Drama in Roleplaying (OOC Wise)

[Variable X]

Okay so I've been wanting to make a thread somewhere to discuss drama outside of character. Now I know that drama is bound to happen, it's human nature. However I didn't expect so many sites to be a poor reflection on Gossip Girl.

The reason I joined Iwaku in the first place was the hopes that drama wouldn't follow me here. You see, I'm a bit of a scientist when it comes to OOC "relationships". I've faked age, gender, interests, just to play out my experiments and see what would become of it. But my verdict is something we all probably know anyways:

Roleplaying will always have drama OOC.

Whether it be that person who snatched your romantic interest from you, or the person who maybe said they didn't like your character, we will always have drama. And quite frankly I'm sick of it.

The last two sites I were on, I had a bit of a poor dealing with one site's admin. Or at least their policy, I had been thinking about quitting, however I decided to talk to the admin of the other site. I laid out my concerns and told her what was happening.

I never expected her to go behind my back and tell her "friend" who ran the other site that I was badmouthing them publically.

So I ended up getting banned, and I dropped the other site out of anger.

Of course, this is not the first time that I've been banned from a site due to OOC drama, but I'm not going to get into that (mainly because I don't want this to become a rant.) Surprisingly though when I did get banned a person in whom I thought hated me stood up for me, and comforted me. It was quite surprising, as she had been someone I had not expected to get involved.

Long story short: I've seen my fair share of drama.

So what's your story? Have you been banned for drama-related reasons? Or have you left a site due to someone harping on you like they're a fresh face in One Tree Hill?

Do tell.

 

[Lady Sabine]

In my experience, you don't get drama unless both people participate. Those who complain about it are usually the ones causing it- maybe without meaning to, but it's almost never coincidence. Most people who have left multiple sites due to drama haven't discovered multiple drama-heavy sites. XD I've found one dominated by a central clique -tons of fun if you were in it; I still go back sometimes to remember my glorious 13-year-old cool kid days- and another one that hired almost exclusively crazy, aggressive, issue-specific mods who had more interest in banning people with contrary stances on major issues than actual rule-breakers. Left both of those a few years back... in the end I like RP, not drama.

Good news is, I've never had any drama on Iwaku, or even seen anything serious go down. We're a laid back (and good-sized) community, which prevents a lot of problems before they even happen.

 

[Smo]

I don't know about getting involved in drama but when I see it, I tend to shove my head in the sand and wait until it passes over. I have a no BS policy. >_>;

 

[LogicfromLogic]

I've dealt with drama by just ignoring them. Problem solved and easy.

I refuse to become a Mean Girl.

 

[Fijoli]

Drama is inevitable, especially when many people are expressing themselves.

Other then this, haven't given it much thought.​

 

[Kylulu]

Apparently I'm pretty good at dodging drama, cause I've yet to be pulled into it. But I've seen it around a bit, however, it is always dealt with swiftly AND fairly.

 

[Diana]

Every roleplay site will have drama, it is inevitable. o.o Some people tend to find themselves in the middle of drama more often than others, though. There are the people the get involved in it cause they're just too nice to people they shouldn't be. And the people that say they hate drama, but are always pissed off about something or looking for something to get upset about it. Complaining about drama does tend to be one of those red flags, since most people that drama-hate tend to just not talk about it at all and find something more pleasant to do! >>


Iwaku has a very large community, so at any given time we have about two or three people that are currently in our case list for reported drama. O_O Most of the time it's just something stupid between two members that they can work out on their own. Or it was someone getting reported for something silly by someone who was trying to START a problem where there isn't one. Everything else gets investigated to see what the actual root of the problem is. Of course, no one that gets banned has even believed they were the problem, but we like to think we have a good fair system.


As for me personally, I dun have the time or patience for it. I just want to play. o__o If someone is more trouble than they are worth, I stop playing with them. If I didn't like the way a site was run, I left it. I don't want to have these long discussions about why someone is being dick, so unless they are harming a roleplay I am trying to run, or breeding malcontent with a bunch of members, I dun waste my time. I know well enough the differences between silly mistakes and bad moods compared to who is being a dick, so all is well and good!

 

[Asmodeus]

I shouldn't even attempt to be your friend.

*writes Variable's name in the right hand-column under Enemies*

 

[IceChateau777]

Well.
Drama goes without saying. This does not apply to just forums. I just try to stay in neutral terms with everyone else.

Some have started drama.
Some were being bullied on sites.

If you start the fire, put it out as soon as possible.
We must learn from our actions to prevent future incidents.

The ones who get sucked in it should try to ignore the problem (and ask for help).

I hope that helps.

 

[Bel _ Vel _ El]

That's why I don't write in the ooc.

 

[IceChateau777]

And one more thing: Telling people where and when you got kicked out can cause unwanted attention. Please keep that in mind. Causing unwanted drama does the same.

 

[Torsty]

Sure! I've experienced a bit of drama. It was not intentional from my side to provoke anybody, but it happens.
What I learned;
Apologize, put your silly pride away and apologize. Hug it out, make sure you and the other part "squash the feud" and move the fuck on. Nothing destroys the flow of an RP more than silly OOC drama, and it's very disrespectful to wards the GM(s) and the other players who've put in work to make the RP a fun and enjoyful adventure if you don't actively try to end it as quickly as possible.

 

[Minibit]

I had a partner once who roleplayed with me for a few days, and then began actively ignoring me.

When I asked why she was avoiding me - if I had offended her or something, she said, and I quote:

"You didn't offend me, I just don't like you"

I asked why, she said there were just people she didn't like and I was one of them.

I still think it's one of the dumbest reasons I've ever heard for ditching.

 

[IceChateau777]

After 17 years of my life, there's a good amount of people that I've yet to know and understand.
There can and will be those who just plain don't like you.
I had some players who told me that I was ignorant, too meek, naïve, etc.

The best thing to do is just ignore them and do what you need to do. While the player is trying to be honest, they need to say what they mean. Some things we say can be taken in offense. In order to stay in NEUTRAL terms, you need to give the person a valid reason for leaving. You can say, "Oh, I'm sorry; I'll get right back to it!" or "I do not think I will have the time to do this anymore." The reason above is pretty harsh.

Some incident

For example, I was writing interactive stories on another site. Unfortunately, there was drama popping up like Tweets... And not those motivational tweets, either! In fact, there was one incident in where I tried to invite others to participate. One user said, and I quote:

"You know what you did!" After that, she removed me as a friend. When I asked her friends, they responded with "You didn't like her stories." It was all a race for popularity, and the site went down from there.

My point?
I believe anyone should be able to play with you, regardless of your circumstances. Then again, role playing is like a video game. It's not that important!

If you don't like someone and the person gives you a compliment, thank them!
I believe that if you don't like someone, keep those feelings to yourself. You'll just create more enemies in the long run!

 

[Nemopedia]

"Where there is a fight/drama, there are two at fault."

Is what someone told me and I agree. Most of the time I try to resolve it by talking. Though I've yet to hear someone to ditch me for the plain reason that they 'dislike' me. Not that I've such a 'lovable' personality. I often try to be as honest as I can without coming across as rude and expect that from my partners as well. Or if they are generally 'drama' seekers, I just avoid them.

Most of the drama I had been involved with were all solved with talking, or ranting from my side. I often try not to be upset too quickly, or be fed up too soon, though my patience has a line which is when I will throw out everything that has bothered me. Up until now people seem to appreciate it and we try to solve it. However, like everyone I rather do without it, but the diversity in personalities and people wanting to protect their characters at all cost will always be some reason for drama for some. However, making enemies is too easy, specially over the internet. Just don't say anything you wouldn't say in real life, spares you a moment of hypocrisy.

And if a drama is resolved or over; move on. There is no bargain to pull out from by holding onto old grudges, no one will become better of it. Besides I believe that if we pick too much on past mistakes and drama that it will only cause it to happen again in the future. No need to mule over, just have fun and role play.

 

[Melpothalia]

A lot of the drama I've been sucked into OOC has almost always been caused by folks not being able to distinguish fantasy from reality.

I don't know why, but some people just cannot separate the actions and thoughts of the character IC from my own OOC.

If I play a character that is a jerk/cruel/mean/whiny/whatever negative trait that does not mean I myself am that. I do not use my muses as mouthpieces for myself. They're separate entities, yet and still every time I start something up someone assumes that to the point of it becoming a running joke.


Drama needs to be nipped in the bud before it festers and ruins the entire RP.

I had a partner once who roleplayed with me for a few days, and then began actively ignoring me.

When I asked why she was avoiding me - if I had offended her or something, she said, and I quote:

"You didn't offend me, I just don't like you"

I asked why, she said there were just people she didn't like and I was one of them.

I still think it's one of the dumbest reasons I've ever heard for ditching.

I know how you feel. I've been dropped a few times for similar reasons. I just chalk it up to them not jiving with me and moving on. I know I'm not for everyone, so it stopped bugging me when after a while.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

I had to quit a site once because it was just so terrible. The dmins never seemed to do anything, and while they claimed to be updating the site and doing maintenance, I hardly noticed any change to the site at all. What little change there was was little more than some re-organising of various forums. They never seemed to even try and be a part of the community, all they did was make announcements and ban people.
Two members were allowed to say and do whatever they liked, even if it was outright offensive, and they'd never get in trouble for it. Why? Because a senior staff member knew them in real life. What did I get a condescending warning for? Typing in all caps. ON A FORUM GAME.
And, get this. before I'd joined, the admin pulled a prank. It didn't get the response he wanted. What did he do? He threw a hissy fit and banned everyone who was publicly against him.
Even some of the staff think the site's the digital equivalent of a rubbish heap. I talked to one of them while we were playing Minecraft, and he basically confirmed that the staff were incompetent, the admin didn't care, and rules were only enforced when they wanted them to be.

In short, it wasn't the members that forced me out. it was the sheer idiocy of the staff. How they're still managing the site to this day, I don't know.

And let's not get into the Fairy Tale RP site I joined with some friends. That one wasn't pleasant at all.

 

[Minibit]

Oh for sure, this was when I was like, 14-16? I've learned to not care what people think so much - it's very freeing, right?

 

[Daffu]

I don't know man.... lying about your age, gender, etc JUST for 'experimenting' and seeing how people react is in my opinion, a sure fire way to piss people off and cause 'drama'. I would personally feel quite betrayed and upset if someone did that to me. I would much rather someone simply tell me that they are uncomfortable relegating their age and gender, and thus, leaving that information blank, than outright telling me a lie to see how I'd react to finding out the truth later.

Being untruthful is usually a good way to start off any type of relationship in a horribly inadequate way.

Only thing I can think of

I think the only piece of drama I've ever been in, wasn't so much drama as my being horribly let down. I was in an rp game with several people, and after development, my character got together with someone else's, and it was great. Then, I had to leave on vacation, without internet access for two weeks; pre-planned and announced in advance.

When I got back, my partner had decided to ditch me and all our plot lines entirely, because I was just 'taking too long'. When I told her she'd said she'd wait for me, she told me she got bored of waiting, and that she'd played with someone else and her character had developed a romantic relationship with them; that she wished to explore that relationship because she though it'd be loads of fun.

So I was left adrift with a character and a plot line that made absolutely no ic sense. After floundering about... I had to drop out of there because I simply felt like the joy had been sucked out of the game for me.

At the end of the day, in my opinion, drama happens. We shrug and ignore it, and we learn from it. I think the key is communication in any case.

 

[Seiji]

I decided to talk to the admin of the other site. I laid out my concerns and told her what was happening.

I never expected her to go behind my back and tell her "friend" who ran the other site that I was badmouthing them publically.

This upsets me so much. You decided to be an adult, voice questions or concerns in an adult manner in a way in which you hoped things could be resolved to some degree, counting on a level of propriety and trust. Then you got fucked.


Simply put: you avoid drama by acting like an adult. You speak to an individual like a person. You realize they're human, and that they have faults, as well as strengths. You use sympathy, empathy, and understanding. You use common sense and decency. You act in a respectful manner. Now, I'm not saying you give them respect, but conduct yourself in a way that you earn respect, even from yourself. I'm a big fan of "Respect is earned, not given", but that doesn't mean we can't show some respect.

Disregarding any or all of these things, that's how you get drama. Being catty, irresponsible, bull-headed, and downright childish. Please, do not do those things. Please, do the other things.

And that's all I got to say about that.