Seeking the Light

[Psychedelic]

It was warmer here, and drier too, but that was about all that could be said for Paris when compared to his native Exeter. He'd been living in London for the past few years, much to his fathers duress. They were loyal to Cambridge university, and here the eldest of the current brood had dared to plump for University College London - to study ancient history and classics of all things. What good was that to anyone? To Tristan it was everything, and his enthusiasm for the past bordered on the obsessive, though he would never admit to that fact. His mother at least enjoyed that it was the one thing in life he took seriously, seeing his course all the way through, and now embarking on the long and arduous journey to a doctorate.

And so he had come to Paris. Having researched dilligently, Tristan had just about managed to get backing for this trip to find what was supposedly a pre-Roman temple somewhere up in the Alps. They had a vague location, it just remained to be seen whether anything would come of what could very easily be a mistranslation or indeed a wild goose chase. Not that it changed the excitement that continued to well in his chest.

Tristan was a typical academic, though perhaps a little less rough around the edges than some. He had rugby to thank for that, though it was also responsible for at least six broken bones, along with too many concussions to count. So it was a given that he was fairly tall, and always stuck out like a sore thumb alongside his colleagues. He was trim and stood proud, while most of his fellows were flabby on a diet of coke and crisps. Their work didn't leave much time to look after oneself. Tristan supposed he wasn't nearly as obsessive as he could be.

Today he stood in the lobby of a surprisingly nice hotel, the decor ornate and over the top, typical of the flouncy french. They could never be simple, though he supposed that was part of the charm. Tristan busied himself flirting with the receptionist, forest green eyes leaving hers whenever she looked away to enter something into the computer. Of course, he took the opportunity to have a quick glance at her breasts. She didn't notice, his charm ensnaring her quite nicely, despite his unkempt brown hair and distinct lack of tan. He was hardly the typical city boy she might be used to. It was in this distracting flirtation that Tristan neglected to check the booking. Instead, he came away with the double room, rather than a twin. He had left his travelling partner getting in the luggage, most of which was his. Maybe that was selfish, but it was also damn amusing.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian wouldn't particularly say he enjoyed Paris - frankly, he hated it - but he had never thought it would be that bad. He had went to Cambridge where he had met his travel partner, Tristan, and what they shared was the obsession with the past. He had loved London - not too hot, nice, and rainy. Adrian loved the rain more than anything. He probably bordered on the depressive side with his likes towards rainy weather, old books and tea in the middle of the night in front of a fireplace. Adrian dwelled on his loneliness and preferred to spend most of his time anywhere but in contact with other people. Only Tristan was allowed closer than within three feet of him, and that was already something that had taken him a while to accept. Adrian took his work very seriously, and he was always found with his face buried in a book. He was a genius, and obviously, Tristan was aware of this and had therefore suggested that they became travel partners.

And thus, they had been led to Paris. It was a beautiful city, sure... but the heat was unbearable. Adrian wasn't the tallest person in the world, at least not for a man, and he was very skinny with slim muscles and marked hip- and collarbones. He had been said to look like a girl because of his youthful face and his slim shoulders. Plus, he had a waist, he had a god damn waist! That was a reason for him always wearing loose shirts, so that his feminine side didn't show. He had jet black hair and the most outstanding, red eyes, and he was always admired by girls for his "cuteness".

Let's just say that Adrian didn't look like an academic. He looked way too young, too cute, too not-affected by all of the words streaming through his mind like water in a river. He was young, but not that young - it was simply his appearance that made people think he wasn't a day over 16. Well, he was 21, and it was just a bit degrading to think about. Though even taking good care of himself, he was very obsessed with work, and sometimes neglected his food just to read or watch or translate something interesting. It made him a worrying topic for Tristan half of the time because he kept losing weight accidentally.

It was a fairly fancy hotel, and all of the decorations and beautiful architecture made him feel like he was in some cheesy romantic movie - but of course, he wasn't. Why did Tristan choose such a place? Couldn't he have just found a business hotel or something like that? This seemed more like somewhere lovers would go. Of course, Adrian noticed the male checking out the receptionist - not that she wasn't attractive, but at least Adrian was polite - and he just sighed. Of course, that was a typical trait with his friend, and he was never going to change it. Adrian had actually offered to take all of the bags, even if most of them belonged to Tristan. He just couldn't stand how Tristan ogled at girls, practically eating them up with his gaze. When he got to the room, it was a double and not a twin and Adrian turned around, putting the bags down calmly. "Let me guess... too busy looking down her shirt to pay attention to the reservation?" He commented flatly. "Well, no helping it I guess." He muttered as he began unpacking his things, finding the clothes he would need in the morning. "Let's get to work." He wasn't one for words and spoke as shortly as he could. He took out his books and his notebooks and began writing while reading. He was completely engrossed in his work and didn't even hear if Tristan came with a reply.

 

[Psychedelic]

There was no point in denying it, Tristan had dropped the ball. He was surprised to find just the one bed sitting rather conspicuously in the room, though he was hardly mortified by it. Unlike some men of his age and inclination, he was not one to worry about personal space or lack thereof when in the presence of someone of the same gender. He was perhaps an exception to the rule of the macho man, which was possibly why he had been ostracised most of the way through high school. He had been bullied within an inch of his life, mostly by the football crowd. He had found solace in the competing sport and the friends he made there, as well as with girls. There was nothing quite like the satisfaction of the stealing the girlfriend of someone who called you a homo freak. Justice. It was sweet.

Of course, none of that mattered to him anymore, like most things he had left back home. He was here now, within reach of his goal and in the company of a good friend of his, even if the partnership was sometimes more than a little difficult. They were chalk and cheese, a fact that was usually highlighted by the squabbles that were never ceasing between them. Maybe Adrian was right when he said that Tristan really needed to grow up, but then again, what was life if not for living?

With this in mind, Tristan quite happily quipped, "At least I didn't get the honeymoon suite. Then we'd have to get it on." Wouldn't want anyone to think it was a sham marriage, would we? No reaction from Adrian meant that he had already slipped into tunnel mode. He was effectively dead to the world, absorbed entirely in his work. It was an admirable trait in many ways, though impractical in day to day life. It was just a good job he was not destined for the daily rat race. Tristan could imagine the poor guy managing to start the commute and just riding the train the entire day thanks to getting lost in some book or other. It was kind of a cute image, if unrealistic.

Moving back to reality, Tristan wisely left his roommate to his work, instead moving over to the side table where a compliment of teas and coffees was laid out. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil, munching on a decidedly bland biscuit while he did so. Once it was done, he brewed the tea for the two of them, finally depositing a mug unceremoniously in front of Adrian, as well as two more of those crappy biscuits. "Drink. Eat. Put books away. Today is acclimatisation day, I've decided." For all his good intentions, it had to be said that he was something of a controlling bastard. He had always been bossy, and although he was rarely outright nasty in his self righteousness, he did often cross the line between helpful advice and annoying badgering. This was definitely the latter.

"I thought we could go and get slaughtered, maybe go to a rave. I know that's right up your alley." He was not that daft, and thankfully teasing, though he was quick to add, "But seriously, you've got to pace yourself young grasshopper. If you burn out now you'll miss out on all the action." It was a bit of a stretch for him to be lecturing, seeing as they were just barely three years apart in age, but there was that stubbornly all knowing streak rearing its ugly head again. If nothing else, he was at least speaking with a grain of truth.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian was well aware that the woman's cleavage had been the cause for his mess-up, but he could care less about all those kinds of things. Adrian didn't like how Tristan always seemed to be too close. The problem wasn't sleeping in the same bed, but it was the other male constantly being within an inch of him, so close that Adrian always felt like someone was strangling him with it. Tristan, of course, was completely oblivious to this, and Adrian didn't care to explain about it because Tristan probably wouldn't get it. He was used to having his personal space invaded. He had actually slept with a person before, he had a comfort zone closer to himself than Adrian did. So what if Tristan had been bullied, Adrian had been completely nonexistent. He had never spoken in class and yet got the top grades in everything because of his amazing knowledge. But he never let anyone know so he wouldn't get bullied.

But now that was all left behind. His school life and his college life, his life in general was gone. He felt like that was the right thing to happen, because his life had been nothing interesting before. It still wasn't, but at least he wasn't going to get bullied and he didn't need to fear it either. It was a bit hard for them to get along, mostly with Adrian liking distance and Tristan liking close contact. That way, they became polar opposites when talking to each other, Adrian trying to end the conversation while Tristan just talked even more, wanting to prolong conversation.

Well, Adrian had never thought of himself as interesting. A blush crept upon his cheeks but he was too buried in the book for Tristan to notice. He had heard those words, and for once mumbled a reply. "Sounds like you're almost excited about that idea." He said sarcastically as his attention turned fully back to the book in his hands. Sure, it was admirable that he could completely devote himself to work, but it proved not so practical when he was riding the bus and stuff like that. Therefore, he never worked while on a trip, and always left working for a place where he didn't need to pay attention to time or place, a place where he could just read in peace. It was different from Tristan and his perceptive self that always noticed things.

Adrian was happy to have been left to his work. That way, he could forget about his conflicting emotions, or at least, think about them without the cause of them hovering over his being every second or two. So as he faded out and stopped reading, but rather just stared at the book page, his mind began to wander. Adrian had been gay for a long time - it was quite obvious, to himself, at least - and he had been contemplating whether or not he should inform Tristan. How much would their relationship be ruined if he said it? Plus, he even had a minor crush on Tristan causing him to be jealous of all the girls the male brought home... he was doomed. So, instead he had kept quiet but Tristan just kept making jokes that sounded wrong and teasing in his head and it made him so frustrated. He didn't want that to happen.

When he was instructed to eat, he shook his head. "Ain't hungry." He muttered as he kept reading his book, never once looking up at his friend. When Tristan suggested that they went to a party, he shut the book and slammed it down onto the table. "I'm so tired of this, okay? I don't want to go to anymore parties with you, I don't want you to try getting me in bed with girls, and I don't need you to make my life "interesting"! I'm fine enough as I am and I'm really annoyed that you always try to make me something I'm not." He had simply burst the words out, and he sighed as he turned his back to his friend, grabbing his new clothes. "I'm going to change, my clothes are dirty." He said as he left for the bathroom without another word. Great. First day in France and he was already ruining his friend's mood.

 

[Psychedelic]

Well, things had turned sour pretty unexpectedly. Tristan wasn't quite sure why his friend has so suddenly snapped, but then again that was less to do with a lack of signals and more a problem of his own. He constantly poked and prodded, whether it be with inane chatter or unsolicited advice. He was not a man of many friends, and it was thhis overexcited chattering that pushed many people away from him. For all his chipper attitude and sunny disposition, he was actually a fairly lonely man, and certainly lacked any close relationships. He bedded women and men in equal measure, but these were usually one night stands or week long flings, nothing constituting anything remotely fulfilling on an emotional level. There was little explanation for this desolate life, perhaps a genetic personality flaw. There was certainly nothing in his past to explain such anti-social behaviour.

The one saving grace in this decidedly odd situation was the fact that Adrian was quicker than Tristan. He exited the room before there was any chance for a rebuttal - scathing or otherwise. Instead, Tristan was left to stare at the closed door dumbly, scrubbing at his face for a moment, as if to try and get some bloodflow up there so he could make sense of it. The young man soon sat himself on the comfy bed, laying spread eagle and somehow managing to take up pretty much the whole thing. Staring up at the corniced ceiling, he thought on what had been said, and what he intended to say upon the return of a hopefully less edgy Adrian. Letting sleeping dogs lie didn't once cross his mind, which again was another flaw in him. He felt that everything needed to have a resolution. In mathematics that was the case, no matter how confusing the problem might seem at first, and he was of the opinion that all things boiled down to numbers, and as such had an answer. You just had to be willing to look hard enough.

Enjoying the sunlight that streamed in from the big bay window, Tristan closed his eyes, listening to the far away sounds of the city. The traffic was a constant blur of engines, the odd horn and a fair bit of shouting, but despite the animosity down there, he actually found it fairly relaxing. Indeed, he was almost fast asleep by the time Adrian made an appearance back in the bedroom. It was only the brief click of the door that alerted him to his presence. Green eyes shot open, and immediately he pounced.

"Firstly, whether you're hungry or not, you need to eat. I may not be your mother, but that doesn't mean I'll just sit by and watch you waste away." How anyone could be that thin was beyond him, although it had to be said that his eating habits were hardly healthy. He ate gargantuan portions, alot of sugar and fat, as well as plenty of carbohydrates. Of course, he was an active man, and worked deceptively hard. It was this physical and mental activity that kept him lean and muscular, rather than a fat lump sitting at a desk all day.

He moved on in his attack, ignoring any protest that might ahve come, as always determined to have his say on the matter, "I'm just trying to broaden your horizons. Life as a hermit is not a good one." He paused, grinning crookedly despite himself, "Do you want to be found in a flat half eaten by rats? Because that's what'll happen if you forget to be a real person." Partly true, but exaggerated. Tristan just wanted Adrian to function in society, and at least give the normal pleasures of youth a try before he ignored them in favour of the past. He was also convinced that he wasn't happy anyway, though he had never come out and accused him of being miserable. That was a sore point even he knew not to touch.

 

[MiNaGi]

In the end, Adrian wasn't really upset with him being such an idiot who always pressed on with everything. What made Adrian edgy was the fact that the other male just didn't seem to understand a simple hint. He could never understand when it was time to stop, and it upset the fragile Adrian quite a bit. Adrian was a loner. He had always been alone. He didn't see a reason why he shouldn't take his life after the mission here was over, after he could separate from Tristan. Then he'd be alone, back in his flat in London. There he'd probably take some pills and make sure to tell his parents to come by the next day so they could get him a funeral - if he even deserved that much. After that, it'd just be over and no one would remember that random guy living in a flat in the inner part of London who committed suicide. It sounded rather appealing to him, disappearing entirely from everything called life.

The reason he had exited the room was also to prevent himself from saying these things - though he doubted it would work. Something about Tristan brought Adrian's worst and darkest sides forward, the sides that no one else saw in the gentle boy with the strange eye color. No one saw his edgy self, or his depressed self. No one saw his anger, no one saw his misery. He was well aware that he was miserable, but going to all of those damned parties made him want to die even more. Because he didn't want some random chick, or guy, for that matter. No, he was all for Tristan who couldn't even maintain a relationship for a full week without getting bored! Adrian always questioned himself about that. Why did he fall for such a moron? Why did he have to fall for the only male on the planet that would never love him back? Why did he fall for a sexually driven, frivolous male with no knowledge about the word "relationship" or "love" or "emotions"? There was no wonder why he was lonely. He was with this guy and it was making his life miserable. It was making him miserable that he couldn't just love someone else.

When he had gotten into the bathroom, he had quickly stripped out of his shirt, pants and boxers, and had dared to take a quick shower so that he smelled like flowery shampoo. He put on a white button shirt and black, fitted pants. He didn't wear any socks and the three top buttons on the shirt was open. He ruffled his still damp hair and looked himself in the mirror before he walked back out of the bathroom. He should've probably figured out that there was no chance Tristan wouldn't pounce on him immediately after he got out of the bathroom.

"Look, fine, I'll eat, but will you stop bugging me, then? I've gotten pretty tired of it so far." Adrian said coldly as he ate and then drank the tea. When that was done, he put his books away and looked at Tristan. He was a very small, and also very thin boy, and most thought that he was under 18. But right now, his eyes were flaming. They seemed more red than usual as he glared at Tristan, and despite his small physique he looked almost scary. He wasn't mad about the food, or Tristan acting like his mom, but he was going to finally snap, and he could do nothing to stop it.

"Tristan, please, for once, will you listen to me?" He asked, for once standing across his friend and seeming almost taller than him with the way his eyes seemed to look down on Tristan. " "Broaden my horizons"? Do you even know what you're talking about? Listen, Tristan, you might think so, but you have no idea whatsoever who I am." Adrian looked away again and sighed. "Look, I know that you're probably going to hate me for it, but I was planning to end my life as soon as this "trip" is over. I am planning to end my life and get eaten by rats in that flat, I'm sure the world would like me more if that happened." He said bitterly as he looked up at Tristan. "And what you don't get is that you don't need to find me some slut to share a bed with because my heart already belongs somewhere else!" Adrian walked closer to Tristan and pointed a finger to his chest. "And it's you that it belongs with, Tristan. You don't need to get some damned girl for me because I'm gay, and I'm in love with you, the possibly most horrible thing that could ever happen to me because you can't love anyone! Now please, just leave me be." He finished as he turned away from Tristan, going to grab one of his books again, putting on headphones and turning up the music as he read, trying to shut out Tristan as much as he could.

 

[Psychedelic]

If anyone else had walked into the room with that much chest showing, Tristan might have found the sight quite lovely, but this just broke his heart. He hated seeing every ridge of ribcage and far too prominent clavicles. He had often wondered what a doctor might have had to say if Adrian was forced to have himself weighed properly. Maybe he wasn't as underweight as some true anorexics were, but if he wasn't careful he would end up heading that way. It was perhaps a little melodramatic to be thinking so nfar down those lines, but this was coming from a man who saw everything in vivid technicolour and had huge trouble keeping his rampant brain in check. When a thought entered his head, he tended to run with it, even if that route ended up at the bottom of some jagged cliff.

He watched through half closed eyes as Adrian finally gave in to his demand that he eat some form of food. Hopefully this little win would be the first of many, and he would be able to ply the poor guy with enough food to have him fit for sumo wrestling within a few months. Ordinarily that idea might have amused him for a while as he envisaged such a ridiculous sight, but these were not normal circumstances. There seemed to be no real reason for it, but some catalyst or other had forced the ambient mood of the room to drift into the dark recesses of a certain someones mind.

When Tristan found a certain someone managing to almost loom over him, he sat up somewhat abruptly. His green eyes narrowed perceptibly as he listened in shock to what he had to say. The stark admission to such stalwart depression was enough to finally shut him up. Tristan remained absolutely silent, doing nothing but staring at his friend for some time, even as he then went on to reveal that a large part of his unstable mental state boiled down to a severe case of unrequited love. But then, maybe he was just confused and lashing out in any way he thought might get a reacction - or just a bit of peace. It was impossible to tell how deep these emotions went, and in truth Tristan didn't really think he wanted to go exploring in these dank caverns. He continued to sit, finally withdrawn from the conversation, blankly staring at Adrian, who seemed to have decided this had never happened, and as such was futilely getting on with his work. What a good little worker bee he was, slogging away like this despite the fact that he had nothing at stake in any of it. If he intended to die, then why even bother seeing this thhrough to the end? Why not just finish everything now?

It was some seconds before Tristan actually managed to say anything, although the words might as well have been spoken in swahili, for all the good it did him. Apparently those headphones were blocking out all noise, which was why Tristan quite abruptly hopped off the bed, his pale face understandably sombre and extremely troubled. A lesser man might have taken to violence, and god knew he wanted to whack him one as hard as he possibly could, but thankfully he had a relatively good handle on his impulses. Rather than give Adrian a fat lip, he wrestled the book from his hand, as well as plucked the headphones from his ears. These two items he couldn't help but throw across the room, unable to handle anymore self restraint.

"You are a moron." He stated, plain as day. As much as a part of him wanted, needed to yell and scream and rant, for the time being he was managing to be somewhat helpful. He would get his frustrations out later, perhaps with that receptionist. "First rule of suicide, don't tell the one person who actually will tie you down and watch you for the rest of your life. Or you could just let me therapise you." Even now there was a touch of humour to him. But he did mean what he said. He valued Adrian as a brilliant friend and colleague, and if it came to shackling the two of them together, then he was fully prepared to go down that road.

He moved on to point number two, a subject he was a little less sure of, "I think you're confused, you know. We spend alot of time together, and I mean, who else have you been exposed to for any length of time?" Anyone would find themselves 'loving' someone else if they were the only person they actually called friend. "Which is why you need to get out and socialise, or at least find yourself a nice psychiatrist. You said it yourself, I'm no good to anyone, so go on and actually look for someone to make you happy." He had never seriously thought of Adrian as a potential romantic partner, he was a friend and someone to look after, but he had to admit that once upon a time he had entertained the idea of seducing him, only to dismiss the idea as far too predatory. Adrian was vulnerable, perhaps why they had formed such a friendship in the first place.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian didn't think about what was and what wasn't showing when he had walked into the room, and he honestly didn't care what Tristan would think about it. He was done caring for all of this. He knew that he wasn't exactly normal weight, but he hadn't thought about it as something that he should worry too much about. It was just another thing about him that he didn't know how to see. He knew he was heading in a bad direction, but maybe that would kill him and he wouldn't have to bring out the rope in the first place. Even if he knew that "melodramatic" was a word often used to describe Tristan, he wasn't all that wrong. Adrian would probably end up sick in a hospital or dead by suicide in his own house somewhere in the future. Even if his feelings could never be returned, even after all that had happened.

Well, after all, he just wanted to get Tristan away from him, at least just for the few seconds while he ate. He didn't like having people bossing him around and saying annoying things when it came to his weight. It made him feel shitty to think about all of the things that he had done wrong. THe dark mood was caused by Adrian's deep-going depression. It settled deep, deep within his heart and made him not care what he was saying or doing. He might as well jump out of the window. Why was he trying? Why did he keep going on? He couldn't have the one person that he had finally fallen in love with love him, and despite his hard tries to fall in love with others, he tried to sleep with them, anything, and yet he still couldn't love them.

Adrian's words weren't really sour - they were just what they were, the truth. They were his feelings, and nothing else. Those feelings that he despised and wanted to get rid of, those kinds of feelings that ate him up from the inside. So it was normal to him that Tristan looked so shocked over what he had said, and in the end, he finally, utterly shut up and didn't say anything to Adrian's words. One might've thought that he was just bitter, that he was just angry and trying to get a reaction out of Tristan, but the truth was that he didn't care anymore - he didn't care what Tristan thought of him any longer. The unrequited love was completely separated from his mental state, it was just feelings making him miserable in another way than his loneliness. Sure, he had tried so hard - he had even gone to parties and gotten other friends, tried to fall in love with them... but his heart was elsewhere. It would always be in Tristan's hands, and the male just wouldn't see it. He'd rather be free of that responsibility. He would probably not want to feel guilty about it if Adrian really did end himself - and therefore, he would probably try to convince Adrian that he was just confused, blinded by someone giving him kindness. He just didn't know what to do anymore.

There was no words to help Adrian anyways - he was about set on ending his life. He wouldn't have love and he'd end up miserable and lonely in his house when he grew old. For all that it was good he could rid himself from the world before anyone could be troubled by him. So what if Tristan showed care and worry now? Wouldn't he just forget quickly afterwards if Adrian died? And, he knew that Tristan was frustrated, wanted to hit him, and he knew exactly where that frustration was going. It was going into the pants of some young girl that he thought was pretty. It simply made his blood boil to think about Tristan with another girl, trying to stop thinking about him and getting his "frustrations out" by using some random chick that he'd never even see again. He didn't care as the things were thrown away from him, and he sat up to listen, his face blank.

"So what, yeah, I'm a moron, are you happy now? What else do you want me to say?" Adrian looked up at Tristan. "I don't mind if you scream at me. Tell me that you want me to kill myself, that face tells me that's what you want to do." Adrian looked away again and sighed. "Look... I know you're just trying to make yourself feel less guilty, but in the end, you can't prevent it. Sure, you could tie yourself to me, but then what? Wouldn't it prevent you from going out with all of those girls? Spare me. I'm really done with this, in the end, if I do die, you'll cry for ten minutes and then I'm out of your life. That'll be everyone's reaction. I'm not worthy of walking on this earth, anyways." He ended plainly, his eyes still dull, looking almost dead.

Adrian looked down with a sigh, yes, of course, of course, he was confused. Burning desire for a person he didn't want to feel that for was definitely being confused. He could see that adding up perfectly. "You know, you think I've lived a secluded life. I haven't. I've tried to go anywhere, get new friends, and they're still my friends, were still when I left, and I tried so damn hard to fall in love. But you know what? Every time I tried to be together with those people, it did last for a while, but in the end, I figured that they weren't the right person for me." He looked at Tristan with sadness in his eyes. "Sure, I'll find some psychiatrist, but don't come and lecture me about my feelings. Even if I stop being miserable, I still belong to you. You think you can avoid it by calling me confused, but this hasn't just started two days ago. You're just too blind to notice unless I put up a neon sign on my forehead saying I'm gay for you." Adrian looked up at Tristan with sad eyes. "I've tried to find someone who makes me happy... but I wouldn't be happy unless it's you... I only feel real emotion when I'm with you, and the rest of the time it's just a dull blackness. You just don't get how a person can actually love you, can actually have feelings for you."

 

[Psychedelic]

What the hell was he going to do? Tristan wanted to shout and scream and plain old run away from this. He had made a point of always living frivolously, as he had discovered early on in life that if you keep people at arms length and only live for short term fun, it's pretty impossible to get burned with negative emotions. But here he was, despite all the care he had taken to ensure his happiness, trapped with someone that he considered his best friend, struggling with the idea that he was hellbent on ending his life, no matter what was said to try and persuade him otherwise. There was of course also the issue of love, something that frightened Tristan, as he had never really tried his hand at such risky activities as actually investing himself in a person. He desperately wanted to declare his mutual affections, but simply could not bring himself to do so. For a start, he didn't want to lie, especially not under these circumstances, but mostly he was simply afraid to make that leap.

He wondered for a long time how to respond to Adrian's cries of depression, knowing that he would inevitably do or say the wrong thing. His eyes remained downcast as he thought on how to react in a way that would at least limit the damage he might do. But then again, it had to be said that it was likely that the black haired young man had already reached down to his rock bottom, and so it was quite likely that it would be practically impossible to make matters worse, short of shoving him out of a window immediately. Thoughts along these lines were not exactly helpful, and definitely distracting, which only led to anger Tristan more. The one time he needed his considerably active brain to work in his favour, and it had decided to go for an unscheduled holiday somewhere far, far away. Typical. Tristan grabbed his mop of hair, tugging slightly as he gritted his teeth, almost growling as he futiley tried to get his brain in gear.

Finally he responded, though he was not consciously thinking about what he was saying. He had come to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to speak from the heart, rather than try to measure his responses in a way that he had done for far too long. "I wouldn't forget you. I'd probably get a helluva lot of STDs, but I wouldn't forget you." Some people turned to drugs and alcohol, he used sex as a crutch to drown out his heavier thoughts and feelings. It wasn't a healthy habit, and masked all manner of inner demons that he was not yet prepared to face, nor show the world. Even so, he hoped that maybe Adrian would begin to see that his apparent party hard nature was nothing more than an effort to deal with a crushing weight on his shoulders and simply pretend that he lived as a different person.

"Look, I can't say I love you, and yes, a neon sign would be damn helpful..." He smiled wistfully, not that it was really a warranted expression, "But that's not to say it could never happen. And I'm not just trying to string you along. When we met, I...well, let's just say I had plans." He was a little embarrassed, and reddened a little with the guilt he felt, "If making that effort now means that you will at least consider living for a little while longer, than I don't care what it takes." He really meant it, feeling that ensuring the survival of this brilliant mind was worth any pain on his part. Hopefully it wouldn't result in his own breakdown, something that was more than possible if he began to demolish the wall of incandescence that he had built around himself.

He carried on with this speech, "You are amazing, in so many respects. You're ridiculously intelligent, driven, funny, all the good things in a person. I just wish you'd let people see it, including yourself. I think they call it hiding your light under a bushel. Granted, you're bloody intimidating and I'm sure plenty of peoplpe think you're a weirdo, but who cares? You've got to live and be free for many, many years to come. Please." And he really meant to beg. He knew it was melodramatic, but got down on his knees anyway, placing himself at the feet of his friend and outright begging him to live, "Please carry on, and let me at least try to help you. Things can't get worse than they are now, right?"

 

[MiNaGi]

Bitterness. Sorrow. Hatred. Pain. Those words were constantly hammering onto his head, wanting him to break down under the harsh pressure and that was exactly what he was doing. He was submitting to this and breaking down without those painful voices and words even having to push too much at him. Here, he didn't hear the words "best friend" or "I want to save you" or "You can take up space". It was simply a black hole of taunts towards him, pushes to make him finally tumble over the edge and into the pit of misery. He was on that verge and he had a strange feeling of falling down there, finally after so long. He wanted to scream and cry and yell and yet nothing came over his lips. He was quiet as a stone and he knew that Tristan was the same. Of course, Adrian knew how frightening and wrong that his love sounded, how scary the thought of someone loving him was to Tristan - but at this moment, lying would not help him in any way. Either he was miserable or miserable, there wasn't really an alternative so he didn't see the reason to keep on lying any longer.

Something in Adrian knew that it wasn't Tristan his anger was directed at. It was himself. He was shooting these daggers, these arrows of hatred and anger towards himself, he wanted to pierce his heart and his body, his brain and everything else with these arrows reflecting his own anger towards himself. He was on his very, very bottom, and he didn't want to do anything else but just... end himself. If that could finally happen, maybe he'd have a final peace in his raging, storming mind. Maybe the feelings burning away the last power that he had left would just... disappear. Maybe this inner purgatory would not make him succumb to it any longer, and he'd be free of boundaries, just like he'd be free of everything if he jumped from that window - he'd be able to fly, just for those last seconds of his life. Comforted by this thought, he was about to stand up and do so, but the presence of Tristan made him rethink this idea. Tristan would probably grab him and chain him to the bed or something.

Adrian hadn't expected a response in the first place - he had been quite rude, but he was jealous. He didn't want Tristan to fuck anymore people behind his back, he didn't want this guy to ever go out and feel up some girl again. He sighed as he glared at the other male with sad eyes. "You would. You'd use her to get out "frustrations" and those frustrations evolve around me so you'd have to forget that I exist so that you wouldn't feel any kind of guilt, and then of course you'd leave her in the morning. How do you think it feels to see you run away with random girls? I burn on the inside. Coldly. I want to smack them across the face and claim you as mine. But I didn't... because the last thing I want is your hatred." He looked down. He knew that somehow, Tristan was just pretending. No one wanted a life gone of love, even if love was painful, it was valuable.

Love was a beautiful thing, but it was fragile. And just like with Adrian's feelings, he knew that Tristan's had been broken in the same fashion. He smiled dryly at the comic fashion in with he responded. "Yeah, I suppose that then I wouldn't have had to tell you like this... and I'd be able to die in peace without anyone bothering me..." He looked up at Tristan and smiled sadly. "Look... if you can't promise that you will at least try to be in a relationship with me, I'm not going to hesitate - I'll lose the last thing I have left and I wouldn't see a reason to live on with this pointless life... sure, I have friends and all, but if you don't want me then I could care less if I was a dead body on the ground. I'm not threatening you... but I've gotta be honest, this is kind of my breaking point."

Adrian had started crying but his face was bare of emotion as he looked down. "So what if I have a brain? I use this brain to make you think I'm worth something, to give myself some sort of status in this world, and I end up in this perfectly hopeless state where you won't even love me just because there's a lot of easier people out there to be around. Why won't you just say you love me? Why can't you just feel like that? Why is it always me who has to feel the pain, and you can just hide it away by sleeping around? Why??" His voice finally broke and he started sobbing, even if Tristan kneeled down and said all of those things. His heart was a lump deep in his chest and it felt cold, he just didn't want this anymore. "I'll live on... but I can't live on without having you at least try to love me... I feel so worthless to you as if I'm just another one of those lovers you'll throw away after a week!"

 

[Psychedelic]

He felt backed into a corner, something he had so painstakingly ensured never happened to him. He avoided all the awkward conversations and relationships in life, ensuring he could see anything coming a mile off. Tristan had built himself a lookout post from years of frivolous nothingness, remaining safe from blindsiding bombshells and of course all he focused on were the negative encounters and emotions that he had avoided, but he had not considered what he might be missing out on. He did not know what it was to lie awake at night with the imprint of a simple glance plaguing on his mind, nor had he even fathomed the possibility of curling up and just being in the arms of someone he loved. And then there was the reciprocation of that love and desire. A heady delight that he hadn't dared to allow into his heaart, for fear the pitfalls would break the deceptively fragile structure of his being.

Now it seemed that there was no choice left to him. Either he let someone else into this desolate world of his, or he allowed this person to drop off the map once and for all. He couldn't possibly let that happen to Adrian, and so his mind was made up. As much as it upset him for such a momentous decision to made with a deranged catalyst of depression, he couldn't deny that there was a certain charm in the idea. Of all the people he had met, Adrian was the one person he had respected enough not to sleep with him within days of meeting him. He had valued his friendship far more than he ever should have, and so perhaps it wasn't such a leap to be attempting a real relationship with him. Hell, maybe they would even be good for eachother, but then again, given the way they were both feeling at this moment in time, that was probably a hope too far.

"Adrian, if this is what it takes, then I will try. I know it won't magically make you happy again, but I want to be here for you." It was tricky to sound genuine, given the corner he was in, but he hoped he was convincing enough not to have his friend charging for the nearest window. "Starting this minute, no more shagging anything that moves, no more parties." He paused, green eyes intense on Adrian's. "But, I'm still going to badger you a helluva lot when it comes to eating. I believe that would be my right." Boyfriends were allowed to nag when they were concerned, he was pretty sure that was only fair.

He lingered on thoughts of a possible future, one where maybe they could be happy together, even grow old. What if that really was what this could lead to? The thought had his head spinning, though immediately the alternative snakeed its way into his heart, images of letting Adrian into his world, but he knew it wouldn't be enough. He would open up to him, and one day find him dead anyway, only to have what would have been a deep, searing pain multiplied into the most explosive agony that would never go away. But he had made his decision, and so for better or for worse, he was intent on forming a real relationship with Adrian.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian knew what he was doing was probably in the wrong. He was saying things that forced Tristan to go out with him, he was practically threatening him. But his feelings were true, and he wasn't going to lie about them, not now and not ever. He had known from the beginning that this wasn't how Tristan went with his life. Avoiding pain was the best thing he could do. He never let people close to his chest and they never knew of how he felt. Ultimately, that caused him to have this faked frivolous personality that he used to snake himself out of pain and out of love, the difficulty of relationships. Of course he knew that it was much to expect, love from this person who had always gotten what he wanted, and after he'd taken that he could care less about the person, and after a week he'd be gone from their life and back into the same circle. Of course it was a long shot to expect love from a person like that, and Adrian wasn't far from taking everything back.

And yet he was gíving his friend no choice but to try and love him. It was either that, or he leapt from the nearest window he could find. That would definitely frighten such a person as Tristan enough to do anything for what it was worth. Somehow, Adrian filled with the fear that Tristan was just doing this to make him not kill himself, and then he'd of course smoothly as always get his way around being with Adrian and in the end, he'd be left alone again and Tristan would be back to "normal". Of course, it had mattered to Adrian that he had yet to be felt up by Tristan. Tristan was already right on people, not even respecting who they might be as a person. But Adrian had been left alone. He had yet to experience a Tristan that wanted him in bed. But he had just thought that he was maybe not Tristan's type, or something of the like. And yet, he knew that that wasn't true, that maybe Tristan just respected him as a person.

Of course, he couldn't accept that to himself, but the thought of them being happy together, just maybe, just that little, tiny maybe, that was enough to calm him down. "Of course it won't magically make me happy, I don't know if anything can anymore... but having your heart is more than I'd ever be able to wish for..." He dared to whisper as he stared into Tristan's eyes. "If you don't keep that promise, I swear I'll kill myself and I'll take you with me in the fall, because I will not tolerate you breaking a promise to me." Adrian went from harsh to sad to frustrated to scared in a matter of seconds. His mind was just confused about a lot of things.

"And fine, you can bug me all you want about food. But I really don't see how there's anything wrong with me... I just don't eat when I'm not hungry, isn't that normal?" He asked as he looked at Tristan. Of course he didn't want to admit that he had some sort of eating disorder. That was something girls had. He wanted them to have a future together, and he wanted to make sure that Tristan got that. "Tristan, I'm never once going to let you go after this. You're mine now, and I'll make sure that you stay mine now and forever, because if you leave me I'm done for. I love you. I want a life with you, and my happiness lies in your hands. It always has. My mood is controlled by your actions and I hate it..." He admitted as he looked away.

 

[Psychedelic]

It was hard to understand how this had managed to sneak up on him. He had always been so successful in keeping his life safe and secure, but he had not managed to keep this from happening. Tristan wondered if perhaps he had seen at least a part of this debacle coming, maybe some part of him had known how Adrian felt about him, and had quite deliberately allowed it to come upon them. It was possible that the small portion left of him that had not given up on true, deep happiness and love, had just quietly ignored the fact that Adrian was worming his way into his life. Whether or not this was true, the end result would still be the same. It was just a shame that he didn't know how the end would come. Would there be some positive in this almost forced relationship? Or would it be the disaster he had always imagined?

Time to find out. Tristan stood, and with a surprising amount of awkwardness he smiled down at Adrian. "So, I guess we're a couple now. My parents will be thrilled." It was possible that they might be pleased with the idea that their son was finally growing up after all these years, but it waas far more likely that they would blow up at him the second the G word was mentioned. They had known for some time that he was a bit of a party animal, and had surmised that he slept around. It was sort of obvious. But they had no clue that he waas not strictly heterosexual. If and when they found out that he was in a gay relationship, Tristan didn't particularly want to be near them. They couldn't really be described as progressive, holding onto decidedly musty and traditional values. He could only hope that the issue didn't come up for some time to come.

About to let that idea take a strong hold on him, the brunette was able to pick himself up out of that thought with another, far more pleasant one. He smiled impishly, at once bending down to Adrian's level, his soft lips meeting the others in what could only be described as a chaste kiss. It was not an ordinary kiss for Tristan, but he felt more than he ever had done with anyone else. There was no unbridled heat and tension that made his skin burn with desire, there was a deeper warmth spreading from his core. It was more like coming home. In fact, it was such a shock to him that Tristan pulled back almost instantly, eyes wide and slightly bewildered. He wondered if Adrian had felt it, and his eyes probed for the answer, questioning him as he stood, breathing harder than he ought to have done under the circumstances.

 

[MiNaGi]

Something inside Adrian had been aware of this fact. He had been aware that he was doing something that was possibly not right. He had tried to sneak into Tristan's life and get close without the other trying to make that usual distance. He had thought that he'd be figured out in a matter of moments. But surprisingly enough, nothing had come from Tristan on this subject. It was as if he had just ignored that fact. The fact that Adrian was getting closer and closer into his comfort zone to the point where not every person would've been comfortable. And it was like Tristan had allowed himself not to care. As if he had hoped that, somehow, it would lead to them eventually falling in love with each other. In the end, they'd have been like this either way. There was no saying when Adrian would've burst if it hadn't been for Tristan's allowance of Adrian into his life, but in the end, Adrian's feelings wouldn't have changed.

Maybe this was going to make them happy. Maybe this was what was going to finally fix up their broken hearts and bodies. Maybe there was a last resort in this rather unhealthy relationship. Even if Adrian doubted it, the choice was clear. It was time to find that out now, and he saw no reason to back out. He glanced up at Tristan, and the sudden awkwardness that seemed to envelop his friend surprised him quite a bit. "Awkward" was not a word he put on a person like Tristan. "Uh... yeah... I guess I'll be fine, no parents, you see." Adrian said with a shrug. He knew how parents were, and especially did he know what Tristan's parents were like. Religious, traditional people that had asked everything and anything about Adrian, his faith, inheritance, his plans for the future... it had been rather uncomfortable for the awkward Adrian, but then he had figured out what it was like to have parents, for the first time in his life.

Of course, Adrian deeply hoped that it wouldn't become a problem soon. He didn't want to be the reason that Tristan parted with his parents, but Adrian figured that he wasn't the first guy who had been with Tristan in the first place. When he glanced up again, there was this smile on Tristan's face, and he wondered what was happening. He had not really expected it, or, at least, he hadn't expected it to be like that. It was his first real kiss, and then it was such a gentle one... it was like someone had set fire to his body. He wanted to cling onto Tristand and make him do more, but after a few seconds, the bliss was over as Tristan pulled back. Of course, the surprise settled in with Adrian, and his heart was pounding with both awkwardness and influence from the kiss. He felt like he was going to explode of embarrassment and just stared at Tristan. He hadn't meant to be like that, craving for more after just a tiny, little kiss that usually shouldn't matter anything.

 

[Psychedelic]

He didn't know what to do now. They both seemed to be gawking at eaachother, almost as if seeing one another for the first time. In truth, this really was the first time Tristan had really allowed himself to see Adrian for what and who he truly was. He was a staple part of his life, certainly not someone to be discarded like a used napkin. As silly as it seemed, Tristan was sure that he wanted to spend forever with Adrian, and he wanted to love him in a way that meant something. He didn't yet know if he was capable of such deep feeling, or if he was, if he could manage to communicate that to his newfound lover. He supposed there was nothing he could do but allow himself to try. He was of the opinion that the best thing to do now was to play everything by ear, and let hhis gut decide what the best course of action was.

"Well, that was a long time coming." He had wanted to kiss Adrian and of course do far more with and to him, ever since they had met, but he had held back. He was still holding back now, their first kiss cut short by the fear that he would end up using this tender moment for something far less meaningful. As such, he had decided also that there was no need to rush anything in the physical department. Particularly with Adrian in such a bad place, it seemed wrong to allow such things to happen.

Finally turning away from Adrian, he stalked across the room, sitting back down on the bed. He leaned back on the plush pillows, looking up at the ceiling once again, though this time he didn't feel too terrible. He was still trying to wrap his head around what he had agreed to, and also what Adrian had confessed to, but he didn't feel the panic that he had felt earlier. He was terrified of what might happen, but he had to admit that the excitement in him was more than just an immediate head rush, it was in for the long haul. Or so he hoped. They would learn how to be together over the course of this trip, they would returin to the university and introduce the relationship to those they knew, they'd settle into a routine and maybe everything would be wonderful. His parents might be a stumbling block, but Tristan was of the opinion that they would come around eventually - though his father still hadn't forgiven him for going to the wrong university. Perhaps he was being a little optimistic.

Closing his eyes to the world, Tristan sighed, "So, I'll admit it, I have no idea what I'm meant to do now. I had the evening all planned out, and here you go and ruin it." He smirked slightly, lazily opening his eyes again as he hoped it was blindingly obvious that he was joking. Still, he was worried that he wouldn't manage to remain attentive and faithful to Adrian. If things became difficult and tiring, he knew that his impulsion would be difficult to resist. The worst thing would be if they had a row, he knew then that he might turn to drink and sex, and he worried about driving Adrian over the edge once and for all. Maybe he ought to just livefor right now, rather than second guessing the future. "I suppose we could just watch shitty tv." Room service would be coming, he'd make sure of it. Plenty of food t ensure the health of his boyfriend. What a refreshing word.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian was simply dumbfounded. He blinked as he stared at Tristan as if he only saw the male now for the first time in his life. Of course he was confused. Nothing in his entire life had been so emotional, he had always been like this, alone and emotionless, always reading away his emotions. And here came the one reason for his desires to go crazy, and in the end he just fell deeply in love with Tristan. This moment only sparked his feelings even further, and made him want to kiss Tristan again. Of course, he didn't know if he could make this work. His feelings were intense and very much true, but he was also weak himself. He had never been able to maintain anything out of his shame, so why should he be able to do that now? He had always been lonely and he was just scared that this newfound love and affection would end up crushing him. Of course, the thoughts that he had were silly, after all, he had had so much time to fall in love with Tristan.

He was going to use that love now. He blushed as he looked away from Tristan, trying not to let his boyfriend see how much he had enjoyed that kiss, and how much he wanted another one. "Yeah, a damn long time coming alright." He mumbled as he looked back up at Tristan for just a second. It was like his eyes kept averting Tristan's, he felt like he would die if he looked into those eyes agian. That was, of course, a bit silly, but he felt like that and didn't look at Tristan directly. His heart was pounding and he didn't know how to react to all of these strange feelings making his head spin with confusion.

Of course, Adrian thought that he was going to get used by Tristan now. That Tristan would want to do things to him. He knew that that was what his boyfriend wanted, but nothing had happened - nothing at all. After the kiss was over, his boyfriend had moved across the room and sat down on the bed. Adrian was dumbfounded as he had expected something to happen. He didn't know if he was feeling disappointed or relieved... either way he wasn't in that bad of a mood over it. He didn't have the physical strength for such a thing, in the end. He wondered how far Tristan had thought. What would happen when they returned from the trip? Would their passion just... fade? Or would Tristan hold onto their relationship and tell all of their friends proudly that now, him and Tristan were an item? He didn't know. He really, honestly couldn't tell. There was always issues when it came to a person like Tristan, and Adrian's first feeling was, quite obviously, fear. The reason he felt this fear was because of many things. He wasn't good enough for someone like Tristan.

He wasn't desired, he wasn't worth the time... and Tristan could just leave him alone like that for someone better if he got bored. All of these stupid things worried Adrian to no end, and he felt like he was going crazy for it. "Hmm... well, you've got a few options, but I'm not going to let you go out with that slut, either way she wouldn't have been that attractive, at least not more attractive than me." He said dryly as he looked back at Tristan, indicating that he was joking back. Of course he was. He couldn't say a thing that angrily, at least not with full intention. He wasn't capable of hurting people. Of course, he felt fear sometimes - over the fact that they'd be angry with each other and then Tristan would go back to his old ways... but he didn't feel like he had the right to worry about it. "Then, shitty TV it is, I guess." Adrian muttered as he got down onto the bed with Tristan, lying his head against his boyfriend's chest as he yawned slightly.

 

[Psychedelic]

Snuggling down on a wonderfully soft and warm bed, Tristan was quite content just to remain here for a century. He sighed deeply, only to almost choke on thin air at the biting remark that came from Adrian. He was such a gentle, mild mannered man that he found it almost impossible to conceive of the fact that he was capable of such a dry and scathing humour. Even so, it was amusing, and brought a smile to his lips. "I didn't know you had that in you. But yes, you do trump her on the ogling scale." And it was true. Maybe he wasn't to everyones tastes, but he had a certain charming aura about him that allowed Tristan to see him for who he really was. The state of his body still concerned him, but that didn't make him unattractive, only someone to be looked after and hopefully cured of whatever ailed him.

For the time being, he was quite content to keep his mind in check, managing to remain in the moment. Getting ahead of himself would only make things worse, and so when Adrian came to sit with him he didn't flinch, though for a moment his body became noticeably more tense. He was not used to having someones head in his lap, and definitely not familiar with the idea of cuddling just for the hell of it.He of course knew how to be tender and loving, but this was all faked in order to achieve some other goal. This time things were going to be different, and even as his torso began to relax, he found that he wasn't in the least tempted to attempt to take things further. Instead, he simply raised one hand with which he gently played with Adrian's hair, mostly unaware that he was even doing it.

"You know, I just realised I can't speak French. Funny how I never noticed that before." And he genuinely hadn't. It was only when he had switched on the television that this substantial lack of knowledge showed up. He had a working knowledge of a myriad of ancient languages, had even helped decode some of them into something that was more recognisable to the ordinary layman, but he had neglected to learn the simplest and first language of all. "Oh well, it'll be a learning curve for me." He really didn't give a damn, nor would he. Maybe it was something he ought to have learnt, but there were plenty of things he really needed to have done in his life, as well as more that he definitely shouldn't.

 

[MiNaGi]

Of course, Adrian usually wasn't the type who said things like that, but he hadn't been able to help himself at that time. It was just for fun, he knew that himself, and therefore, he had just said it without thinking. Usually, he would never say something like that, and certainly not say it seriously. He looked back at Tristan who was lying there comfortably on the bed, rolling his eyes slightly at the remark he got. Well, that was to be expected when he was always so timid. He just had this more rough side of him that most people never saw in him. "I have a lot more in me than you might think, Tristan." He said, allowing himself a little smirk as he looked at Tristan. Of course, he had noticed that Tristan was worried about him, his body's state and whatever could happen to him because of this, but he knew now that he was also worried because he was in love.

But for the time being, he didn't want to worry about those kinds of things, all of those worrying and upsetting things that you never got anything good out of. He wanted to make sure that he was going to have a nice day with Tristan, and hopefully, many other nice days in the future. That way, they'd maybe end up having a good relationship, in the end. Adrian had noticed when he had lied down on the bed with Tristan that the other male got visibly more tense. He wondered if Tristan probably wasn't used to this. He was used to this sort of cuddling having a goal, but this time, it was just cuddling for, well, cuddling. Even if he knew how to be tender and loving, there had always been a second goal with it, to get the person in bed, but this time, it was nothing like that. Therefore, Adrian was very happy when he felt a hand run through his hair, and he couldn't help his smile.

"Hmm, well, I do, but you probably knew that. I've learned a lot of languages, some of them I don't even need, even with the job I have." Adrian muttered lightly as he hugged his arms around Tristan's waist, staring at the TV. It was just a melodramatic love drama, and there was no point in him understanding anyway, considering how boring it was. Of course, just like Tristan, Adrian also knew one too many ancient languages, but they did come in handy with his work, so it was a must that you could speak at least latin and a handful of other languages. "I suppose so, if you're up for learning it. It's not really that exciting of a language to learn." He admitted as he leaned against Tristan, lightly stroking his chest and not knowing what to do of himself.

 

[Psychedelic]

Of course he knew French. He was an over achiever in every respect, and to not have a functional knowledge of such a common language was just ludicrous. Even so, apparently it wasn't all that interesting, which had been Tristan's suspicion all along. They wouldn't be teaching it in schools unless it was relatively easy to pick up, so it was no surprise that it didn't hold the interest of someone that had already accomplished so much. His mind briefly considered just how much Adrian had done in his short life, the list of achievements strettching on and on, though he had to admit that he wasn't entirely sure of every qualification or accolade he held. True to form, Tristan hadn't paid all that much attention to lists of letters after names and various other things that happened to note these symbols of education. All he wqas usre of was the fact that Adrian was far better qualified to be on this trip than him. Tristan was ambitious, and had ruthlessly applied himself to this potential course of study, but he was not nearly as driven as the man in his arms, and it showed in the level of care that had been taken in planning this trip.

Overly made up men and women paraded on screen, their faces a masterclass in overacting. Tristan was pretty sure that the dialogue would be just as cheesy and suitable only for some back drawer channel that no one hada ever heard of. At first it was pretty damn amusing, but as was often his way, Tristan lost concentration and interest extremely quickly. It was not long until he had switched the television off completely, having surfed through the available channels with little hope of finding anything worth watching. Silence came over the room, though it was not an uncomfortable one. The peace of simply sitting here quietly was something Tristan was definitely not used to. He was a man that always had to be on the move, saying or doing something, whether he was on his own or in company. This change of pace was bizarre, and for a little while he found it difficult to sit without fidgeting, although eventually he actually found himself drifting off into a light doze.

By the time he woke up again, the sunset was well underway, the sun having almost complete disappeared beyond the horizon. The cityscape was dimly lit in shades of orange, maroon and purple. It was quite striking, and definitely beautiful. He almost started at the weight of something on his chest, somewhat groggy after what could only have been a maximum of an hour of light sleep. Thankfully, before he jumped out of the bed, he glanced down to see Adrian, sighing deeply as he relaxed again. "Well, I'm starved." He said brightly, immediately back to his usual self. His stomach rumbled in agreement with this statement, though it had to be said that he was pretty much always either horny or hungry. Perhaps he was some regression in evolutionary terms, ruled by only animal instincts rather than the emotion and deep thought that was apparently the reserve of the human race.

 

[MiNaGi]

Adrian never bragged about his abilities, but when prompted, he'd come up with an answer, basically. He hated people who bragged, and therefore made a point not to do it himself. The reasons he hadn't found French that interesting were many - but most were that it was too easy to learn, and it was a bit... he didn't like the language all that much. People said it was so "romantic" and "melodic" but his theoretical mind did not see any of that and really just saw a bunch of people talking a, to him, at least, pretty boring language. Of course, he had reached further in his life than most people his age, but that didn't make him any more special than other people. He was still just Adrian, a young man with feelings and these conflicting emotions that all people his age went through. He knew that Tristan wasn't as bright as him - but he had a resolve that Adrian still had yet to find, something with actually doing more than just sitting down and reading, reading all the time. He wanted to get out and do things, he was ambitious... Adrian just had it all from the beginning when he was told to have an IQ on over 180 at a very, very young age. Of course, he never told anyone that, but most figured from the things he knew, from his photographic memory and all of his knowledge.

And with all of this, Adrian couldn't help but be bored by such a trivial program. It always took away his mood when he saw something that boring, as if he could just slam his face into a wall and that'd hurt his mind less than watching those kinds of shows. It was pretty funny, as silly as it was in the beginning, but the longer it got, the less he cared. In these cases, Adrian's concentration slipped from him quicker than with books. He could always read a book and like that, even if it wasn't that good fo a book. But TV and computer... he quickly got bored. He watched as Tristan flipped through the channels, but it was all the same kinds of lame shows everywhere and of course, his boyfriend ended up turning the device off in the end. It wouldn't get more interesting by watching, anyways. A silence crept upon the area surrounding them, and nothing could be heard in any place. It was like a calm feeling settled in the pit of Adrian's stomach, making him calmer than he had ever been before. He wanted to say that to Tristan, but he probably wasn't the only one who wasn't really used to these sorts of situations.

Adrian allowed a blush as he watched how Tristan slowly fell asleep. Obviously, Adrian couldn't get free from the iron grasp of his boyfriend, and he spent a little while of staring at the male's sleeping face. To be honest, Adrian did not get a very large amount of sleep. He never got bags under his eyes or any other signs of insomnia, so Tristan hadn't asked him out about it yet. But maybe he should sleep now... together with Tristan. After a few more moments of staring at the male, Adrian slowly slips himself slightly upwards, pressing his lips against Tristan's. It was light and gentle, and he pulled back after a few moments as he put his head back on Tristan's chest, listening to his heartbeat. The male slowly drifted off into a light, gentle sleep. Time passed, maybe an hour, and even after Tristan had woken up, Adrian kept on sleeping. When Tristan got away from him, Adrian simply rolled over and hugged a pillow instead. Well, now his lack of sleep was certainly showing to his boyfriend.