Crushes, and being the Crushiee (That's not a word

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by LogicfromLogic, May 5, 2016.

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  1. So, what do you do when you find out that someone likes you? Whenever this came up in my life, I had and still have no idea what the hell to do. I'm just awkward and sit and stare, or I smile and make the same noise Tina Belcher does in Bob's Burgers.

    And when it comes to having a 'crush' (or rather being attracted to them is more of an adult term for it) on someone else, they'll never freakin know it because fuck my life I'm way too shy to say shite.

    what do you do when someone admits they have feelings for you?
  2. Completely depends on the scenario...

    If I like the guy then I'd say "Well when are we going out?"

    If I wasn't into the guy I'd usually say something like Aww That's really sweet. Then I'd let them know that I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship. Which normally I wasn't.

    If it's some douche out at a bar or something I just say "No means no."

    I don't know... I guess it all comes down to if I'm interested.and the thing is... If I am interested in someone I usually know it before they ever make it known that they are attracted to me and by that point I've already set the ground work with strategic flirting or just getting straight to the point myself.

    I'm not shy.
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  3. Yeah, time to express myself emotionally and lower the usual walls I have I guess. Hope none lash out at it and try to hurt me for it.

    I'd probably smile shyly at the notion that someone would have a crush on me for some absurd reason. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and always have been, so the thought of someone taking interest in me first puts butterflies in my stomach and makes me borderline hammered with feelings of appreciation. Where it goes from there? I guess it would depend on a variety of factors.

    If Male: Gently inform them that I was not born of that particular inclination and speak of it as a personal failure of genetics. I can't lie to myself about what I am for their sake, just as they shouldn't lie to a woman about their inclinations.

    If Female: Am I physically attracted to them? (My bar is pretty low for this. It usually takes an extreme like morbid obesity* to put me off the thought. I don't care if you have giant breasts or tiny breasts, or a flat ass, or a bubble butt, or whatever. Stereotypical male, I'm sure.)
    • No: Smile warmly, give them a hug, befriend them, but make it clear that I'm not particularly looking at this point in time. If they seem emotionally sensitive, lie and pretend I'm not interested in dating as a whole at that time. A white lie can prevent pain and a public scene, in spite of what school's black and white ninny teachings may say otherwise.
    • Yes: Smile warmly, give them a hug, befriend them, and throw out hints that I like them. Don't turn down their overtures. Make comments about their eyes, or the way they do their hair, or whatever they seem to put the most effort into if they happen to do makeup. Get to know them as a person. Figure out common interests. Take my time, don't rush things, no matter how much they may want to rush. Make it clear I need to get to know them first. Ensure they aren't expressing signs of codependency, or obsession--if they abandon their entire lives to do whatever I tell them to do, that's bad, generally.
    Do we have things in common other than mutual physical attraction?
    • No: Well, bugger that. She and I might have a few good sessions of sex but if we can't stand each other otherwise, that's not going to form a good relationship. In a long term relationship you spend like, 90% of your time doing taxes, and cleaning, and eating, and pursuing your own hobbies as they do the same things. Therefore, if 90% of the time, I hate the person I'm with, or vice versa, that's bad. That's very bad. This may sound confusing, but the best sign things are going well is if we can be alone together. If you're not sure what that means: If we can be in the same room, doing different things, not even talking to each other, but simply enjoying one another's presence, like family, or close friends. That's when I know I've hit the gold spot.
    • Yes: Best friends + mutual physical attraction = time to take this relationship up to serious points and go at whatever pace my partner is most comfortable with, for however long it shall last. At this point if I have a physical attraction and we get along well outside of romantic/sexual settings, I'm dropping my emotional walls and letting that person in and making her an important part of my life. I'll stay as loyal as she wishes and happily go on dates. I'll buy random small gifts outside of holidays or birthdays just to see her smile. My heart is hers to do with as she pleases, and my trust is implicit. The odds of this happening are pretty slim though, being honest. Most women (like, 90% of them) even if they're interested don't express it. It's a culture thing that males express interest first. Whether that's fair or not is irrelevant, really: It simply is what it is. Odds are I'm going to be the "crush" who has to play the affections game and guess if the woman I'm interested in is being honest with me or not.

    *No, it's not fat shaming to not desire physical relations with a person (male or female) who is grotesquely out of shape. It tells me two things. First, that the person in question hates themselves, has no value in themselves, has no emotional self-confidence, is delusional about their health, is unconcerned with their health, or is extremely lazy--all of which is harmful, potentially deadly for a relationship. Second, that they expect other people to love them unconditionally without realizing the hypocritical irony that they aren't even willing to spend a few minutes a day to ensure they won't require a triple bypass surgery by the age of 35. I don't care if there are physical blemishes like scars or birth marks or dimples or pimples or whatever else--those are just unique flaws about a person, we all have them. I do care if that person's physical health is in such a state of disrepair that they're telling the entire world how little of a fuck they give if they live past the age of 40. Because if they are stupid, delusional, childish, or callous enough to believe that others should be forced to make love to them even if they weigh 400 pounds and may literally injure them with the mere act of coitus, they're not ready for a relationship.

    They don't have to look like a supermodel. They don't need lobster abs, or to look like a porn star. Hell, personally, I think most Hollywood/Playboy women look like plastic, and it sets off my uncanny valley senses. Having handlebars is not the issue. It's if they have so much fat building up in their neck that it swallows their chin, or if they could literally roll down the stairs, or if they need to use the power scooters at Walmart to do their shopping. If they're over 100 pounds overweight, they have a serious health problem. And I'm not saying this to make people feel ugly. Hell, I don't want to hurt anyone... But that's just it: It's because when I become emotionally involved with someone, I don't hold back. I don't want to see someone suffer because they have a severe addiction to alcohol, or drugs, or cigarettes, or fatty foods, and I can't ignore that if it's completely consuming their lives. I'm too damn honest for that, I can't lie to someone I care about and pretend that their most egregious and unhealthy habits are doing them any favours. If they're going to care so little for themselves that they're going to cripple themselves physically and drive themselves into an early grave, then I'm not going to be there. I've already had people I love die on me. I cannot willfully repeat that, it would destroy me internally.

    If that still offends some people, congratulations, they don't have to care about my opinion. Because I cannot possibly be callous enough to watch someone I love destroy themselves when it could be easily avoided, I care too much about them to let that simply happen. If the people reading this still don't get it, I envy you, and your unblemished heart. May none scar it with avoidable death.
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  5. Lucky. I wish I could say that I have the ability to be open with something else besides sarcastic remarks, but when it comes to love interests, I'm really scared of them.
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  6. Going by actual practice so far in life, apparently I tell them some version of "I don't feel the same way." The only people I've had tell me about their feels for me were those I had no interest in or actively disliked. :P
  7. If someone has a crush on me I usually tell them it's a bad idea or some variation thereof. If I like them in kind I'll have already told them. Like Hope, I'm not shy about that sort of thing.
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  8. I actually have a crush on one of my friends at the moment, so I've tried to hint that I like them by complimenting their appearance. (I don't do it all the time, just so I'm not seen as creepy >_> ) ^////^ Hopefully something happens with it. =]
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  9. Just tell them you big loser.
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  10. Is that not too forward? >/////>
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  11. When I knew my feelings for Fluffy I told her less than twenty four hours later. We've been together over four years and married with a kid. Nah, dude, go make your happiness.
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  12. I'll do that! Jesus Pete, you're such a Casanova. XD
  13. It's true. I was totally there when it happened.

    That being said: I'm shy as all hell and therefore have dated few people. There was one time where I was the one who asked the other out. I was proud of myself until I later learned that the guy wasn't as cool as I thought.
  14. Currently crushing on someone. No, I don't have the guts to tell them because I'm very awkward..even though I'm quick to tell a friend to just go and spit it out to their crush. If I find someone has a crush on me and I am not interested, I tend to be really...awkward about it or just say "Oh...heh" and mentally back away slowly while outwardly, I kindly tell them "yeah no sorry can't..." or "I don't really like you like that" or any variant of those.

    Do what feels right!
  15. In my heart of hearts, I always had this "damsel" idea. You know, the girl getting swept off her feet unexpectedly, etc. etc. romantic comedy style? Oh, yeah, except that in reality I'm an impetuous go-getter when it comes to these kinds of things, usually. I've always been my own hindrance on that, but it's not like it didn't work for me, I guess.

    In highschool, it was "Oh, why he's cute. I wonder if he noticed me? Let's play it cool and... oh, or you could walk up to him and tell him that you find male floutists irresistibly charming. You know, your choice, I guess."

    Oh, but when someone likes me? I'm made of oblivious. Maybe because I tend to be too impatient to play the "crush from afar" game but I'm friendly so I always chose to go the path of assuming that everyone else was being friendly like me. I don't think I've ever just assumed that someone liked me. No changing myself, I guess, since I managed fine.
    #15 Kitti, May 6, 2016
    Last edited: May 6, 2016
  16. I subconsciously catch hints and proceed to detach from whatever previous relationship we had before I even know what I'm doing.

    So self sabotage, mostly.
  17. Oh boy, the one area my Autism not only still has an influence (cause there's a few) but where it has a MASSIVE influence! <3

    Have I ever mentioned I tend to play the "Let is happen naturally" game? Well, if I haven't now I am. This is usually fine, and I think even if I didn't have Autism this would still be my approach. But having been born with a diagnosis that makes me need to be taught social skills rather than get them naturally? And Therapists having no way to teach me these skills without crossing over into really, REALLY creepy territory? Yea... there starts to be a problem. XD

    So my first order of business upon noticing someone likes me is to... not notice it. I'm serious, I am insanely oblivious to this sort of stuff. You could be as flirty, playful, staring at me all day etc and I'll still find a way to mistake is as just being silly or looking at something behind me. Unless if the person walks right up to me and says "Gwazi/Anthony I/they like you" I'm never going to be the wiser... and even THEN I might mistake is as "I like you, as a friend".

    So assuming I find a woman* to by-pass this barrier and declare their affection in the most direct method possible (which given societies cultural expectation of men to make the first move? Highly unlikely) it falls down to the infamous 'do I like them' round.

    1) I do not like them

    Ideally? I tell them I'm not interested and keep friends.
    Realistically? I start avoiding** the person until backed into a corner where I then have to say I'm not interested.

    2) I do like them

    Ideally? Take it slow, make sure we have similar interests and have it grow gradually.
    Realistically? End of rushing into it, some what. I have my limits like no sex until it's been a while, but for the most part how fast I take it is dependent on how fast the other person does. And if eventually we reach a point where my feelings have grown to be much larger? That may stop being a limit and I just sky rocket recklessly***.

    "Wait, doesn't rushing it break your let it happen naturally' bit earlier?"

    *Fun Fact, despite being straight I've been hit on by more men than I have women... Being a Straight Ally at the college's Pride Club for a time may have played into this though. XD

    **That being said, there was one exception case of where a friend of several years expressed it where my reaction was to face it immediately. But that was due to my long history with the person in question.

    ***Last time this happened though was about 5 years ago though, so hopefully I'd fare better now as an Adult but I can't say for sure without being put in such a scenario again.
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  18. In the past when someone admitted feelings for me, I gave him a shot and politely let him down after I got to know him and realized we didn't really mesh as well as I'd hoped.

    I do have a crush, and most everyone in my close circle of friends AND my crush knows it. I was very tired one night and he was streaming art, and it just... came out. All at once. Like vomit.

    ANYWAY. If someone else admitted feelings for me, I'd probably tell them I don't feel the same way, but I would also tell them that I am willing to get to know them better and see if my opinion changes. Unless they're a creep. Creeps are no.
  19. I've always been the er... crusher? and not the crushiee. And I've never really told anyone ^_^'' But all's good since I got married to the last one. So yeah.

    I do think it might be best to clearly say what's on one's mind. If not face to face, then in writing. No point in leading someone on I guess. I mean, even if that was never your intention.
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  20. There once was a girl. She had a crush on me. I liked her, but not like that. We toned it down to a friendship, until we went to different schools. I think. Not really sure where she went. Either way we had fun. A lotta puns. Pizza temptation, leading to the reveal of her allergy, again leading to a pun ("You can call me the quotient of the total, because I'm mean").

    So there's that. Oh yes, and people shipped us.
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