So a mutual friend of me and my roommate asked us if it would be weird if he made an online dating profile. I've had online relationships before, although never through a dating site, and my roomie made his own account quite recently, so of course we said he should go for it. Helped him set up his profile and everything, and after he left, I got curious.
So I made my own. So far it's quite interesting to scroll through profiles and see how people present themselves, and in particular how the people I supposedly "match" with present themselves.
What do you guys think of online relationships and internet dating? For or against? Why? Would you ever make a dating site profile (assuming you were single and blah blah blah)? Do you think you can gain enough of a glimpse of a person through their profile that you have a chance of meeting someone special, or do you think the format is too superficial to make it likely you'd come across someone you really click with? All and any opinions are welcome.
Half of the people I dated in my lifetime I met online. O_O Gibs I met online and we've been together for 10 years, married for three of them.
I think online dating is TERRIBLE if you're a teen or adult without income and a place of your own. D: Because online dating widens your potential dating pool to the entire world. You get to meet people you otherwise would have never seen before due to the distance. And that is pretty awesome. But because of that distance, without an income and place of your own, you long distance relationship gets screwed cause you just can't -afford- to meet in real life. If it's taking you longer than a year to meet in real life or make arrangements for moving, it's prolly never going to work out. >>
Otherwise, I obvious think online dating is pretty awesome. 8D People will say "but omg people lie and you never know who you are talking to!" but that's EXACTLY the same in real life. An asshole is an asshole whether you meet them in person or online. I just think meeting people online gives you better opportunities to meet people who share your interests and your lifestyle.
...I don't like dating websites though. .__.; The idea is awesome cause you're bringing together all the single people with other interested singles so they can meet each other, but I feel like they mostly just attract the crazies or pervets trying to prey on people. If you gonna date online, I think you might be better off going to interest communities, being an active member and making friends/connections and see where that goes. O_O But that doesn't really work out for the introverts and social awkward...
Personally, I'm not for it. I think it's superficial and doesn't allow people to see your true self. Sure, people on those dating websites sound great, have a profile picture on there, and like hiking and strawberries just like you, but does that mean they're who they say they are? Yeah, I'm being cautious. Yeah, I'm being overly critical, but I'd rather find someone outside of the internet to sweep me off my feet when the right time comes and know who they truly are, instead of relying on a dating website where people can be just the opposite of who they say they are.
Great way to potentially meet people, flawed in execution. I signed up for one after I was out of college and wasn't in a position to meet new people the traditional way, but if you're a guy, getting a girl to respond is like applying for a job each time you send out a message.
Reason for this is because online dating sites attract the most desperate and clueless guys in droves who send the worst shit imaginable. A lot of girls get literally hundreds of messages a day, so chances are a decent guy gets lost in the pile. If you're a guy, you may never get more than a message or two from someone approaching you.
One benefit of the whole ordeal is for gay or lesbian individuals is finding people with their sexuality. I imagine it's tricky in real life because it's not like a lot of homosexual people advertise the fact with a bright flashing neon sign. A lot of my gay and bisexual friends found dates via dating sites.
They work, but it's a challenge at times to either get noticed or dealing with "lol ur hot, wanna fuk?" Constantly.
I have never actually dated someone from the internet, and I would not think to do so! Not just because I am married, but because I have the worst luck with me in real life, add the whole anonymity factor of the internet and I would end up with a serial killer who lives in his mother's basement and has a nickname for every one of his moles. I'm seriously not exaggerating. I attract the weirdest guys on the planet. I think it's the red hair....
That said, for other people I think that it's fine. I wouldn't trust dating sites though. Think about it, it's a site for someone who is looking to appeal to everyone. They are not going to be completely honest about themselves. Sure, they may actually be a doctor who does volunteer work in their spare time, and looks good in a bathing suit on paper. When you meet up with them you find out that the picture it ten years old, and their volunteer job is putting animals to sleep on the weekend. I think that there is a better way of going about meeting someone online, but I'll be damned if I know what it is.
And for the record, my husband is not creepy, unless of course guys who like to smack your butt while you're bending over to pull stuff out of the stove weirds you out. While I did not meet my husband online, I did meet the friend who hooked us up online. Let's just say my relationship with my husband lasted a whole lot longer than our friendship. Apparently my ability to attract weird people is not confined to members of the opposite sex....
I'm all for online dating, as long as it's two consenting adults who know what the fuck they're doing. Or two people who have enough sense to fully understand their situation.
I met my first and only boyfriend on the Internet, I think we were both around 14 or something. We were both messing around Steam and playing games, so over about a year we bonded really well. A year later, we started "dating" and were together for about 4 years, I think. We met a handful of times, usually during the summer and occasionally Christmas. We broke up eventually, mostly because he felt I was too distant, but we stayed great friends.
I think online dating, when it's done right, is a good thing. It offers the possibility to meet people you might not meet in your everyday life, and it offers a wider possibility of meeting your match. There is no pressure to meet, and if the person you're talking to gets creepy, you can more easily distance yourself from them, compared to dating somebody in real life. If your date is online or in another country, the chances of them turning up at your door uninvited are significantly smaller. In short, you can take it slower with online relationships.
As for dating websites, I've never tried any, so I can't really say anything about them. Then again, my thoughts on relationships and emotions differ from most people, so I can't even say I understand the purpose of dating websites and the hype around them.
My two cents, though I'm always stressing the importance of healthy and sane relationships, online or not.
Some of my closest friends I've found online. I personally think that the internet is a wonderful way to meet people who share common interests and beliefs with you, whether it be lifelong friends or bedmates. Online relationships can sometimes be painful as far as distance goes, but for someone who can only take physical contact in small doses like me, it's an optimal situation until I become 100% comfortable with the person on the other end.
I love online communities like Iwaku because you get to know people's personalities before you judge them by their appearance. On dating websites, however, I feel like people focus more on the pictures you put of yourself then the actual matchmaking part. A lot of dating websites -especially local ones- are used for one night stands and casual sex, which is why you have to be cautious when attempting to find a serious relationship online. But I feel that way about real life too, when it comes to speed dating and bars. I strongly believe that you should approach someone with the intentions of being friends before pursuing a romantic relationship, which is why dating sites are kinda "meh" to me.
I've never signed up for one, but I don't see an issue with them. It's a platform to meet people, one message doesn't equal not signing away your body and soul to someone you've never met. The way I see it is, "Hey, you seem interesting. Wanna get a coffee and get to know each other?" Except you didn't previously meet in a bar through some vague chain of mutual contacts, but on the interweb.
I should note I've never used a dating website myself, but I have been in an online relationship before.
That and I am going full out bias/personal viewpoint here. Normally I 'try' to sit back and take a "Rational and Logical approach", but the very nature and foundations of relationships are emotional.
So if we are evaluating them in regards to happiness and success (emotional measurements/values) then I have to look at it in a Emotion > Logic perspective.
That being said though, I'll do my best to fit in as much logic/rationality as possible without forsaking emotional appeal/perspective.
So, in my opinion this really boils down to two main things. The first one being:
Let's all be frank/honest here, there's only one difference here.
The ability to physically see and hold one another. That's it.
But I know that there's some other things people are going to claim are there, so let's get these out of the way first.
You can argue "Nu-uh! What about what they look like!? Photo's aren't accurate!", but to that I'd answer "Webcam".
It is A LOT more difficult to fake our own looks on a unedited/live video feed than it is in person. And if we 'really' want to dig into it, make-up.
You think it's misleading/dishonest to photo shop one picture? Well then I hope you feel the same about people using make-up. Because that's the same idea, altering/deceiving one's appearance to appeal to others.
You can argue "You don't know what they sound like!", but to that I'd answer "Mics".
Seriously, get on voice chat. Talk to one another, it's not any more mis-leading than talking on the phone.
Granted this has a legit concern for voice modifications, but those are generally really obvious and really hard to set up.
Your odds of this being an issue are next to 0.
And you may still argue "That's all well and good, but what if I/they lack a webcam/mic?" and/or "But you just can't trust people online!".
Well, then you have a choice. Dump them for someone else cause you personally feel you don't know enough about them, or choose to invest a degree of trust into the person.
Is that not what the very foundation of relationships are anyhow? Trust? I'm not saying you can't be cautious, but walking into a date/relationship going "I don't trust this person at all..." is honestly as good as slapping them in the face and going "I don't like you, bye!".
Plus, like Diana highlighted above people lie IRL as well. IRL dating/relationships is no escape from dishonesty. Misleading statements such as "I'm a doctor = I put down puppies" can also happen IRL, yes in IRL you can push the question and learn more but so can you online... It's called interacting with them?
You know, that thing your keyboard and mic are used for?
And lastly you may argue "There's just certain things you know about a person better IRL".
Now, maybe this is my Autism showing but can anyone who would make this arguement please clarify? Because every time I have heard this they have never followed it up with anything solid. They always just 'expected' me to understand, and then would be flabbergasted that I didn't instantly agree with them (Also, if the argument is something like Body Language or tone of voice, allow me to point you back to Webcams and Mics). To which I have to conclude that they either do not like online relationships personally and project that onto others, or they personally do not work well in them and project that onto others. Whichever one it is, stop. You feel like you connect with people better in person? That's fine, stick to IRL dating then. But remember that human beings are a diverse and varying species, what one might prefer or work better in is not necessarily what someone else will prefer or work better in.
Ok, with that out of the way let's get to the meat of the issue.
I've been there, I get it.
You love someone to the end of the earth and back again, their happiness and well being is more important to you than your own.
When they feel pain you feel it too, and you just want to hold them and make them feel ok. And when you feel bad you want them to hold you.
Hell you don't even need to be upset, just simple things people may take for granted like holding hands, cuddling on the couch watching TV, a kiss on the cheek etc. are all stuff you are either without or very limited in when Online.
And this is honestly a hit that you have to take in an online relationship. Unless if you simply used the dating site to find a local person and then basically have an IRL relationship this will be a pressure.
It is a very real pressure, a very strong pressure, and a very painful and emotionally taxing pressure. But it's a price you have to pay for most online relationships, and in all honesty it can make you stronger for it.
You learn how hard it is to not be able to do such simple things, so when you finally do get together you can cherish and value it that much more.
Being online you're in a sense forced to constantly engage in conversation, distracting yourselves with simply watching a movie or being physical is less of an option.
You get to know one another far better than you would otherwise (which sadly helps snowball the pain from lack of physical contact as well for some people).
So honestly?
If you're the kind of person who 'needs' constant physical contact/reinforcement to either be happy or faithful in an online relationship then it quite simply isn't for you.
If it's something you can hold out on though? Then go for it, online has it's own perks and opens you up to far more people.
+I wouldn't treat an above mentioned "One year to meet up" requirement too strictly.
That too also goes back to personal preference and ability to handle an online relationship, if you feel a year is as far as you can hold out then make it a year.
But I've met people who took 2-3 years sometimes before meeting up, so it is definitely possible to wait for longer.
Disclaimer: I'll be perfectly honest here, I spent so long on that first point that I forgot what I meant this 2nd one to be. :P
I 'think' it was this, if I don't remember by the end of the post though (But if I do remember, you wouldn't be reading this disclaimer anyways) don't be surprised if I edit this post later.
And then make a bump post telling people that I updated this one.
And no by forced I don't mean rape, get that out of your heads you dirty fools! :P
What I mean by them is did the relationship develop naturally, or was it purposely seeked out?
Now I know someone might say "All of them are seeked out because someone has to make the first move", that's not what I mean.
What I mean is you find someone, you talk to them and go out with them for the sole purpose of mating.
There was no prior friendship, bond or understanding to jump off from.
And honestly? Both Online and IRL are just as guilty at both of these.
Online Relationship
IRL Relationship
Natural Relationship
Meeting on forum site
Mutual Friends online
Met on Steam
Friends who started dating
Hung out before with mutual friends
Interacted a lot in class/at work
Forced Relationship
Dating Sites
Speed Dating
Blind Dates
Date Panels
So yea, online relationships don't get any special issue with 'not knowing' the person first.
Anyone here who considers anyone else from Iwaku a friend knows better than that.
+It's not even the online aspect of dating sites that attract the crazy, desperate and clueless people.
It's the forced nature of it, you'll find the same thing in speeding dating and the likes.
That being said, online relationships also enjoy some extra perks.
More 'fish in the sea', easier to find people, easier to find people with a certain sexuality, interest etc (Bless tags, search engines etc.).
So yea, it has a lot to gain and can produce a lot of great relationships.
I was actively patrolling a site for about 4 months. Took a year to get in all sorts of shenanigans and was back for another 5.
In that time I talked to a ton of girls, 5 actually gave me their phone numbers.
I had two IRL dates from an online dateing site, the fancy one with the extensive profile and match system gave me no real encounters wile the cheaply made site, (i'm looking at you POF,) actually provided.
First date went super-well, but it never worked out because of external things happening to me that suddenly made it difficult to do anything other than work.
The other one looked great, her pic was a lovely top-down shot of her face and she was very nice. We met at the local Perkins and her body was the shape of a triangle. A very wide triangle. "Athletic" my ass.
As far as online dating goes? I did this was disastrous results once early in the life of the intranet. And it never happened again. Lucky me, Mr. Right stepped in a few months later.
Is it a bad or good idea? Eh, I'm of the mind that it's going to work for some and not for others. Too many variables make this another one of those no right or wrong issues. Both sides of the coin have valid pro's and con's. On a personal level, the online dating scene isn't for me. If I suddenly found myself husband-less, I wouldn't ever try online dating.
Fantasy is my #1; I will give almost anything a chance if it has strong fantasy elements. Post apocalyptic, superhero, alternate history, science fantasy, some supernatural, romance, and a few fandoms (especially Game of Thrones) are also likely to catch my eye.
I'm against it for myself, but I have no qualms with others doing it.
I've tried it a couple times, both of them being in the way where I met someone through a common interest (World of Warcraft both times, as it so happened) rather than using a dating site. Both times it ended up crashing and burning in stupid drama, same pattern both times. Started off as good friends with the girl, then she's like "omg we should internet date because I like you," then I shrugged and went along with it because why not, then they got all weirdly clingy and possessive (like getting mad if I was on the internet doing things other than talking to them or playing a game with them), then came the slow build of annoyance with the situation, then I finally said "nah, we're done here, bye," then hardcore drama ensued and we stopped talking to each other. Or, in short, we went from being internet bros to cutting off all communication. Major net loss for nothing much gained. I started talking to one of them again a few months ago, but it's all awkward and not at all the same as it was before the stupid internet dating thing happened. I've come to the decision that it's just not worth the nonsense for me.
I would not ever use a dating site thing. This is partly because of the previous poor experiences in what is apparently the better way to do internet dating (starting off from a base of common interest in friendship, then going relationshippy), so why bother with trying something that jumps right into the relationship type shit with no real foundation? It's also partly because I'm not even comfortable with the idea of meeting friends from the internet that I've known for years, so just hitting up a random stranger and meeting up doesn't sit well with me. Oh, and it's partly because I think they're shallow and kind of silly. Fake and deceptive picture shenanigans, bullshit profile information, willful lies on matchmaking questionnaires, and poor introspection leading to inaccurate responses to said questionnaires all combine to make me lack any confidence whatsoever in the efficacy of these sites. If I want to browse through people lying about their lives and appearances in order to hype themselves up to whoever comes looking, I'd use Facebook. I do not use Facebook because I have no interest in that nonsense, so why would I want Facebook + dating service? No thanks.
But like I said, that's just my opinion. If other people are down for the e-dating stuff, more power to them. I don't look down on them for it, I just chalk it up to differing experiences and preferences.
I've used it, but found that the women on there are hard to get to know. Understandably so because of all the creeps. My experience has always been this:
Message girl
Girl message's back
Talk online for awhile (week or so)
Suggest we meet up at relaxed casual restaurant for a bite to eat
Her: "I don't even know you."
Me: Well, that's how we get to know each other. I can tell you anything online, let's just grab a bite to eat and talk face to face.
Her: "I don't even know you."
Me: I'm asking you out to eat at a restaurant, not my house.
Never hear from her again.
I've used it, but found that the women on there are hard to get to know. Understandably so because of all the creeps. My experience has always been this:
Message girl
Girl message's back
Talk online for awhile (week or so)
Suggest we meet up at relaxed casual restaurant for a bite to eat
Her: "I don't even know you."
Me: Well, that's how we get to know each other. I can tell you anything online, let's just grab a bite to eat and talk face to face.
Her: "I don't even know you."
Me: I'm asking you out to eat at a restaurant, not my house.
Never hear from her again.
To each there own...
But they have to realize the popular culture/mentality of dating sites going into them.
I mean if they wanted a few months to know them first they should use a forum site or something. :/
Hell, if there close enough that meeting up is no issue then why the hell is it a big deal? Even if it's just hanging out as friends rather than as a date.
I mean when I make a new friend in class or at gaming club I don't suddenly go "Ok, we'll text. And if after a few months then maybe we'll be friends".
Never did the whole online dating thing, but I lost my virginity to a girl I met on Ragnarok Online. She was a freshman at a college I planned on attending and I was horny 15yr old. Good times. She was a good healer too!
That's about it.
I did receive nude photos on MSN from formerly active members that shall not be named when I asked "how are you?" or "watcha doin?".
Honestly... I believe its possible. I have seen several relationships, even taking years to get off the ground to meet because of circumstances, wind up in quite fruitful marriages. It has just as many problems as dating in person... And its different struggles... It is not for everyone, though.
I guess it gives you a chance to really get to know someone... If you are honest. There are some simple rules to dating online too, really. Like making sure to webcam.. You can really actually get to see them, and it gives you chances to see how they interact without the time to stop and think through their every response like is possible with text... And really, online dating offers something you cant always do irl... Sever the ties if things are really bad, in a pretty permanent way...
Yes, you can't do the "normal" couple thing of dating... But you can schedule activities... Like perhaps, watching shows together? Sharing music? Cam/mic sessions? Playing games together... Just, a lot. And it is a different experience. But not to say you can't "have 'dates'"...
But maybe i am biased. I have been jn a relationship now with my girlfriend, @Foxxie for several months now. And it is the beat relationship I have ever really had, irl or online. And i really feel like things will work out in a permanent fashion <3
Sorry if the message wigged out partway through... Something weird happened to mydialog box mid message ao i am typing blind!
