Family Sucks Part 2

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by SacredWarrior, Dec 22, 2015.

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  1. I'm having family issues once again. Except this time it's right in the home.

    As I'm sure I've said before (or maybe not), Grandma has been married to a man (for a year might I add) that she's known since high school and already has two kids with (one is deceased sadly) and she (along with me of course) moved to Brighton where he lives last May.

    What's the problem you may ask? Grandma's husband has an evil, low-down, spoiled, and possibly sexually active teenage daughter who's a pain in everyone's ass. She wasn't like this before we moved in so I don't see what the hell her problem is. One of the main reasons she's staying with her dad is because he gets a check for her. For what you may ask? Mental issues.

    BULLSHIT! That little wrench has NOTHING mentally wrong with her and is just a damn devil! Grandma's pretty much reaching the point where if her husband doesn't put his foot down and put that bitch in her place, she's gonna do these things:

    A. Kill (or REALLY hurt) the girl
    B. Dump him and move out

    Now I don't have an issue with Grandma's husband. It's his stupid daughter that's the problem. If she wasn't an issue, everything would be fine around the house. But nope! Always that one person who has to be the royal pain in the ass.

  2. May I ask what mental issue she supposedly has?

    Call me biased, but I'm rather hesitant to assume that anyone's mental disorder doesn't actually exist -- no matter how awful of a person they may appear to be.

    At any rate, I think trying to understand her better might help a lot. I'm not saying she's in the right or anything -- but learning where she's coming from can still be helpful.
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  3. I think Grandma said schizophrenia but I'm pretty sure that's NOT it. If she had it, she would have medication.

    Her mother was a model and has 12 kids and let's just say their relationship isn't the best. I think she was a troublemaker and drug addict and her dad had to bail her out of jail several times which put him in debt. I don't know how long he's had custody of his daughter but I do know that he's been spoiling the hell out of her which is why she is the way she is.

    I had my share of issues when I was a teenager but I didn't act like a damn monster.
  4. Again, I'm not saying she's in the right. I just want to better understand the reasoning behind why she's acting this way. And reasoning =/= justification.

    Maybe you should try talking to your grandmother about what she supposedly has, and also maybe try talking to her father about all this? I dunno, that would probably sound like you're calling him a bad parent and I for one wouldn't want to cross that line. But, in general, just... communication and an attempt at understanding. Those are my two biggest pieces of advice for you.

    Ask your grandmother about what mental disorder she supposedly has, and, if you think she's supposed to have medication and she doesn't, then maybe ask why that is. If her dad is comfortable talking to you about her mother, then, maybe ask about the things she's been through and why she's acting the way she is (again, if he's comfortable with it -- probably best not to pry into people's personal lives, otherwise).

    And, hell, maybe you could even potentially try talking to this girl directly...? I understand that she might seem unreasonable to talk to, so, I understand if that comes off as too challenging. I don't know enough about the situation to say how easy talking to her might be, but, I figured it was worth suggesting if she won't be too aggressive or anything.

    I can't exactly cast a spell to make her disappear from your life. You want conflict resolution? This seems like the most ideal way to handle it.

    And, again, I'm not trying to say that any of her behavior is justified or suggest that she's just a misunderstood angel or anything like that. For all I know, she could still be a completely rotten human being. I'm not trying to tell you to become best buds with her or anything, just, try to learn more about the situation and see where that takes you. Even if you still think her behavior is wrong, just knowing why she acts that way can still help work some things out.
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  5. Grandma's already talked to her husband about his daughter's behavior many times (hence my frustration) but he's not doing enough. I'm not saying he's a bad parent. I'm saying that he needs to discipline her and put her in line. Grandma already knows about her mom and everything.

    As for mental illness, I think her mom may have used drugs while pregnant with her which explains the check her dad's getting.

    Tried the talking thing. Doesn't work. Honestly I would send the girl to boot camp at this point before Grandma snaps.
  6. And... saying that he isn't disciplining her enough would imply that you disagree with his parenting style, which... could very well be interpreted as saying he's a bad parent.

    Just so you see what I'm trying to say about possibly overstepping boundaries, here. XD

    Sounds like you really don't know for sure, though. That's what I'm getting at. First it was supposedly schizophrenia and now this -- which is why I'm suggesting that you maybe try to figure out what the truth is so that you can understand the situation better.

    I hate to sound like I'm accusing you of anything, but... it sort of just sounds like you're not really all too willing to try to understand what's going on here.

    I mean, originally, I only started asking questions because I wanted a better idea of what was going on, as I didn't want to jump to any conclusions about anything (especially where it concerns assuming that someone else's mental illness doesn't exist), but now... not only do I still not know enough to give any solid advice, but, it sort of seems like you don't have that much of an understanding of things, either.

    I understand how frustrating it must be to deal with this person, but... yeah. I can't really give you any solid advice without knowing more about the situation. And, I think if you knew more, then, it might be easier for you to figure things out even without anyone's help.

    Augh, I'm wording this badly -- now I just feel like I'm saying that you're the problem, which I'm really not. >.< I apologize if I sound like I'm attacking you.

    But... yeah. Just trying to communicate and learn some more things is really the only advice I can give you for now, because I don't know enough to suggest anything else -- especially if it's a mental illness thing, because, you know, that's tricky, and the best way to go about the situation could be completely different depending on what exactly she has. Maybe someone else would have some more solid ideas. I dunno. That's the best I can give you for now.
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  7. So your grandmothers husband's daughter (Step aunt?) is a monster, and your step grandfather isn't really putting his foot down to his daughter, and due to him not doing anything, your grandmother is about to, and she's not exactly gonna be nice due to the bottled up emotions.

    Really all that I Think can be done (By you) is going to your grandfather and being like "Aight, look. My grandmother is about to blow up big time. If you don't deal with this issue, she will... And I don't think any of us wants that to happen. So at the very least, you just gotta tell your daughter to chill a bit. Or maybe we can discuss this and come to a everyone wins conclusion" (Your own words of course XP) It also sounds like the whole mental/not mental thing isn't 100% clear. They say she is, yet they aren't pushing her for treatment? So if you decide to talk to your grandfather, perhaps bring up the mental thing and see if you can piece together a full story.

    And also going to your grandmother to talk/let her vent. I did that with my grandmother quite a bit and although it doesn't help the situation, it does let her vent at least some frustration so she's not as angry as before. Temporary I know, but it can add up and perhaps lead to something really good :D
    #7 Shadon Xarian, Dec 23, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2015
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  8. If I do talk to him about it, I'd just be echoing my grandma so I see no point.

    I talk to Grandma and let her vent and so far it seems to help. She has no one else to talk to after all DX

    I forgot to add that her husband is dealing with illness (sores on his body but they seem to be healing for the most part) so that could also be why he doesn't really discipline his daughter. But seeing as how he's pretty mobile and moving, I don't think his sickness is affecting him that much.
  9. Well some people need more than one person making the same point to truly comprehend a problem :P and I'm sure you have a different perspective too. and besides, he spent a lifetime listening to his wife bitch about things :D but when it's coming from his granddaughter with a different perspective, perhaps he'll start realizing just how bad it is and be convinced it's more than what he thinks.
    It may be worth a shot, no matter how pointless it may seem. From the sounds of it, he's the only one that can get things better right now, so you may not have much of a choice but to include him in whatever plan you may come up with DX

    Well that's good. Who knows what coulda happened if you didn't talk to her O.O
  10. Old people never listen to young people remember? -_- Stubbornness is ingrained into their brains. Which is why I just let them fail and laugh at them.

    Yeah the last thing I want is for Grandma to end up in jail
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  11. Yeeeeaaaahhhh, I know DX there are things to help... Just nothing us youngins can do -_- (directly anyway. Got any other older family to talk with and maybe they can do something?)
    But with all the info you gave, that's really the only thing I can think of that might work. Better than nothing... Or I guess better than the alternatives o.o

    I somehow missed the part where she was a teenager DX I was assuming she was like 30 or something. It's such a weird concept to me that your aunt can be younger than you.
    Is she like 12-13? Or 14-16? Because maybe her turning into a teenager is the problem it's self.
    Actually, your story is sounding VERY familiar to my friends sister. She was fine, then suddenly turned into a demon. Except her problem was 400% stress as expectations for her was super high so she went a bit mental due to that.
    The solution she had worked amazingly. She's REALLY cool and calmed down now... Though I can't suggest that solution so let's try and find another one.
    Although if it's anything like my friends sister, then there's nothing that even her father can do directly. BUT since she's under 18, it will make check-up things/perhaps therapy easier if there is a problem.
    You also said she's only there so her dad gets checks, does that mean her stay is temperory?
    #11 Shadon Xarian, Dec 24, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2015
  12. This might be repeating things, but mental illness is often something people find hard to express. So often times they end up either lashing out, or simply expressing themselves in a manner not well received by others. Even if said others are also people with mental illness.

    This can cause a very nasty snowball effect of people getting hostile to said individual, treating them as rude, ignorant, evil etc. Which only serves to back the person into more of a corner, get more desperate, more stressed and then respond in more ways to enforce people's already negative opinions. This get's especially bad if the people who are pushing them into a corner are also mentally ill and going at it with the mentally of "I have _______ so I have suffered! I don't need to take crap from others!" closing themselves off from the idea that maybe the other person is suffering just as much, if not more so.

    Basically, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss that they're struggling with something. Patience, talking with the parents, the individual and perhaps her therapist/doctor in a calm and collected manner would do best. See if you can isolate the root of the issue without conflict. Now admittedly that's idealistic, and she could very well be suffering from a mental illness but also just be a genuine bad person regardless. But even if that's the case, treating them the same way they treat you is only to going to reinforce the idea that you're the ass hole picking on them, causing them to retaliate more etc.
    #12 Gwazi Magnum, Dec 24, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2015
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  13. My mother is quote on quote 'old' and she listens to me, I wouldn't go barking up the tree of that particular stereotype, if you assume no one is going to listen to you just because you're young then voila self-fulfilling prophecy.
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