(IC) An Iwaku Halloween

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Jester stood next to Vay, a little shaky and confused as to why a rug was narrating his life. And why was a skeleton in love with her? Why was a skeleton living in the first place?

"So...You're a rug," She said pointing at Rugsy, "Traveling with a skeleton..." She pointed at JackShade. "God, this night is getting weird. Vay, I want a hug" The mist soon enclosed her and she felt a little better. A little more clammy, but better.


The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
The mist swirled around, buffeted by the air currents of having a rug-based creature/thing fly through him. Just lucky he had not been absorbed by the micro-fibers. He gave up trying to talk to the rug-thing. It had clearly bashed its.... head?…......... a little too hard. The mist hummed slightly as it swirled around the Jester, flowing around her wishing it could keep its arms and move at the same time.

“Perhaps Carpet-man-cannonball-thing RAH can't thing of a good name for you... knows of a way around the castle, or where we can find Jack Shade.... who is getting fatter each time I see him.....”


Posting Speed
Speed of Light
"Hmm, a pertinent question," replied Rugsy, looking up at the Castle. "Perhaps we should ask that Leprechaun."

At the other side of the parking lot, a small ginger creature in a green suit was standing and staring into space. There was a yellow question-mark floating above his head. Rugsy shuffled over towards him.

"Well, top o' the mornin' to ye, Sir! I be Seamus McPhearson of Olde Kilkurran..."

"ACCEPT QUEST." declared Rugsy.

"Me Leprechaun friends and I be 'aving a spot of bother for sure. Seem this ere castle 'as stolen our potatoes..."

"ACCEPT QUEST." boomed Rugsy.

"Now, I be offerin' ye a fine penny if you could be so good as to murder twenty-four medium-sized lobsters and bring em to me old mate Angus Mc..."

"ACCEPT QUEST!" yelled Rugsy.

Suddenly the Leprachaun leapt onto the hood of car and pulled out a rocket launcher, pointing it in Rugsy's face.

"WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES KEEP INTERRUPTING ME!" he shouted, his Irish accent slipping back to generic American. "IT'S FUCKING RUDE AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS, ALRIGHT?!"

"... Sorry." Rugsy lowered his head.


"... Yes. Thankyou, Sir."

A jaunty tune sounded from the Leprechaun's arse, and then a small side-entrance appeared on the wall of the Castle... exactly where JackShade was leaning.

"Waaaaaaah!!" cried the skeleton as he fell through the opening.

The Leprechaun went back to standing vacantly in the parking lot, and Rugsy shuffled back towards the others, looking dejected.

"Does anyone know how to catch lobsters?"

"Well," began Vay, "I used to..."

"One moment please."

Jester and Vay watched as Rugsy turned away and started yelling into the darkness.


Vay and Jester looked at each other, both getting the feeling that they had just witnessed something very important.


"Well, they're medium-sized lobsters...So they can't be that hard to catch, right?" Jester assumed, looking curiously at the newly found door. Coincidentally, A lobster about the size of a cat walked out, snapping it's pincers.
"We have to catch twenty-four of THESE???" Jester said, in awe. "We have a rug, a skeleton, mist, and me with no weapons. Great."


The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
“LOBSTERS!!! Bet whey have water!.......... Um did something important just happen...?” He peered over to where the leprechaun stood hiding behind the Jester. “Hey where did his question mark go? REJECT QUEST! Hmmm.......... didn't work. Oh well” He floated through the wall next to the opening disappearing into stone and then peering out. “Well you coming, I think he realy wants those lobsters....”


A Relic of a Bygone Era
Original poster
Deep within the castle past the smell of candy, the headless abominations, and the seatless pipe organ, sat the Headless Horseman on his throne. Plotting...scheming...


...complaining like a little bitch. After three hours of playing darts, the Horseman had failed to get anywhere near the bullseye, complaining that there must have been some invisible dome around it. He threw another dart.

"SEE!? That thing bounced off! It didn't even reach the goddamn board!"

In the corner at an anvil was the Headless Horseman's steed with a blacksmith hammer inexpicably attached to its hoof.

"Quit complaining!"

Why could the horse talk? Well for one because there would be no real way to post because Chaos is just that dull.

"By the way," the horse added, "There's some kids and a rug out front."

"A rug? A RUG!? Like...a talking rug?"


"Crazy ass wig makers!!! Release the headless monkeys!"

There was a stop of all activity as every headless creature turned to the horseman. The horse, known from here on out as Twinkles, blinked.

"Headless...monkeys? How is that in anyway related to Halloween?"

"Its not, but that zoo was unexpected damage and I might as well put the animals to good use. Now. RELEASE THE HEADLESS MONKEYS!!!"

Outside, serveral dozen monkeys began leaping out the window and proceeded to jump on the backs of everyone and began beating on their heads...except for Dr. Rugsy, who they just started chewing on.

[Summary: The Headless Horseman bitches about a rigged dartboard. When his horse tells him to shut up and deal with the people out front, the Horseman sends headless monkeys out to deal with them. Heads are pounded, rugs are chewed upon.]


Suddenly, like an arc of lightning sent down by the heavens, a white flash erupted in the midst of the carnage. Headless monkeys were sent scattering as what seemed to be a white skull smashed into the ground, sending a reverberating shockwave.

Then in that same moment, it flew up into the sky, bouncing off the ground like an elastic rubber bola. As its forma contrasted against La Luna's white glare, like the shimmering reflection of light off a maiden's pale flesh, it was made clear that the blanco craneo was nothing more than the design of a black motorcycle helmet.

As our gringo heroes turned up to see the fated helmet fly back into the sky, they then saw a second silhouette. It was like a descending ángel of wrath or El Muerte himself. Then they could make out the form of wheels, and the motorcycle jacket, and the rider, who caught the helmet mid flight.

However, in that single segundo before he placed the helmet back on, they could see that he had no cabeza!

In a flash he had landed amongst their midst, like a comet falling from the sky. his landing kicked up dust, flames, and smoke, like a demonio from El Infierno. They could all see that his helmet was adorned with a skull for a good reason, reflecting the cold, inner hatred in his long dead corazon.

At last, he spoke, his voice like the cold water running downstream from the mountains of the countryside.

"In Mehico, we do not send out headless simians like a horde of winged barbarians when our hacienda is under assault from vagrants and thieves!"

Then he continued, the pasión building up in his speech.

"... We let them into the house gracefully, like honored guests. Then we let them into our prized vault, to take their pick of our finest jewelry and riches. Then, while they are greedily enamored by our joyas and our pesos, we lock them inside the vault and trap them in there for all eternity!"

The spectral avenger then pumped his fist to his chest, signifying the righteousness in his corazon.

"That is why we have a vault filled with dead people in my Abuelo's Hacienda; Because greed is a bad thing." He then said while nodding his helmet, affirming the lesson in his story.

The headless micas and the gringos all stared at him, aghast. For truly, he was a man of bueno alma.



- The headless rider from Mexico arrives, and throws his helmet. Doing so scares away the headless monkeys/confuses them. He then catches it mid flight. He then tells an Aesop's fable that has no direct bearing to this story, confusing everyone in front of the castle. -

Jack Shade

Magical, Fantasy, Supernatural, Sci Fi, Steam Punk, Noir, HORROR, and I'm willing to try Romance.
In the fetid depths of the badly parked fortress, a pile of insulted bones lay strewn across several yards of stairs.

Goddamn leprechauns and their convenient plot entrances.

Twisting his bones, Jack reformed his body into that of a large scorpion, the pale shape of him truly terrifying...and his head at the end of his tail.

"Well isn't this just peachy..." he murmured with a clatter, "I miss being ooze...at least I had skin then."

Not bothering to wait for the three above, the former blacksmith crept through the dungeon and onward.

"Halt!" A voice cried at him from the darkness, a shape looming before him "Or continue, I don't care."

As Jack approached the strange speaker he quickly realized the beast was none other then the feared minotaur, axe laying forgotten behind him as the pale glow of his personal laptop washed over his ugly face.

"Excuse me?" Jack questioned, warily stepping around the axe. Every skeleton knew that they should avoid blunt trauma...and the minotaur was more then enough trauma to FRACTURE his resolve.

Looking up, the guard's dark eyes watered against the harsh darkness...he might have been crying...or bleeding. Who knew. "Aren't you on your way to confront the Headless Horseman?"

"Well...yes..." Jack Shade ventured, "I don't see another reason to be down here."

"Oh..." the minotaur replied, crestfallen, "I thought you were Candyman10441...I asked him to visit me you know."

"Who?" Jack exclaimed, confusion hard to force on his skeletal face.

The minotaur grinned, exhibiting rotting teeth so potent even the most skilled of dentists would cringe. "Oh, that's not her real name...I've been talking to her online for the last two weeks...I just worked myself up to ask her to visit, I think she's the one."

"The one?" the skeleton questioned, slinking around the hulking giant, "You don't say..."

"I do indeed say!" The minotaur growled irritably, "You think I don't know my soulmate? We both like Metallica, the color black, and cherry lip gloss...those kind of things just can't be coincidence."

"Of course not" Jack admitted dryly, noting how difficult it actually was to be sarcastic without an expression. "And you thought I was this user?"

Looking the skeleton scorpion up and down, the minotaur shrugged. "You could have been."

"I'm a man!"

"How could I tell?" asked the guard, shrugging his massive shoulders "It isn't like you look like either gender."

"B-But I'm wearing a suit!" Jack cried out angrily, shaking back and forth with indignation "A suit and a top hat! Isn't that enough?"

Shaking its shaggy head, the minotaur frowned...or maybe grimaced...or smiled...emotions on a creature with the head of a bull were almost as hard to read as emotions on a skull.

"Nah...in today's culture, top hats and suits can be worn by any gender."

"But I have a cane!" Jack continued, raising up the item with one bony claw, "A gentleman's cane!"

"I thought you just had a limp." the minotaur mused

"I'M ON EIGHT LEGS YOU UNOBSERVANT TWIT!" Jack howled, leaping up and down.

"No need to shout," he snapped, affronted, "I was just pointing out that there is no discernible way to tell if you're a guy or girl."

"Isn't my voice an indication enough?"

"You may just be husky...my mother was the same."

"I'm not a goddamn minotaur!"

"Now you're just being racist," the minotaur maintained with an injured or sleepy expression "I prefer Anthropomorphic and you don't have to be one to have a husky voice."

"Fine...I'm sorry," Jack choked out with a rattle "So how would you go about making me seem more masculine?"

"Well..." the minotaur growled or laughed "You could always wear a dild-oh...right, women can wear that to...I guess you're just going to have to tell them straight off."

"You're almost worse then Rugsy," the skeleton hissed, thoroughly annoyed.

"And you're almost as bad as P00ntang1223," he shot back with a growl or a chuckle. "He's been trying to move in on my girl for a week now...and I think he might be secretly a centaur, they're always cramping my style."

"You know what? I'm going on ahead..." the bony warrior said with a sigh, "You have fun online."

"If you wait just a few minutes, I'll get to a save point and I can smash you to pieces." the beast said apologetically. "I mean...if you're going to go up could you tell the guys upstairs you bested me in combat? This is kinda the only job I could get in this economy and..."

"Fine fine whatever..." Shade yelled, crawling up the stairs...thoroughly emasculated. "I don't have time for this."

"Thanks!" A voice called back after him, "Hey my screen name is taur1010min0 if you ever get to a computer!"

But Jack didn't answer...he just ran up the spiraling stairs with all the speed he could muster.

Summary: Jack meets with a minotaur and has trouble getting upstairs...not through combat...but through sheer annoying conversation.


The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
Another furry thing flew through Vay, Is seemed to be trying to bash his misty head through the wall but couldn't get a hold on the incorporeal kroot. With a small sigh he floated up the side of the castle as the others fought off the decapitated simians. Inside the wall of the headless houseman's throne room he paused, summoning all his strength. Then a misty head poked through.

“Headless monkeys. Aww come on..... You have plenty of candy, why not headless hyperactive teenagers. Or headless hydras. Seriously dude. Its like you don't realize that we have a talking rug on our side and a skeleton thing. Show some respect and send out some decent monsters would ya.”

And with that he returned to tho others to see if they had dealt with their blind problems.

Summery: Vay tells the HH off for sending in headless monkeys and almost killing the RP.


Jester looked around, not really sure what to do. She walked in past the chatting minotaur and found a room with lots of jewels and other expensive things were on pedestals. She stopped, just before stepping into the room realizing that this looked like something from James Bond and there were obviously motion sensing lasers everywhere. She caught a glimpse of something spectral heading her way and realized it was Vay. Jester had an idea.



"Do you think you can spread out your body...uh...mass across this entire room?" Jester asked, eagerly awaiting an answer.

"Well, I dont know. I havent tried anything like that since my...transformation," Vay answered.

"Well, nows your chance!" Jester got behind Vay and attempted to push him, falling right through and landing on her face.

"No offence, but did you really think that was going to work?" Vay asked. "Ill be glad to go in voluentarily."


Posting Speed
Speed of Light
Since JackShade had gone, Vay had floated off, the Mexican guy had been ignored, and Jester had simply walked past the headless monkeys with a curious disregard, that left..... JUST RUGSY FACING THE HORDE OF UNDEAD SIMIANS!

"WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!" shouted Rugsy as he scuttled around the parking lot, chased by the headless monkeys.

Thankfully, one of the parked cars was open. Rugsy pushed himself inside and used a ruggy-tendril to pull the door closed. Then he sat there, staring sadly through the windscreen as the monkeys surrounded him and started jostling the car. One of them snapped off a wing-mirror, while another played with the wipers. Rugsy hit the jets, squirting the nearest monkey with washer fluid. Then he started flashing the hazard lights, but that only enraged the monkeys more.

The car slumped to one side as the monkeys took of two of the wheels. Then another started smearing his poo on the windscreen.

This was getting tedious. Activating the wipers to clear some of the poo, Rugsy caught sight of the headless Mexican rider by the castle walls and decided to re-integrate him into the story.

He honked the horn in the most Mexican way he could, hoping to get the rider's attention.

"A little help, perhaps? Woooah!!!"

Rugsy yelped as the car was tipped up and rolled over by the monkeys, tumbling across the parking lot in a shower of glass, upholstery and ruggy fibres.

The monkeys chattered in glee and started jumping up and down on the overturned car, further crushing the poor sentient rug-dentist.

"WAAAAAAAAAIT!" cried Rugsy suddenly from inside the car.

The monkeys stopped.

The car slowly rotated to the face a nearby tree.

The voice shouted again.


The monkeys scatched their necks in silence.

The car rotated back to the original position.

"Alright, you may continue!"

The Monkeys commenced jumping up and down again, crushing the car.


The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
Vay flouted into the room grumbling something about assumed compliance and pushing. In the center of the room he picked up something important looking and put it down again and looked around.

“Now how do I fill a room?...” he looked around momentary looking at the jester. “got anything fattening?.... Oh well...plan B.” He breathed in and swelled. He breathed in some more and began to turn in the center if the room becoming an expanding, rotating ball of mist the within minuets filled most of the room.

“Hurry up Jester, I think I'm going to be sick.” he called out expanding further. "This is not going to be pretty."


Jester saw that there were a bunch of laser beams around everything. She twisted, jumped, balanced and turned, going inbetween the beams and getting as many jewels as she could. She got back to the doorway unscathed and put her treasure down.

"Okay, Vay. All done," She said, picking up a jewel and examining it. Extremely happy for getting the valuables, she kissed a large diamond. She licked her lips and they tasted funny...like...Sugar? She licked the diamond and it tasted the same way. "Oh course!" She threw the jewel on the ground. "They're candy." She frowned and sat down next to a headless monkey. "This is bullcrap," She said in the monkeys direction. The monkey screeched in agreement.


The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
The misty room was suddenly clear and a small pool of mist law on the floor, small bursts of noise seemed to be coming from it.

“I” cough “never” cough “want to do that” cough “again”

the mist rose from the ground and hovered near the jester.

“So what did you get? Ohh” he grabbed a piece of rock candy and shoved it into his mouth there it fell though his body and to the floor.

“Well that didn't work, but at least we've found where he keeps some of the candy.”


The rug monster inside the car suddenly heard the distinct strumming of a guitar. The headless monkeys all turned their (BLOODY STUMP FOR A HEAD) bare necks up to see the mexican specter unbuttoning his collar. Apparently, he was doing this to reveal his manly (and ghastly) chest hair.

"You are so furry, you silly little creature! You remind me of a bearded young man of substantial girth in my old pueblo back in mexico. The delightful lad's name... was Paco."

The Rider then pointed at the rug monster in the car.

"You remind me so much of little Paco; with your love of being precocious and being a little boy! Perhaps I should call you Little Paco as well, for you are furry like the fuzz on his neckbeard."

The headless motorcyclist then turned to the headless monkeys and made a fighting pose. From his hands, he produced the blanco craneo(1) with perfect skill, assuming the poise of an experienced bowler.

With a few steps and the flick of his wrist, his helmet flew from his hand like a bolt of thunder from de Dios himself. It flew in a jagged line, knocking aside monkeys and vagrants with dark, putrid corazon.

For truly, he was a man of bueno alma, and his helmet was righteous vengeance for the just. Si, he was truly heroic and great! with great strength, he was bashing aside monkey after monkey with fierce impunity.

Before long the mexican spirit of vengeance stood atop a pile of headless micas, the power of a true-blooded mexican flowing through his spectral veins.


Posting Speed
Speed of Light
Rugsy crawled out through the window of the overturned car and promptly tripped over a subtitle.


Picking himself up, he looked across at the headless rider and his small pile of monkey corpses. There were victorious guitar acoustics playing and a deep expression came across Rugsy's face.

"Truly, this was a warrior of the people. A mighty hero and a mighty lover, famed throughout the land. Since first he was child in Communist Russia, despised by his parents for that most forbidden of loves he carried for his sister, Natasha, he knew that he would reclaim the honour of his viking grandfathers, who toiled..."

Another subtitle smacked Rugsy in the head.

He picked himself up again, shook his head, narrowed his eyes and scuttled across the parking lot towards the monkey killing fields.

"I say there! Mexican fellow?" boomed his deep and dramatic voice, "Verily hast thou fought, and apt is thy fell hand in these most dreaded deeds."

The Mexican looked at him... though without a head it was hard to tell. But still, the vibe was unmistakeable.

Then a subtitle slammed into him and knocked him off the monkey pile. He fell down next to the Rug Monster, before standing up with a heroic flourish of Mexican strings.

"I thank you, Little Paco. And now, together we shall kill el diablo and feast on enchilladas in the victory light of my hacienda!"

Rugsy gave him a sidelong glance as the wind tussled his ruggy folds.
"... Indeed."

There was a furious chorus of shouts from further down the road. The two cliches turned to see a horde of dentists pouring out of the town hall and rushing towards them, bearing armour-piercing toothbrushes and razor-floss.

"The Illuminateeth come!"

"Ay, curamba!"

Rugsy and the Headless Rider turned and fled into the castle, leaving the horde of Dentists to stumble over the subtitles.

And as Rugsy ran into the first room, his booming voice echoed through the corridors of the castle and scared the crap out of Vay and Jester.


The doorway collapsed under the vibrations, almost burying the heroes.


A Relic of a Bygone Era
Original poster
"Bugger me. They got in...and I'm not even sure how."

The Horseman threw another dart at the board, bored. Twinkles stared at his headless master.

"So what are you going to do about, oh man with the disembodied voice?"

"I don't know. Why do I have to think of everything?"

"Because you're the main villian, jackass."

"Fine! Put the big jawbreakers in the microwave and then throw them at our guests."


"Ever microwave a jawbreaker? Its like making it a shell with a molten sugar center. It burns like hell! Not only will it hurt, but if they try to lick it off their tounges will burn! Everything will taste like rubber for a month! Even if they defeat me they will not enjoy their precious candy!!!"

15 minutes later

As the heroes continue their little walk through the castle, headless skeletons leapt from nowhere at the heroes and began to throw microwaved jawbreakers at them!

[Summary: Bored with no immediate ideas, the Horseman decides to use their precious candy as weapon! By microwaving jawbreakers the centers of candy become hot liquid sugar that will burn the mouths of the heroes should they foolishly try to lick the molten sugar off!]

(Seriously. Never microwave a jawbreaker. If you've see the episode of Mythbusters where they do that, you'll know what I say is true.)

Psy Zombie

"Hey! You! Guy with the bad costume! I'm talking to you!" The small and rather annoyed voice came from a small girl dressed as a witch, standing below the window at the rear of the castle and tapping her Mary-Jane clad shoes on the ground impatiently.

From the window, the stumpy headless neck of an orge stuck itself out the window, somehow saw her without even needing eyes, then promptly ignored her and drew itself back inside to go back to reading it's newpaper.

"Oi! Brainless wonder! Oh for the love of bells and holly... HEY FATSO, DOWN HERE!" Now angry, the girl stomped her foot and placed her hands on her hips. "I want you to let me inside the castle so I can talk to your boss! So hurry up and come down here and open this door!" She was, of course, referring to a plot-convenient back door that was hardly ten feet to the left of where she now stood.

The orge sighed- yet another amazing feat, considering he had no mouth, either- and then stuck his neck-stump out the window once more. "What the hell do you wa....an elf? What the fuck? Since when were there elves in this story? Who the hell is writing this!?"

"How should I know? Just go with it, Stumpy!" Shaking her head in exasperation, she continued. "I just told you, I want you to let me in! So come on down here and open this door!"

"Now why would I do that?" he demanded. "I already lost my head. I don't need the Horseman cutting off any other appendages!"

"What, the idiot doesn't like visitors? Now see here, if you don't open this door, what I'll do will be a lot worse than just cutting off an appendage!" she declared, glaring up at the orge and folding her arms across her chest.

If he had eyes, he'd be blinking dumbfoundedly. "What? I...huh!? Something tells me you've been smoking too much mistletoe, girly. What the hell do you think you can do to make me do that from down there?"

She tilted her head, lips pursed as she considered. Then, slowly, she grinned widely. "Got any candy on you?" Annoyed, the orge responded by picking up a piece of microwaved jawbreaker, and flinging it at her.

"Hey!" She leapt to the side, and the jawbreaker burst upon impact with the ground. Fortunately, her witch's cape protected her from most of the melted sugar. "Alright then, fine, if you're gonna be like that-" Standing straight, the elf held her hands up and waves them towards the window where the orge was. "Hocus pocus! Alakazam! See how you like this, you butt-ugly man!"

"I'm an ORGE! There's a big difference and...wait...what the..." Suddenly, all the jawbreakers in his stockpile next to him come to life- and immediately attack and maul him. "JESUS CHIRST! WHAT THE FU...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" Falling under the onslaught, he lands on the switch that quite conveniently opens the door down at the bottom of the castle.

Grinning, the girl happily skipped inside, whistling merrily amidst the the subsiding screams. "MEMSY IS IN THE HOUSE! Er... CASTLE!"
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