The (Randomly Generated) Story of Asmo and Diana

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Revision, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. The following was generated at http://www.the-elite.net/story-generator/ and I claim no ownership or responsibility for it.

    Show Spoiler
    It all started when our overrated adventurer, Diana, woke up in a swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly pleased, Diana deflowered a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected she realized that her beloved admin status was missing! Immediately she called her so-called friend, Asmodeus. Diana had known Asmodeus for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Asmodeus was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Diana called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

    Asmodeus picked up to a very glad Diana. Asmodeus calmly assured her that most albino cats shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually indiscriminately shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Diana. Why was Asmodeus trying to distract Diana? Because he had snuck out from Diana's with the admin status only three days prior. It was a electric little admin status... how could he resist?

    It didn't take long before Diana got back to the subject at hand: her admin status. Asmodeus sneezed. Relunctantly, Asmodeus invited her over, assuring her they'd find the admin status. Diana grabbed her elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Asmodeus realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the admin status and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Diana took the 'modded' Civic, he had take at least three minutes before Diana would get there. But if she took the pogo stick? Then Asmodeus would be barely screwed.

    Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Asmodeus was interrupted by six insensitive cougars that were lured by his admin status. Asmodeus turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aimlessly reached for his wolverine and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the pogo stick rolling up. It was Diana.

    ----o0o----

    As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so she knew she was running late. With a apt leap, Diana was out of the pogo stick and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Asmodeus's front door. Meanwhile inside, Asmodeus was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the admin status into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Asmodeus was puzzled but at least the admin status was concealed. The doorbell rang.

    'Come in,' Asmodeus sassily purred. With a careful push, Diana opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering beer-sloshed tool in a gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Asmodeus assured her. Diana took a seat vaguely close to where Asmodeus had hidden the admin status. Asmodeus belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Diana was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Asmodeus noticed a selfish look on Diana's face. Diana slowly opened her mouth to speak.

    '...What's that smell?'

    Asmodeus felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Diana asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the admin status right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Diana's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Diana nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Asmodeus could react, Diana deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The admin status was plainly in view.

    Diana stared at Asmodeus for what what must've been nine minutes. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Asmodeus groped wildly in Diana's direction, clearly desperate. Diana grabbed the admin status and bolted for the door. It was locked. Asmodeus let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Diana,' he rebuked. Asmodeus always had been a little funny-smelling, so Diana knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Asmodeus did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, she gripped her admin status tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

    Asmodeus looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Diana. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Diana. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Asmodeus walked over to the window and looked down. Diana was gone.

    ----o0o----

    Just yonder, Diana was struggling to make her way through the disease-infested jungle behind Asmodeus's place. Diana had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cougars suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the admin status. One by one they latched on to Diana. Already weakened from her injury, Diana yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cougars running off with her admin status.

    About six hours later, Diana awoke, her fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Diana did not know where she was. Deep in the arid secret vineyard, Diana was scarcely lost. Happy as a frickin' monkey, she remembered that her admin status was taken by the cougars. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a huge cougar emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cougar. Diana opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the cougar sunk its teeth into Diana's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Diana's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

    Less than four miles away, Asmodeus was entombed by anguish over the loss of the admin status. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his ear. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Diana... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the admin status that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cougars, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

    LOLz!!1


    *** L337 Story Generator v1.0
    *** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
    *** Forever pwning with earnest.

     
  2. Well. That was.... ....interesting. XD
     
  3. "Asmodeus always had been a little funny-smelling, so Diana knew that reconciliation was not an option"

    That's how we all feel...
     
  4. I... just did one with Miru as the sidekick, Unicorn as my vehicle, cupcake as the coveted object, kitten as the animal and Jersey Shore as the hated show..
    for a happy ending, and completely random.

    Uhm.
    Just a spoiler alert,
    apparently I was a former porn star in this past life of a story.
    ._.
     
  5. o_O




    It all started when our uber geek, Miru, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely displeased, Miru attacked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved vial of gold powder was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Staci. Miru had known Staci for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Staci was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Miru called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

    Staci picked up to a very sad Miru. Staci calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths sneeze before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually exotically sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Miru. Why was Staci trying to distract Miru? Because she had snuck out from Miru's with the vial of gold powder only three days prior. It was a striking little vial of gold powder... how could she resist?

    It didn't take long before Miru got back to the subject at hand: his vial of gold powder. Staci turned red. Relunctantly, Staci invited him over, assuring him they'd find the vial of gold powder. Miru grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Staci realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the vial of gold powder and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Miru took the tricycle, she had take at least nine minutes before Miru would get there. But if he took the Bike? Then Staci would be ridiculously screwed.

    Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Staci was interrupted by ten stupid kittens that were lured by her vial of gold powder. Staci sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she randomly reached for her gerbil and deftly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bike rolling up. It was Miru.

    ----o0o----

    As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Miru was out of the Bike and went earnestly jaunting toward Staci's front door. Meanwhile inside, Staci was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the vial of gold powder into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Staci was worried but at least the vial of gold powder was concealed. The doorbell rang.

    'Come in,' Staci flamboyantly purred. With a heroic push, Miru opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted flaming idiot in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Staci assured him. Miru took a seat frighteningly close to where Staci had hidden the vial of gold powder. Staci panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Miru was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Staci noticed a pestering look on Miru's face. Miru slowly opened his mouth to speak.

    '...What's that smell?'

    Staci felt a stabbing pain in her love handle when Miru asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the vial of gold powder right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Miru's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Miru nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Staci could react, Miru randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The vial of gold powder was plainly in view.

    Miru stared at Staci for what what must've been eight microseconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Staci groped surreptitiously in Miru's direction, clearly desperate. Miru grabbed the vial of gold powder and bolted for the door. It was locked. Staci let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Miru,' she rebuked. Staci always had been a little abrasive, so Miru knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Staci did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his vial of gold powder tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

    Staci looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Miru. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Miru. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Staci walked over to the window and looked down. Miru was gone.

    ----o0o----

    Just yonder, Miru was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Staci's place. Miru had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral kittens suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the vial of gold powder. One by one they latched on to Miru. Already weakened from his injury, Miru yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of kittens running off with his vial of gold powder.

    But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Miru's vial of gold powder. Feeling pleased, God smote the kittens for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion Indonesian devil cats running from a enlarged pack of 3-legged wallabies. Miru danced with joy when he saw this. His vial of gold powder was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, Jersey Shore, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet gun'). Miru was contented. And so, everyone except Staci and a few rusty razor blade-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.


    *** L337 Story Generator v1.0
    *** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
    *** Forever pwning with earnest.
     
  6. . . .
    Scary part is.. that seems so.. so accurate. ._.



    ALSO.
    I GOT BASICALLY THE SAME THING
    CEPT YOU STOLE MY CUPCAKE,
    AND I RODE A UNICORN
    AND THERE WERE ALSO KITTENS AND JERSEY SHORE.

    O ^O!!

    Is this the future?..
     
  7. "his former lay, Staci"

    Not...sure...?
     
  8. . . . -stares.-

    I'm just waiting for Orion to jump out of thin air and say something funny, snarky, and pun-worthy.
     
  9. Twenty "Saucy" years?


    Also, Just did this meself......and I raped a wolverine
     
  10. im more worried about the fact that Diana deflowered a wolverine.....wtf i didnt know Diana had a furry side...im now rather scared because if she can rape a wolverine what stops her from doing that to any of us.... i dont want to be deflowered ^_^ and i still have to worry about that because i am a innocent lady with morals and standards...and if you say anything that says otherwise i will slit your throat with a rusty spoon ^_^ i love you all


    It all started when our uber geek, nightingale, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling excessively worried, nightingale backhanded a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, she realized that her beloved red velvet cake was missing! Immediately she called her bed-friend, Diana. nightingale had known Diana for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Diana was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... clueless. nightingale called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.


    Diana picked up to a very happy nightingale. Diana calmly assured her that most venomous koalas sneeze before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually sassily grimace *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting nightingale. Why was Diana trying to distract nightingale? Because she had snuck out from nightingale's with the red velvet cake only seven days prior. It was a curious little red velvet cake... how could she resist?


    It didn't take long before nightingale got back to the subject at hand: her red velvet cake. Diana turned red. Relunctantly, Diana invited her over, assuring her they'd find the red velvet cake. nightingale grabbed her time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Diana realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the red velvet cake and she had to do it carefully. She figured that if nightingale took the homemade car, she had take at least six minutes before nightingale would get there. But if she took the moon bounce? Then Diana would be abundantly screwed.


    Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Diana was interrupted by ten stupid honey badgers that were lured by her red velvet cake. Diana shuddered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she aggressively reached for her potato and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the moon bounce rolling up. It was nightingale.


    ----o0o----


    As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so she knew she was running late. With a inept leap, nightingale was out of the moon bounce and went scandalously jaunting toward Diana's front door. Meanwhile inside, Diana was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the red velvet cake into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her elephant. Diana was worried but at least the red velvet cake was concealed. The doorbell rang.


    'Come in,' Diana indiscriminately purred. With a quick push, nightingale opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive beer-sloshed tool in a amphibious vehicle,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Diana assured her. nightingale took a seat RIGHT next to where Diana had hidden the red velvet cake. Diana yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But nightingale was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Diana noticed a stupid look on nightingale's face. nightingale slowly opened her mouth to speak.


    '...What's that smell?'


    Diana felt a stabbing pain in her taint when nightingale asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the red velvet cake right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on nightingale's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. nightingale nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Diana could react, nightingale aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The red velvet cake was plainly in view.


    nightingale stared at Diana for what what must've been ten minutes. A few freaknasty minutes later, Diana groped earnestly in nightingale's direction, clearly desperate. nightingale grabbed the red velvet cake and bolted for the door. It was locked. Diana let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, nightingale,' she rebuked. Diana always had been a little oafish, so nightingale knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Diana did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, she gripped her red velvet cake tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.


    Diana looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from nightingale. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for nightingale. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Diana walked over to the window and looked down. nightingale was gone.


    ----o0o----


    Just yonder, nightingale was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Diana's place. nightingale had severely hurt her prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral honey badgers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the red velvet cake. One by one they latched on to nightingale. Already weakened from her injury, nightingale yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of honey badgers running off with her red velvet cake.


    But then God came down with His clever smile and restored nightingale's red velvet cake. Feeling puzzled, God smote the honey badgers for their injustice. Then He got in His tricycle and whizzed away with the fortitude of 2,000 albino cats running from a enlarged pack of venomous koalas. nightingale fell with joy when she saw this. Her red velvet cake was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes her favorite TV show, the smurfs, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet hand grenade'). nightingale was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Diana and a few malaria-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.




    im really worried that this would happen if someone where to steal my cake....but at least the god damn honey badgers got what was coming to them XD
    and i really want to watch the show when venomous koalas meet hand grenade....i really do
     
  11. I like to think it was Wolverine, Hugh Jackman style. 8D

    [​IMG]
     
  12. -stares at Hugh Jackman and foams at the mouth.-
     
  13. well you can be forgiven for that i mean really who wouldnt jump his metal bone.....
     
  14. -pushes up hipster, old IMAX-3D glasses and snorts.-

    It's not metal,
    it's a metallic alloy called Adamantium. And it's fictional.
     
  15. its a METALLIC which means in my head its a METAL

    im a nerd when it comes to some things....but the details on some things get lost in the huge musical lyric database which is my mind.

    all i know is that hugh is hot and the only one to top that is that dude that plays thor...i dont care what his name is he is thor AND he is dreamy and sexy and the only reason i watched snow white and thor
     
  16. Christian Hemsworth. - ^-

    I will challenge you to who is Thor's top fan.
    Bring.

    It.

    On.











    is a gud movie. :D
     
  17. who needs to be his top fan...i just want to be on top of him ^_^
    and thank you for his name now to completely flood my computer with pictures of him shirtless ^_^ YAY
     
  18. c: You're welcome~


    And then the thread became about Thor.
     
  19. this is what every thread needs to be about ^_^
    i loved the avengers because it had thor and iron man ((note rdj is hot but not as good looking but i wouldnt say no to him))
    the only way it could have even thought about being better would have been if they had batman in it...and im not talking the dark night im talking arkham city and asylum batman...maybe with alittle quinn and ivy also