Yeah, time to express myself emotionally and lower the usual walls I have I guess. Hope none lash out at it and try to hurt me for it.
I'd probably smile shyly at the notion that someone would have a crush on me for some absurd reason. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and always have been, so the thought of someone taking interest in me first puts butterflies in my stomach and makes me borderline hammered with feelings of appreciation. Where it goes from there? I guess it would depend on a variety of factors.
If Male: Gently inform them that I was not born of that particular inclination and speak of it as a personal failure of genetics. I can't lie to myself about what I am for their sake, just as they shouldn't lie to a woman about their inclinations.
---End.
If Female: Am I physically attracted to them? (My bar is pretty low for this. It usually takes an extreme like morbid obesity* to put me off the thought. I don't care if you have giant breasts or tiny breasts, or a flat ass, or a bubble butt, or whatever. Stereotypical male, I'm sure.)
- No: Smile warmly, give them a hug, befriend them, but make it clear that I'm not particularly looking at this point in time. If they seem emotionally sensitive, lie and pretend I'm not interested in dating as a whole at that time. A white lie can prevent pain and a public scene, in spite of what school's black and white ninny teachings may say otherwise.
- Yes: Smile warmly, give them a hug, befriend them, and throw out hints that I like them. Don't turn down their overtures. Make comments about their eyes, or the way they do their hair, or whatever they seem to put the most effort into if they happen to do makeup. Get to know them as a person. Figure out common interests. Take my time, don't rush things, no matter how much they may want to rush. Make it clear I need to get to know them first. Ensure they aren't expressing signs of codependency, or obsession--if they abandon their entire lives to do whatever I tell them to do, that's bad, generally.
Do we have things in common other than mutual physical attraction?
- No: Well, bugger that. She and I might have a few good sessions of sex but if we can't stand each other otherwise, that's not going to form a good relationship. In a long term relationship you spend like, 90% of your time doing taxes, and cleaning, and eating, and pursuing your own hobbies as they do the same things. Therefore, if 90% of the time, I hate the person I'm with, or vice versa, that's bad. That's very bad. This may sound confusing, but the best sign things are going well is if we can be alone together. If you're not sure what that means: If we can be in the same room, doing different things, not even talking to each other, but simply enjoying one another's presence, like family, or close friends. That's when I know I've hit the gold spot.
- Yes: Best friends + mutual physical attraction = time to take this relationship up to serious points and go at whatever pace my partner is most comfortable with, for however long it shall last. At this point if I have a physical attraction and we get along well outside of romantic/sexual settings, I'm dropping my emotional walls and letting that person in and making her an important part of my life. I'll stay as loyal as she wishes and happily go on dates. I'll buy random small gifts outside of holidays or birthdays just to see her smile. My heart is hers to do with as she pleases, and my trust is implicit. The odds of this happening are pretty slim though, being honest. Most women (like, 90% of them) even if they're interested don't express it. It's a culture thing that males express interest first. Whether that's fair or not is irrelevant, really: It simply is what it is. Odds are I'm going to be the "crush" who has to play the affections game and guess if the woman I'm interested in is being honest with me or not.
*No, it's not fat shaming to not desire physical relations with a person (male or female) who is grotesquely out of shape. It tells me two things. First, that the person in question hates themselves, has no value in themselves, has no emotional self-confidence, is delusional about their health, is unconcerned with their health, or is extremely lazy--all of which is harmful, potentially deadly for a relationship. Second, that they expect other people to love them unconditionally without realizing the hypocritical irony that they aren't even willing to spend a few minutes a day to ensure they won't require a triple bypass surgery by the age of 35. I don't care if there are physical blemishes like scars or birth marks or dimples or pimples or whatever else--those are just unique flaws about a person, we all have them. I
do care if that person's physical health is in such a state of disrepair that they're telling the entire world how little of a fuck they give if they live past the age of 40. Because if they are stupid, delusional, childish, or callous enough to believe that others should be forced to make love to them even if they weigh 400 pounds and may
literally injure them with the mere act of coitus, they're not ready for a relationship.
They don't have to look like a supermodel. They don't need lobster abs, or to look like a porn star. Hell, personally, I think most Hollywood/Playboy women look like plastic, and it sets off my uncanny valley senses. Having handlebars is not the issue. It's if they have so much fat building up in their neck that it swallows their chin, or if they could literally roll down the stairs, or if they need to use the power scooters at Walmart to do their shopping. If they're over 100 pounds overweight, they have a serious health problem. And I'm not saying this to make people feel ugly. Hell, I don't want to hurt anyone... But that's just it: It's because when I become emotionally involved with someone, I don't hold back. I don't want to see someone suffer because they have a severe addiction to alcohol, or drugs, or cigarettes, or fatty foods, and I can't ignore that if it's completely consuming their lives. I'm too damn honest for that, I can't lie to someone I care about and pretend that their most egregious and unhealthy habits are doing them any favours. If they're going to care so little for themselves that they're going to cripple themselves physically and drive themselves into an early grave, then I'm not going to be there. I've already had people I love die on me. I cannot willfully repeat that, it would destroy me internally.
If that still offends some people, congratulations, they don't have to care about my opinion. Because I cannot possibly be callous enough to watch someone I love destroy themselves when it could be easily avoided, I care too much about them to let that simply happen. If the people reading this still don't get it, I envy you, and your unblemished heart. May none scar it with avoidable death.
