The (Randomly Generated) Story of Asmo and Diana

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Insensitive cougars always come in groups of six.
 
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Paorou-sama, woke up in a swamp. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly puzzled, Paorou-sama slapped a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved buttcrack was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Rory. Paorou-sama had known Rory for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Rory was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... annoying. Paorou-sama called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Rory picked up to a very sad Paorou-sama. Rory calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies shudder before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually explosively panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Paorou-sama. Why was Rory trying to distract Paorou-sama? Because he had snuck out from Paorou-sama's with the buttcrack only nine days prior. It was a electric little buttcrack... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Paorou-sama got back to the subject at hand: his buttcrack. Rory sighed. Relunctantly, Rory invited him over, assuring him they'd find the buttcrack. Paorou-sama grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Rory realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the buttcrack and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Paorou-sama took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least three minutes before Paorou-sama would get there. But if he took the Forehead? Then Rory would be really screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Rory was interrupted by eleven insensitive Anteaters that were lured by his buttcrack. Rory sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he recklessly reached for his ninja star and carefully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Forehead rolling up. It was Paorou-sama.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Paorou-sama was out of the Forehead and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Rory's front door. Meanwhile inside, Rory was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the buttcrack into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his hammock. Rory was displeased but at least the buttcrack was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Rory indiscriminately purred. With a hasty push, Paorou-sama opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish zealous...zealot in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Rory assured him. Paorou-sama took a seat alarmingly close to where Rory had hidden the buttcrack. Rory sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Paorou-sama was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Rory noticed a selfish look on Paorou-sama's face. Paorou-sama slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Rory felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Paorou-sama asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the buttcrack right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Paorou-sama's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Paorou-sama nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Rory could react, Paorou-sama skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The buttcrack was plainly in view.

Paorou-sama stared at Rory for what what must've been seven hours. Before anyone could take off their pants, Rory groped wildly in Paorou-sama's direction, clearly desperate. Paorou-sama grabbed the buttcrack and bolted for the door. It was locked. Rory let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Paorou-sama,' he rebuked. Rory always had been a little pestering, so Paorou-sama knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Rory did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his buttcrack tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Rory looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Paorou-sama. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Paorou-sama. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Rory walked over to the window and looked down. Paorou-sama was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Paorou-sama was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Rory's place. Paorou-sama had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Anteaters suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the buttcrack. One by one they latched on to Paorou-sama. Already weakened from his injury, Paorou-sama yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Anteaters running off with his buttcrack.

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Paorou-sama's buttcrack. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Anteaters for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and blasted away with the fortitude of half a million 3-legged wallabies running from a misshapen pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Paorou-sama ran with joy when he saw this. His buttcrack was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show, the news, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet ebola'). Paorou-sama was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Rory and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
 
'Come in,' Staci flamboyantly purred.

Miru stared at Staci for what what must've been eight microseconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Staci groped surreptitiously in Miru's direction, clearly desperate.

Sorry for being late Staci, but judging by this peek into your life with Miru, you probably are too.


>=]
 
*pat pat's staci.* don't worry, you'll have eighteen years to figure it out.
 
That's okay Karsi, Miru is forever 12 along with her, so no one will be going to jail.
 
._. I don't wanna be forever twelve anymore.
 
gurl now i is confused at what the hell i meant
i feel like hitting someone in the head with a all

Allow me to translate:

Young lady, at the moment I am baffled by the ramifications of my statement.
I am now in the mood for a round of rambunctious discombobulation.

Good day.
 
​And from that moment on, Pao-sama was made into Nightingale's translator. :D
 
yay translator


pao is now my bitch he must tell me what everyone is saying to me and tell everyone what i said
 
yay translator


pao is now my bitch he must tell me what everyone is saying to me and tell everyone what i said

Translation:

Hurrah, a person who can decipher and relay my messages!

Paorou is an incredibly handsome and wonderful gentleman who can say and do whatever he wants. I am in love with him.
 
hey i didnt say that i dont love you im almost positive your gay i mean who else would look up the videos you do.