When I play DnD, I try to make a different character every time, because doing new things is always fun. Of course, my first campaign had this experienced DM who was jaded and.... kind of a pervert, really. I knew this because half the people in the skype group had monsters for avatars, and one of my best friends was practically dragging me in for tabletop stuff. The DM asked me what I was making for a character, and in response to
elven druid he said "No don't do that, those are always the same character every time."
So I said, "Fine, I'll make a snow-elf rogue-druid hybrid with
profession: dominatrix for a skill, who always speaks in a Russian accent!" Needless to say, the DM was greatly amused when my druid basically just bought another player's character as a slave, and after escaping the rest of the group's raid on that very building (we weren't allies or grouped together) that ended in explosions because some genius had the bright idea to cast a fire spell in an opium den, single-handedly busted the party out of jail when the armed guards came crashing in.
As the sessions went on, I learned that the DM was a powergamer, and while he kept pushing for naughtystuff, the relationship between the druid and ranger was really pg13, but diabetes-inducing and a little bit hilarious when the druid found out her 'pet' was an assassin.
We ended up taking a break for a year and starting anew, but I didn't want to play a female character because this DM tended to oversexualize them (to the point that the person playing the russian druidic dominatrix was uncomfortable), so I made a new character. He was a bard/barbarian/dragon-disciple, and his stat rolls included an 18 and two 16-stats. His mum was the warrior, and his dad was the songstress, so to speak, and since the party was level 9, the DM gave me a whole bunch of gold to spend on whatever I wanted for the character.
"So, 38 thousand gold. What's your warrior using as a weapon?"
"An unenchanted, non-masterwork spiked chain." He laughed so, so hard at that. Turns out I'd spent most of the bard's money on his armor and a deflection-ring, as well as a few wands and other inexpensive stuff.
So at that point in the campaign, the ninja and assassin were scouting out a target in some remote city that was basically populated by the fantasy equivalent of nazi-cultists and their king. The cleric and a ranger were imprisoned in the dungeon, so the rest of the party was going to crash in and assault the keep from the bottom-floor up after stoneshaping the exits shut (because the DM was sick of the story arc and just wanted it to be over with). But, through the magic of "a flashback to 24 hours ago," some armed guards surrounded a certain bard and interrogated him over what he was doing camping out in the woods.
<Bard> And eating venison is a crime in this land?
<Guard> One punishable by death; where
have you been?
<Bard> Snogging the prince when his wife isn't around! But, my father couldn't get
me into the city guard.
Umm... Yeah, there wasn't a prince, long story short the guard said "surrender and you'll get a chance to argue your case in court, or we can do this
the hard way."
<Bard> Well I suppose we can dance if you want to, but you'll have to leave your friends behind. *thwack*
<DM> Are you seriously doing this right now? There's four of them, you're alone, and they're of equal level.
<Tsu> If I surrender, I'm breaking character.
So we did things the hard way, and after twelve rounds of not a single one of the guards getting a hit in (30 AC + uncanny dodge), and most of it just being the bard punching and kicking, but they finally got a grapple in after that and managed to pin the bard, basically pulling a victory 'because the DM said so' and also because it was getting out of hand and those characters still needed to be a miniboss.
<DM> Once they have you down, they start kicking and punching until you are knocked out. You feel chains being wrapped around you as you're dragged off, the warrior stopping momentarily to pick up his two fallen friends. You head the rumbling of several gates, as well as a large door, before a female voice faintly echoes into your ears.
<Female Guard Captain> What the hell happened to you guys?
<Guard> We don't wanna talk about it.
So later, when the party busted in and rescued the cleric, they opened up another cell door to see the bard (a lupin from
this book, because the DM shoved it at me and I was amused by it) wrapped up in chains, blindfolded and wearing a ballgag. Why? I'dunno! The DM was kind of a perv, or something.
<Fighter> Is... Is that a gnoll?
<Ranger> Looks like it.
<Necromancer> Guys, I uh.. I don't think we should let it out. I mean, you ripped that one guy's hand off and they didn't do *that* to you. No telling what this one did to get thrown in here.
<Ninja> Be a non-human? Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
So when we all got re-equipped, one of the informants snuck in and told us "There's six bodied upstairs. I think most of them are acquainted with your new friend."
<Bard> Oh boy! I should go up there and thank them for the chewtoy~
Somebody gave the bard a fireball wand, which he called a "wand of true-seeing. See, whenever something feels off and you think you're being fooled by an illusion, you point this thing and say the magic word. But it's broken: it only tells you when they're secretly on fire."
And immediately, after going upstairs and being shot at, the wand got used. Suddenly, the guards from the night before realized that the bard was going easy on them last night. Three of the guards survived, one by surrendering, another by just being lucky enough not to bleed out, and the third because he realized his invisibility wasn't helping against somebody with a nose keen enough to pinpoint him and decided to flee upstairs.
<Captain> You know what? No. I surrender. My men are dead, you guys are crazy, here. Take my bow, take my other weapons, have fun fighting the Rakshasa upstairs. No amount of gold is worth this.
<Bard> Wait... Did she say rakshasa?
<Ninja> Yep.
<Bard> Wh... Why are you people not alarmed? Do you not know what a rakshasa is?
<Ranger> We've killed scary things before, we can do it again. But what's a rakshasa?
<Bard> That is one cat that YOU DO
NOT BARK AT AND CHASE LIGHTLY! She's right, you're all crazy, It was nice knowing you.
<Necromancer> The doors are sealed. If you want out, you'd better come with us.
<Bard> Fffffffff
So after a bunch of polymorphs and overcoming the 15DR that shouldn't have applied to the bard's piercing weapons until the rakshasa and its two golems were slain, the fighter was demanding its pelt, the ninja severed its head, the bard kept the fangs and skinned it as a gift for the fighter, and they all left after making a pact to just butcher every rakshasa they ever meet again.
One of those fangs later got traded for a whole bunch of adventuring supplies, so... Yeah, the DM for that scenario was pretty cool. I still have him on skype, but we hardly ever talk.
