I've had depression for about 8 years, I think. I have anxiety, too. Social situation scare me. I get all sweaty, I breathe funny, my heart races, and I sometimes dash to the nearest hiding spot so I can hyperventilate in private. Sometimes, this is a cause of my depression. >< Even so... I've refused to take medication. So over the years, I aspired to control my depression. I'm glad about the decision I've made. To this day, even when I feel at my worst, I'm able to push myself to go on with my life. Even though I'm carrying a heavy weight on my back, I'm still able to care for my son, take my showers, eat... There are so many things I can't afford to neglect, because it puts my boy at risk.
Lately though, it's been harder for me to do this. All my energy goes into caring for the baby, so there's nothing left to care for me. I'm drinking so much more coffee to stay awake, I've lost interest in so many things, I eat less, I never want to go out, I don't consider my hygiene as much, I'm returning to my bad habits of self harm... So I've finally broken down and decided to inquire about medication. My insurance won't cover therapy, so that's really my only choice. I'll try anything to restore order in my life. I'm trying to see about a medical marijuana card, too. I'd actually prefer that over pills. It doesn't come with iffy side effects, and I can sit in a social circle without feeling like I'm going to vomit or piss myself. *shame*
I'm doing other things to help myself, though! I'm taking college courses online, and picking up comic books again. :] At least I maintain interest in those things.