleasant way to wake up that morning. He texted her back, a simple 'good morning' with a smiley face. Visiting with family was time consuming, so that she made a bit of time for him had set a good bar for the day. After grading he went to the gym, filled with renewed drive. Instead of lifting to forget, he did it because he was in a good mood. The flirty woman was at a treadmill again and she made a point of ignoring him. He watched her for a moment, seeing her curves move under the tight spandex of her workout clothes. He didn't feel a thing. A grin crossed his face and he had his best day in the gym in over half a year.

--

Thanksgiving was spent in the company of a few other English professors who either couldn't make it back to their family like Jack, or just didn't have other family to see. The five of them met up at Trish's house, which was furnished with antique but comfortable furnishings and filled with worn copies of romantic literature. They had a lovely Thanksgiving lunch, and though Jack wasn't religious, he found himself thanking whoever was listening for a lovely meal, his health, and the three most important women in his life - Hayden, his mother, and Eve.

His co-workers were always careful to not bring up his divorce, for which he was grateful. But when Tom looked at him oddly for a moment, he asked what was wrong. "I saw Karen at the faculty office the other day," he said casually, messing around with his napkin.

Jack's throat when dry. "Oh yeah?" he said after a moment, taking a drink of his water.

"Yeah. Apparently she's doing some financial work with the school, gonna be hanging around for a few months." Tom was silent for a moment, unsure if he should continue.

"You saw her new engagement ring, right?" he asked, poking at his pumpkin pie. He really didn't care for it, but Millie made it, so he would endure.

His coworkers all looked at one another, a bit flabbergasted. "It... doesn't bother you?" asked Trish.

"Not anymore," he replied truthfully, though his tone deflected any further questions. Well, now he would have to look over his shoulder even more. He couldn't imagine if Karen caught him with Hayden... But really, he had nothing to feel ashamed of, and she had no room to judge him. But regardless he would keep them away from one another. Karen had no right to bother Hayden, and Hayden didn't deserve to deal with his past directly like that.

After he got home, pleasantly stuffed, he gave Eve some leftover turkey and sat down. He wasn't much for football, but it was on and he just wanted to relax. After nearly half an hour of not paying attention to the game and daydreaming about taking Hayden to the beach, he was startled by his phone ringing. He had already talked to his mom that morning, so who else would be calling?

At seeing the word 'Hayden' pop up in the caller ID field, he sat straight up on his couch and turned off the game. Immediately accepting the call, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. "Hayden! Happy Thanksgiving! I'm so glad you called. I've missed you," he said rather quickly, his excitement taking over. He didn't even bother to hide it, either.
 
As she continued to walk back and forth, Hayden shivered lightly before she turned her attention to look at the glass sliding door that led back to the kitchen when she heard it start to open, watching as it slid opened to reveal her mother from behind the blinds as she shooed Comet out of the kitchen and out into the backyard. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes, Hayden!" Her mother called out, causing Hayden to merely nod and then turn her back to the door, herself scratching the back of her neck as she watched the golden retriever sprint his way out into the grassy area with his tongue lolled out of his mouth. The sight alone was enough to get Hayden to smile, and it had even almost distracted herself enough to where she nearly forgot about the phone that was resting against her ear.

But as soon as she head the other voice on the other side of the line, Hayden's attention was brought off everything else and brought to the man's voice that she heard. Now hearing that certainly warmed her up, despite the chills that ran through her body. Her feet stopped moving at that point as she grinned to herself, breathing out a light laugh when Jack mentioned that he missed her and then feeling her face flush all the more because of that statement. "Happy Thanksgiving to you too," she started, picking her head up to look at the sky then. What was he doing in that moment? Was he in his room, was he in his living room sitting on the couch, was he playing or sitting right next to Eve? She tried to think of what his apartment looked like, and she tried to imagine the decorations that he had stacked around the place, herself automatically thinking that he probably had at least one bookshelf lined with many books on its shelves against a wall, but otherwise she found herself not being able to picture much else that would be in the space other than him and Eve, and, oddly enough, even her. But she pushed that thought away as soon as it came, keeping in mind that something like that was moving much too fast in her mind. After all, it had really only been two days that they had started this relationship, and besides the time in the office, this was the first time they had really spoken to each other verbally since starting all of it.

"I miss you too. How has your day been?" Even despite herself, Hayden kept her voice relatively low; not low enough to where Jack wouldn't hear her, but low enough to where anyone listening in on the conversation would have to strain their ears in order to hear her. She didn't trust her mother, or even her grandmother, to not want want to ease drop on a conversation she was having, especially one that that she felt the need to have outside in the cold away from everything. Her mom had done something like that before, and then promptly questioned her on the matter shortly after she had gotten off the phone with someone when she was still living at home. It was irritating, yes, and there was no doubt in her mind that she was going to have to explain herself once she got back in the house, but she figured that she would be able to come up with an excuse.

Comet, after having finished taking care of his business over by the back end of the fence, bounded his way back over to Hayden with a tennis ball in his mouth, his tail wagging furiously again as he stepped up to her and stopped, dropping the ball at her feet as he barked to get her attention. Hayden turned her attention to look down and sighed before she reached down, grabbed the tennis ball, and then chucked it as far as she could into the backyard, the dog quickly going after it as soon as the ball hit the air. "You haven't been alone today, have you?" The thought had suddenly came to her mind when she thought about the fact that he was divorced and when she thought of her own family. Was he with his own? Had he traveled somewhere to visit someone? "Besides being with Eve, I mean. I don't really think anyone should spend any holiday alone." She tilted her head a bit as she started pacing around the perimeter of the pool again. "Did you go visit any family today, or are you going to?"
 
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Her voice made him melt. Laying back on the couch, he propped himself up on a cushion, allowing Eve to get back into his lap. "Oh, it was fine. Was just watching a football game, but mainly because it was all that was on television. I only really watch hockey," he said, his hands raking lightly over Eve's fun. She purred happily, both of her eyes closed as she began to snooze. He could hear a bit of wind howling in the background. Was she outside? If the weather there was anything like the weather at the university, then it was pretty cold. It hit him then that perhaps she didn't want to be inside around her parents when she called him. Lord, he couldn't imagine her parents reacting well to her seeing a man nearly 14 years her senior.

His thoughts were cut short by her concerned tone as she asked if he'd been alone. He thought it was very sweet and thoughtful, and he couldn't help but think about how cute she was, from her personality to her appearance. "I had a holiday lunch with some co-workers, don't worry," he said, his smile clear in his tone. "My mother lives over four hours away. It is inconvenient to visit very often, so with Christmas so close, we decided to not get together this year." He didn't mention how Karen would drag him to her parent's house every year, despite the fact that her mother had never liked him. "And Eve is here too! She's sleeping on my lap right now. Sometime you'll have to come over and meet her properly."

His brain caught up with his words a little too late and he realized that he had just asked her to visit his apartment. Alone. With just him and Eve, who didn't really count in this kind of situation. He chuckled, his face heating up as he imagined Hayden coming through the door, smiling at him, scooting Eve over to sit on his lap... "But you can do that whenever you're comfortable!" he managed to say quickly. "You'll love Eve though, she's very sweet."

The wind howled again, and he wished that he could keep her warm. Wrapping her in his arms would be amazing, but he imagined her wearing one of his coats, the shoulders drooping and the waist being too long, and his face started burning hotter. Maybe just wearing his coat...

Just hearing her voice was enough to have this effect on him. He would definitely need to be careful when he was actually with her in person. "How has your holiday been?" he asked, wanting to distract himself from his thoughts. "Having a nice visit with your family?" It occurred to him at that moment that he really didn't know much about her, beyond her personality and the fact that she made his heart beat out of his chest with happiness. Hopefully he would be able to spend some time getting to know her better before the winter holiday.
 
Hayden couldn't help but smile as she continued to listen to him, laughing lightly about his comment about the football game and then listening to him speak the rest of what he had to say about his day. It was still a little saddening to hear that he hadn't seen any of his family that day, if only because in her mind family was important and holidays were the times of the year where someone really should spend time with their family. But, she digressed. Traveling and money were often an issue with cases such as that, and his case was a viable one. If her parents lived four hours away from the university, she probably would have waited until the end of the semester to head back home as well, just so that she wouldn't have to take the long drive for a few days and then head back shortly after. Or maybe she would have just willed herself through the drive, much like she willed herself through the two hours that it took to get back home, but Hayden wasn't sure, and, to be honest, she didn't really care about her situation. Nevertheless, at least he had been able to spend time with some people, co workers that he probably spent a lot of time with, people that, when she thought about it, she would more than likely never really be able to meet because of the circumstances.

How would something like that be, and how long would it be until they were really able to tell people about the two of them if they made it that far with their relationship? Probably not until she graduated, she told herself, but even then she knew that the two of them would be given disapproving looks and probably snide comments. How would her friends look at all of it, how would her family look at it? How would his family and friends look at their relationship if it ever came to the light of day? It wasn't something that Hayden wanted to think about, or at least not in that moment because it seemed too soon for her to think that far into the future, but it worried her nonetheless.

Thankfully, however, her thoughts about the future and of what other people would think of the two of them were pushed out of her mind as she registered the fact that he spoke about her coming to his apartment to meet with Eve. A part of her mind told her that just meeting Eve would not be the only reason as to why she would come to the apartment, his place of living. That was a pretty big step, she figured. A little scary to think about, the thought alone causing a heavy blush to come over on her cheeks. But... Someday, maybe that would happen, whether or not that would be sooner rather than later she couldn't tell. "One day I will," she replied back to that, scratching the back of her neck as she took a breath and then let it out. That seemed like a reasonable thing to say in regards to that. It let him know that she wasn't promising him anything, but then again it let him know that she wasn't rejecting the offer either. "I'm sure she'll be a pleasure to meet, and it'll be nice to see your apartment. After all, what does a college English professor have in his place of living?"

She couldn't help but laugh at the joke before she shook her head and looked back up just in time to see Comet running back towards her with the ball in his mouth. Bending down, she reached her hand out to grab the ball and tugged on it a little until the golden retriever let it go and took a few steps back with his entire attention on the green object. "It's been nice being back home," she answered, chucking the ball in the next second and watching the dog shoot off after it again. "Been busy as hell since I've gotten here with all of the visiting and everything that my mom's been getting me to do, but it's still nice. I don't really come home often since I started living in an apartment and don't really have to come home that often, so it's always nice to see the family. Actually, I don't think I've gone home since last summer, and I had only come home a couple of times when I wasn't busy with anything." That was something she regretted a bit; not coming home as often as she really wanted to. She hadn't come home at all during the semester, and over the summer she had only come over a few weekends when she wasn't doing her internship at the vet office. Maybe she'd see if she could make more time later on to come on. She missed it here.

As a gust of wind blew past her, Hayden shivered and used her free hand to rub against her other arm. She turned her back in the direction that the wind was coming from, trying her best to hold the chatters that her teeth wanted to do if only to not make Jack worry over the fact that she was probably cold, which she was. "We've got a lot of family here now though for the dinner, so it's a little overwhelming with everyone walking around and talking and everything, but-"

"Hayden!"

Before she was able to finish what she had to say, her mother's voice rang out in the direction of the house. Willing back a groan that dared slip from her throat, Hayden turned in the direction of her mom with her brows furrowed and her hand raising up in question before she let it fall back against her leg. "Come back inside; we're about to eat, and we need to say grace!"

Sighing, Hayden nodded her head before she pulled the phone from her ear and rested it against her chest. "Okay! Just one minute!"

"No, now!" Comet, hearing the shouting, bolted his way back into the house before the door could be closed behind him again. And after that, Hayden sucked in a breath and rolled her eyes as she turned her back to the house and put the phone back to her ear.

"I have to go. My mom's pretty strict when it comes to scheduling, and I'm afraid that if I don't get back in the house she'll ban me from getting any food to eat." Really, she wouldn't put it past her mother to do something like that. Nevertheless, Hayden still didn't want to get off the phone with Jack; it felt like she had just started talking to him again! And his voice was just so calming, so relaxing, so... Addicting. In all honesty she could see herself staying up all night talking with him, potentially just laying with him as they stayed closed to one another, holding each other, talking with each other, relaxing with each other. It was a good thought to have, one that she wanted to see happen in reality, one that she could see happening. But alas, that wasn't the case at the the time. She bent her head to look down at the ground then, tucking her hair behind her ear that flew into her face. "Um... Maybe I can call you again, sometime later?" She bit her lip after asking that, suddenly growing nervous as she glanced back at the sliding door to see that her mom was still standing there with her foot tapping against the ground and a hand on her hip.
 
He could close his eyes and listen to her speak all day. What made it more special was that she was talking for him, not for anyone else. No pretenses, no school work or fear stopping them from saying what was on their minds. Not that the conversation was that intense, but he felt that it had been a long time since he could actually talk to someone.

As she talked about her family, he wondered if they would make it work to the point that she would want him to meet her family. Even if they waited until she graduated, the 14 year age difference wouldn't lessen. Suddenly he felt a bit guilt. Had he doomed her to always being an outcast because of their relationship? Jack didn't care about what people thought of him, but what about Hayden? Would they always look at her differently as long as they were together?

Hayden's words were cut off by a voice in the distance. She must have taken the phone away from her mouth, because her yelled response was slightly muffled. After a moment he heard her sigh softly. "Ah, I can't keep you from turkey!" he said, a bit sad that she had to go so soon. "And of course you can. I'll just be hanging around for the rest of the weekend, grading. Don't let anyone tell you that the life of a professor is glamorous!" Closing his eyes for a moment, he just listened to her breathe. It was enough for now. "Call or text whenever you have the time, and have a nice dinner with your family. I'll be waiting."

--

Half an hour later found him walking around outside, enjoying the empty campus. His phone was in his pocket in case she called, his hand gripping it just in case. He felt like he was waiting for someone to bring him a treat, like a little kid impatient on Christmas morning. Part of him wished that he could be with her, celebrating with her family, despite the fact that it was far too early for such things. He just liked being with her.

Walking by the central quad was strange, as normally students were walking across the grass, chatting, having lunch on the lawn, reading, anything you could think of, until it was too dark to see. Now in broad daylight it was empty, and the image was lovely. He finally noticed the trees, their bright leaves just beginning to fall. The entrance to the Hub was also clear, showing off the arching designs on the glass doorways. I wish Hayden could see this, he thought.

But then he felt dumb, considering that he was holding a cell phone. He took it out, snapping a picture of the empty lawn. 'This is campus during the holidays. Nice, huh?' he wrote, sending it to her. Hopefully he wouldn't bother her meal and she would just get it when she was done with her family time.

He walked for nearly an hour, the cold biting into his skin despite his coat. Everywhere was closed that night, including his gym and his favorite sandwich shop. Fortunately Trish had put together leftovers for everyone to take home, so he contented himself with a turkey sandwich as he continued to read his book. Eve quickly came over, meowing loudly. After giving her some turkey she curled up on his lap, and he couldn't help but glance at his phone every few minutes. Of course, Hayden had no obligation to call him back, or event ext, but... he really wanted her to. He kind of wanted this whole weekend to be over so he could see her. But then came finals and the winter holiday. Sighing a bit, he reasoned that relationships were never easy and that Hayden was completely worth waiting for.
 
He'll be waiting... He'll be waiting on a call from her, a call just from her. Hayden couldn't help but smile at the thought, even if she tried to hide it by biting her lip so that her mother wouldn't see the expression that graced her lips in that moment, even if she still had her back turned to the woman. Regardless, she was happy to hear him say that. It made more butterflies flutter about in her stomach, causing her face to redden a bit, but she nonetheless nodded her head to herself. "I'll call you when ever I get the chance to. Have a good rest of the day if I don't get to talk to you again." With that, she hesitantly pulled her phone from her ear and ended the call, herself staring down at the screen until it blackened and turned itself off into sleep mode. Oh, when would be the next time she would be able to call him though? There was no doubt in Hayden's mind that she would be able to have her own little bit of free time or time for herself over the course of the next couple of days that she was at home, but she couldn't necessarily say how long those little moments to herself would be. In all honest, she figured that they wouldn't be long and that they would only be like this; a few minutes to herself before someone would come and get her to tell her to either come do something, show them something, or come with them to go somewhere.

Fortunately she didn't mind doing those things for her family, especially seeing as she didn't see them very often, but now... She just wanted to stay on the phone with Jack. Hopefully things would be different after she got back to the university. Hopefully they would be able to have more time to talk and get to know one another so that they could further what ever the hell this relationship could be considered. But was it really going to be that easy? More than likely, it wasn't.

"Hayden!"

"I'm coming!" With a pout upon her lips and with her shoulders slumped a bit, Hayden turned and started back towards the house and towards her mother who ushered her back into the house and closed the door behind her. When the heat of the house rushed upon her, Hayden couldn't help but shiver a bit as she let it consume her.

"Who was it that you were talking to out there?" With a questioning gaze, her mother looked over to Hayden with her brows raised and her eyes blinking.

"Ah, no one," Hayden answered, rubbing the back of her neck as she looked at the other family members that were lined up in the kitchen at that point, waiting for everyone to hold hands so that they could get to eating as soon as they said grace. "Just a friend." She hated lying, but what else could she have said? Shaking the thought off, she grabbed onto one of her cousin's hands as everyone joined hands with one another, glancing over at her mother who merely took the answer with a shrug and started speaking to the rest of the family.

-----

The dinner had been nice, even if it had been a bit of an informal thing, though considering how the Thanksgiving dinners that her parents hosted were generally informal, it wasn't anything unusual. They had the usual dining room table in the dining room that a few of the family sat at, they had another table for the younger kids to sit at, and then they had other chairs and little stables stationed around the living room for anyone that wanted to sit in there and watch the rest of the game, which had been the most frequented place in the house at the time. Shouts could be heard here and there as scores and plays were brought out in the game, but generally Hayden was able to ignore the noise as she sat in the dining room and continued to eat and chat among the family, pleasant conversations brought into the mix as everyone told about how their lives were doing and what not. She tried her best, however, to stay up with the conversation as best as she could, even if her mind continued to float back to Jack and what he was doing and what it would be like if he was here with her. But usually when that thought would come she would push it aside. She couldn't imagine her family taking it well that she was seeing someone that much older than she was, especially not her dad. He always was a little more protective of her.

But the picture Jack had sent her had been enough of a distraction to her, and when she looked down and stared down at the picture she couldn't help but smile softly at it, and at the words that he had captioned for the picture. She thought about replying back to it in that moment, and she even had the urge to just call him so that she could hear his voice again, but the teasing tone that came from one of her aunts on her dad's side brought her back into the moment and brought her back to the fact that family was around. This was going to be a lot more difficult that she had thought it was doing to be.

-----

Though she had been able to respond to the text that Jack had sent her with the picture of the campus, that had been the only form of communication she had been able to do with him for a while. The text she sent back saying how empty and different the place looked without people walking around had only been sent at about midnight, right before her, her mother, one aunt and younger cousin decided that they wanted to go shopping at that point, and after that Hayden't hadn't been able to call or text him back because of all of the commotion. They hadn't got back to the house until seven that next morning, all of them wiped out at that point and ready to head to bed, which Hayden did just about as soon as she let her head hit the pillow, and, unfortunately, her mind hadn't even gone to the fact that she wanted to call Jack to ask him how he was and what he had been doing.

When everyone in the house was awake and walking around, they went back shopping, Hayden going along with them then and still finding herself unable to have any time to herself to call Jack. There were a few times throughout the course of the day that her mom had asked her if anything was wrong because she seemed distracted by something, but Hayden merely pushed it off and told her that she was just tired and a little overwhelmed from all of the people that were walking around the shopping mall that they found themselves at. "Well, do you want to go home?" Her mother asked next. Hayden wanted to say yes, because she knew that the house would generally be empty for a lot of the day, but instead she shook her head and told her mom that she would tough it out and that she was fine. She just needed another coffee and then she would be fine.

Too many things had been bought that day all due to her mom and the coupons and deals that she had been able to find throughout the day, but Hayden found herself buying nothing through all of the shopping and through all of the different stores that they filtered through. She couldn't lie, however, and say that she hadn't been looking and thinking about Jack throughout the time, wondering if he would like something like that or something like this and wondering if she should buy it for him for Christmas, despite the fact that it was still a month away. Should she get him something for Christmas? Did he celebrate it? It hit her then that she really didn't know much about him, but it only made her want to know him more about him even more. She wanted to know what his favorite things were and she wanted to know what made him tick. She just... Wanted to know him. She wanted to see him. It was a bit of an overwhelming feeling, something that hit her hard enough to make her sit down on a nearby bench as she waited for her mom to finish ringing up her purchases. Her eyes looked down at the ground as she ran a hand through her hair. She wasn't getting herself into this relationship too deep already, was she?

She pushed the thought off as best as she could before she let it consume her for too long, and when it was finally time to leave the final store that they had entered into, they headed back to the house so that they could filter through everything that was bought and so that they could eat the left over food that had been uneaten the past day.

As Saturday rolled around, Hayden still found herself unable to communicate anything with Jack other than a few text here and there to tell him what she was doing and of how busy the shopping had been, but it hadn't been enough to really satisfy her in anyway. But eventually Hayden did find herself to have some time to herself, which ended up being that Saturday evening. A lot of the family that had stayed over the house had already left, and throughout that morning and afternoon Hayden had spent the time cleaning up the house with her mom and dad to let the process go by quicker as the house was getting put back to it's normal place. Dishes were put up, tables were broken down and put in the basement along with the folding chairs, linens that the guest had used were being washed and the entire house had just about been clean from head to toe. But with all of them putting the effort into the work, things were generally cleaned within a couple of hours.

The only guest that were left in the house, besides herself, were her grandparents, who at the moment were in the living room with her dad while her mother was taking a nap in her room as she tried to regain her strength and energy from the entire time that family had been over. So, really, Hayden had nothing to do. As she looked out the window her bedroom, Hayden could see the sun beginning to set, but after peeking her eyes through the blinds Hayden plopped herself back onto the bed and laid back against the pillows with a sigh. She felt as if she could take a nap in that moment... But she woke herself up instead and leaned up to reach for her phone, thumbing her way through the contacts that she had before she landed on Jack's name. Again she couldn't help but smile at it and sigh. Why was even just looking at his name able to make her feel so giddy?

Shaking her head, Hayden looked over to her door to make sure it was closed, which it was, and then she turned her attention back to the phone before she hit the call button to call Jack, herself laying back against the bed again as she held the phone up to her ear and looked up at the ceiling as she listened to the ring back on the other end of the line.
 
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