RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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@_@ It's been another weird couple of days in which everything feels wrooong...
 
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with my stomach. It's like there's some random switch, that once hit, releases millions of tiny porcupines with razor sharp quills and armed with butcher knives, to attack my stomach lining. I'll feel alright for ten-fifteen minutes, and then I'm ready to puke out of nowhere. My stomach hasn't been this crazy since I was pregnant with my son and going through morning sickness the entire time.....
 
You know, that really hurts.

You shut me down before I am even able to prove that I can do something. Yes, I understand the place that I am trying to get is out of my price range right now. But I said that I was job searching and going to school in the winter, I could make it. But instead you have shut me down when I needed your support. You even got someone to gang up on me about this, do you realize how much I hate it here in this fucking hamster cage of a studio? I can't stand it. It's too noisy, my neighbors are assholes and I have no room. I don't mind working on a company job. You act like I can't handle that...you are my mother. I need your support but like always looks like I'll lie without it.
 
I've pretty much had it with everything today. I should just cut my losses and go to bed because people aren't going to stop annoying me and I'm not going to be able to concentrate enough to get my wordcount up. What part of, "I'm trying to write a novel" is so fucking hard to understand? I need peace and quiet and a few cups of tea. Not constant noise. Just shut up, ffs.
 
... *sighs* I'm gonna need a fucking drink after this weekend. *inserts a rant about weekend drama that includes a 23 year old "adult" going on a tantrum over a soccer game* ... Thank whatever for the fact that I have whisky at my dorm room.
 
The worst things that can happen while your writing: Getting Distracted..LET ME WRITE GODAMMIT!
 
"My brother asked to stay over for a few more nights again. I told him at the very least, you'd probably kill me if he did."

No, not you. I love you, I would never (intentionally) hurt you. Your brother on the other hand, mm, yeah, that is a distinct possibility.

Okay, letting him stay here for a while as he got back on his feet? Fine. But you know what, it's been six months, we've had our living room back for less than a week (I still haven't had the chance to clean it) and I know you want him here as much as I do (which is to say, not at all) because when he's around we both fall back into old habits and mindsets that are fucking awful and he makes you fucking miserable and I don't want that. Let him stay gone
 
I'm hungry and tired as fuck but I don't have any food and I can't sleep.

I'm fucking stressed because homework is suffocating me and I have stuff to take care of that interferes with the loads of school stuff. I haven't had a break in days and I've lost all energy and willpower to even go grocery shopping (not that I'd have time anyway), which is why I'm kinda starving now.

And my sewer drain is clogged. I'm stubborn so I haven't gotten help with it yet. Not that it really bothers me anyway, I basically just come here to sleep nowadays. Except I can't even do that now.

Someone kill me now.
 
Holy mother of cheese gods.

This morning I awoke to my kidneys feeling like they were being twisted around and pulled on. I am in so much pain right now it isn't even funny. My entire midsection hurts and aches, but my back, the pain in my kidneys is spreading to my back and I cannot take it. I've taken pain control and it hasn't done shit to help this time. I don't know whether to go to the ER room or just wait it out until my doctor's appointment.
 
Edmonton winters are actually the fucking worst. Not because of the cold, not because of the snow itself, but how our horrible city handles the snow. Why the windrows? Why do you never do a proper snow removal job in residential neighbourhoods? Why the windrows? The fucking crosswalks are blocked off by them. "Yo man, I know you want to cross safely, but we'd rather just leave several feet of snow piled in front of here than actually do a proper removal job."

I remember my dad telling me about a friend who was visiting from Quebec, and he was absolutely appalled by the state of the roads.

As he should have been
 
Jesus Christ woman! If you have a problem with me or something I did, say it to my face! Don't go around my back and bitch to my friends. I can't fix it or apologize (if I need to apologize at all) for whatever it is I did or didn't do if you don't tell me. This is some high school level bullshit and we are too old for this. Say it to my face or not at all.
 
When someone gives you an overly complicated commission
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Because I guess artists dun need to sleep.​
 
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I do not have enough alcohol for my life right now.

I know alcohol isn't the answer, I know

I just feel like it's worth a shot. Or ten.

Heh.

No but srsly. anyone wanna mail me a mickey? 8D
 
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Yes. Fuck you. Because that's the kind of mood I'm in right now. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe I'm just tired of dealing with people's shit. Or maybe I'm just sick and fucking tired of being nice to people and having them treat me like they're entitled to my time and effort, when they're not.


So fuck you, Miss Bitch who thinks you're better than every fucking body else. News Flash you stupid twit, YOU'RE FUCKING NOBODY IMPORTANT!

Fuck you to the assholes who keep smiling in my face and don't have the balls to talk the trash they talk behind my back.

Fuck you to the pricks who act like they're God's gift to the world and continuously make me doubt my own worth.

And the biggest fuck you to all the attention whores who whine about every little fucking problem they have when they have no fucking clue what a real problem is!
 
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Holy shit.


I walked my sister and mother out to their cars because this is a very nasty neighborhood. And the same people who chased me were outside. I made sure my sister and my mother were inside their cars and driven off before I booked it back to my apartment.


This shit is getting out of hand.
 
I hate being in a slump, and I really, really, really wish I could just shut my mind off of certain things and get back in my groove....
 
It's been a couple days in a row now that I've spent the day feeling like my throat is rotting and the evening feeling like my brain is melting...

I want to blame it on the caffeine, but, somehow that doesn't all add up to me...

I just want to go back to feeling like my body isn't falling apart at the seams, if it isn't too much to ask. >.<
 
I am in so much pain right now that it is not even funny. I feel like I have swallowed led with a side of nails.
 
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