Character Therapy

[Wanderfool]

I shall attempt... I need to flesh out one of my favorite characters to roleplay a little more in the romance department! Critique is more than welcome!
"There they stand. The apple of your eye, and you know that in this moment that they are the one. The one that every song, movie, and book contains. When the main character falls for that single being, fast or slow, never the less they are the one. Their smile. Their drowning worthy eyes. That stupid little laugh. All of it. All of them. They are your first love."

Scathach
I grin widely at the boy underneath me, cockily, confidently, but really, my heart racing like a startled rabbits, and I'm blushing horribly as I bite my lip, staring into the gorgeous blue eyes of Grey. "I think I win." I say, covering my loss of composure, and stand, offering him a hand to pull him up. He chuckles. "Yeah... I guess so." He mumbles. "I'm still getting used to being beaten by a girl." I turn towards the mirror and fix my gi and belt to hide the little smile on my face. We're standing in the middle of a dojo for late-night jujitsu practice, cars and people rushing by outside, noise, noise, noise, but in here, it's quiet, with only us out on the mats. I take a deep breath, trying to control my raging emotions and glance surreptitiously in the mirrors lining the white walls to see Grey pulling off his gi top, and the back of my neck flushes again at the sight of his well-defined muscles. I run a hand through my cropped red hair and turn back to the boy just now bowing off the mat, opening my mouth to speak, but deciding against it at the last moment. I follow his example, bowing off and heading over to my bag to grab my water bottle, pulling off my gi top as I walk to expose the sweat-soaked white t-shirt underneath.

"Good class." I say, nudging him as I pass. My heart's racing again... just being in close proximity to him sets off all sorts of reactions that made me freak out at first, but that I now understand is attraction. He reaches out and unexpectedly throws me up and over his shoulder, and I let out a shriek of indignation and surprise. "Grey!" I exclaim, scrambling back to my feet and shoving him, frowning. He just laughs and we wrestle for a few minutes, with me ending up underneath him this time. I tense up as his hand moves towards my face, then gently, like an animal tamer soothing some beast, brushes the hair out of my eyes. I see the little smile on his face, and it just makes me melt like butter. I smile back, tentatively.

"You really have no clue how amazing you are, do you?" His words catch me off-guard as his hand pulls away, and I almost don't want him to stop. I swallow, lick my lips, trying to get some moisture into my dry mouth. "N-no..." I stutter awkwardly. "What makes you say that?" I ask, relaxing as he gets up form where he had me pinned and sits cross-legged on the mat beside me. I push myself up, grassy green eyes meeting his for a split-second, then glancing away, fluttering back, my gaze irresistibly drawn toward his deep blue eyes. That cute little grin with the crooked front teeth that he gives me makes me melt like butter. "What makes you say that?" I repeat. He tilts his head, seeming to consider the question for a minute. "Well... you're the only girl I know that can pin me to the ground, you're an awesome teacher, I like the you outside of the dojo and..." He leans closer. "I think... I think I love you." He almost whispers. I freeze, my brain shutting down until all I can say is "ummm... uhhh... well..." while inside both sides of my brain are screaming at me. 'Don't trust him! Don't trust him!' on one hand, and on the other. 'OMG, YES! YESYESYES! Tell him you love him to! Do it!' I finally just blurt out what's in my head without any more thought.

"I think I like you too." I say finally. He reaches out slowly and takes my hand. "Well then, I think we'll be seeing more of each other then, hmmm Madame Scathach?" He teases gently, but I don't think he's really teasing. "Get to know each other better, yes?" I nod almost robotically, and he stands, swinging his bag over his shoulder, and hands me a piece of paper. "My phone number." He explains. "Call me once you get home?" He asks. "S...s...sure." I mumble, and smile. He nods. "See ya!" That beautiful boy heads out of the dojo and once he leaves I fall back on the mat, laughing and grinning like an idiot. YES! "He likes me, he likes me, he likes me." I chirp in a singsong tone, almost unable to believe what had just happened, giddy with happiness. I sigh with contentment and get up, heading to the bathroom to shower and change. What a night!


Okay, this was probably horrible, so please critique!

Eh? *squints eyes* You say you need help in the romance department with dear immortal vampire Scathach. Wait, wrong character. Well from what I have read, the only problem with this post is... just as I was relishing in the delicious tension between Grey and Scatty, IT WAS OVER. I think I cried a little to be honest, I wanted more in this post. I loved it though, I always dig a good bad ass Tsundere chick with red hair. I say next time, keep the reader wrapped around your pinkie. Leave them wanting more. Don't give in so easily with the romance! Make it passionate, sweet, and drawn out as much as possible! But as a whole, I really love Grey and his assertiveness and the environment you stuck them into. But give me more build, and character development. I want to know Scathach.

Things to Keep in Mind:

• Character Development!
• Give me length, give me build, give me cliffhangers
• Keep me wrapped around your pinky and begging!
• Don't let your obviously awesome Scatty give in so quickly. Is she a fighter or nah?
• I see good things in your romantical characters my friend~

 

[Wanderfool]

Exercise # 3
March 27, 2014 ​

​

"Waltz with Me..."​

The music, the romance, the scent of flowers floating lightly on the air. The fine attire, and every soul dressed to the nines in their finest silks or maybe even satins. Will you be dancing as the belle of the ball, or will you be the wilting wallflower every opposite eye admires. The choice is yours, but meanwhile may I have this dance?

In honor of my own prom coming up, (squee) I thought it might be fun to see how you guys dress your characters up. I want to hear and feel the excitement each of your characters, whether they attend or just plain crash a dance. Give me all the glitz and glory of getting ready, dancing, drinking, intrigue. I want it all whether it be a modern day formal gala or a straight up victorian ball for an arranged marriage. Give to meh!

Things to keep in mind:​

• Details focused on emotions and Thoughts​
• Let your inner Mary sue shine out this time. I want clothing details.​
• Reason for attending/crashing?​
• Surroundings​
• Physical Changes (clammy hands? hummingbird heart beat?)​
• LOTS of introverted point of views​
• Make me want to dance!​
• Stay Organic!​

Key word for this exercise!
WALTZ​

​

 

[ReaperOfFlames]

I think I shall take a shot at this. I wish to see where I stand as far as my writing goes and this seems to be a wonderful place to get a proper critique~



Normally, Attelbee would have stayed as far as humanly possible from Royal Brittania, its towering glass spires casting the visage of a piercing gaze that loomed aloofly above the shattered kingdom below. However, when one was invited to one of the grandest balls in all of the kingdom, it was very hard to decline; though saying that he was invited was a bit of a stretch when in reality he had simply taken the invitation off of a pursuing soldier under the command of the Glass Queen. Still, apples to oranges as he would say. With a wide porcelain mask obscuring his face and the ornately intricate patterns adorning the edges of the mask, their golden shimmer enough to distract any normal person from his finer features, the mage made his way into the city with a smile on his face; though he did take an introspective moment to pull a patch on the side of his brown, tattered jacket before he proceeded too much further. As if some god from above were breathing a blessing upon his clothing, his jacket seemed to ripple and undulate as it changed in both form and size; changing from a ragged brown mess to a black tailcoat tailored from the finest silk...at least that's what people would assume, and he would feel no particular desire to correct them.

With his black vest and white undershirt finally looking at home beneath his new garb along with his tailored satin pants and well polished boots, he reached into the lapel of his coat and drew forth a medium sized black discus. Attelbee stared at it with a perplexed gaze for a few moments before letting out a small "ahhhhhh." of acknowledgement and giving it a sharp snap of his wrist, the action seeming to conjure the top of a top hat from the ether. With a look quite pleased, he placed it atop his head and continued on his way as if this what had just transpired was the most normal thing in the world; though being fair, this was nothing short of a typical weekday for him. What made it slightly different is that now he actually looked well kept rather than like the traveling vagabond he normally was. His dark black hair was straight and pulled back into a proper ponytail, the scattered stubble that usually adorned his face now trimmed to a fine mustache and the smallest trace of hair just underneath the middle of his bottom lip, and his slim frame tucked neatly behind the layers of his clothing, leaving much to the imagination and giving him a slightly more muscular appearance.

It only took him a short time to find his way to the grand mansion the party was taking place at, and in no time at all he was inside. The amount of guests were so numerous that the guards could hardly be bothered to inspect everyone who presented them with an invitation, and with his shining personality at the forefront, it was no surprise that he was allowed in. It wasn't very often Attelbee could say that he got to eat so lavishly, especially seeing as he spent most of his time on the road being pursued; this was a rare treat for him and the excitement fluttering around his stomach from being right under the nose of the woman who wanted him dead made his appetite all the stronger. He dug hard into the hors d'oeuvres being served, though he maintained a casual air about his consumption, not wanting to attract any undue attention before he got to have a little fun. Finally, he grabbed one more finger sandwich as he made his way to the corner of the room to watch the other guests mingle about and dance. He enjoyed a good dance as much as the next person, but he couldn't be too hasty. It took time, patience, and a keen eye to spot the most interesting prospect in the room, a dance was hardly anything if the person on the other end wasn't at least moderately enjoyable to be around after all.

Eventually his eyes settled upon a young woman with curled brown hair reaching down to the middle of her back, her elegant yellow dress fluttering and flowing with her every movement as if a flower were constantly blooming in her wake. She was younger, but the way she took the lead in her dancing told of a woman with some fire in her heart; the grace with which she danced showed wonderful technique that could only be honed through rigorous practice and researching the art heavily. There was no question, she would be his dance partner. With a small smirk, Attelbee made his way onto the dance floor, his movements slow and deliberate, yet no more conspicuous than the next guest as he made his way over to the woman and held out his hand to her. "Madam, if I may request a dance?" His tone was casual, towing a fine line between interest and indifference as he sought to entice her with his playful antics; she herself gave notice of his hand for only a few brief moments before her eyes scanned him from top to bottom. He looked decent enough, and his mannerisms were just intriguing enough to pique her curiosity...surely this man might have at least some character to him rather than the other dullards she'd been forced to dance with over the course of the evening. Eventually, her passive stare seemed to melt into a soft smile, though Attelbee could see the faintest trace of a smirk tug at the edge of her lips as she spoke. "You may good sir, but please do try to keep me entertained."

There was nothing haughty or aloof about her statement. While he tone might be misconstrued as defiant or even rude, Attelbee saw nothing short of an earnest request; something he fully intended to oblige as he gave her a tip of his hat while she lead him onto the dance floor proper. "I shall endeavor to entertain you to the best of my abilities milady." He said, returning her subtle grin with one of his own, a gesture she seemed to appreciate as he found himself pulled into a waltzing stance, his eyes now locked with hers as hazel met emerald. "Please, do see to it, I've been bored witless all evening." she whispered into his ear as their dance began. The comment pulled his grin from the shadows as he began to match her fervor step for step, each movement turning into a sharp game of putting one up on the other until they were weaving a wonderfully complex tapestry across the marble floor. Neither of them said a word, instead choosing to keep their eyes firmly locked on one another as their feet, seemingly pushed on by some unknown force, guided them through the crowd of people until not a person in the room could avert their gaze from them. Their bodies were pressed tightly together, their noses tip to tip, their hearts beating rhythmically within their chests as if they had joined the chorus of instruments which bade them to continue their waltz, their breaths mingling with all of the desire and tension building up between them.

The entire room sat enraptured with their movements, as if it had ceased to be two persons dancing and had transcended a spiritual line into art, even the musicians had begun to cater their cadences to the dancing couple; everything coming to a sharp crescendo as cymbals crashed and the young woman was dipped low to the floor, Attelbee's strong arm keeping her suspended only inches off the floor as he seemed to steal the very breath from her lungs...and then came the booming shout of a guard. "Traitor! A turncoat is believed to be in this room, all attendees must move to the wall and subject themselves to a personal search until this miscreant is found!" Attelbee sighed deeply with a smile as he gave the woman in his arms a truly apologetic look. "It seems our time here has run its course. Perhaps another time madam." With that, he rose sharply and with a soft turn of his wrist, sent his dance partner spiraling into the arms of the nearest bystanding woman as he flung open his coat, aiming it towards the ceiling as if expecting it to call down the hand of god. "Roger, time for a quick exit!" he bellowed as a small noise much like a whip cracking came from within the recesses of his lapel. With little warning, a small spark of light shot from his coat to the top of the large room, the baby lightning bolt that had only seconds ago been napping peacefully let out what by its standards would be an agitated shout; to the residents of the room, this would translate into a blinding flash of light and a booming noise loud enough to shatter the delicate glasses of a nearby table.

By the time the guards had properly recovered, Attelbee was long gone, his slender legs carrying him quickly out of the city with just one more finger sandwich clutched in his hands as he made the quickest of hastes leaving the City of Glass behind him; leaving in his wake a room full of daze and confused guards, and one bewtiched young woman who suddenly felt a need for either a well crafted folding fan or an intense breeze of cold night air.

 

[Wanderfool]

I think I shall take a shot at this. I wish to see where I stand as far as my writing goes and this seems to be a wonderful place to get a proper critique~



Normally, Attelbee would have stayed as far as humanly possible from Royal Brittania, its towering glass spires casting the visage of a piercing gaze that loomed aloofly above the shattered kingdom below. However, when one was invited to one of the grandest balls in all of the kingdom, it was very hard to decline; though saying that he was invited was a bit of a stretch when in reality he had simply taken the invitation off of a pursuing soldier under the command of the Glass Queen. Still, apples to oranges as he would say. With a wide porcelain mask obscuring his face and the ornately intricate patterns adorning the edges of the mask, their golden shimmer enough to distract any normal person from his finer features, the mage made his way into the city with a smile on his face; though he did take an introspective moment to pull a patch on the side of his brown, tattered jacket before he proceeded too much further. As if some god from above were breathing a blessing upon his clothing, his jacket seemed to ripple and undulate as it changed in both form and size; changing from a ragged brown mess to a black tailcoat tailored from the finest silk...at least that's what people would assume, and he would feel no particular desire to correct them.

With his black vest and white undershirt finally looking at home beneath his new garb along with his tailored satin pants and well polished boots, he reached into the lapel of his coat and drew forth a medium sized black discus. Attelbee stared at it with a perplexed gaze for a few moments before letting out a small "ahhhhhh." of acknowledgement and giving it a sharp snap of his wrist, the action seeming to conjure the top of a top hat from the ether. With a look quite pleased, he placed it atop his head and continued on his way as if this what had just transpired was the most normal thing in the world; though being fair, this was nothing short of a typical weekday for him. What made it slightly different is that now he actually looked well kept rather than like the traveling vagabond he normally was. His dark black hair was straight and pulled back into a proper ponytail, the scattered stubble that usually adorned his face now trimmed to a fine mustache and the smallest trace of hair just underneath the middle of his bottom lip, and his slim frame tucked neatly behind the layers of his clothing, leaving much to the imagination and giving him a slightly more muscular appearance.

It only took him a short time to find his way to the grand mansion the party was taking place at, and in no time at all he was inside. The amount of guests were so numerous that the guards could hardly be bothered to inspect everyone who presented them with an invitation, and with his shining personality at the forefront, it was no surprise that he was allowed in. It wasn't very often Attelbee could say that he got to eat so lavishly, especially seeing as he spent most of his time on the road being pursued; this was a rare treat for him and the excitement fluttering around his stomach from being right under the nose of the woman who wanted him dead made his appetite all the stronger. He dug hard into the hors d'oeuvres being served, though he maintained a casual air about his consumption, not wanting to attract any undue attention before he got to have a little fun. Finally, he grabbed one more finger sandwich as he made his way to the corner of the room to watch the other guests mingle about and dance. He enjoyed a good dance as much as the next person, but he couldn't be too hasty. It took time, patience, and a keen eye to spot the most interesting prospect in the room, a dance was hardly anything if the person on the other end wasn't at least moderately enjoyable to be around after all.

Eventually his eyes settled upon a young woman with curled brown hair reaching down to the middle of her back, her elegant yellow dress fluttering and flowing with her every movement as if a flower were constantly blooming in her wake. She was younger, but the way she took the lead in her dancing told of a woman with some fire in her heart; the grace with which she danced showed wonderful technique that could only be honed through rigorous practice and researching the art heavily. There was no question, she would be his dance partner. With a small smirk, Attelbee made his way onto the dance floor, his movements slow and deliberate, yet no more conspicuous than the next guest as he made his way over to the woman and held out his hand to her. "Madam, if I may request a dance?" His tone was casual, towing a fine line between interest and indifference as he sought to entice her with his playful antics; she herself gave notice of his hand for only a few brief moments before her eyes scanned him from top to bottom. He looked decent enough, and his mannerisms were just intriguing enough to pique her curiosity...surely this man might have at least some character to him rather than the other dullards she'd been forced to dance with over the course of the evening. Eventually, her passive stare seemed to melt into a soft smile, though Attelbee could see the faintest trace of a smirk tug at the edge of her lips as she spoke. "You may good sir, but please do try to keep me entertained."

There was nothing haughty or aloof about her statement. While he tone might be misconstrued as defiant or even rude, Attelbee saw nothing short of an earnest request; something he fully intended to oblige as he gave her a tip of his hat while she lead him onto the dance floor proper. "I shall endeavor to entertain you to the best of my abilities milady." He said, returning her subtle grin with one of his own, a gesture she seemed to appreciate as he found himself pulled into a waltzing stance, his eyes now locked with hers as hazel met emerald. "Please, do see to it, I've been bored witless all evening." she whispered into his ear as their dance began. The comment pulled his grin from the shadows as he began to match her fervor step for step, each movement turning into a sharp game of putting one up on the other until they were weaving a wonderfully complex tapestry across the marble floor. Neither of them said a word, instead choosing to keep their eyes firmly locked on one another as their feet, seemingly pushed on by some unknown force, guided them through the crowd of people until not a person in the room could avert their gaze from them. Their bodies were pressed tightly together, their noses tip to tip, their hearts beating rhythmically within their chests as if they had joined the chorus of instruments which bade them to continue their waltz, their breaths mingling with all of the desire and tension building up between them.

The entire room sat enraptured with their movements, as if it had ceased to be two persons dancing and had transcended a spiritual line into art, even the musicians had begun to cater their cadences to the dancing couple; everything coming to a sharp crescendo as cymbals crashed and the young woman was dipped low to the floor, Attelbee's strong arm keeping her suspended only inches off the floor as he seemed to steal the very breath from her lungs...and then came the booming shout of a guard. "Traitor! A turncoat is believed to be in this room, all attendees must move to the wall and subject themselves to a personal search until this miscreant is found!" Attelbee sighed deeply with a smile as he gave the woman in his arms a truly apologetic look. "It seems our time here has run its course. Perhaps another time madam." With that, he rose sharply and with a soft turn of his wrist, sent his dance partner spiraling into the arms of the nearest bystanding woman as he flung open his coat, aiming it towards the ceiling as if expecting it to call down the hand of god. "Roger, time for a quick exit!" he bellowed as a small noise much like a whip cracking came from within the recesses of his lapel. With little warning, a small spark of light shot from his coat to the top of the large room, the baby lightning bolt that had only seconds ago been napping peacefully let out what by its standards would be an agitated shout; to the residents of the room, this would translate into a blinding flash of light and a booming noise loud enough to shatter the delicate glasses of a nearby table.

By the time the guards had properly recovered, Attelbee was long gone, his slender legs carrying him quickly out of the city with just one more finger sandwich clutched in his hands as he made the quickest of hastes leaving the City of Glass behind him; leaving in his wake a room full of daze and confused guards, and one bewtiched young woman who suddenly felt a need for either a well crafted folding fan or an intense breeze of cold night air.

My dear, good sir. This has just about everything I was looking for. Imagery, character development, well structured, and an absolutely wonderful flow. I must say I did truly enjoy falling into this, and I can only imagine how fast the young woman's heart pounded in her chest. Oh! I say, that was wonderous. There were a few minor syntax errors, a bit of a transition problem in the first two paragraphs. The description of his attire and his dressing seemed a little rushed as well as his escape. Otherwise, well done. I absolutely hope to read more of your works! :)

Things to Keep in Mind:

• Match the pace throughout the entire post.
• Keep up the wonderful imagery.
• Don't change a thing about your character development.
• Do NOT rush the end.
• Love, love love.
• ... Was that... Britania that was mentioned?? *code geass fangirl*

 

[MyImmortalWolf]

By the way, this Scatty isn't the anime version. Other persona entirely. :P

 

[ReaperOfFlames]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'll keep all of those things in mind! As for Royal Britania, that's an idea I've had since high school; it's a rather lavish city on the outside, but hides a rather destitute network of slums with it's towering glass spires and the Glass Citadel, the veritable crown jewel of the city. The city is ruled over by the Glass Queen so...you can see where she might be just a little bit of a narcissist. XD

But I quite enjoy this idea here, even if you're not particularly having problems connecting with characters, the prompts are a good way to keep your skills sharp. Writing, like most skills, can deteriorate with time and lack of practice, so these prompts are a good way to get your mind working. Definitely expect me to continue participating here. :3

 

[MilkNPork]

New to roleplay, I wanna try... ;D

----

Character: Aaron Jareth Dominick

----

Jareth had always loved to socialize with people. So much so, that he never turned down a request whenever a friend would invite him to a party - and this one was no different. Bridget, a younger female friend of his, had asked if he could be her prom date and of course, being the charismatic person he was, he accepted the request without hesitation.

Ever since he had died, Jareth had promised himself to repent, to do good to everyone as a consequence to the grief he caused upon his loved ones. Now that he was a ghost given a second chance, he vowed to never hold back again and to live life to the fullest - something he never did as a living teen who held back for his mere reputation. Now, he was a grown man, taking a fair lady to her promenade.

He stared at his reflection at the glass walls. He didn't look too bad, nor did he stand out much... and that was just the way he wanted to be. He wore a well-pressed coat, with a lush green tie adorning it, as well as slacks and well-shined shoes. He had midnight black hair that extended along shoulder-length and was parted at the center, toppled by mint green eyes that looked around the wide room. Bridget had long gone to chat with her own friends and classmates, and he was left to stand beside the long tables to observe the glamorous surroundings while waiting for his prom date.

"Where's your partner?"

A casual voice snapped his thoughts in half as he looked towards the direction of the voice, and his eyes rested on a man, who surprisingly looked about his age, approaching him. Ragged chocolate locks and smiling blue eyes greeted him. Oh, no. There was no mistaking it; it was Shaun. One of the people he cared about the most when he was alive, his best friend, was now approaching him, and he wasn't supposed to make contact with him, much less let him know who he was and that he was a ghost.

"So? What's a guy like you doing here on the sides of the room?" Shaun asked, coming over to the stupefied male's side. He stopped for a moment and eyed Jareth. "Come to think of it, you look familiar... Have I seen you before?"

"No, no... I would have remembered a face like yours." Jareth responded, nervous and quick as lightning. "I-I mean..."

The brunet chuckled at his stuttering. "That's cute." he remarked. "So why are you here?"

"Oh, I was just invited by a friend." He searched the room for Bridget, not wanting to meet gazes with the boy he used to secretly love. No Bridget was there and all he found were blushing teenagers, and some dancing couples. "The fair lass just needed a date, but I think she's with her friends right now..."

"Heh, same here." Seconds of silence erupted as he paused, probably thinking of what to say. "I'm bored. What's your name?"

"Mm..." Jareth gave a hum of agreement. "Me too." He ignored the question thrown at him. But Shaun waited patiently for an answer, so he decided to use his last name as a fake instead. "Dominick."

"Well, Dominick, I'm Shaun... I have an idea."

He took Jareth's hand and pulled him to the middle of the room before he could protest. Couples danced elegantly around them, the music sending flutters along the ghost's heartstrings. Shaun peered deep into his soul, as if hypnotizing him - and somehow it worked. Before he knew it, they were dancing, taking languid and graceful steps along the marble floor while getting lost in the world beneath each other's bright eyes. A beautiful piano song was playing, and Jareth glanced at the piano at the corner of the room, to see Bridget playing and sending him a wink.

"You remind me of someone I loved." Shaun said. "I really miss him."

Hope bubbled within Jareth's chest. Could it be? "What happened?"

"He died."

Before Jareth knew what he was doing, he pulled the brunet into a gentle kiss, the contact sending sweet sparks down his veins and earning cheers from the crowd around them. He just loved this boy in his arms, and he wasn't going to let him slip away from his fingers ever again - even if he violated the laws of life and met with a person he knew when he was alive, he wasn't about to hold back again.

Because he promised himself to live a life of no regrets.

----

Some critique would be appreciated. :)

 

[Wanderfool]

New to roleplay, I wanna try... ;D

----

Character: Aaron Jareth Dominick

----

Jareth had always loved to socialize with people. So much so, that he never turned down a request whenever a friend would invite him to a party - and this one was no different. Bridget, a younger female friend of his, had asked if he could be her prom date and of course, being the charismatic person he was, he accepted the request without hesitation.

Ever since he had died, Jareth had promised himself to repent, to do good to everyone as a consequence to the grief he caused upon his loved ones. Now that he was a ghost given a second chance, he vowed to never hold back again and to live life to the fullest - something he never did as a living teen who held back for his mere reputation. Now, he was a grown man, taking a fair lady to her promenade.

He stared at his reflection at the glass walls. He didn't look too bad, nor did he stand out much... and that was just the way he wanted to be. He wore a well-pressed coat, with a lush green tie adorning it, as well as slacks and well-shined shoes. He had midnight black hair that extended along shoulder-length and was parted at the center, toppled by mint green eyes that looked around the wide room. Bridget had long gone to chat with her own friends and classmates, and he was left to stand beside the long tables to observe the glamorous surroundings while waiting for his prom date.

"Where's your partner?"

A casual voice snapped his thoughts in half as he looked towards the direction of the voice, and his eyes rested on a man, who surprisingly looked about his age, approaching him. Ragged chocolate locks and smiling blue eyes greeted him. Oh, no. There was no mistaking it; it was Shaun. One of the people he cared about the most when he was alive, his best friend, was now approaching him, and he wasn't supposed to make contact with him, much less let him know who he was and that he was a ghost.

"So? What's a guy like you doing here on the sides of the room?" Shaun asked, coming over to the stupefied male's side. He stopped for a moment and eyed Jareth. "Come to think of it, you look familiar... Have I seen you before?"

"No, no... I would have remembered a face like yours." Jareth responded, nervous and quick as lightning. "I-I mean..."

The brunet chuckled at his stuttering. "That's cute." he remarked. "So why are you here?"

"Oh, I was just invited by a friend." He searched the room for Bridget, not wanting to meet gazes with the boy he used to secretly love. No Bridget was there and all he found were blushing teenagers, and some dancing couples. "The fair lass just needed a date, but I think she's with her friends right now..."

"Heh, same here." Seconds of silence erupted as he paused, probably thinking of what to say. "I'm bored. What's your name?"

"Mm..." Jareth gave a hum of agreement. "Me too." He ignored the question thrown at him. But Shaun waited patiently for an answer, so he decided to use his last name as a fake instead. "Dominick."

"Well, Dominick, I'm Shaun... I have an idea."

He took Jareth's hand and pulled him to the middle of the room before he could protest. Couples danced elegantly around them, the music sending flutters along the ghost's heartstrings. Shaun peered deep into his soul, as if hypnotizing him - and somehow it worked. Before he knew it, they were dancing, taking languid and graceful steps along the marble floor while getting lost in the world beneath each other's bright eyes. A beautiful piano song was playing, and Jareth glanced at the piano at the corner of the room, to see Bridget playing and sending him a wink.

"You remind me of someone I loved." Shaun said. "I really miss him."

Hope bubbled within Jareth's chest. Could it be? "What happened?"

"He died."

Before Jareth knew what he was doing, he pulled the brunet into a gentle kiss, the contact sending sweet sparks down his veins and earning cheers from the crowd around them. He just loved this boy in his arms, and he wasn't going to let him slip away from his fingers ever again - even if he violated the laws of life and met with a person he knew when he was alive, he wasn't about to hold back again.

Because he promised himself to live a life of no regrets.

----

Some critique would be appreciated. :)

Hello there! I am glad that my little ole thread caught your attention! As for your post, the content was there but the syntax, spelling, and grammar was lacking. Never fear though, in all good time these things will improve. Remember that as you post, do not just send it in right away! Look over what you have written, and read it a good many times. You are your biggest judge, and I swear by this. Always try and find four things wrong with your spelling the first time. The second time try and find three grammar errors. The third find two things that can really truly go without saying. Finally, read the entire post and find one or two sentences that can be completely redone for a more powerful impact. Also there was something... odd about the mannerisms your characters used in comparison to others. As what I assume is one of your first posts before many, I will say that you have some untapped talent. Just take your time, if the idea doesn't truly strike anything true in your mind... do not force it. Writing is a natural talent that anyone can improve on! I wish you all the best!

Things to keep in mind

• The flow of your post
• Make sure your central idea is strong and pronounced
• Spelling and grammar must stay true
• Do not shove too many ideas into one post
• Keep your characters organic and relatable
• Keep up the wonderful work!
• I love the basis of your idea here~
• Please please write for me some more one day!

 

[Wanderfool]

Excercise #4
April 21, 2014

"Summer Days"

The warmth from the sun burning into every home on the block. The sound of box fans in every window, the cold perspiration dripping from every AC hanging from windows. Cicada singing their haunting sound as students are released from their respective schools. This is the season of the burning sun, and crystalline waters that every soul wishes to pierce and find something to sate the heat. What will you be doing this summer?
​

Hello again everyone who has any remote interest in this little character development area! I know my exercises have been few and far in between, and I apologize for that. There really is no good excuse for it, but I would have liked to see more posts for the excercises that have been posted in the past. None the less, my excitement for the encroaching summer must be satisfied some how! Next to fall, summer is my absolute favorite season. The freedom and fire of the summer months are exciting alone, mixed with flings and midnight bonfires. Its absolutely delicious! So write for me! What is your character doing in the summertime?

In-Writing-Editing-Tip (IWET)
After you have finished writing a post, try the following steps to really get into editing your post.​

• First time, check for four spelling errors.

• Second time, check for three grammatical mistakes.

• Third time, find two things in your post that can really be left unsaid.

• Finally, find one or two sentence to completely revamp for a more powerful impact.

Things to Keep in Mind:

• Pay close attention to your spelling and grammar

• Rough drafts people!

• It is summer... bring on the heat!

• I cannot stress organic characters enough, make them real.

• Summer activities

• Friendship, romance, or even hard ship.

• Summer Memories?

• Give me good flow.

• Try and use this exercise's key word at least once in your writing.

Key-word for this Exercise
Hot-Air Balloon​

​

 

[MyImmortalWolf]

Acacia
I meet up with my two younger siblings outside school, having raced outside only moments after the bell rung. I hang around near our horses, searching the crowd of elementary-school midgets for my blond brother and raven-haired sister, pushing my long, dark hair out of my face the whole while. I finally spot the two dashing towards me, enormous grins on their mischievous faces, both of them chattering at once, too fast for me to understand.

"Whoa, slow down." I say with a slight grin. "One at a time." My brother, Jon-paul, groans and pulls himself up bareback on Fallon, our leopard Appaloosa gelding, then reaches down and hauls up Yanaha, my sister. I untie him from the fence rail and pass the reins up to Jon before untying Kai and heaving myself on to her broad, bare spotted back, her bay blanket coat warm against the tanned skin of my legs. I tug down the edges of my shorts then gather up the reins in one hand and give her a nudge with my heels. She tosses her head but picks up a fast walk and I hear Cochise following a moment later as I turn a half circle and get on to the dirt road that leads home. We pick up a nice jog and my siblings and I ride side by side, chatting about the rodeo in a few days, the work that needs to be done, who's having bonfires on the reservation, whatever comes to mind and for a while, it's just free, easy, and fun. We slow to a walk when we're almost home and go straight down to the barn to hose off the two horses before we go up to the house to face the monster that's taken over our mother.

"Do you guys want to go see the hot-air balloons this year?" I ask as the cool water from the hose splashes off the horses and drips down our legs, and I get a resounding yes. New Mexico always has the best hot-air balloon festival, and now that I have my driver's license, I can take the kids to the nearby Albuquerque in my beat-up old pickup to see the multitude of beautiful, fun, and occasionally tacky colors of the whole festival.

 

[MyImmortalWolf]

Thanks for making these Rosie. So useful for fleshing out characters I've recently created, getting my older characters to cooperate, and overall just working on my writing without worrying about irate RP buddies. XD