An old friend got f mine died on Friday. I am saddened by it, but I haven't cried and people have been asking me why. The answer is simple, I am angry. I'm pissed off that the sweet, caring, often times annoying person I knew became someone else because of drugs. I'm curious that because doctors pushed opiates on her, she ended up becoming an addict and rather than helping her, they continued feeding her addiction. It depresses me that drugs had such a hold on her that she ended up dying in an accident trying to get money for a fix. I want to be able to mourn her, but the truth is the person that I knew, the very first person outside of my aunt and cousin to see me for who I am, died the first time she was put on an operating table and pumped full of addictive pain meds.
Everyone keeps telling me I am going through the stages of grief and I am simply stuck on anger, but that doesn't feel true. There is nothing else there but anger. Not at her. Not at her boyfriend who is being investigated for the accident. All of my anger is toward the pharmaceutical companies that pushed the drugs on people knowing what they would do to people.