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Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Kitti, Jan 7, 2017.
Anything to do with that sociopathic leech.
I started dating again last month! It's allowed me to do some introspection and figure out what really bothers me and what my dealbreakers were.
1 - Irresponsibility. If you know you have an appointment or a date or something whatever planned, and you get wasted or do something that will surely affect your plans... WHY?!?! It's like eating ice cream when you know you're lactose intolerant and going to be in a small room with people for the next hour. You KNOW what will happen and yet you still do it. I guess it also correlates with selfishness and self-awareness.
2 - Prudes. I'm sorry. Just. No. We will just never be compatible.
3 - Traditional / Religious. It's a big no for me. I don't want to have to be careful of saying bad jokes, or hearing you say you agree with my extremely sexist joke, without actually joking...
4 - Double-standards. If you expect me to be a house-waifu while you sit around doing nothing, ever, omg that drives me crazy. If I clean, you clean. If I scrub the shower, you scrub the shower. >:[ applies to all other areas of couple/dating things.
I'm pretty loose and easy going in general, so I find it difficult to key in on specific things that I would call "dealbreakers", especially since if you're involved with me in any meaningful way, it was at least partially of my choosing.
In general though, when being with someone, or maintaining a friendship/relationship of any sort starts forcing me to stray from my values, lifestyle, or me being "me", then I guess that would be the dealbreaker.
Oh boy, here we go.
1. Being dirty: I don't mean cluttered or messy, I'm cluttered and messy. But if I see a plate that's Lord only knows how old, that's growing its own ecosystem, and you're living with it? I will be out the door. This also applies to the body. I can deal with unkempt, didn't brush your hair, didn't do your makeup, "these are my pajamas" types, but please be clean and don't stink too horribly. At least smell like you take a shower every other day.
2. Non-communication: Why do people think relationships can work if you don't talk to each other? Seriously. This is the issue with my current roommate. We don't talk to her because she doesn't want to, and in some cases refuses to, talk about serious things. The only time she talks with us about serious business is when things have gone past what she wants and starts yelling at us. I have made it abundantly clear to my fiance that we need to talk to each other when something isn't right.
3. Pushing buttons: I understand if someone does something annoying on accident, I don't mean that. I mean when you tell a person "hey, that kind of annoyed me, can you stop?" and they intentionally keep doing it just to annoy you. That grates me like no other and shows that they won't respect my other, larger requests. It's different than teasing someone you already know and you're both getting a kick out of it, I mean like you have actually told them to STOP in a very serious tone of voice and they won't.
4. Too Far on the Spectrum: This doesn't really apply to any one spectrum. I don't mean on the autistic spectrum either. For the most part, I mean on the political spectrum, but it can mean other things. I don't deal well with super racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. assholes who think we need to build a wall and keep foreigners out. I also hate when they whine about how they're being censored because they can't say the n-word and how they'll laugh about legit triggers (like abuse 'n stuff). I also don't deal well with SJW, lamp-kin is a gender, "I hate anyone who fits into the majority of Americans" kind of people who need safe spaces because their professor challenged their argument like they're supposed to do (pro-tip: don't hate more than 80% of the people you live with). Mostly I hate both of these people because they both surround themselves with an echo chamber and won't listen to anyone's side but their own. So these guys, while fun to laugh at on the internet, I will refuse to befriend.
My biggest dealbreaker of all, no questions asked-
5. Making Fun of my Hobbies and Passions: This is an absolute no, and if anyone ever does this, they immediately lose respect from me. Especially if I have encouraged them about their own hobbies. Me and my fiance had a chat about this when he kept making fun of some of my characters. Told him that wasn't cool, and he can think about how stupid it is all he wants, but it better not get back to me because I will be LIVID.
Unfortunately, I need some better friends because of this. Some of my closest friends have made fun of my hobbies and passions, and it really hurt me. They don't seem to understand when I tell them that it hurt me, either. "It's just a joke, jeez." Seems to be a common comeback when I talk about it. So I need to hunt for others, which will be hard, because I've technically never made a friend in my life. I more just had a group I hung out with and they brought me people to be friends with.
Other than these, I really don't have dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. I'm pretty open when it comes to them!
You're already a friend, get outta line. D:<
Well seeing as how I'm an artist, dancer, and actor. I sometimes can be on the go a lot and it also saps my personal time. Past the usual immaturity, disloyalty, and dishonesty, I think a big one would be if she doesn't respect my passions and the sacrifices that has to be made on both spectrums for things to really work. I'm also deeply spiritual so if she has no sense of spirit or identity then it'll probably be a no go. Honestly I have high standards but I'm extremely low maintenance lol.
As far as friends, if they're the type to intentionally cause malice and ill will on someone's soul or character, they'll never make it past a random to me.
But that's just my two cents :]
Honesty. I mean, we both know you're cheating on me and the reason I'm HIV positive, but that doesn't mean you need to tell me about it. The moment I can no longer deny it, I'll have to confront you and break up or something and I really don't need my parents to be ask me why can't keep a girlfriend again. They're disappointed enough as is.
Mutual respect. I've found relationships work best when there's some kind of power dynamic involved. It provides certainty, a way to understand your place. The moment both parties start minding each other's boundaries, all of that is instantly shattered and the relationship destabilises.
Honesty/Respect - I've often found that both honesty and respect often go hand in hand majority of the time. I'm going to be honest with you because I respect, so I expect the same from you. plenty of my old friendships have ended that way sadly, and family relationships too. Luckily I only had romantic relationship end of dishonesty and a discovery of a giant amount of disrespect.
Acceptance - Alright, this is a broad one for me, but I'm piling all kinds of shit into this. There's going to be at least a few things we like in common, but please be accepting of my hobbies, humour, etc that doesn't align with you, and I'll do the same. My humour is often quite dark, dry, snarky and morbid, I'll tone it down for you at first and if I tag along with you to meet people I don't know, but be respectful and accept it for who I am. Hobbies fall into this since I'm a fan of Angry Men's Soap Opera with Stunts(Wrestling), games, movies and plenty of other nerdier things. I don't need someone to convert to it, or to like it, just it's part of the complete "Me" package you got!
Communication - We are together/We meet up, we can at least hold a conversation down, right? this is extremely important to me. A lack of communication can end with dire consequences in my experience, so it's vital in my opinion.