Dear Journal,
March 18, 2015
Today....I was stupid, as always.
My crush, the one that I've been having feelings over for years now, had finally confessed to me. He had did a simple confession, accompanied with a bouquet of my favorite flowers. How he knew my favorite flowers, I will never know. But it was the thought that counted and that thought sent my heart racing into overdrive and my breath to hitch. Of course, he didn't notice any of this, so caught up in his own feelings for me. He had spilled his heart out to me, telling me all of these things about how he felt around me and how cute I was. (For the record, I am not cute!) He even told me how he would be the best boyfriend for me. I was almost in tears at the end of it, but I don't cry in front of anyone. Especially not my crush. In the end, he was looking down at me (because I am shorter than him) with this wide, hopeful, expecting gaze. And, my gosh, were his eyes the most gorgeous I've ever seen. Have I ever gushed about his eyes? Well, that's a journal entry for another time. Anyway, back to the story! It was silent as everyone (because, yes, a crowd of people were swarmed around us) waited for my response. And you want to know what I did?
I rejected him!
Yes! I, MacKenzie Rayne James, rejected my life-long crush! Can you believe it?! Ugh, I never felt so stupid and guilty before. I just had to get all flustered and red-faced and practically belt out how he was such an 'idiot' and how we would 'never be together'. Luckily, I kept the bouquet of flowers clutched in my grip as I stomped off, still red as a tomato and seething for absolutely no reason, now that I look back on it. What reason did I have to reject him? None. Maybe....Maybe I was scared. Scared of actually being in a relationship for once. Scared of letting my guard down and caring for someone. Letting them care for me. There's no point in trying to figure out what went wrong now. I'm sure that I blew my one opportunity of being with him. Hell, I'll be lucky if he even talks to me tomorrow. It's going to be a tough day tomorrow, but all I can do is get through it with my head held up high. Ugh, why couldn't he confess on Friday so I wouldn't have to face him until Monday?! Stupid baka always making stupid decisions! Well, that's been the highlight of my day. Not much else to write here. Until next time, journal. Sayonara~!
~Love, Mickey