Sailing the Seas of Cheese: The Pirates of Lake Ontario

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Cotillion

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Jack leaned back in the chair, sighing contentedly. This was the life! He was on a boat, the sun was shining, and a gentle breeze made his curly brown locks billow behind him like in a cheesy romantic movie. Perfect start to a perfect day. All he needed now was a crew. He opened up his laptop, wrestled with his internet connection briefly, and started writing an ad on the personals section of Craigslist.


Scratching his beard, Jack looked over his wanted ad. After fixing a couple of minor typos, he was content with the ad. Smiling like a circus clown, Jack submitted the ad. For the first time in his life he was following through on something he had set his mind to, and his plans to become a modern day pirate were starting to fall in to place. He looked at the ad one last time:

Wanted: Entry Level Pirate
​

​
Have you ever felt restrained by society (like you were meant for bigger and better things, but 'the man' was holding you down, stroking your hair, and telling you everything would be okay in the end)? Have you felt like rebelling against the institution that is real life? Then this is the place for you! I am a highly motivated Pirate Captain looking for similarly minded individuals!​

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Responsibilities include: Swabbing the poop deck, hoisting the main sail, drinking ale, and securing us a stable internet connection.​

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Please respond to this ad and we will set up a meet!


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Without warning, the boat lurched forward, sending Jack and his laptop sprawling. What on earth? This isn't supposed to be happening! Peering over the side of the boat like a meerkat, Jack looked to see what was happening. The boat came to an abrupt halt.

"Hey you! What do you think you're doing back there?!"

"You mean this isn't where I parked my boat? My bad" Jack responded, his parking-lot piracy at an end. He grabbed his laptop and jumped over the side of the boat, away from the apparently angry bald gentleman. "It won't happen again."

Jack strode away, amused by his run in with a Patrick Stewart look-alike. Things were looking up for him today, the Craigslist ad was just the beginning. Next on his to-do list was meeting a girl at the pier. This wasn't just any girl: she had offered to let him use her vessel for his pirating needs, as long as he made her the second in command.
 
[DASH=#00E5EE ]Sitting on the pier and kicking her feet in the water while waiting, Katie daydreamed about sailing around Lake Ontario as a pirate. She'd always wanted to be a pirate, dressed up with an eyepatch and everything for Halloween for many years in her teens. She even bought a boat! This was a dream come true.

This Jack guy, though, he had Dreams. Ideas. Plans. They'd get a crew. They'd set sail. Maybe they'd even upgrade their wooden Halloween swords for real ones. Never mind that she'd never met him before, Katie could tell that Good Things were going to happen. She had the boat, Jack had the direction.

(The boat, by the name of Arrr Matey, bore little resemblance to a sailboat and more to a canoe, though it was larger than a canoe by a few people lengths and needed four people to row it. Katie's savings from her job at McDonald's in high school had gone to this boat, the pride of her life!)

I'm going to need a piratey name, Katie mused. One that she didn't come up with when she was seven. Second Mate Katie wasn't good enough. Second Mate Fierce Piratess of the Great Lakes might work.

Arrrrr.

Splashing her legs one last time, Katie saw a guy coming up the pier and got to her feet. "Hey, you!" she shouted, trying for a tough-guy deep piratey voice and barely getting the right words out. "You be Jack?" She put her hands on her waist while she waited for him to come up and scrutinized the way the guy walked up. Was he captain material?[/DASH]
 
Jack had never quite gotten the hang of walking properly, and as such his gait was a penguin-like waddling (when he wasn't fleeing from starship Captains) with the occasional skip in between strides. He was mid-skip when a girl, who apparently had a speech impediment, started yelling at him. Taken aback at first, he realized that the girl must be Katie."Yes, yes, I'm Jack. Pleasure to meet you." Not bad. Not bad at all. She would do nicely, though he made a mental note to buy Katie a thesaurus at his earliest convenience.

Jack looked around, trying to find the boat that he would be the proud captain of. Then he saw it. The Arrr Matey. Not exactly a fearsome title for a mighty pirate ship, but the Arrr Matey was not your typical boat. It was a canoe. A rather large canoe, one that certainly looked like it had the capability of terrorizing small children and inexperienced kayakers. Not an ideal situation to be in, but Jack was determined to become a pirate, and if that meant dealing with overly concerned parents, then so be it. "A mighty fine vessel you have here. Shall we begin our adventures?"

Without waiting for a response, Jack waddle-skipped in to the canoe, propped his right foot on top of the prow and began gesturing with his hands, "Behold the uncharted seas of Lake Ontario! The vast oceans in front of us hold many secrets, and many treasures. There are citizens on these seas, citizens who have great riches, access to stable internet connections, and a plethora of other things that we may or may not desire. We MUST strike fear in to their hearts, for we are PIRATES!"

Jack wasn't one for big speeches, but he had just fulfilled the 'big speech prior to embarking on a grand adventure' criteria that seemed to be in every movie these days, which was a good start. It also served to reduce the awkward small talk that would surely have ensued if he had continued talking to Katie on the pier, as he was never very good at speaking to women. "Katie," Jack said, pointing South, "we must head East! Prepare for departure!"

Emotions welled up inside Jack. This was it. He was finally going to set sail, to roam the Great Lakes, and to begin a lifetime of piracy. The adventure was short-lived, as the first mishap happened mere seconds in to their voyage.
 
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She knew little to nothing of pirates, but she loved the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Mainly because Jack was just so utterly hilarious and sarcastic, but she enjoyed the adventure just as much. She hoped this would be like that, though she doubted monsters would be there as well. Who knew, right? She'd put on water-resistant, old-looking boots, shorts, and a white shirt with a vest that matched her boots. She also sported a bandana around her head to keep her bangs out of her eyes while the wind blew. Her bag of belongings, the same red color as her bandana, was slung over one shoulder as she ran to catch up to the captain before they set sail.

"Waaaiit," she called, waving her free arm in the air, panting. "I'm coming, don't leave yet!!" She finally reached the pier, catching her breath. "Sorry I'm late," she grinned sheepishly. "Violet, here!"
 
Seychelle pulled her long auburn hair around her neck, letting it fall down on one side her shoulder, her yellow eyes watching her white and blue screen of her Facebook, scrolling down to see what society had to say today. She hoped it wasn't going to be about sandwiches or new haircuts, she wanted something interesting. Something new. Something exciting.

A link caught her eye, or more the comment someone had posted about it. She clicked the blue letters and soon found her way to a Craigslist ad submitted by a Jack dude.

"Hmm.." she mused.

Seychelle would soon find herself on a pier, dressed in her own kind of fashion. She wore a light pink cotton skirt, black leotards, a cream colored flowy cotton shirt with a brown waist belt and a long scarlet overcoat complete with a matching hat. Her leather boots clicked against the wood as she walked, placing a hand on her hip as she seen another run past her. She followed, wondering if this guy was legit. Once she was close enough she smirked, walking towards them.

"Oi, are you the fella that posted that ad on Craigslist?" she asked, her liquid Australian accent forming around each word. " Cauz if ya are, I'm interested." she said winking a golden eye at him and the others.​


 
Natural reflexes dictate that when someone sneaks up behind another person, that person responds with surprise. Jack was no different, and the sudden appearance of two new crew mates caused him to lose his balance on the prow of the canoe, and in a grand display in lack of coordination, Jack toppled in to the lake, arms flailing.

Poking his head out of the water, Jack surveyed the pier, making sure the coast was clear. Spotting nothing amiss, he stood up, the water sloshing about his waist. "Greetings ladies, your sudden appearances have caused me such joy that I felt the need for a swim," he lied, hoping to preserve at least some sense of respect from his crew. "This is Katie, the second-in-command."

"As your Captain, I would ask that you to refer to me as Captain Spectacular, though Jack will do for now. But before I allow you both to join the proud crew of the Arrr Matey, you must complete a task. That task is simple: locate several newspapers, and fashion all of us some fancy pirate hats. Make mine captain-y." Jack wasn't one to order people about, but he needed to dry off from his escapade in the lake, and it would give him a chance to attach a flag to the canoe, one that would strike fear in the hearts of all who saw it.
 
[DASH=#00E5EE]Katie had jumped into the boat after Jack, furrowing her brow at his strange waddle. At least he complimented her boat. She wondered where he adopted his pirate speech. It was much more grandiose than hers. And what was that speech? Hopefully he already struck fear in the hearts of people, or else he wasn't a very good pirate. For herself, Katie worked on her snigger and leer at the open sea. When people saw it, they usually backed away slowly.

"Aye, Captain!" Katie yelled after ordered to head East. Before beginning to untie the ropes, however, Katie reached out and took Jack's pointing finger and moved it to point East rather than South. "Tha's better, Captain," she muttered, then headed over to work on those knots when she heard a SPLASH and the boat rocked with her on it.

Once she'd gotten her stability back, Katie turned back around to find that two other girls had approached the ship and were looking intently at them. Both wore too much white. Was white a requirement? Katie looked again at her brown shirt and shorts, considered as well her one hoop earring. Perhaps her clothing was too practical. No, no. She'd certainly done enough dressing up as movie pirates before. Now she was going to be the Real Thing. She had the ship. She was doing it Right this time.

"Oi, Captain... uh... Spectacular," Katie called, jumping off the boat and splashing to the shore. "I'm assuming we're waiting now." She lost her piratey accent. Oh well. She'd just have to shrug it off. "I'm working on my own pirate name." Ooh, she could use pirate speak here! "Ye'd best use it next time." Katie tried to turn it into a growl and wasn't sure it worked. "It's Hackin' Liza Dagger, arrr."[/DASH]
 
"Aye, Cap'n," Violet said at attention. She dug through her bag, but the only paper she had wouldn't be strong enough for hats. But, she did have duck tape. She combined the two- covering the inside layer with duck tape before she began to fold the paper to make hats. She made three "crew" hats, and tried an attempt at making a captain's hat, adding a strip on the outside where the ribbon would go. Dusting the sand off of the paper-and-duck tape hats, she returned to the ship to report to Jack.

"Captain Spectacular, I made yer hats," she announced, holding them up. She was already wearing hers over her bandana. Grinning, she offered a hat to Katie - err, Hackin' Liza Dagger, and to Seychelle; both matched hers, and she offered the captain his own hat.
 
The sounds of the comforming of metal echoed through the shop. It was finished. The custom made assault rifle this customer had paid over thirty five grand for. Oddly enough, behind the counter wasn't some gun crazy, blood thirsty physcho. It was a petite girl standing at about five feet and four inches tall( although she may have been a tad gun crazy). It was Rin a sensitive looking soul. She stuttered as she nervously handed her new creation to the shady man over the counter. "T-Thank you for shopping at Tirk's ammunition and weaponry" She gave a polite bow. Usually she received tips from customers who thought was just plain cute but this one walked out without even a word of thanks after making the rather large payment. Running the shop for her father was such a bore. Too bad Rin was much to shy and timid to cause her father displeasure.. Until today.


After scrolling through craigslist, looking for a few parts to create a pistol she was craving she came upon an ad, for pirates? Pirates weren't the exact group she had in mind when she eventually left home. She was definetly more suited for a group of mecenaries despite her frail frame. Rin wasn't too keen on cleaning nor cooking for the crew either but this was a golden oppertunity and according to te add this was her only chance. Especially due to the fact that her father would be home any minute. He was a well trained ex marine, she was trakned by him. Of course she wasn't nearly as talented and he would force her to stay. Force being incredibly literal right now. Of course she couldn't show up to Jack without an offering. So she would bring something every great pirate needed.

In no time Rin was at the pier lugging a large incredibly heave chest behind her. The chest itself was almost as big as her. She could now see what she made the trip out here for. "T-These.. are an odd group of pirates..." She whispered. She looked for the only male in sight. That one had to be Jack right? She looked past him and saw the boat-thing they were going to be traveling in. 'W-What is that?' She thought it looked more like a childs ride at an amusement park. The scene wasn't what she had expcted. Lugging the suitcase while her skirt blew recklessly in the wind she made her way to Jack. Rin was careful not to make eye contact with the oher ladis as she was much to shy. When she finally got to him she stopped and took a deep breath. "Hawk Eye Rin, reporting for duty captain Jack!" She stuttered throughout the whole announcement coming up with her name on the fly aswell. She just thought about something she liked. Guns, rifles, accuracy. And it came. Rin kind of anounced it more like a trained marine and less like a pirate. The first thin she did was pull the sum of her last sale out of her pocket. 3500$ and she placed it in Jacks hands. Then she recklessly kicked open the chest she was carrying. Weapons poured out of it. Everything from her fathers sop that she could fit was thrown it. Pistols, rifles, smgs, rpgs, swords, knives, you name it. Rin hoped she wasn't being to pushy or forward. I mean pirates needed this stuff, right? Rin also hoped no on thought she was weird for being able to carry all of that up here.
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A crew that was prepared? Jack was certain that the pirate hats task would take at least fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. This was certainly a surprise - not a particularly pleasant one, but a surprise nonetheless. That type of behaviour was No Good, and it would have to be squashed like a little overachieving bug getting run over by a semi. Perhaps efficiency and preparedness was befitting a ship like the USS Enterprise, but on the Arrr Matey, the fiercest vessel of its kind, it just would not do. But Jack had other pressing matters to attend to first.

Donning his newly created pirate headpiece, Jack faced his crew. "Err, well done Violet. I feel as though I am at the height of fashion. Next time though, feel free to take a little extra time, you don't want to overwork yourself." Excellent, just a little bit of praise mixed in with a suggestion to work less effectively. That should do The Trick. Before he could continue, a short girl walked up to him, handing him a large sum of money. This must be a dream. First I become a pirate, get a crew, and now I have the equivalent of eight hundred packs of ramen noodles in cash? What a day. And the weapons are nice too.

"Greetings, uh, Hawk Eye Rin. Thanks...I mean, wow. I don't know what to say, other than welcome to the crew." Jack stood there, mulling over his next order of business. He wouldn't have time to fashion a proper pirate flag, nor would he be able to find a mast to fly it on.

"Rin, Violet, and Seychelle, I need you to haul the chest of weapons on to the cano...the boat. Then get ready to set sail on to the lake, we'll be heading East," Jack once again pointed South, forgetting entirely about Katie's correction.

"And that leads me to... Hackin' Liza Dagger. Are you sure about that name? Seems...never mind that now. To you, my trusty first mate, my Number One, I leave you with the most important task." Jack pulled a napkin out of his pocket. A rough sketch of a skull and crossbones graced both sides. Our flag, in all its glory. He handed it over to Katie, "You will be our flag bearer. Hold this emblem above your head for all the world to see."

Once the crew was finished loading the canoe, Jack perched himself on the prow once again, not because he wished to recreate that scene from Titanic, but because the canoe was dangerously close to tipping and he needed to balance out the weight of the weapons crate. This is going to be problematic. Jack motioned for his crew to start paddling, and before long, they were off, eager to terrorize the denizens of Lake Ontario.

It wasn't long before disaster struck. They had managed to make it about thirty feet away from the pier when the canoe couldn't handle the pressure. The rear-end sank beneath the weight of the weapons-crate, catapulting Jack off of the prow, whose only thought was 'not this again'. He landed in the water with a thwack, and was pulled under the waterline long enough to see the crate of weapons sink to the bottom of the lake, out of reach.
 
[DASH=#00E5EE]Katie squinted first one eye and then the other at the hats. They were... very quickly made. She took one and put it on her head. It slid off immediately. She tried again and it slid off again. Katie smirked. Hats never fit her head, it was just too big. "Guess I'll just have to go without," Katie said cheerfully, and chucked it in the corner of the boat while she got back on.

She rested a suspicious eye on the new girl's trunk full of weapons and wondered what the captain would do with it and where they would put it on her boat. But no, she didn't need to think about that yet.

"Here girls, you can sit here, here, and here," Katie pointed out the benches upon which oars rested, waiting for people to get the boat moving. Her ship, her baby. Even if they were all girls, they would be upon the sea - and more proper pirates were waiting at their next stop, after all, right? Or maybe they'd capture some men as prisoners when they raid a ship and have them for their slaves. All would be well, in time, and until then Katie could alternate between sickly-sweet glee and sulking over the crew so far.

"You're not going to need help figuring out what these are for, right?" she asked, patting an oar. "Otherwise we're not going to move very far."

After making sure everyone was sitting, Katie twirled around and headed back to the captain. "They're ready, Captain," she reported, then took the flag-napkin from him with a gasp. "Captain, arrr, I'm honored! Ye'll be proud of my mighty flag-wavin'." She remembered again to slip back into Pirate speak, then nodded gruffly at the captain and turned to find the best position to hold the flag from. Somewhere balanced, of course.

No sooner had Katie gotten her bearings than she stumbled while standing and heard yet again a SPLASH. Turned, to see her boat not righting herself. Realizing the danger. Instincts made her jump into the lake and swim toward shore. And, once on shore, turning back to the lake to see her precious Arrr, Matey's bow take its last breath.

"MYYYYYYY BOOOOOOOOOOOOAT!" she wailed. "It - it's gone!" Katie tried to sob, and couldn't, her head was too waterlogged. She turned instead to the girl with the weapons, Hawk Eye Rin. "YOU!" she shouted at her. "This was your fault! That was my LIFE'S WORK and your stupid weapons ruined it all! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" she threatened, standing far too close and shaking Rin's head.[/DASH]
 
Rin sat where she was told. She was as quiet as a mouse as she nervously looked down and pressed her palms to her lap, careful not to rudely eye the other members of the packed boat. Then Rin felt a swaying motion. Not the regular, 'Oh the boats swaying with he tides kind of motion' More like the 'Holy crap the titanics sinking!' Type of motion. Rin made a loud yelping sound, like a cat stuck in a tree as she was rocketed into the ocean. Before securing her own safety or that of the crew members, she shot around to look for her chest. 'My weapons!!' She thought. If she had it her way she would've spent hourse down there searching for her prized posessions. Too bad the tides had other plans as she was washed ashore instead.

Rin climbed ashore shaking and sobbing. Those weapons were like her friends, her protectos. And now they were gone. She was soaking wet too. Her dark hair clung to her face like everything else and she could've sworn their was a strand of seaweed in a place it didn't belong. Rin really wanted to cry and to top it off she was being scorned by the first mate. She quickly backed away as Hackin' Liza dagger approached. Her hair stuck to her cheeks covering her eyes as she fell backwards awkwardly landing on her butt. This was turning out to be the worst day ever. She lost her weapons, ran from her father, got completly soaked and was being screamed at by a complete stranger. For once she would let her feelings get the best of her. Ironic that she had no weapon at the moment. Rin rose to her feet, clenching herfists unknowingly as she faced Hackin Liza Dagger. She spoke nervously even at a time like this. "W-Well maybe if you weren't so fat the boat wouldn't hve tipped and I would still have my WEAPONS!!!!!!" She yelled.
 
Violet smiled sheepishly at Katie - WHOOPS - Hackin' Liza Dagger, as her hat kept slipping off of her head. "I'll try better next time," she promised. "They were... kind of improvised," she admitted. "Maybe if we find enough treasure, we can buy some high-quality ones," she grinned optimistically. She saluted the captain and helped the first mate and weapon-bringer to haul the heavy chest onto the boat. She looked at it a little nervously. She hoped the weight of the chest wouldn't be too much for the boat that Hackin' Liza Dagger had supplied.

Nonetheless, she boarded with the others, helping to row the ship forward. But once it started to tip, she panicked and flapped her arms as she was tossed into the water. She surfaced, spitting water out of her mouth. "Well, shoot..." she murmured and joined the crew on the shore. She frowned at the sunken ship, and the ship's owner. She felt like she should defend Rin, but she can only imagine how long it took to save for such a boat. She chose to keep her mouth shut and not get involved with it. "What now, Capt'n," she asked Jack, looking to him.
 
Jack was dumbfounded; apparently his crew were part-fish, as they had all managed to successfully reach the shore before he did. Dog-paddling his way to shore, he mused on how he had twice been jettisoned from the Arrr Matey. That was not a routine he was looking forward to, and he hoped it would end with the sudden demise of the Arrr Matey and their weapons cache.

As he reached the shore, Jack was just in time to see Katie lunge at Rin. Jack grinned; this was something straight out of his fantasies, only with less bikinis and there was no kiddie pool filled with jelly. "Now now ladies, you...should...uh..." he hesitated. With all the rigors of captaining, he had neglected to notice that he was surrounded by women. Attractive women at that. Jack stood, arm outstretched and mouth open, struggling to finish his sentence. All that managed to escape his mouth was a squeak. He turned around, walked a couple of paces, then walked back, once again resuming his fish-out-of-water pose. Still nothing.

They're your crew. You have to say something, else they kill each other before you guys finally get to do some pirate-y things. "Banana hammock!" Jack proclaimed. No, that wasn't it. Taking a deep breath, Jack closed his eyes, and pretended he was in a men's locker room. "Carry on ladies. When you're done here, we have pressing matters to discuss, like which one of us is going to dress up as Jaws in an attempt to frighten people in to abandoning their boat. I'm also open to other suggestions on how to proceed from here."
 


Seychelle did as she was told, though she didn't exactly like it. She was jealous of the other girl, the one who was the Captain's Second in Command, she had all that authority and if Sey liked anything better than giving orders, it would be shrimp. But she didn't see any shrimp as of right now but she hoped they would stop for some somewhere.

"Oi!" she cried out as the boat fell apart sending the girls in the cold water. Swimming back up to the surface she took a deep breathe of air, looking to the other girls with a bit of a sour mood. She swam to the shore, following the others as she got back up in her feet, standing there in a drenched outfit.

"So much for that..." she said, taking off the outer layers of her perfectly planned out clothes. She stripped the long coat off, leaving the cream colored cotton (now transparent) shirt and threw the heavy coat to the ground. Through the shirt you would now be able to depict the rough outlines of her lacey bra, but she had other things to worry about as the two other girls began fighting.

"Now now, there is no need to fight. I'm sure we could find a better boat somewhere." she said, shrugging as she rung the water out of her long hair. "Besides, it was Captains idea anyways." she said with a wink to him.

As she heard his plans she laughed, amused at the idea. "I vote you do it. After all, who is going to listen to a man when there are four beautiful women dressed in these bikinis?" she asked, pulling out four string bikinis, one in navy blue (hers) two with matching pirate decor and the other with red and white stripes. She threw the others to the girls and turned her back to the others, pulling her coat back on her to change into the dry bikini. Once she was finished she turned back around, revealing the swimsuit and looking to the others. "So, which boat shall we take?" she asked, grinning at them.​

 
[DASH=#00E5EE]Katie froze mid-shake and stared at the girl. Fat? Her? What? The girl clearly needed an eyesight adjustment, as if anything, Katie would be called shapely or muscular. She limply let go of the girl. She was obviously off her rocker! Katie, fat! When that WEAPONS CHEST weighed more than the ship and the crew put together! This was ridiculous. Katie stalked away from the girl and waded into the lake, staring forlornly where her ship sank. She plopped down into the water to sit, not caring about getting more wet.

Katie might have sniffed, but no one would have known it.

She ignored the others while they tried to figure out what to do. Her pirating dreams - dashed! Her savings, all gone! And all because she followed some jerk with a cool pirate name and an idea to live out their pirating dreams! Katie couldn't help it when a sob escaped her chest. She splashed her face with water to get rid of whatever tears might have collected on her face.

Fine. I'll see what they have to say, Katie thought, getting back up and splashing as hard as she could back to the shore. When she saw the Australian girl in a bikini and offering the other girls more, she stopped dead in her tracks. "You want us to wear WHAT?" she screeched. "What is this? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN NORTH AMERICA, AUSTRALIAN GIRL?!"

Suddenly Jack's idea didn't seem half bad. "Where's the Jaws costume? I'll do it." Katie set her jaw. In her fury she believed she could scare away anyone from their boat.[/DASH]
 
As katie let go, Rin took a deep breath. She sat in the sand and hugged her knees as she began to daydream. She dreamt of armor peircing rounds and silencers, all sorts of things related to her prized posessions drifting at the bottom of the sea. Her dream was cut short when oddly nough, a bikini landed on her head. Rin took a slight pause...


"No way!" Rin already had enough guys gawking at her on adaily basis, including the two pointing at her and a the other girls from the peir.

"I'll just disarm the crew of another boat wi-" She remembered that her weapons were no longer a factor and therefore sunk her head lower.


"U-Um... I-I dunno about the bikini.. I-I'm just.." She whispered.
 
Jack had no idea how he was going to manage captaining a crew of women. The strain of keeping his eyelids closed was already giving him a headache, and he didn't know how long he could keep it up. He was so focused on keeping his eyes closed that he thought he was hearing things. Bikinis? What on earth? Tentatively, he opened his right eye, and was greeted by Seychelle, who was clad in a bikini that left almost nothing to the imagination. Jack yelped and shut his eye again. Think of them as unusually high-pitched and effeminate men. Yes, that'll work.

This was an absolute nightmare. He could barely talk to his crew, let alone issue orders. And now Seychelle was volunteering him to be Jaws? What was this madness? "Damnit Seychelle, I'm the captain. I have to do captain-y things, I can't go gallivanting about the seas dressed as a shark," Jack squeaked out. Things looked bleak, but then Katie came to his rescue, offering herself up for shark duty. A worthy first mate, a rare creature indeed. "Thank you Number One. If you'll follow me to my car." Starting his ritualistic waddle-skip, Jack made his way for what he thought was his car. His hand reached in to his pocket, thumbing a soggy wad of bills. That money was going to do towards hundreds of meals of ramen noodles, but he supposed Katie could use the money on a new boat. He had, after all, been captaining it when it sank, and it was only right that he compensate her for the lose. He needed to make it back to his car safely, first.

Jack was flying blind. His eyes were shut tight, for fear of seeing his crew dressed in those sexy bikinis. It was in this suboptimal state of being that Jack set in to motion events that would have repercussions, repercussions that lasted twenty, maybe thirty seconds.

"Hey! That was my crib board!"

"Owwww, my toe! You rotten little kid!" Jack said, scathingly. He examined his foot: a peg from the crib board was firmly entrenched in the bottom of his shoe. Angrily, Jack kicked sand at the little boy. "Damn kid. Cribs are for children! Learn to play a real game."

Judging it to be safe, Jack kept his eyes open for the remainder of the journey. His stubbed toe had stopped hurting, and he had almost entirely forgotten the episode with the little boy when he reached his car. It was a broken down hunk of junk, but it was his hunk of junk, complete with a hole in the trunk that would house an R2D2 droid. Reaching in to the hole, he withdraw a cardboard shark fin with a thin piece of string attached to it. With this, they would successfully steal a boat! And, just in case people were not fooled by the Jaws costume, he had another surprise in store.

"Hey, Katie. Look, I feel bad about the Arrr Matey, and, well, here's the money that gun-toting lunatic gave me. Just don't tell the others. Need to keep up appearances, you see?" Jack smiled at Katie. "I'll head back. Sort out the shark costume, and meet me back there with the others, alright?"

Jack headed back to the beach, dreading what the girls would be up to. A sexy bikini clad pillow fight? The horror. He was about twenty feet away from the beach when a strange shining object hit his eyes, forcing him to shield his face from the brightness. Whatever it was, it was getting nearer. Taking a closer look, Jack gasped. The sun shining off his bald pate, it was none other than Patrick Stewart's lookalike, commandeering a boat. That should be my boat! Yes, that is going to be our target for Operation: Distract Patrick Stewart lookalike while wearing a Jaws costume. Forgetting to waddle, Jack trotted to the beach, ready to rally his crew.
 
Violet blinked as the bikini was put onto her head. She looked at the red-and-white stripes and shrugged. Normally, she wouldn't be comfortable in such revealing clothes. But desperate times called for desperate measures. She turned and used her old swim-team skills to undress and redress without revealing any womanly bits; awkward but efficient. She left the wet white shirt on; it was thin and would dry soon enough, and the captain seemed to be a little hesitant now of talking to his crew. She thought this might help, as well as not make her feel so self-concious. She left her other clothes on the ground, laid out to dry, when she noticed a boat. "That's a nice-looking boat," Vi murmured to herself and looked back to see if the captain was headed back. Indeed he was, and in a hurry. Guess there's no need to tell him that I saw a boat, she thought to herself, and stood more straight. "Orders, Captain?"
 
[DASH=#00E5EE]Katie followed Jack's erratic path to his car, stifling sniffles about her sunk boat. The Arrr Matey never even got its maiden voyage, and she already was at the bottom of the sea lake. She kicked sand as she walked, oblivious to the gait that she would earlier have made fun of. She would out-Jaws anyone to get over the pain of losing her boat.

Stumbling into Jack as he tripped over the crib board (and how was there a crib board on the beach? who plays cribbage on the beach? wouldn't sand get in the peg holes? and where would you put the deck of cards?), Katie dropped back a half a step to watch the exchange. She probably should have steered Jack a little bit, but even she didn't notice the sickly-looking kid with the crib board on the beach. She mouthed "sorry" to the kid as she hurried to catch up with her captain.

She grabbed at the cardboard shark fin as Jack pulled it out of his trunk. "I'll be the best Jaws, Captain. You can count on me," she assured him, not looking at his face. Katie was therefore extremely surprised to find soggy money handed to her, and Jack apologizing about the Arrr Matey.

"You… uh… thanks." Katie sniffed and looked up at Jack, who was awkwardly smiling at her. She scowled at him. "Keeping up with appearances, aye captain."

After knotting the shark fin around her head and repeatedly pushing it into place, Katie headed back to the beach. Where too many girls were wearing bikinis. She snarled and looked the other direction, where her gaze fell upon the sun. Or was it the moon. Or was it… love. Katie's gaze trailed down the head to the face, which looked almost exactly like a Starship Captain she had grown up loving. "Ohhh…" she sighed, staring for a few moments.

She was lost in the sparkle of that bald head, that confident façade. She completely forgot her captain and crew. Her whole face went slack in adoration of the lookalike. She lost control of herself, and unconsciously glided over to Patrick Stewart.

"Excuse me, sir," Katie breathed on him, completely forgetting the string for the shark fin hanging on her head. "Would you - would you need someone for your crew? I mean that I just lost my boat, and, well, I am very handy around boats, being a pirate and all… I mean… I would give that up for you!" Katie squeaked those last words. "Please take me!" [/DASH]
 
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