Is there something Wrong with me?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Wrigina, Aug 12, 2015.

?

If someone is doing something stupid, do you tell them or keep your opinion to yourself?

  1. Tell them to shut up

  2. Keep quiet

  3. Give some soppy after-school-special piece of bullshit

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  1. I can answer my own title with one word: yes. There is a whole list - which I shall not divulge here - of things that I do/am that people hate or that I can't stand. Most of these can't be helped, and I would say I'm sorry, but consider this:

    I REALISE I AM A BITCH! Thank you very much but I don't need people to remind me every time I say something they don't like. But let's say that I hang out with a certain person for about 5 hours a day and they want to hurt me. I live with myself for 24 hours a day... Do the math :P

    Realistically, people shouldn't complain about things out of their control. I heard someone go on about how the weather ruined their fishing afternoon... FOR TWO FRICKING HOURS! Not even fishing trips take that long.

    I've gotten to the point where I have a blanket statement that I give as advice to most people now: "get over it, you sackless piece of shit." Gee, I wonder why I have no friends.

    This was originally meant to be a request for advice, but I know that no one here - or anywhere - could truly fix me, as then I would be someone else. Therefore, this is now a rant.
     
  2. [​IMG]
     
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    #3 Vio, Aug 12, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2015
  4. [​IMG]

    Okay I'm done. Have a nice day. ❤​
     
  5. Well, actually, nobody can fix you because nobody has invented any sort of mind control device. So... Yeah.

    Although the idea that you can't change yourself is a load of horse hockey. Last I checked you completely changed from being an infant to being a (presumably) young adult. So "it can't be helped" only applies if you have a mental disorder, and even then, only to a certain extent unless it's so severe that you shouldn't be on the Internet to begin with. :ferret:

    Don't convince yourself that you don't have the power to control your own life. You do. That includes who you are. Unless you would like to make the baffling claim that you're still the same person you were when you were an infant...
     
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  6. Yeah...

    So.

    See, the thing about calling things stupid is that it's subjective. I can call X stupid while believing in Y, but someone believing in X might think Y is stupid. So to answer your question, it depends entirely on how important or relevant the action is or it's consequences are.

    Also the only person who can change you is you. It requires drive and discipline. Unless you're severely impaired in one way or another, failing to change yourself generally means you lack one of those. Good news is, you can work on that.
     
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  7. To answer the poll question more thoroughly, you're doing something stupid right here in this very thread and I'm going to tell you why you should shut up.

    You're only as huge a bitch as you set out to be. Stopping yourself from being a bitch is very simple in concept, though potentially hard in practice, and it can be thoroughly explained in two words: self control. If you've got some sort of mental disorder that pushes you toward acting in shitty ways then it becomes significantly harder, probably requiring psychological assistance in the form of therapy, and seeking out and continuing to go to therapy sessions is all about self control. If you don't have such a reason for those negative behaviors then it's just an issue with your individual self control problems. Your problem with being a bitch is not a matter of you having no control over it, it's that you seem to have completely dismissed the idea of trying to control it because you've marked it off as something out of your control. Just because taking control and working to change your behavior is hard does not mean it is impossible. Shut up and deal with your problems like an adult or admit that you're willfully choosing to be this way and own it, because either way being honest with yourself is far preferable to totally denying responsibility by saying that it can't be helped.
     
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  8. If you openly call yourself a bitch, almost seeming proud of it, and say you can never be changed, only because you're completely unwilling to change, then, well, I don't know how you can blame anyone for complaining about you.

    It's one thing if people don't stop complaining about the weather. That's something they literally have no control over, and I don't think they're shouting their complaints at the sky and expecting things to change. But when one person complains about the actions of another, there is a chance that that other person can change based on those complaints. Yeah, there are complaints one person can make at another that are petty and stupid, and there is indeed a point where a person really shouldn't be so affected by what others say and want to conform to their stupid whims so badly.

    But, when you have this many people calling you out on being an ass, well, they're right about it. Of course, we know that because you're openly admitting to being a terrible person. Here's a thought, though, instead of taking pride in being a shitty human being that others can't get along with, maaaaybe you could take a bit of that criticism into account, and figure out why people don't like you. Maybe it has something to do with this attitude of "I'm a bitch, and if you don't like it, gtfo"? Because, if that's the case, it can certainly be helped.

    I saw this thread title and worried that someone was feeling insecure and thinking that they were a horrible human being because of some mean things that someone said about them, and wanting to please everyone but simply not being able to. But, it seems this is just the opposite. >> I don't think either mindset is really healthy, but, there's bound to be a happy medium in there somewhere.
     
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  9. Gee, thanks for all the legendary Iwaku support guys. I always figured rants were just safe places to vent

    9/10 I find it very hard not to do or say something mean. I never mean it in a nasty way, like saying "you're a whore." I say stuff like "if you don't like it, do something about it, rather than complain."

    But fine. I'll try one day to be nice and let's see how much shit I get - probably the reason I'm a bitch, combined with my lack of social skills and my inability to care.

    By the way, thanks for the gifs, that really made me feel better :(
     
  10. Rants are a safe place to vent, but people are always going to respond to it. Sometimes these people are not going to agree with you. Sometimes they will. Sometimes they'll help, and generally most of it is sound advice. Nobody here were belittling you or being nasty. Just being honest in their advice, which you were originally going to ask for anyways. This is iwaku suport, would you rather we sugar coat it for you? I thought you didn't like "sopy bullshit" judging by your poll choices?

    Also iwaku isn't a personal help site designed to fix your problems and make you feel better. Its a roleplay site designed for exactly that and building a community. If you wanted help then you should get help from someone whose job it is to professionally help you. If you want someone to say exactly what you want to hear then go complain and rant to a friend who thinks just like you.

    If nine out of ten times you are finding it hard not to say something, and having such a difficult time controlling yourself, then you probably have a problem that needs professional attention. I know that sounds incredibly negative coming from someone you don't even know, but its not meant to be taken as a fact. Its just a concerned opinion as well as a suggestion.

    I understand that people piss you off, but getting bitchy towards them ISNT going to help the situation. The world doesn't work like that sweet heart, and if you don't shape up its going to knock you flat on your ass. You want things to go your way, you want people to act a certain way then you need to approach the issue in a manner that's professional, honest, and mature. If someone at work is complaining about a canceled fishing trip and won't stop then you handle it by telling them "I'm sorry to hear that but let's focus on work alright?" There are a million other ways to get someone to shut up with out actually going "shut up and get over it."

    Also, as for my gifs some of them were put there for laughs, because to be perfectly honest you pissed me off with your rant. Instead of getting worked up over it, like you did, I turned it into a joke and made myself laugh instead. At the time my feelings were more important than yours, as bad as that sounds. I apologize for that, but by your logic if someone says something stupid then you tell them to shut up. I only did to you what you do to others. Doesn't feel good does it? Maybe you'll learn from that.
     
    #11 Vio, Aug 12, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2015
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  11. You are right. No one can truly fix you. You have to be the one to want and do so yourself.

    You can't stop the things people say or do. We are all different. We do not share the same views as you. It might be stupid or worthless, according to you, so why not take your own advice to get over it?

    You seem to be acting as your own enemy by being bothered by such things you don't have control of. I think you like the fact of how you act, you just want people to accept your behavior. I don't understand honestly the point of this rant.
     
  12. Like others here have said, if you're simply deciding for yourself that you can't change things then you yourself have given up hope even when you are fully capable of changing your own level of self control.
    Every problem an individual has can be helped by some extent with the right amount of effort and tactics put into it.

    I wouldn't go the route some others here have gone with "If Majority of people say you're X then it's true" because in all honesty that's bullshit.
    That's people relying on mob mentality, like if I were to walk into some sort of "Traditional Marriage" club, the majority of opinion would undoubtedly be "LGBT is wrong!".
    Is that mindset suddenly correct because that's the majority opinion? Hell no.
    Now, if the majority of people are saying X such as "You're a bitch" then yes that might be a clue or indication that something is wrong, and that you should look into it.
    But by no extent is such a thing correct strictly because the majority says so, and I'm sick of the fact that people like to pretend otherwise.

    Though in this situation it's not even a case of that because you outright said it yourself.
    So yea, if you want people to get along with you better you need to making an effort to get along.
    No self-respecting person is going to sit around and stick with someone who constantly insults them as a natural reaction.
     
  13. I thought the gigs were actually funny @Vio but I just expected people to be a bit nicer cuz I guess I figured my problems were important.

    Call me depressed, but after today, I think I'm just going to give up. This morning, I said hello to someone and their reply was "hello man-hating feminist c*nt" so yea (I know I probably don't have to censor, but I have a problem with that word)

    I tried really hard to be nice and listen to people's shit like I used to, but I forgot how much easier it is to not care.

    My friends have problems that range from money issues to suicide, and to stop myself from letting it drag me down, I turned into this monster.

    Also, somebody asked me if being mean was "right" and I said yes. Hate on me all you want but if someone says shitty stuff to me, I say shitty stuff back. Maybe that's just in my culture, but being a bitch is better than being bullied
     
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  14. Well, sorry you didn't get the sympathy you wanted, but good on you for owning your behavior. If self-improvement is too bothersome for you, then being honest with yourself about this shit is the next best thing.
     
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  15. Well, look, I was one of those people not actually trolling the shit out of you, so please take this advice as genuine.

    Your life is purely yours to control. Care about friends, but never let your worries rule over your life--for yourself, or for your friends, or for anyone else. You have to balance being caring and affectionate with being self-sufficient and functional, that's just part of life.

    I mean, you could choose to go cold inside and give up, but the only people who win when you do that are the ones who want to see you destroy yourself from within. :ferret:
     
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  16. The quotes in my posts were simply meant to illustrate how things you say may come across to others.

    If you feel that was hurtful, then I guess it worked.

    Now, I agree the gifs are very poor conduct. They don't offer anything productive so don't really have a place. On the other hand, Brovo and Kagamine were quite reasonable and calm throughout their entire posts. Jorick and I took a little more aggressive of an approach, but both of us suggested that you are capable of something you don't think you're capable of. Maybe not in the most classy way out there, but certainly not with any malicious intent. I know I don't get a high out of bullying people. Just assume it's saying something amongst the lines of;

    I mean, you do see the irony here, right?

    I can't speak for Jorick, but the reason I started out this way is that your first response to critique seems to be to put yourself into the role of the victim. "I'm a bitch but I can't help it." and well, this very last post too. This shows off something wrong with your mindset that is pointed out in four posts above it. See, when you go think like this;

    You're just setting yourself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also change takes a while. If you've been a bitch to people for an extended period of time, one day of being nice isn't gonna fix that.

    And on some level I think you're aware of that. I think you know. I just think you lack the drive or discipline to work on yourself. And no sympathy is going to help fix, it just pushes you back into the victim-spot. And truth is, someone who considers their selves a victim disempowers their selves. Again; self-fulfilling prophecy. Stuck on repeat; the only person who has the power to change you is you. Ask any decent therapist and they will tell you the exact same thing.

    There's actually three ways to go about this, rather than just two. There's passive and aggressive, sure, but there's also assertive. Basically acting passive means you act in a way that stuffing your own needs away in favour of someone else's. So you don't speak out, you don't do anything and generally get bullied. Acting aggressive means putting your needs before others, completely disregarding said needs. This is more along the lines of what you're doing now. Assertive means standing up for your own needs, while respecting the needs of others.

    It's easy to say "I don't really care." or "I don't have social skills." But I really get the impression these are just excuses you keep telling yourself. You're convincing yourself of things that aren't true so you don't have to face more inconvenient truths. At least, that's the way it comes across to me.
     
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  17. I wasn't saying that the majority is correct simply because it's the majority.

    I was only saying that, when so many people feel like others are complaining about them, there's probably a reason for that. And, like you said, she outright called herself a bitch, so, that point isn't even up for debate, really.

    Of course I'm not trying to say that the majority's right just because it's the majority. Only that people who constantly get into fights with other people are probably the reason for those fights, as opposed to everyone else around them being monsters. Let's face it, we've seen threads before where people complain about "everyone in Iwaku" being mean to them or something, only for it to quickly become very clear that the thread-starter is the one being overly-sensitive and/or aggressive and starting all the fights in the first place.

    Although, this isn't quite the same scenario as a thread like that, because Wrigina already sees herself as a bitch, so there's no point in saying "well, if you keep getting into all these fights, have you ever considered that it might be... your fault?". Still, the point remains that people who find themselves constantly at-odds with others might have a bit of self-improvement that needs to be done, whether they're aware of how hostile they're being or not.

    The bolded bit was all that anyone was trying to say, so I don't see why there's any issue with it. Really, just that bolded part there also seems to be operating under the logic of "the majority says it, so it's probably true", but we all have the necessary context to know that none of us are trying to say that that applies to everything in life -- only that it might be worth looking into in a scenario like this.
     
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  18. @Kestrel

    Except she didn't even say that the gifs were poor conduct at all and admitted that they made her laugh (are you trying to start something?). Generally I find when people rant you an either A) Cheer them up or B) Give them advice they probably won't listen to anyways. I choose the first, and it worked. Making people laugh when they are frustrated or down is actually very good conduct in my opinion. Yeah, maybe my intentions weren't exactly selfless when I posted those gifs, but they do serve a purpose. Just because YOU don't get it or like it, doesn't mean that someone else wont. ^^;
     
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  19. I'm glad you laughed then!!! While they were originally put there to prove a point, all of us here need to realize that you are ranting and not looking for advice. Generally when people rant they want to feel better, so I hope laughing at them did so. When you put the frown emote after saying it made you feel better I assumed you were being sarcastic. Sarcasm is incredibly hard to pick up on the interweb LOL

    As for the whole good morning bit, I don't know enough of the situation to really say anything about that. I'm just going to take myself out of this conversation though, mostly because I don't really think you are getting the point of what everyone else is trying to say.

    PS: Fishing trips actually do last more than two hours...just thought I'd let you in on that. ^^;
     
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