Role play: Positive or Negative Effect On Self Confidence

[Poe Dameron]

At some point in our lives, we got into this thing called roleplaying. I'm curious to find out if you noticed any change in yourself after discovering roleplaying... specifically, do you feel you have become a more confident person, or less confident person in real life since? More likely to jump into the unknown, or more cautious?

 

[Sidhe]

Honestly I've seen no changes in terms of personal confidence. I've role-played since I was a small child in one way or another; it's always just been a part of who I am.

 

[Foxy]

Honestly, in real life it makes me more confident. I talk about my ideas and theories far more than I used to, and I enjoy bringing others into worlds I've created with friends. However, I have recently come across a problem. I tend to be far more vulnerable and unsure of myself when it comes to the partners I talk to online. It's odd. My confidence is through the roof when it comes to real life and coming up with ideas to share with my family and friends, but online is just...I dunno. If things suddenly change or if my partner suddenly seems uninterested, despite knowing it's an entirely natural thing to get bored with rps, it shoots my confidence as a writer down quicker than anything I've seen before.

In front of others in real life who tell me I can't write, that I shouldn't try, blah blah blah, I can easily brush it off. But when my partner no longer seems to like the rp, or simply seems to be going through the bare minimum to keep me happy...it causes me to struggle with my confidence and I feel sad/sort of sick for a few hours. :/ I'm not sure why that is though...I've never had a problem if my family disagreed or seemed bored with my ideas, or other people in real life seem to dislike it. But when it comes to my partners it seems to have a far greater affect on me. It's weird and I've never really been able to pinpoint why that is. Then again, I've never really questioned it before.

 

[Diana]

100% More confidence.

It helps me get out issues through a constructive and safe process. I've had issues with abuse, feeling suicidal, depression, etc and I could put all of these things in to characters, have those characters make different choices - both good AND bad - and then let it play out and see what happens. I could see how I felt about these situations through the eyes of these characters and then proceed to make better choices in my OWN life without fucking up something by accident. D:

 

[The Mood is Write]

In the beginning, RPing was not a source of positive or negative confidence, because I knew nothing about it save that it looked pretty fun. I waited until I was thirteen, then signed up for a single site, where I met my pedophile ex. We moved our chat to AIM (the horror) and eventually, it wasn't enough, so I started playing elsewhere, too.

However, wherever I turned (Gaia, Rabbit Hole, Menewsha), people had "must be literate" and I didn't understand what that meant. Apparently, I wasn't, though. My confidence was shot, but I still liked telling stories, so I kept trying, and advertised myself as 'semilit' which got me some people who were on my level, but every time I typed 'semi-literate', it felt like I was saying I was only halfway able to read and write.

Eventually, found F-list, and for a while, it seemed like the best option because almost nobody used the terms 'literate' or anything of the sort. Unfortunately, they judged me for a different reason: they judged me for being asexual and not playing characters that they wanted me to play. It made me hate sex RP and myself like something was wrong with me.

It took joining Iwaku for RP to become a confidence-builder that wasn't based on false bravado, but actual joy and skill. Sure, I'm not the best, but I know that I am good at what I do, and that people enjoy playing with me. It also took joining Iwaku to realize sexy RP could be fun, too, though I still don't RP purely for the sex, even if a lot of my descriptions are 'sexy'.

That... was a mess of a gut spill. Sorry. I'll just... stitch that back up or something.

 

[Dervish]

More. GMing's pushed me towards being more decisive around people and more likely to stand my ground when there's disagreements, and I think it's helped me develop better management skills.

I also have a hard time meeting people in real life thanks to my line of work being a mostly solo endeaver, so the people I've befriended over roleplaying sites are a major part of my social life. Getting to know these people and bonding over a shared interest, as well as having people turn to me for ideas and to spend their free time over the years, has most definitely helped me express myself better in person and be much more of a take charge person in real life.

Another thing I do, that I'm glad at least another person (hi, Diana!) Does is put myself in the shoes of my characters and think of how they'd handle a situation. Honestly, it helps a lot, and it motivates me at times.

 

[Kagayours]

Definitely improved. Like, so much.

I was lucky enough that one of the first RP's I started actually turned out to be one of my longest-lived RP's. I mean, looking back on it, there was a ton of luck involved for that RP to even start under the right conditions for it to be as successful as it was, so it's not like I was some genius GM right off the bat, but it still made me feel confident in my GMing abilities. And hey, that was a two-year-long RP, so it's not like I learned nothing in all that time. XD Sure, I was really inexperienced compared to how I am now, but, by the end of that RP, I'd say I'd improved a great deal. And I had started another long-lived RP that managed to live for... a year and a half? Two years? I'm not so sure. The point is, these long-lived RP's were a huge confidence-booster for me and a huge sense of pride. Not only that, but they even managed to land me a position as president of my high school anime club! Yeah, the previous president -- who was graduating that year and needed a replacement -- was in both of my long-lived games, and decided that the organizational and leadership skills I displayed while GMing made me an excellent candidate! :D GMing and anime club became the two most important things in my life at that point, and both of those were cases in which I thought I was special because I could do things that other people couldn't. I understood how to run a long-lived RP, I understood how to run an awesome anime club (the former president was a good friend of mine, but I really never thought she was a good president, and I disagreed with a lot of things she did for the club -- I wanted to right all her wrongs when I took over, and I feel that I did a very good job with it!!), and, overall, I just felt good about my leadership abilities. GMing and being the president of the club just gave me a whole new sort of charisma about everything. I just felt like an awesome person.

...Granted, looking back on it, that period of my life was one where I was probably a bit too confident... I had a really over-inflated ego and I was really full of myself. But!! The fact that I went a little too far into the extreme doesn't really matter in the case of this poll question, I don't think -- the point is that my self-confidence improved. And that was most certainly true!! XD

In more recent years, the pendulum has swung harshly in the opposite direction, but, despite the self-esteem issues I've been having lately, GMing is actually the one area where I still feel really proud of myself. I think I'm a much better GM now than I was during my narcissistic period, and I just feel like I have really solid RP's. Like, I don't even worry about my RP's dying anymore, because everything's just so stable that I just... don't see it happening. @_@ I know that the only thing that would kill my RP's at this point is if every existing member suddenly vanished all at once. So long as that doesn't happen, I'll be able to keep it going, even if I have to get through some drop-outs along the way.

Let me put this in perspective for you: even with everything I hate about myself, even with all of my horrible self-worth issues, even with how much I doubt myself about my capabilities in other areas and even my own beliefs, my GMing is something that I don't even think to question. I know that I'm an excellent GM. I know that I can set up RP's in a way that ensures them for success and avoids all the rookie mistakes that I keep seeing in RP's that are practically doomed for failure. I know that I can keep a good activity flow going and maintain the majority of the players' interests, and take care of the players that aren't interested, so that drop-outs aren't an issue and so that the whole thing chugs on indefinitely and I never have to worry about it running out of steam. And I know that -- unless something horrible happens, like Iwaku getting wiped off the net or something -- my next RP, Altera Arcana, will last at least six months and probably over a year, because I've been doing this a long time, and I know what works and what doesn't, and I know how to get RP's into a stable state and maintain that stability. And, hell, with Altera Arcana specifically, I feel like I'm actually taking risks with some of my plans for it, doing things that I previously thought would never work, because now I'm experienced enough to know how to make it work.

So not only did RPing greatly raise my confidence back in the day -- it is now one of the only things that I am truly confident about, and that is most certainly a blessing at this point.

 

[Tempest]

It's a double-edged sword for me. On some grounds, it's made me more confident in my capabilities and what I can do... On others, its made me more shaken in just how good a person I am or a lot of other things. A lot of that has to do with having a lot of toxic people around me throughout the years. Ghere have been people who have lied to me, who were verbally abusive and spit on my ideas. They would take things I wrote and puppet them without asking in ways untrue to how I would do them because they felt it was better and rewrite my lore for shared projects. I've been a part of groups that were largely full of conflicts and talking behind each others' backs. I've had people talk very horrible things behind my own back and then lie and manipulate me to my face... So... Like I said, its been a double-edged sword... And I don't think I can blame it just on the roleplaying. It probably has a lot more to do with the people I spent my time around that I should have been able to identify and remove from my life sooner. I didn't though... But in the same token, I've learned and grown from it... So life lesson? I don't regret all of it. There have been some good memories... There have been some good people along the way. It just sucks a lot of the bad times and insecurities you accumulate along the way, though.

 

[Razilin]

no change

 

[Dipper]

Once I stopped writing with folks who insist perfect writing uses 16.5 million adjectives to describe how their character eats toast, my confidence has been fine. Guess I could say I'm more willing to jump into newer situations within the rping world, but that's about it. All it's really done is improve my writing.

 

[Brovo]

More confident. In every mistake, a lesson. In every error, an apology. In every interaction, experience. Using role playing I learned how to better my spelling and grammar, and adopted leadership skills that allowed me to take charge of situations in the event others fail. It's made me look introspectively, as the more I put the responsibility of success on my own shoulders, the better the outcome has been, and the more I have learned from failures. I have learned a lot of valuable things over the years with role playing.

• No matter how absurd or strange the idea... Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
• You will never please everyone no matter how hard you try. So don't let the negative things others say wear you down, they can't take away your heart.
• People come and people go. No matter how good or terrible the past may have been with others, let it go, and move on to the future. The anchors you name after others will only sink you, not them.
• Two minds are better than one. Collaborate on your work with others who show serious interest, give them the power to propose and produce their own ideas, and allow your guard to drop once in a while. The world is much richer when painted by more than one artist.
• Have one person in charge so they can keep some semblance of order and break ties and keep the narrative coherent, but don't allow them to be abusive. The open palm can catch that which the closed fist merely breaks.
• Wisdom is in knowing your place. Satisfaction is in finding joy with it. Growth is in surpassing it. Throughout your life you will find times where you are the center of the room, and other times where the room barely tolerates your presence. Learn how to live with both. If you are a player, learn how to accept a GM having more power than you, or become the GM yourself. You cannot both possess a cake and consume it.
• Whether you are known by two people or two million, you are only as popular as the images you compare yourself to in your own mind. Don't be discouraged that only two people joined your story, be encouraged that two people found your writing so interesting as to wish to spend more time with it.
• Be responsible for yourself. Discipline yourself. When you encounter failure, don't blame others, or yourself: Learn from it. It first does not matter who created the problem, only who fixes it.
• Life is emotions of all stripes, pleasant and less so. Pain, sorrow, anger, and offense are not evil, nor unjust. They simply are. Life is much better when you feel enough sorrow to know the value of joy. A story is much more interesting when characters are allowed to fail.
• No matter how far down you fall, you can always get back up and try again so long as you are alive. Always. No matter how weak a character may be in the face of death, they can always find a way to make the best of things, so why not I?

 

[Greenie]

Hm... It's not really crystal clear to me, to be honest, but if I have to vote (which I did) I choose less confident.

I tend to take things too personally and close to heart. I have lost confidence in being able to GM and to stand firm on decisions. I've often been guilt tripped only to be dumped on my head. I tend to see other people's writings and feel like I'll never be able to write like that. I've had way too many role-plays dropped, which tends to have me question whether my writing is bad, or my character are bland, etc etc.

Yet at the same time, role-playing has no doubt been good for me. I haven't made many friends, but the few I have are awesome. In general I do believe my writing has improved. And, role-playing has definitely added spice to a somewhat bland life.

Like @Aenimus said, it's like a double-edged sword.

 

[Brovo]

I tend to take things too personally and close to heart.

For you, and anyone else who feels shitty because of others being cruel to you.

 

[Pahn]

This is a difficult question.

On a first level, it definitely has been positive for me -- I have so many ideas, so much mental clutter, that I don't know how to structure them or express them. It's like I write too slow for my brain. Roleplaying, however, has helped me flourish in a restrictive fashion -- I can focus on single characters, single ideas, etc. I want to GM so bad, but I know I have to be patient and wait for me to learn how to better structure myself.

On a second level, it has made me meet new people. I'm not very good at keeping in contact with people I don't see / talk to every day. But if I'm in a group chat or a group roleplay, I can keep in touch with these people and develop friendships. Yay!

On a deeper level, it means not always getting along with players. I tend to be very strict with myself in regards to grammar and syntax -- and I tend to hold people to the same standards. English is technically my first language, but I speak French more often, which means sometimes my sentences look a little bit off. However, I always do my best to write in an.. academic way. It's important for me. I'm definitely trying to be a bit more loose in regards to formatting and syntax but it's definitely counter-intuitive for me and hurts my head :|

Overall, I think roleplaying has been a positive outlet for me. Bonsoir.

 

[Kestrel]

Little to no change. I've always been kinda arrogant.

 

[October Knight]

If nothing else, it definitely made me a more confident writer. Probably helped with social interaction as well.

 

[Hellis]

Its had its ups and downs. Spending a lot of time on a project only to have it fail can be a blow to the ego. But at the same time, I've met tons of people I now consider friends who love rping with me.

 

[The Mood is Write]

Because I'm seeing a lot of people for whom RPing can hurt confidence, I'm gonna toss a few suggestions. They won't work for everyone, but some of them might work for some people, and that's enough for me. <3

• Open communication.
  It doesn't seem like a huge thing, just to talk to your partner, but it can affect the longevity and quality of the RP. Keep in contact and keep excited. Also, keep respectful, even if it seems like initial communication feels stuffy and formal, it'll chill out as you and your partner get to know each other.
• Recycle.
  Even with open communication, not all RPs will last. This is natural. People have lives, preferences, and sometimes there are disagreements where there is no solution. This is where you close your eyes and tell yourself "It's going to be ok. What can I do with this now that it's over?" Take the themes, your characters, the plots and subplots, and sort through them. Find things you want to use again.
• Self-improve.
  You are not a bad roleplayer. The only 'bad roleplayer' is... well, I can't think of a single reason someone would be 'bad'. However, like being a person or pursuing any other hobby, there is always going to be room to improve. The day you look at the list of level definitions and decide "I think I qualify for this level." and marking yourself up a level is a huge confidence boost. So is getting compliments from partners who notice the strives you're making.
• Brag.
  Don't be afraid to tell your friends about an awesome thing you did in an RP. Did you just shock your partner? Did you inflict them with feelings? Own it! Just be careful not to do it too often.
• Start a new RP.
  Sometimes the act of planning and pre-preparation can be a huge ego boost. My suggestion? Start up a thread. Make it pretty. Bump it once every 24 hours with relevant info (still looking, new ideas, et cetera). Let people come to you, though—and trust me, they will, but it will take patience.
• Plan by PM.
  I cannot stress enough that it stings to look at my old search threads, where pages of planning turned into me having to turn down someone publicly because they wanted something I didn't enjoy. There's no need to discuss things in a public thread. Use the thread to show your ideas, and then ask people to PM you. Turning people down and planning things can be embarrassing in public. Cut down on that by going to PMs.
• Laigh.
  Don't be afraid to laugh when you make a typo. Don't look at it as a horrible error, but simply an amusing misfire. You can just correct it and heck, use it as a name in the future! I mean seriously, I just messed up 'laugh' twice in a row trying to correct it. Laigh seems like a pretty neat name!
• Be happy.
  It sounds hard as hell, but I believe in you. Don't continue roleplays that you dislike. Respectfully let your partner know what you're thinking, and if it can't be saved, end it on good terms. If someone is dragging you through the mud, report them and hit ignore. Don't tolerate things that make you unhappy in a roleplay. You only get so much energy in a day, and RP should be fun.
• Fake it.
  It's a little dishonest to say this one, but it would be more dishonest not to list something that helped me IMMENSELY in dealing with this problem before I came to Iwaku. Altering how you're perceived can have an effect on not only how others treat you, but also how you treat yourself. Once you've learned how to be confident, it stops being a lie. This one CAN be a dangerous method to try though, because it is, by nature, dishonest. I hesitated to even include it.
• Keep honest.
  I know, I just said to fake it in the previous, but faking confidence doesn't mean being wholly dishonest, either. Be honest to yourself, and learn what you can and can't handle. Communicate that to your partner as topics come up, and don't be afraid to tell a person why you're making the choices you are, and why you have certain things you do or don't want to include. Tell them also about what makes you nervous, and investigate your own mind about why those things make you nervous.
• Forgive.
  Forgive yourself for your problems, and others for theirs. This doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or harm, but it does mean keeping toxic thoughts from your mind. Holding a grudge against anyone takes energy, even if it's not an angry grudge.

I hope that this list is helpful. <3 I consider everyone here a friend (even if we haven't met yet), and I want everyone to have as much fun as they can here.

 

[Spekkun]

Has Roleplaying done anything for my confidence? I'd say it's a Roller-coaster with constant rises and falls. The falls are more numerous than the rises but the rises are much larger than the falls. When I started Roleplaying I was a pretty confident person as was, my self-esteem wasn't in the trash but I wasn't going around thinking I was the king of the world either. I was pretty A-okay when it came to my confidence.

When I began Roleplaying all my ideas seemed pretty good at the time, at least to me. My plots and characters, stories and settings, all of it was a blast to come up with and I couldn't wait to roleplay them. But having them get shot down often has been a detriment to my confidence to the point that even when I go ahead with a plot I nearly back out of it for fear of it ending up unsatisfying.

Constantly comparing my RPing to others hasn't helped either, its a bad habit I have. Still it's not all bad. The ups are that I genuinely believe my ideas are great, they always have been, I just need to get better at putting them out there and executing them with 100%

 

[Poe Dameron]

To answer my own question, I had to think deeply into the differences between myself pre and post rping. It's made me more aware of different people, different personalities... but being more knowledgeable in that regard actually takes my self confidence down a bit, as I'm generally pretty confident and sometimes arrogant. It's made me a bit more cautious in real life, as I've had to maneuver around eggshells and dangers in the imaginary world of rp... but that can be a good thing.

So, in summary... less confident, but probably better as a whole!