Dirty Laundry

[egghead]

It was laundry day. The smell of detergent and soft whirring of the washing machines filled the tiny laundrette. There were a few faces lingering around, each one looking more worn out than the last, but as the hours dragged on and the clock neared 2 AM, the place became empty...almost.

Lynnette tapped her long black fingernails against her knee to the rhythm of a song she heard on the radio earlier. She watched through half-lidded eyes as her purple sweater dresses tumbled around in the dryer, bored out of her mind. Since when did it take this long to dry clothes?

Giving into a yawn, she leaned back against a wall soaked in straw-yellow lighting and continued tapping. The song wasn't going to leave her head anytime soon.

 

[Dingus]

Ashphalt stepped out of his patrol car, his boots hitting the pavement of the side walk. Looking into the distance with disgust he remembered why he hates this part of town. Everybody here is filthy and corrupt and it made him fucking sick. He remembers very fondly of some dive run by some red headed broad. It's very apparent in his mind how that day looked. He was investigating a kidnapping but Ms. Senne came up clean. It was unfortunate because there was something within Ashphalt's disgusting guts that really bugged him about her. This laundromat however was his last stop for the night. A lot of loud noises have been echoing through these streets. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for this type of neighborhood but the large numbers of civilians calling the station to report something awful.

Left hand in his pocket and his right hand picking at a protrusion of necro-eczema embedding within his cheek, Ashphalt began to make his way towards the front door of the establishment. Though the windows there was a fairly attractive woman continuing to work with her clothes. She was the only one inside. Ashphalt wondered if it even mattered to ask her anything but he threw this idea almost as fast as it came to his mind.

Walking through the doors he noticed the loud as fuck buzz emanating from the florescent lights adorning the ceiling. Purposely making subtly loud footstep as he moved to was the purple ditz, he began his regular speech that he had been saying all day,

"Excuse me, ma'am. I'm with the super police. May I ask you a few questions?"

 

[egghead]

The first thing she noticed about the police man was his fucked up face. The protrusions sprayed across his cheeks and forehead were gruesome, and immediately made her think of rocks.

"Hello, officer." Lynnette twirled a strand of hair with her finger and smiled. There was nothing more attractive than a man in uniform. "Aren't the street lights just beautiful this time of night?"

 

[Dingus]

As jaded as he was, Ashphalt could tell exactly what the lady was thinking. Some thing around the lines or "HOLY FUCK HE'S HOT". Of course, in his professional demeanor, he tried to keep to his job. But he couldn't help but reply to her question.

"Of course they look wonderful. Very much like yourself."

Straight forward and to the point. However, Ashphalt could give two fucks about the street lights.

 

[egghead]

Lynnette brought her delicate fingers up to her lips as she giggled at his response. She didn't expect such a stoic, threatening-looking man to say something like that. "Oh, really?" she crossed her legs enough so that her dress hitched up her thigh more. "So...how about those questions?"

 

[Dingus]

"Right! I've been patrolling the area, asking if anybody had witnessed anything strange recently. That said, have you witnessed anything strange recently? Sounds or people?"

Ashphalt began to grab a note book right before adding,

"Also what's a beautiful woman such as yourself doing in a place like this?"

 

[egghead]

"Looking for a bad guy, officer?" Her eyes still ogled him, examining his features obsessively. "Sorry, I haven't seen anything...strange."

"Except you." Strands of black hair fell in front of her face as she tilted her head to get a better look at his 'condition'. "Mind telling me how that happened?" she asked while fantasizing about running her fingers over his rocky skin.

 

[Dingus]

"I wouldn't go into depth about it but..."

He thought for a moment before wanting to change the subject. He was wasting a lot of time. Back inside his patrol car sat an officer under the name Jang Dankbricks. He slid his notebook back into his back pocket and looked right back at the woman.

"You seem pretty suspicious, I'm gonna have to take you back to the station..."

Ashphalt looked deep inside himself and wondered if he was fucking stupid or something.

 

[egghead]

There was a gleam in her eyeshadow-caked eyes. "Oh? Are you going to handcuff me, too?"

As she stood up, she quickly realized how much taller he was compared to her. The only sounds in the place were the washing machines and the flickering of the dying light above them, but Lynnette swore she could hear her heart beating in her ears.

 

[Dingus]

"Of course, I have to make sure you don't do anything to dangerous..."

Ashphalt removed a pair of glimmering, at least as much as can glimmer in this light, handcuffs from his belt and began to move towards her rear side. As he was about to tell her her rights to add to the atmosphere he caught himself staring at her thick and wide hips.

Holy fuck

He then proceeded to say the whole script in a serious voice while waiting for her to present her hands.

 

[egghead]

"Well, I am a dangerous girl." Suddenly, without warning, she spun around behind him and pressed the cold metal of a kitchen knife against his throat. Her breath was hot against his neck. "You'd better...watch out."

 

[Dingus]

"Good."

The worlds flew right out of his mouth as if on reflex. Ashphalt knew she might have had something to do with the previous disturbances in the area. However, he would never be able to pass up such a beautiful woman with such charm. Grabbing the knife with his actual fucking bare hand, he slowly pulled it away from his jugular vein.

"You seemed pretty interesting. Shall we go?"

 

[egghead]

Struggling to keep the weapon at his neck, she gave up and pulled back. She expected him to be strong, maybe even a little stupid, but she didn't expect him to actually grab the knife.

"...Only if you let me ride in the front~" she teased as she strolled past him and through the exit. She didn't even bother to grab her laundry.

 

[Dingus]

As if in a blink, the two of them were already outside. Approaching the car, Ashphalt can see Officer Jang SLEEPING in the car. Whipping the door wide open, scaring Jang awake, Ashphalt began to look down towards him in the reclined car seat.

"You're really lucky I'm in a good mood, Officer Dankbrick, I oughta write you up."

"You took quite a long time. Who's that behind you?"

"A suspect. You're going to have to take a bus home while I take her to the station."

"Why can't you put her in the back? And why isn't she wearing any cuffs?"

Ashphalt crouched down closer to Jang and repeated himself in a harsher tone,

"You're really lucky I don't write you up."

Jang pulled himself out of the passenger seat quickly and dusted himself off.

"Well Captain Ash, see you next shift!"

Ashphalt made his way over to the driver's side and looked towards his new partner and said,

"We can put the siren on, if you'd like."

 

[egghead]

After giving the other officer a goodbye wink, she slid into the passenger's seat. "So," she reached down and slowly stroked the gearshift with her pretty little fingers. "Where are we headed?"

Then she smiled wickedly as she took back her hand. "Still taking me downtown, officer?"

 

[Dingus]

Ashphalt started the car and put it into high speed. The siren began blaring as the patrol vehicle speed out this wretched neighborhood. Eyes still on the road, he said,

"Any specific places you want to go tonight? I can take you anywhere."

The car began to accelerate as the street lights flickered through the car windows.

 

[egghead]

Staring out at the passing blur of neon lights and old buildings, Lynnette suddenly realized this was the first time she rode in a police car...uh, in the front...and not in handcuffs. The siren was a little loud, but the way other cars swerved out of their way stroked her ego enough to ignore it.

"Hmm..." she pretended to think hard about where they should go. "My place? Or yours?"

 

[Dingus]

"I could actually take you down to the station..."

Ashphalt remembered that there were at least fifty members of the super police still at the station. What if they seen his new prize? Just then he remembered that being promoted to police captain allows him to get away with these kind of things.

"Yeah, let's go to the station."

Feeling lame, he realized that talking to Jang ruined his flow. He spoke up,

"So you left your laundry back there, huh?"

 

[egghead]

Leaning back in her seat slightly, Lynnette breathed a sigh of relief when he said he'd bring her to his place. It'd be too hard to sneak a man his size into her ex's attic...

"Whoopsie!" she shrugged, smiling shallowly. "I guess I just wanted to get out of there with you faster."

 

[Dingus]

Ashphalt's work was just up ahead. A large tower that penetrated the sky was right in front of the two of them. The patrol car crept up towards a downward ramp leading to the underground lot. After driving for a short time, he parked the car in front of a sign bordered in gold read *CAPTAIN'S PARKING SPOT*. Whipping the door open, he felt as if he was boring his new prize.

"Hold on I'll open your door for you."

Working his way over to the passenger side, he hooked on to the handle and pulled it open. Holding his hand out for her grab on to he then added,

"Pretty strange but I don't even know your name..."