Do you feel better after posting your problems online?

[An Otaku]

Some people are shy, introverted in the extreme, or are otherwise restricted from being around people.

For those of you like this, or whatever your case may be, does writing about it (problems aggravating, saddening, confusing you, etc.) and posting such a thing make you feel any better?

Sorry for the awkward phrasing. I'm not sure how to say any of this...

 

[Cosmic Fey]

I can't speak for everyone obviously, but I know writing out what's bothering me (whether in the Rant thread, or putting my characters through something similar and working it out that way) definitely helps. I don't like bothering people with my problems IRL because I think they have enough to deal with honestly, and I know I can have a temper and my anger flat out terrifies me, so I try to keep it under wraps. As a result I have a really, really bad habit of bottling things up until something sets me off and I explode (and then later I feel incredibly guilty for losing my temper) Using Rant threads (or my characters) lets me vent about what's upsetting me and lets me process it in a healthy way (and sometimes I'll realize I'm not as upset by it as I originally thought) without my friends or other innocent bystanders getting caught in the crossfire.

tl;dr: Yes, it make me feel better.

 

[Celest]

For me, it doesn't help. My problems are my problems, and I feel as if they don't need to be put out for everyone to see. Sure, I'll voice minor frustrations about certain situations like driving or an event at work every so often, but that's because I don't feel those are extremely personal things to talk about. Bigger things like stuff with family, feelings of some sort that's causing me great distress, I just don't feel as if that needs to be thrown in the open.

I get that helps other people, I actually talked to a friend about all this a week or so ago. Our views didn't match up, but that's a-okay. It helps for some, and that's great. People need emotional release. My personal preference is just to keep things I consider personal as personal and among a few I trust.


*not IRL friends. I don't have any of those except one who lives a few hours away. Internet friends.

 

[Kagayours]

Yes, I would say it helps. I do feel bad about burdening other people with my problems a lot of the time, but, I still feel compelled to say something to someone...

 

[Vars]

Immediately, yes, long-term, no. Unless it's asking for advice.

For venting, it certainly helps immediately. But I've found that in the long-term, if I am planning on posting it online (or I do post it online), I end up thinking about the event longer than if I had just chosen to forget about it. So sometimes, posting about problems can actually make them worse. While I might feel better immediately after posting it, I will wallow in the feelings up until the point of posting it, or some time after posting it, I will read it over and over again and relive all the feelings again. Then if people reply to my vent, the same thing happens.
This happens in real life too, but to a lesser degree. The end result is I just don't really talk about my problems at all.

So I stopped posting most of my problems online. And usually if I do feel like venting will help, I might post it, then delete it an hour or so later. That's to prevent continued stewing about it, but also because I don't like a lot of personal shit random places online.

As far as advice goes, if I actually get good advice, it helps a lot. I use the advice. But so far the track record for Iwaku specifically has been pretty bad, honestly [spoili](Life problems only. RP and writing help is awesome.)[/spoili]. I guess my problems are just too niche. Surprisingly, I got a lot of great advice from Gaia Online (hard to believe!). But I also had more problems back then. Now I'm pretty ok and just have a few down spots I can usually get through myself. But sometimes it just helps having other people's views to look at. I dunno.

Related: Something that really bugs me about Iwaku is that you have to request to delete your own threads. I hate that, and it's insured I don't make a lot of threads. Especially when it concerns life issues.

 

[★Under The Stars★]

I have a solution if you feel that people might feel uncomfortable if you share stuff online!

Journal!

I do it and it's very therapeutic. Being able to write just like 3 pages about how you're feeling about a situation can really help. The one rule when you're doing it is that you can't stop. You have to let your words flow freely because if your words aren't honest to you, then how can you be honest with yourself about your feelings? Your words are your expression of your feelings and those words can sometimes create a better understanding of your own psychological/emotional position. I think this is why writing is such an effective way to communicate and entertain! I mean, I think it's the entire reason why we read books!

Anyway, if you do this, I can promise you that your feelings will get fleshed out. There are many times where I was really angry about something and I just sat down and wrote. After about 20 minutes, my feelings had morphed. Reading back over the words I had written had almost made me laugh. It's pretty funny looking back at trying to understand how you were feeling the way you were after experiencing an epiphany about the situation you are/were emotional about.

I just think it's a very therapeutic (and conventional) way for writers to deal with their issues~ And if you're shy, then you can just throw away the paper after you're done if you don't want to keep it! And nobody has to read it at all!

EDIT: I just realized I never answered your question. XD I don't really feel comfortable posting online. It's not because I don't trust anyone, but I prefer to hash out my problems by myself. (It's a terrible habit of mine, but I just prefer it that way. Less drama.)

 

[Razilin]

I find posting my problems on a very public venue (such as a forum board) is incredibly foolish and dangerous.

I can see the value in expressing problems in a nonverbal medium as being therapeutic, but an untold number of people can see this website, making your therapeutic writing suddenly a very public confession.

I, personally, would never post personal problems so publically -- mainly for safety reasons.

 

[Kagayours]

I have a solution if you feel that people might feel uncomfortable if you share stuff online!

Journal!

I do it and it's very therapeutic. Being able to write just like 3 pages about how you're feeling about a situation can really help. The one rule when you're doing it is that you can't stop. You have to let your words flow freely because if your words aren't honest to you, then how can you be honest with yourself about your feelings? Your words are your expression of your feelings and those words can sometimes create a better understanding of your own psychological/emotional position. I think this is why writing is such an effective way to communicate and entertain! I mean, I think it's the entire reason why we read books!

Anyway, if you do this, I can promise you that your feelings will get fleshed out. There are many times where I was really angry about something and I just sat down and wrote. After about 20 minutes, my feelings had morphed. Reading back over the words I had written had almost made me laugh. It's pretty funny looking back at trying to understand how you were feeling the way you were after experiencing an epiphany about the situation you are/were emotional about.

I just think it's a very therapeutic (and conventional) way for writers to deal with their issues~ And if you're shy, then you can just throw away the paper after you're done if you don't want to keep it! And nobody has to read it at all!

EDIT: I just realized I never answered your question. XD I don't really feel comfortable posting online. It's not because I don't trust anyone, but I prefer to hash out my problems by myself. (It's a terrible habit of mine, but I just prefer it that way. Less drama.)

Eh. I've tried journaling. It doesn't really do much for me... If I'm not actually talking to anyone, then I still feel like I'm bottling things up. :/

And I've found that it's just kind of hard to "let the thoughts flow" when I just can't get into it. Talking to a real person is emotionally-investing enough that I can get sucked into it and let everything out, but without that... my attention span falters, my thoughts move faster than my fingers, and it becomes hard to get words down on the page. And then I just get mildly frustrated with it and wind up feeling sort of "meh" about the whole thing. Just another reason why journaling doesn't help me feel like I'm getting anywhere.

Trying to pretend I'm talking to a real person isn't very helpful either, because... I still consciously know that I'm not doing that, and it isn't so easy to trick myself into thinking that I am.

I find posting my problems on a very public venue (such as a forum board) is incredibly foolish and dangerous.

I can see the value in expressing problems in a nonverbal medium as being therapeutic, but an untold number of people can see this website, making your therapeutic writing suddenly a very public confession.

I, personally, would never post personal problems so publically -- mainly for safety reasons.

Eh. Depends on how detailed you're being with it.

I generally don't publicly post long rants unless the information is vague or unimportant enough that I don't see any harm in it. Most of my public venting really just comes in the form of, say, one-line comments. And I don't really see much danger in saying something as simple as "fuck my life right now", especially if someone finds that it might be helpful to just... say it.

My longer, let-it-all-out style rants happen in PM's. And I've been particularly mindful as of late to only delve into such things after I've gotten explicit permission (or, really, more of an invitation) to vent to them.



Sorry if this is derailing the thread, OP. I didn't mean to make it all about me. I just thought this might be relevant to the ongoing discussion at hand. I can back off if that's what you'd prefer, though.

 

[An Otaku]

Oh. Wow. Lot of responses already! Ahem...

@Cosmic Fey I feel the same way, bothering people with personal issues. I mean, it's great if others want to do that, but for myself... I can get very self-conscious to say the least, and also have a tendency to sort of explode at times. Not all of my problems (I mean, not that I have problems, this is hypothetical, ahem) deal with anger or such, but I've found this quote to help me at times. "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than anything on which it is poured." -Mark Twain. I dunno, maybe it's something. But I'm glad to hear writing helps you!

@Celest What you've said is exactly why I created this thread. I was feeling nervous about posting something else, and winded up making something less personal just to see if my line of thinking has worked for others or why it hasn't. Same with the friendships. I guess things might be easier if I could talk IRL with people, but... limitations, you know?

@Kagayours Yeah, I've been really feeling the compulsion to just talk about some things, but since I'm too shy to do anything in person, I figured it'd be easier under the name 'AO' but still...

@Vardoger I didn't know you couldn't delete your own threads, not immediately. Though if I did plan on 'talking' online, I think it would be more of a venting deal than an advice thread. That being said, I'm ecstatic with what everyone's been saying so far. At the very least, I'll be assured about what to do next with all this advice. I think its all genuinely helpful, vague though this topic thread may be.

@★Under The Stars★ (think I messed up the link. now I know how people feel about my name) Yeah, I've read about psychologists who get patients to set up journals for drawing and writing, which is something I've tried doing. I just always have trouble keeping something like that up, even though I want to. Sort of figured if I were to post stuff online, it would give a pressured reason to keep it up. Since by myself, I can get very unmotivated... Still, as for hashing out problems yourself, that's something I understand too well. Just starting to wonder if I've been going about it wrong.

@Razilin No, I totally get that. But like Kaga said, I don't think I'd ever dream of writing with specifics. It'd all be vague generalities since I do agree that posting things, problems, in-depth could be disastrous under no small amount of circumstances.

 

[An Otaku]

Sorry if this is derailing the thread, OP. I didn't mean to make it all about me. I just thought this might be relevant to the ongoing discussion at hand. I can back off if that's what you'd prefer, though.

Not derailing in the slightest, Kaga! Title of this thread begins with "Do you feel..." so by all means, talk about your experiences and thoughts on the matter everyone. And it is totally relevant, so please, don't back off (* ^ ω ^)

 

[★Under The Stars★]

@★Under The Stars★ (think I messed up the link. now I know how people feel about my name) Yeah, I've read about psychologists who get patients to set up journals for drawing and writing, which is something I've tried doing. I just always have trouble keeping something like that up, even though I want to. Sort of figured if I were to post stuff online, it would give a pressured reason to keep it up. Since by myself, I can get very unmotivated... Still, as for hashing out problems yourself, that's something I understand too well. Just starting to wonder if I've been going about it wrong.

In response to this, I don't journal on a regular basis. I realize that is a lot of upkeep. I only do it when I feel the need to actually hash out my feelings. And I know it can be tedious to go grab a notebook and a pencil and sit down somewhere quiet and write, but I find that it's usually worth the frustration.

Eh. I've tried journaling. It doesn't really do much for me... If I'm not actually talking to anyone, then I still feel like I'm bottling things up. :/

And I've found that it's just kind of hard to "let the thoughts flow" when I just can't get into it. Talking to a real person is emotionally-investing enough that I can get sucked into it and let everything out, but without that... my attention span falters, my thoughts move faster than my fingers, and it becomes hard to get words down on the page. And then I just get mildly frustrated with it and wind up feeling sort of "meh" about the whole thing. Just another reason why journaling doesn't help me feel like I'm getting anywhere.

Trying to pretend I'm talking to a real person isn't very helpful either, because... I still consciously know that I'm not doing that, and it isn't so easy to trick myself into thinking that I am.


Eh. Depends on how detailed you're being with it.

In response to this, I am a very shy creature when it comes to sharing my feelings with others. Like I said, it's not because I don't trust people, but I find it frustrating to talk to other people. I feel that I'm burdening people and I feel like I become an annoyance when I tell my problems to others. I also feel like many of the people I am around don't genuinely listen. That, right there, is my biggest concern. If I do open up, I've usually found the answers are shallow and apathetic. However, these are the experiences I've had with my friends, so this has made me this way.

And you bring up a great point about the journaling portion of talking to others, I really hate that because I know no one will read that. However, I, for some very strange reason, feel different when I yell at myself in front of a mirror. I'm not sure what it is, but doing that usually makes me realize how completely absurd I look when I'm mad and it makes me not want to be like that anymore. Or it motivates me to get even angrier and cause me to have a bit of a superemotional outburst.

But like I said, this is just me.

And everyone is different, for the most part, so there isn't one specific way to do things~

 

[Kestrel]

Virtue of viewing and being capable of tracking down all your IP's, people with access to that info can easily find out who you are. Not just that, they can probably pinpoint where you study, work, where your family lives. etc. Someone willing doesn't need much information in order to hurt you either. So, it's a matter of trust. In that sense it's the same as telling someone IRL, except the internet doesn't forget and is more public.

There's one safety net, though; people usually don't care enough to go through all that effort.

As for myself. No. I don't like posting my issues on a public forum. I don't have an issue with someone else doing so. However, I tend to keep my own private.

 

[Greenie]

I voted yes, but then I changed it to no. I realized that while I do rant online (rarely these days), I never actually mention what's bothering me, I merely mention what I'm feeling. I guess in that sense, I'm a private person. Plus I don't want to mention IRL people online.

 

[An Otaku]

@Kestrel Well, I mean... Technically, that could like happen at any time over anything. Actually happened at on old RP site I used to frequent. Maybe posting information about problems might be the needed push for such a fiend to go after you, I suppose.

@Greenie Yeah, no, I'd never put real names are intensely specific issues. I think I'd almost tell others to do the same. Unless, maybe, it's in like a personal chat-thing with someone particular. Still.... at that point, I wonder if it can be therapeutic in the slightest when one is restricted to such vagueries...


Hmm. Seems like the general consensus thus far is 'No,' yet with the minor caveat of that 'no' being in part related to the sharing of personal information, rather than being vague about the issue.

 

[Greenie]

With personal friends though, I though rant and rave :'D But on a public place like this, I try to restrain myself. Personal preference I suppose.

 

[Kestrel]

@Kestrel Well, I mean... Technically, that could like happen at any time over anything. Actually happened at on old RP site I used to frequent. Maybe posting information about problems might be the needed push for such a fiend to go after you, I suppose.

Typically in this scenario, people start digging after you do something to upset them. Posting about problems rarely is an instigator.

 

[Quetzal]

If I post something like that. I put it in places where it won't get much attention. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it's like speaking into the void. But I see it as at least expelling a little of what's inside. I've written things and thrown them away.

 

[Shiri]

Yes. Sometimes I just need to whine in an outlet where people won't tear me up. I never tell the entire story. Just enough to help me clear my head. I'm much less likely to ask for advice. My problems are my own and I prefer to fight them that way. The whining though, I'm good at that online in obscure forums. xD

 

[Fel of the Eternal Forest]

There was a time, about five years ago, when I used Iwaku as a crutch. Every negative thing that happened in my life, it was out in the open on a forum where I'm ostensibly anonymous. Eventually, I became addicted to that immediate release. I'm not saying everyone does this. On the contrary, I have an addictive personality. Anyways, I ended up leaving Iwaku until September of last year because of this.

Even now, five years later, there are a handful of people that know my real name, and only one who knows my address and phone number. I don't tend to talk to them about real world problems, typically. These problems are mine to deal with, and releasing them out to the internet honestly does nothing to actually help me. It gives me a false sense that everything will be okay, even when I do nothing to make that work.

 

[SatanicBamnana]

I don't often rant and rave about my problems, but there are times when I bottle things and I really want to talk about it, but I just can't think of the right person to go to. It helps me to write out my feelings, talk to people who can relate. And sometimes I stumble upon friends by doing this. I'm not a person you will see on here for a mole on my big toe, but I will now and then just need fresh perspective and other positive and hopeful minds to help me through.