The following was generated at http://www.the-elite.net/story-generator/ and I claim no ownership or responsibility for it. Spoiler (Move your mouse to the spoiler area to reveal the content) Show Spoiler Hide Spoiler It all started when our overrated adventurer, Diana, woke up in a swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly pleased, Diana deflowered a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected she realized that her beloved admin status was missing! Immediately she called her so-called friend, Asmodeus. Diana had known Asmodeus for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Asmodeus was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Diana called him anyway, for the situation was urgent. Asmodeus picked up to a very glad Diana. Asmodeus calmly assured her that most albino cats shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually indiscriminately shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Diana. Why was Asmodeus trying to distract Diana? Because he had snuck out from Diana's with the admin status only three days prior. It was a electric little admin status... how could he resist? It didn't take long before Diana got back to the subject at hand: her admin status. Asmodeus sneezed. Relunctantly, Asmodeus invited her over, assuring her they'd find the admin status. Diana grabbed her elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Asmodeus realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the admin status and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Diana took the 'modded' Civic, he had take at least three minutes before Diana would get there. But if she took the pogo stick? Then Asmodeus would be barely screwed. Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Asmodeus was interrupted by six insensitive cougars that were lured by his admin status. Asmodeus turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aimlessly reached for his wolverine and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the pogo stick rolling up. It was Diana. ----o0o---- As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a apt leap, Diana was out of the pogo stick and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Asmodeus's front door. Meanwhile inside, Asmodeus was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the admin status into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Asmodeus was puzzled but at least the admin status was concealed. The doorbell rang. 'Come in,' Asmodeus sassily purred. With a careful push, Diana opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering beer-sloshed tool in a gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Asmodeus assured her. Diana took a seat vaguely close to where Asmodeus had hidden the admin status. Asmodeus belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Diana was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Asmodeus noticed a selfish look on Diana's face. Diana slowly opened her mouth to speak. '...What's that smell?' Asmodeus felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Diana asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the admin status right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Diana's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Diana nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Asmodeus could react, Diana deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The admin status was plainly in view. Diana stared at Asmodeus for what what must've been nine minutes. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Asmodeus groped wildly in Diana's direction, clearly desperate. Diana grabbed the admin status and bolted for the door. It was locked. Asmodeus let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Diana,' he rebuked. Asmodeus always had been a little funny-smelling, so Diana knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Asmodeus did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, she gripped her admin status tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. Asmodeus looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Diana. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Diana. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Asmodeus walked over to the window and looked down. Diana was gone. ----o0o---- Just yonder, Diana was struggling to make her way through the disease-infested jungle behind Asmodeus's place. Diana had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cougars suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the admin status. One by one they latched on to Diana. Already weakened from her injury, Diana yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cougars running off with her admin status. About six hours later, Diana awoke, her fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Diana did not know where she was. Deep in the arid secret vineyard, Diana was scarcely lost. Happy as a frickin' monkey, she remembered that her admin status was taken by the cougars. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a huge cougar emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cougar. Diana opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the cougar sunk its teeth into Diana's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Diana's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure. Less than four miles away, Asmodeus was entombed by anguish over the loss of the admin status. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his ear. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Diana... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the admin status that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cougars, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'( LOLz!!1 *** L337 Story Generator v1.0 *** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present *** Forever pwning with earnest.