Character Therapy

[Wanderfool]

Character Therapy

​

Welcome!

Ever have days something like this:

You: Come on, just do this one thing for me.
Character: No.
You: But, why not?
Character: *in pouty corner*
You: What is it now?
Character: You just don't understand me!

Well, it happens to the best of us. That moment when you just cannot connect with your character and your other game partners are all judging you evilly. Its as if your character is conspiring your downfall in the Roleplaying community. But you have no need to fear! It may be time for a little character therapy!

Introduction

Hello there, Rosie here. No Ms. or Mrs. needed, after all I am just one of you! Except I am a Mentor I suppose, which honestly is just an honorary title. But if you would like to call me Dr. Rosie, that is perfectly okay! Anyways! This thread is all abooout... Character Development/Conditioning! Now I know what you are thinking... "I already know my character, what could you possibly offer me?" Well I offer you my guidance! Whether you take it or otherwise is up to you!

As I have been roleplaying for the past few years, I have had my own troubles connecting with my characters. I have quite the extensive character graveyard who I killed off because I just cant connect with them anymore ("It wasn't you! Well maybe..."). Maybe even you have been victim to inconsistency, haven't noticed it in your characters, or you are completely lost and are wondering how you ended up here. Nevertheless, I have figured a way to fix this. As I have been growing as a hardcore RPer I have noticed that it helps tremendously so if you just step away from the whole planning and skeleton making and just play! That's right! Play! How on earth can you know your character if you've never wrote about them making a bed, or cooking a meal, or even taking a shower?

These simple things that you do on a daily basis help for being able to relate to your fictitious muse. If they are that really special kind of magical then these exercises can help you relate to them as a more normal character. Someone who you can see yourself meeting or even being. Its time to strap down and ground that character with wings or mind reading abilities. We love our characters, and we really don't want to delete them, especially since sometimes you may not be playing their full potential. Every character is special and precious, and sometimes you just need to understand them a little more. Its worth a shot yeah?

Giving up?
Sick of it?
Find yourself stressing over a post more than enjoying it?

Its time for some character therapy!

My Vision

When I first thought of this idea, I had already known that I wanted to carry it out. I hadn't had the same access to these character exercises and if they had been available I sure hadn't been able to find them! I hope to end your search for good "prompts" and help you in saving the lives of some of your characters, and maybe even making them into something you had no idea they could be!

Save a character's life and take them to therapy.

How it Works

Each week I am going to post a new exercise with details about the setting and general idea. You can use these exercises to your own discretion. You can even create a random character for each one, though that may not be the most conventional way of using CHARACTER THERAPY. There are no limits to these exercises, just as there is no limit to your imagination. I am just offering ways of playing with your character without any specific plot or heavy themes. As a mentor I have a passion to guide, so if you post it somewhere with a link please reply below with that link or if you are super brave then post it here! I would be glad to review it for you, and give you tips only if you ask! I am always available for help and will never turn you away if you have a sincere question.

Concerning other Mentors and Professors:
Please feel free to pitch in as well! Second opinions are always beneficial on posts that ask for a review!

Rules

Now to cover a few of the basic rules, please read them and avoid getting scolded or looking silly because you were unaware. Ignorance is not bliss I assure you.

• Please do not copy my format, I put a lot of work in making this thread aesthetically pleasing for your benefit.
• This is not an OOC thread, so take the chatting elsewhere!
• Please do not copy my ideas, I put twice as much work into thinking up things for you guys.
• Follow the dates that the exercises are posted. If you would like me to review a post of yours for an earlier post please PM it to me in the following format:
  • Name of Post
  • Date of Post
  • Your content
• Spam is forbidden here.
• Do not put down other's posts
• Any content here can be read, from time to time I will post my own examples, but do not copy, or make any negative comments about any of the content. Or you will be judged swiftly and severely.
• Use your imagination and limitless creativity!
• Please submit any suggestions or ideas to me, you will be credited!

Staff

Dr. Rosie
"The Original Princess"

Three year Roleplayer, who enjoys kittens and coffee.
Knows all the ups and downs of Roleplaying, and is
considered a character serial killer in some
roleplaying communities. Always willing and ready to
help!

 

[Wanderfool]

Exercise #1
January 16, 2014

"Dreams"
​

Dreaming is something we all do at night, when your head has hit the pillow and you begin to drift off to that lovely warm fuzzy place in your mind and you begin to dream of your own personal wonderland. Or maybe that place is darker, filled with grim shadows and terrifying whispers. Even still you may even have livid dreaming in which you are in control. Even still you dream, even if you cannot remember it at all.

In this exercise, you can write a post short or long about your character dreaming. There is no restriction on the type of dream they can have, so long as its creative and comes from your own head.

Things to keep in mind:

• If you so choose, your character can have a dream flashback.
• Since the dream is a dream, it can be as out there as you like.
• Make sure to keep with the theme of "Dreams", Don't Stray!
• Have fun, don't stress! Its therapy~

Dreaming in Satin

My Example

The bed was warm, and welcoming as Natalie sunk into the plushness of her favorite velvety duvet. After training for hours on end, she was ready to relax. Shining brown hair still slightly damp from her shower, she combed it out preparing for a good night's rest without interruption. It was also the weekend, which meant she had no particular time to wake up in the morning Thank the gods. Setting the comb on the night stand she reached under the lampshade and pulled the small chain that turned off the warm yellow light.

Finally, the room was washed in darkness as she kicked up her legs and settled into the warmth of her blankets. Clean, fulfilled, and sleepy, half of Natalie hoped that she would seep into oblivion until the sun rose. The other half hoped that she would see Michael again. His chesnut hair, his deep hazel eyes... He was so handsome. After he had left her high and dry, she still held onto the memories of him and this in turn, gave her dreams of him. This was enough for her to still hold on to the faith she had in him to return. Even though it wasn't possible after everything that had happened.

Eyes becoming heavier, she found herself drifting into that grey area of exhaustion. The pulling of sleep. Then she found herself in the middle of a heavily wooded area. The trees were so tall and so close to each other that it was as if they were an impenetrable wall. Trapping her. A slow drip of fear began in her veins as she realized it was that dream again. Balling her fists up at her leg, she slowly began to approach a tree that had a note attached to it.

The paper was heavy creamy paper that read "Find me". Natalie balled up the paper and yelled into the woods, "Not tonight. Please. Dont!" Her voice was pleading. Somewhere in the woods a voice cackled eerily, sending shivers up Natalie's spine. Heart already pounding she ran her hands over the tree that had originally held the note.

She had to get out of this dream.

​

 

[Mistress]

Charles gently closed the door behind him and saw that the bedroom he chose earlier was less inviting at night as it had been when daylight poured through the windows. To think this was to be his sanctuary for the entire summer. Defeated, he dropped his shirt and pants on the floor and sluggishly moved towards the bed. He did not care about the clothes still packed in his luggage lying in the middle of the room, nor did he care about neighbors seeing him in his monkey-printed boxers (he had forgotten that he had no neighbors). All that mattered was the isolation his bed promised. At last, he was far away from all that he harmed and harmed him back. There was only him, the bed, and the creepy bedroom covered in sinister moonlight. And even the daunting bedroom would lose its meaning in a short while when he'll be drowning himself in dreams.​

​

And drown, he did. Down into an aquatic oblivion, he found himself falling but he had no desire to resist. To him, there was nowhere he wanted to be, and there was nowhere he did not want to be. He was lost, he knew. And, so what? So, Charles continued falling.​

​

Like a gradual pulsing, a voice, silky and soft, called out to him in the dark. "Charles," it whispered. "Charles." He felt his heart pause while he listened to the voice. "Charles, you're lost."​

​

Gee, thanks for stating the obvious, his thoughts sounded too loud in the infinite space. I figured that one hours ago.​

​

The voice did not lose its lustre from his rudeness. "Charles, you're lost," it repeated patiently. "Be un-lost."​

​

All of a sudden, Charles was thrown away with the force of a giant's slap. He rolled over and over for a long while before he slowed to a halt and found himself once again lying face down on his bed with nothing but his pathetic boxers. At least this time, his bedroom welcomed him with the comfort of dawn.​

 

[Jennifer.exe]

Natalia flopped onto her bed, not even bothering to change her clothes. She was exhausted after a long day of training. She slipped under her covers and laid her head on her pillow. Immediately, she fell into a deep sleep and began to dream.

In her dream, she was at an old family style restaurant with her parents. A server came up with some food for her parents and said that Natalia's food would be out in a moment. Her mother ate a salad with wilted lettuce and old slimy tomatoes, and her father ate a rotten steak. Her parents refused to look at her and ate in silence.

Finally, her food came. It was a bowl of beef stew with a green face in it. Its eyes were closed and it seemed to be sleeping. Natalia tried to scream but she didn't have a voice. The face in the stew then started to speak in her mother's voice "Natalia? Natalia? Where are you honey?!". The face then opened its eyes and stared right at her. The voice became warped as it said "Why did you leave Natalia, why did you leave? Why did you leave?! WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!" The voice of the face drowned out other sounds in the restaurant. Then it suddenly became silent and she could hear the ticking of a clock, it sounded as if it was getting closer, and closer, and closer, and-

Natalia woke up with a gasp and whimpered. She grabbed the picture of her parents from her nightstand and clutched it to her chest. She cried softly. She knew she should have never have ran away.

(I would LOVE some critique, if you don't mind. :) )

 

[Wanderfool]

Natalia flopped onto her bed, not even bothering to change her clothes. She was exhausted after a long day of training. She slipped under her covers and laid her head on her pillow. Immediately, she fell into a deep sleep and began to dream.

In her dream, she was at an old family style restaurant with her parents. A server came up with some food for her parents and said that Natalia's food would be out in a moment. Her mother ate a salad with wilted lettuce and old slimy tomatoes, and her father ate a rotten steak. Her parents refused to look at her and ate in silence.

Finally, her food came. It was a bowl of beef stew with a green face in it. Its eyes were closed and it seemed to be sleeping. Natalia tried to scream but she didn't have a voice. The face in the stew then started to speak in her mother's voice "Natalia? Natalia? Where are you honey?!". The face then opened its eyes and stared right at her. The voice became warped as it said "Why did you leave Natalia, why did you leave? Why did you leave?! WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!" The voice of the face drowned out other sounds in the restaurant. Then it suddenly became silent and she could hear the ticking of a clock, it sounded as if it was getting closer, and closer, and closer, and-

Natalia woke up with a gasp and whimpered. She grabbed the picture of her parents from her nightstand and clutched it to her chest. She cried softly. She knew she should have never have ran away.

(I would LOVE some critique, if you don't mind. :) )

Yay! Well Jennifer, I do love the content in the post. I actually wish that you had put a little more into it, just as I was beginning to connect and feel sympathetic to our Natalia she woke up! One thing I will say is that the detail was lacking ever so slightly. As you go on about her training, reflect a little more into her mind. Give me some thoughts! Over all it was a 6.5 on a scale of 10!

Things to Approve Upon:

• Details, capture and hold the reader
• Thoughts, introspective party.
• Length, ranting can sometimes be... Therapeutic *ba dum tss*
• Watch the choppy sentences, use transition words and commas to help flow

Keep up the good work kitten! ^.^

xoxo
Rosie

 

[Wanderfool]

My most Sincerest Apologies for dissappearing and breaking my promise for weekly updates. I am really truly sorry so I will be trying to make it up to you guys with wicked amazing prompts!

Exercise # 2
February 14, 2014
(( Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! ))

"First Love"

There they stand. The apple of your eye, and you know that in this moment that they are the one. The one that every song, movie, and book contains. When the main character falls for that single being, fast or slow, never the less they are the one. Their smile. Their drowning worthy eyes. That stupid little laugh. All of it. All of them. They are your first love.
​

As a ode to the Lover's day, cupid, and all things romantic. This exercise begs for that whimsical or passionate romance that your character feels for another. Maybe even themselves, Narcissists welcome too! Psycho love, puppy love, awkward love, if its first love its place is here!

Things to keep in mind:​

• Details focused on emotions and Thoughts
• The other character's traits that your character is fixated upon
• Past?
• Surroundings
• Physical Changes (clammy hands? hummingbird heart beat?)
• LOTS of introverted point of views
• Make me love the other character
• Stay Organic!
• Remember FIRST LOVE
• Please Keep it clean!

 

[Jennifer.exe]

Gah, I am terribly with writing things that have to do with love because i'm not a huge romantic type person....I don't think I can do this exercise .-.

 

[Wanderfool]

It can't hurt to attempt!

This is a Judgement free zone! Only Learning and Creativity allowed!

*clears throat*

I am here to help!

 

[Jennifer.exe]

Okay, okay....I'll do it... But keep in mind that this is my first attempt at writing a crush.... OOOH I JUST GOT AN IDEA ABOUT WHO TO WRITE IT ABOUT! Okay, working on it now.

 

[Wanderfool]

^.^ Goodie Goodie!

 

[Jennifer.exe]

(Note that Selt Koge is kind of like an evil wizard who has powers based around duplicating himself, poisoning others, and getting information from someone just by touching their forehead. Also note that Natalia is a magical person who can talk to ghosts and can use their powers to her advantage. Critique would be appreciated! )


Selt. Selt Koge. It was all she ever thought about anymore. Natalia could picture him in her mind, a tangible thought of mixed feelings and uncertainty. His light brown eyes that seemed to pierce your very being as he calculated how much of a threat you are. His stark black hair hanging carelessly in front of his eyes.

He was a villain. He was a threat. He was the enemy...and yet...he was who Natalia Freed had a crush on. She remembered first seeing him, or rather his clone. Her friends had already defeated him, and the clone sat underneath a tree. She was in a blazing fury, too angry to notice the simple fact that the clone was already dying. She yelled at him, telling him not to mess with her. He had a small gas mask on. But she could feel him grinning at her. She later learned that he wore the gas mask to protect himself from the poisonous gas that he filled rooms with. They called it... Agent Black.

If only she knew that earlier. She was sitting in the Headmistress' office. The Academy was being attacked and she was trying to shake this odd feeling she had. The feeling that she was being watched. She heard a soft whisper, telling her that Selt was there. She went over by the door. She started smelling something odd. The smell was faint, but it got stronger and stronger. It was bittersweet and it oddly smelled like almonds. She took a deeper breath. She didn't know what it was, but she liked the smell. Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain starting at her chest and then spreading throughout her entire body. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she fell unconscious.

Selt had tried to kill her, and for some odd reason it just made her want him more.

(Sorry if it was too much plot and not enough lovey stuff. I'm not good at that.)

 

[Wanderfool]

(Note that Selt Koge is kind of like an evil wizard who has powers based around duplicating himself, poisoning others, and getting information from someone just by touching their forehead. Also note that Natalia is a magical person who can talk to ghosts and can use their powers to her advantage. Critique would be appreciated! )


Selt. Selt Koge. It was all she ever thought about anymore. Natalia could picture him in her mind, a tangible thought of mixed feelings and uncertainty. His light brown eyes that seemed to pierce your very being as he calculated how much of a threat you are. His stark black hair hanging carelessly in front of his eyes.

He was a villain. He was a threat. He was the enemy...and yet...he was who Natalia Freed had a crush on. She remembered first seeing him, or rather his clone. Her friends had already defeated him, and the clone sat underneath a tree. She was in a blazing fury, too angry to notice the simple fact that the clone was already dying. She yelled at him, telling him not to mess with her. He had a small gas mask on. But she could feel him grinning at her. She later learned that he wore the gas mask to protect himself from the poisonous gas that he filled rooms with. They called it... Agent Black.

If only she knew that earlier. She was sitting in the Headmistress' office. The Academy was being attacked and she was trying to shake this odd feeling she had. The feeling that she was being watched. She heard a soft whisper, telling her that Selt was there. She went over by the door. She started smelling something odd. The smell was faint, but it got stronger and stronger. It was bittersweet and it oddly smelled like almonds. She took a deeper breath. She didn't know what it was, but she liked the smell. Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain starting at her chest and then spreading throughout her entire body. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she fell unconscious.

Selt had tried to kill her, and for some odd reason it just made her want him more.

(Sorry if it was too much plot and not enough lovey stuff. I'm not good at that.)

Well I do love the complexity you have established, there was a bit of a headless chicken effect in your post. The content was good, but the execution was off. I think that maybe you need to take a little more time in your posts. Really connect with your characters. You gave me plenty of backstory that had plenty of potential, but I missed the present fluttering of Natalia's love for Selt. Maybe you can continue on with that post? Give me more build? I dont love Selt but I want to! ^.^ Its not as much about the lovey stuff, but the completion of a good tastefully romantic post!

Things to Improve upon:

• Details Details Details~
• Follow through with posts.
• Follow through with transitions
• Careful, don't get too jumpy.

 

[Mistress]

What a wonderful night it had turned out to be!

He and I had conquered the quiet streets of Paris and made it our very own playground. We ran mindlessly through the dimmest of alleys, unfearing. We stumbled upon travelling gypsies and danced along their merry notes for the dead. He dared me to steal a policeman's hat and he wore it to keep his ears warm the rest of the night. We laughed and we chased and we held each other's hands because it was meant to be.

Only my mask hinted where we had escaped just hours ago. Halloween celebrations were unheard of back then, but a few Celts dined especially for Samhain. That night, I was the green demon spirit while he was the young innocent boy I had stolen from his bedroom after dusk came.

The chocolate fondue and strawberry shortcakes had our blood rushing dizzyingly, sweetly. From out of the blue, he wished that we both be higher than how we felt. La Tour Eiffel hadn't been built then, so instead, I dragged him up a church's bell tower which had just rung midnight. We had caused so much ruckus; until now, I can't figure out how we managed to get up there without getting caught. But, then, we cared for little else. To us, there were only him, and me, and the whole of Paris waiting at the top of the stairs.

Once there, we absorbed the majesty before us. C'est magnifique ! The view beside me was just as entrancing. From behind my mask, I watched him caress the soft breeze kissing his cheeks. It filled my heart with such unfamiliar longing. He was so beautiful in his incompleteness. Why can't I ever be that beautiful? When he asked, I described the city before our feet. "I see as many lights down below as the stars above us. But the twinkling in our streets is much warmer. The buildings, too. They look like mere play things on your bedroom."

My voice had become so soft; I was afraid he could hear my heart flutter wildly in my chest. That would have been embarrassing. After all, he was just shy of thirteen while I, a hundred years older. Even in physical form, I looked sixteen, at least. An awkward pause ensued. Their teasings and adventures had seemed so long ago. I watched him blush when his hand found its way to mine. Can you blame me if I had blushed as well?

"Your hands are cold," he blurted out. "But I don't mind." Grateful, I held his tighter. Reassured, he added, "Will you let me see you, now?" I stiffened at his request. He must've felt it! He must have, but he didn't care. Without my guidance, he fumbled towards me, feeling my shoulders, my waves of dark, silky hair pouring down my pale neck. It was all could do not to scream and push him away. A lump in my throat told me that I was near tears.

Gradually, he found his way on the knotted ribbon which tied my mask in place underneath my hair. The faint smell of strawberry on his cheeks washed away some of my fears. Then, gently, he took off the green demon spirit I had been hiding in. Somehow, it seemed like I had been hiding behind it for years and years. It felt like layers upon layers of dresses fell away from me. I was naked and vulnerable, under the mercy of a ten-year-old boy. But I was lighter, too, and warmer as if I were truly alive.

But the worst has yet to pass. His tiny fingers delicately swept through the blank canvass of my face. He started on my cheeks, round and plain. He hesitated on the place where my lips should have been. Then, he shivered when he found my nose had no holes. When reached my eyes, and discovered I had none, he wept.

"If I had an expression, I'd cry along with you," I forced the strength in my words, but nothing could have braced me from what he did next. Even after knowing the monstrosity that I was, he gathered me in his skinny arms, still weeping and whispered the words I would carry for the rest of my eternal life: Je t'aime, he said. Je t'aime. His words were the incantation of an ancient spell to which all my masks perished within me. I was reborn. I was weak. And I clung to him because he was my first, and I wanted badly that he be my last.
​

---
I am in love with Character Therapy.
Please,
keep it up.

 

[Wanderfool]

What a wonderful night it had turned out to be!

He and I had conquered the quiet streets of Paris and made it our very own playground. We ran mindlessly through the dimmest of alleys, unfearing. We stumbled upon travelling gypsies and danced along their merry notes for the dead. He dared me to steal a policeman's hat and he wore it to keep his ears warm the rest of the night. We laughed and we chased and we held each other's hands because it was meant to be.

Only my mask hinted where we had escaped just hours ago. Halloween celebrations were unheard of back then, but a few Celts dined especially for Samhain. That night, I was the green demon spirit while he was the young innocent boy I had stolen from his bedroom after dusk came.

The chocolate fondue and strawberry shortcakes had our blood rushing dizzyingly, sweetly. From out of the blue, he wished that we both be higher than how we felt. La Tour Eiffel hadn't been built then, so instead, I dragged him up a church's bell tower which had just rung midnight. We had caused so much ruckus; until now, I can't figure out how we managed to get up there without getting caught. But, then, we cared for little else. To us, there were only him, and me, and the whole of Paris waiting at the top of the stairs.

Once there, we absorbed the majesty before us. C'est magnifique ! The view beside me was just as entrancing. From behind my mask, I watched him caress the soft breeze kissing his cheeks. It filled my heart with such unfamiliar longing. He was so beautiful in his incompleteness. Why can't I ever be that beautiful? When he asked, I described the city before our feet. "I see as many lights down below as the stars above us. But the twinkling in our streets is much warmer. The buildings, too. They look like mere play things on your bedroom."

My voice had become so soft; I was afraid he could hear my heart flutter wildly in my chest. That would have been embarrassing. After all, he was just shy of thirteen while I, a hundred years older. Even in physical form, I looked sixteen, at least. An awkward pause ensued. Their teasings and adventures had seemed so long ago. I watched him blush when his hand found its way to mine. Can you blame me if I had blushed as well?

"Your hands are cold," he blurted out. "But I don't mind." Grateful, I held his tighter. Reassured, he added, "Will you let me see you, now?" I stiffened at his request. He must've felt it! He must have, but he didn't care. Without my guidance, he fumbled towards me, feeling my shoulders, my waves of dark, silky hair pouring down my pale neck. It was all could do not to scream and push him away. A lump in my throat told me that I was near tears.

Gradually, he found his way on the knotted ribbon which tied my mask in place underneath my hair. The faint smell of strawberry on his cheeks washed away some of my fears. Then, gently, he took off the green demon spirit I had been hiding in. Somehow, it seemed like I had been hiding behind it for years and years. It felt like layers upon layers of dresses fell away from me. I was naked and vulnerable, under the mercy of a ten-year-old boy. But I was lighter, too, and warmer as if I were truly alive.

But the worst has yet to pass. His tiny fingers delicately swept through the blank canvass of my face. He started on my cheeks, round and plain. He hesitated on the place where my lips should have been. Then, he shivered when he found my nose had no holes. When reached my eyes, and discovered I had none, he wept.

"If I had an expression, I'd cry along with you," I forced the strength in my words, but nothing could have braced me from what he did next. Even after knowing the monstrosity that I was, he gathered me in his skinny arms, still weeping and whispered the words I would carry for the rest of my eternal life: Je t'aime, he said. Je t'aime. His words were the incantation of an ancient spell to which all my masks perished within me. I was reborn. I was weak. And I clung to him because he was my first, and I wanted badly that he be my last.
​

---
I am in love with Character Therapy.
Please,
keep it up.

*is trying desperately to regain composure*

My. God.
That post is Godless. I swear to the great heavens above that this was absolutely beautiful. It was a true work of art and I could not possibly keep this to myself! You are just so...

*wipes away tears*

I am honored that you have used the prompts I have provided so far. Honored I tell you.

 

[Nitsua43]

(I'm using a character from a zombie apocalypse role play. I want to recycle the back story, but leave out the zombies.)
The forest seemed darker in the rain. It poured down in buckets, drenching everything in its path. The trees seemed to be crying, water falling down in gentle streams onto the ground. Flowers drooped over in procession, their petals hiding themselves from the storm. And I'm caught in the dang center! The deluge of ice water from the sky soured Brendan's mood, as he was barely able to hold shelter next to a large oak tree. The tarp held up by twigs suppressed the water, but it had holes. Not much got through, but it was just enough to dampen the hiker. He silently cursed mother nature for the rain, for ruining a fine hike, and mostly for leaving him so bored. Brendan thought simply keeping dry would be enough, but enough rain slowly convinced him it was futile effort.

Brendan turned his head to focus on his backpack, trying to remember what he packed. Playing cards, old magazine, dead iPod, jeez what else? His bored hands soon dug through the bag, seeking the unknown. All they recovered were exactly what he remembered, sinking his mood even more. I could have sworn I'd brought more! What the heck was I thinking? None of this crap is even remotely useful! Brendan's hands dug a second time, finding toiletries, soiled trunks, pocket change, and ... something metal. His hands darted out of the back when brushing against it, like dogs fleeing a catcher. Brendan rolled over in his head while he fished the metal thing out. Can't be the lighter... that's in the front... maybe a mint tin? Brendan finally found it again, snatching it before it was lost again. His hands unfolded to reveal a blue harmonica.

What the...? This old thing? I thought I tossed it... The blue metal lump in his hands felt colder than the rain besieging his fortress, as it was unused in years. I haven't even touched this thing since Travis kis... NO! I refuse to remember that, now of all times! Not after... too painful... Brendan cradled the wretched harmonica in his hands fearing the man who played it, but missing his hands even more. Why is that the thing I miss more? His hands were always so rough. Every time he tried to hold my hand, it felt like a belt sander. No matter how many times I pulled back, he refused to let go. Hell, half the time he'd just squeeze harder and say 'Sorry, but it's so good to meetcha, Mistah J!' The odd memory brought a faint smile to Brendan's pale face. His cheeks burned as a lone teardrop fell, careening down to his chin and falling to the dry leaves underfoot.

The rain showed no signs of letting up, mother nature's fury in full force. The shelter teetered with the wind, holding up only on a fragile base. Brendan was now lost in time, his only way to pass the time now. Oh gawd, I remember that time in the hotel. The way he carried me two feet into the reception. He grunted with each step, complaining loudly. "When did you get so fat! After we go home, Your butt's hittin' the gym! By now Brendan was laughing, at himself and that cheesy smile Travis flashed so often. I was so mad over that joke. I yelled even after he put me down. "Last time I checked, you were heavier one, ya jackass! No matter how I got, or how red I turned, he merely laughed at me. It only pissed me off more.

At this point he was laughing, heartily and loudly. All the memories came flooding back. All the laughs they shared. How about the time he sat in the fire ant hill out back. His eyes watered like a broken faucet. Travis never ran so fast to the house! All the triumphs. I remember when he introduced me to his Mom. She was a nasty old bat, even when we just started dating. She called both of us names the moment we walked in. "What are you faggots doin' in mah home! Ya'll didn' even wipe ya feet off at the door, didja?" It drove me up the wall the way he catered to her, even when she was a total bitch. He claimed she had dementia, which we later found was true. I couldn't stand the sight of her for years. At Travis' insistence, I guess she grew on me. Eventually the word faggot was like a polite greeting.

As the rain plummeted at the furious command of nature, the shelter was on its last leg. Brendan could have fixed it, but he was long gone down memory lane. The twigs holding up the tarp snapped from the weight of the pooled rain. Travis... why did you leave me? I told you to drive carefully, but you had to speed. It was your recklessness that killed you. Not my arguing! No matter how distant I felt, you brought me back! You were the only man I could open up to, and you died. You left me when I needed you most! The pool hit Brendan off guard. The cold felt like liquid ice smacking him down. His face hit the mud, more water flowing into his clothes. Brendan struggled against the weight, battling the pure fury of nature. Brendan dug himself out with his busy hands, and shouted towards the sky. His voice was heavy with quilt and grief, beating out all other noise. " I'm sorry! I tried to wrestle the keys, but you insisted on driving! I'm sorry I couldn't move in with you! I wasn't ready! I thought you would reject me, so I pushed you away! I never realized how I took you for granted! Now I see and I'm so sorry!"

Brendan collapsed against the tree, tears flooding his face just as much as the rain. It made a strange combination that only served to remind him of Travis. His gentle, calloused hands that held me... His sweet smell from chewing gum nonstop... The way he always tried to comfort him, no regard to how many times I shoved him away... I never knew how much I'd miss him until now. The rain finally settled into a dreary, cloudy sheet after hours of. It covered the blue sky above the trees, trying to block the sun, which still shone through. Brendan gathered his things once the weather let up. His bag was soggy, everything inside ruined. Despite this, a smile seemed painted on his face. Brendan walked back through the path, with a little pep in his wet steps. His hands clung to the old harmonica like a child promising to never let go. He made it back to the entrance of the forest, feeling smooth and calm. Brendan looked back down the dark path, smiling still from the new feeling. He whispered a goodbye before leaving, pledging to never forget the good times and the bad.

 

[SpitefulGengar]

The night in the forest was cool and moist, dew from the tall trees still quietly dripping on the earth below giving the huddled group of explorers soothing relief from the dry heat that had plagued the day. The grey clouds were breaking apart in the sky, blessing their camp with light from the full moon. The breeze carried the rich smell of the earth and flowers. Kelsey took a deep breath and shuddered in delight. The night was so still, not even the crickets or birds were out to sing. The peace was almost overwhelming, especially after that past few nights on the move after their meeting with the earth dragon. Kelsey looked over to his childhood friend, Shawn and smiled, rubbing her shoulders as he said softly "Morgan should return soon." She turned and gave him a grateful smile, but quickly turned away looking back to the ground.

Kelsey grew concerned for her, wondering how she was adjusting to her new found power. As he was about to ask, the sound of soft footfalls distracted his thought as Morgan appeared at the edge of camp with his usual swagger. Kelsey felt his heart skip a beat as he swallowed. It was hard not to watch him. Wherever he went, eyes seemed to follow him. He was indeed handsome, but his personality made his near perfect beauty smudged. He had an ego that towered the gods and a sharp intellect that made everyone else dull in comparison. It seemed impossible how a human being could be blessed with such good traits.

Kelsey felt a frown crease brow as he thought about it. He had to have some diminishing quality, he supposed. But as he ogled at him, he felt his face flush. He was impossible, but his charm was undeniable. He watched as Morgan placed the bags on the ground to tie them up and hoist them away from the wildlife as he said softly "I found a small spring nearby and filled our water jugs." Kelsey blinked slowly, nearly missing his statement, taken by smooth velvety sound of his voice. At the last moment, he nodded and thanked him. Morgan frowned and snapped "Were you even listening?" Kelsey sneered at him and snapped "Yes, your highness." Morgan smirked and gave a small chuckle as he muttered "How cute." Before he turned and said "I'm going to bathe in the spring." He completed his task and began to walk back off into the forest.

Kelsey watched him as he walked away, almost longingly as he vanished into the trees. A few moments passed before Shawn broke Kelsey's stupor, saying quietly "You may go bathe too, if you wish." Kelsey looked back to Shawn and asked "But what about you?" Shawn fiddled with the ground before she said "I will watch the camp until you return. I will be fine." She tried to force a small smile, but ended up looking unconvincing. Kelsey looked over her, about to question her further but she turned and snapped quickly "I just want to be alone." Kelsey drew away from her, shocked by her unusual behavior, but complying with her demand as he stood and began to wander off in the direction Morgan had walked in.

Kelsey wandered for an unknown amount of time, until the area became misty, and the sound of splashing echoed in the distance. As the mist grew, it became harder to see in front of him, holding his hands in front of in an attempt to steer himself away from obstacles. He walked a few more paces without bumping into anything, just as he wondered when he would reach the edge of the water; he plunged into a heated pool of water, sinking to the depths before he willed himself to swim upward, gasping and hacking as his head breached the surface of the water he splashed around, trying to blink the water from his eyes. What he saw when his vision cleared nearly caused him to drown again.

Morgan was floating in the middle of the spring, his alabaster skin glistening from moisture, his deep violet blue eyes staring at him in what looked to be a mix of concern, confusion and amusement. Kelsey finally began to float as he looked at Morgan's honey blonde hair drip as he reared his head back and began to laugh heartily. Kelsey felt his face burn as he contemplated just letting himself drown as he sunk in shame, trying to swim his way back to shore to go plan some other form of suicide because drowning would be uncomfortable. As he crawled up on shore, his auburn hair clinging to his face as he sputtered, Morgan asked "How do you manage to completely embarrass yourself daily?" this only made Kelsey more self-conscious as he tried to wring out his clothes, sniffling to himself.

He cursed Morgan in his head for being so impeccable, so graceful and smooth. He couldn't win and not somehow lose. He had always been awkward and being around Morgan only made him realize exactly how awkward he was. He ignored the slow splashing behind him until he felt the back of his shirt being grabbed and yanked back into the water. With a huge splash he fell back into the spring and when he came up for air to yell at Morgan, he was faced with the fact that the man he loved was no more than two inches away from him naked as the day he was born. Immediately, he felt as if he had blown a gasket, and any curses he had to yell were gone from his mind, replaced with the closeness between them as Morgan trapped him, looking in his eyes as he asked softly "Have you been dumbfounded by my very visage?" Kelsey stammered, unable to answer him as he drew closer.

Morgan smirked and said tenderly "I always thought you were cute." He brushed Kelsey's hair out of his face and held his cheek, moving his face closer to his as he asked playfully "Will you let me kiss you Kelsey?" he gazed in his eyes as Kelsey began to hyperventilate. Was he insane? What was he doing? Morgan smirked and let his lips touch Kelsey's gently. As if the water had suddenly became scorching hot, Kelsey almost screamed and scrambled out of the water, clawing his way to shore as he tripped upon standing but still going, running away from the spring as fast as he could. When he felt safe, he touched his lips and leaned against a tree, screaming in his mind.

What had Morgan been thinking? Why did he have to kiss him? The amount of questions kept increasing, his mind running a mile a minute, the sound of his pumping heart driving him as mad as his thoughts as he contemplated the lingering warmth of his silky lips, and the strong but gentle touch of his hand. He remembered his eyes vividly, the mesh of violet blue that set him on fire. Kelsey covered his face with his wet sleeves and sank to the cold ground. Why did he have to kiss him? It only made him yearn for him more. As infuriating as he was, he couldn't help but weep a little as he breathed "I love him." It was a sad and irrevocable truth and as much as he loved him in that moment, he hated him all the same for toying with his heart.

 

[MyImmortalWolf]

I shall attempt... I need to flesh out one of my favorite characters to roleplay a little more in the romance department! Critique is more than welcome!
"There they stand. The apple of your eye, and you know that in this moment that they are the one. The one that every song, movie, and book contains. When the main character falls for that single being, fast or slow, never the less they are the one. Their smile. Their drowning worthy eyes. That stupid little laugh. All of it. All of them. They are your first love."

Scathach
I grin widely at the boy underneath me, cockily, confidently, but really, my heart racing like a startled rabbits, and I'm blushing horribly as I bite my lip, staring into the gorgeous blue eyes of Grey. "I think I win." I say, covering my loss of composure, and stand, offering him a hand to pull him up. He chuckles. "Yeah... I guess so." He mumbles. "I'm still getting used to being beaten by a girl." I turn towards the mirror and fix my gi and belt to hide the little smile on my face. We're standing in the middle of a dojo for late-night jujitsu practice, cars and people rushing by outside, noise, noise, noise, but in here, it's quiet, with only us out on the mats. I take a deep breath, trying to control my raging emotions and glance surreptitiously in the mirrors lining the white walls to see Grey pulling off his gi top, and the back of my neck flushes again at the sight of his well-defined muscles. I run a hand through my cropped red hair and turn back to the boy just now bowing off the mat, opening my mouth to speak, but deciding against it at the last moment. I follow his example, bowing off and heading over to my bag to grab my water bottle, pulling off my gi top as I walk to expose the sweat-soaked white t-shirt underneath.

"Good class." I say, nudging him as I pass. My heart's racing again... just being in close proximity to him sets off all sorts of reactions that made me freak out at first, but that I now understand is attraction. He reaches out and unexpectedly throws me up and over his shoulder, and I let out a shriek of indignation and surprise. "Grey!" I exclaim, scrambling back to my feet and shoving him, frowning. He just laughs and we wrestle for a few minutes, with me ending up underneath him this time. I tense up as his hand moves towards my face, then gently, like an animal tamer soothing some beast, brushes the hair out of my eyes. I see the little smile on his face, and it just makes me melt like butter. I smile back, tentatively.

"You really have no clue how amazing you are, do you?" His words catch me off-guard as his hand pulls away, and I almost don't want him to stop. I swallow, lick my lips, trying to get some moisture into my dry mouth. "N-no..." I stutter awkwardly. "What makes you say that?" I ask, relaxing as he gets up form where he had me pinned and sits cross-legged on the mat beside me. I push myself up, grassy green eyes meeting his for a split-second, then glancing away, fluttering back, my gaze irresistibly drawn toward his deep blue eyes. That cute little grin with the crooked front teeth that he gives me makes me melt like butter. "What makes you say that?" I repeat. He tilts his head, seeming to consider the question for a minute. "Well... you're the only girl I know that can pin me to the ground, you're an awesome teacher, I like the you outside of the dojo and..." He leans closer. "I think... I think I love you." He almost whispers. I freeze, my brain shutting down until all I can say is "ummm... uhhh... well..." while inside both sides of my brain are screaming at me. 'Don't trust him! Don't trust him!' on one hand, and on the other. 'OMG, YES! YESYESYES! Tell him you love him to! Do it!' I finally just blurt out what's in my head without any more thought.

"I think I like you too." I say finally. He reaches out slowly and takes my hand. "Well then, I think we'll be seeing more of each other then, hmmm Madame Scathach?" He teases gently, but I don't think he's really teasing. "Get to know each other better, yes?" I nod almost robotically, and he stands, swinging his bag over his shoulder, and hands me a piece of paper. "My phone number." He explains. "Call me once you get home?" He asks. "S...s...sure." I mumble, and smile. He nods. "See ya!" That beautiful boy heads out of the dojo and once he leaves I fall back on the mat, laughing and grinning like an idiot. YES! "He likes me, he likes me, he likes me." I chirp in a singsong tone, almost unable to believe what had just happened, giddy with happiness. I sigh with contentment and get up, heading to the bathroom to shower and change. What a night!


Okay, this was probably horrible, so please critique!

 

[Wanderfool]

again with this terrible moding...

I will make sure that I catch up on all my work here.

Everyone will be getting a critique and a formal apology.

I really have to do better.

 

[Wanderfool]

(I'm using a character from a zombie apocalypse role play. I want to recycle the back story, but leave out the zombies.)
The forest seemed darker in the rain. It poured down in buckets, drenching everything in its path. The trees seemed to be crying, water falling down in gentle streams onto the ground. Flowers drooped over in procession, their petals hiding themselves from the storm. And I'm caught in the dang center! The deluge of ice water from the sky soured Brendan's mood, as he was barely able to hold shelter next to a large oak tree. The tarp held up by twigs suppressed the water, but it had holes. Not much got through, but it was just enough to dampen the hiker. He silently cursed mother nature for the rain, for ruining a fine hike, and mostly for leaving him so bored. Brendan thought simply keeping dry would be enough, but enough rain slowly convinced him it was futile effort.

Brendan turned his head to focus on his backpack, trying to remember what he packed. Playing cards, old magazine, dead iPod, jeez what else? His bored hands soon dug through the bag, seeking the unknown. All they recovered were exactly what he remembered, sinking his mood even more. I could have sworn I'd brought more! What the heck was I thinking? None of this crap is even remotely useful! Brendan's hands dug a second time, finding toiletries, soiled trunks, pocket change, and ... something metal. His hands darted out of the back when brushing against it, like dogs fleeing a catcher. Brendan rolled over in his head while he fished the metal thing out. Can't be the lighter... that's in the front... maybe a mint tin? Brendan finally found it again, snatching it before it was lost again. His hands unfolded to reveal a blue harmonica.

What the...? This old thing? I thought I tossed it... The blue metal lump in his hands felt colder than the rain besieging his fortress, as it was unused in years. I haven't even touched this thing since Travis kis... NO! I refuse to remember that, now of all times! Not after... too painful... Brendan cradled the wretched harmonica in his hands fearing the man who played it, but missing his hands even more. Why is that the thing I miss more? His hands were always so rough. Every time he tried to hold my hand, it felt like a belt sander. No matter how many times I pulled back, he refused to let go. Hell, half the time he'd just squeeze harder and say 'Sorry, but it's so good to meetcha, Mistah J!' The odd memory brought a faint smile to Brendan's pale face. His cheeks burned as a lone teardrop fell, careening down to his chin and falling to the dry leaves underfoot.

The rain showed no signs of letting up, mother nature's fury in full force. The shelter teetered with the wind, holding up only on a fragile base. Brendan was now lost in time, his only way to pass the time now. Oh gawd, I remember that time in the hotel. The way he carried me two feet into the reception. He grunted with each step, complaining loudly. "When did you get so fat! After we go home, Your butt's hittin' the gym! By now Brendan was laughing, at himself and that cheesy smile Travis flashed so often. I was so mad over that joke. I yelled even after he put me down. "Last time I checked, you were heavier one, ya jackass! No matter how I got, or how red I turned, he merely laughed at me. It only pissed me off more.

At this point he was laughing, heartily and loudly. All the memories came flooding back. All the laughs they shared. How about the time he sat in the fire ant hill out back. His eyes watered like a broken faucet. Travis never ran so fast to the house! All the triumphs. I remember when he introduced me to his Mom. She was a nasty old bat, even when we just started dating. She called both of us names the moment we walked in. "What are you faggots doin' in mah home! Ya'll didn' even wipe ya feet off at the door, didja?" It drove me up the wall the way he catered to her, even when she was a total bitch. He claimed she had dementia, which we later found was true. I couldn't stand the sight of her for years. At Travis' insistence, I guess she grew on me. Eventually the word faggot was like a polite greeting.

As the rain plummeted at the furious command of nature, the shelter was on its last leg. Brendan could have fixed it, but he was long gone down memory lane. The twigs holding up the tarp snapped from the weight of the pooled rain. Travis... why did you leave me? I told you to drive carefully, but you had to speed. It was your recklessness that killed you. Not my arguing! No matter how distant I felt, you brought me back! You were the only man I could open up to, and you died. You left me when I needed you most! The pool hit Brendan off guard. The cold felt like liquid ice smacking him down. His face hit the mud, more water flowing into his clothes. Brendan struggled against the weight, battling the pure fury of nature. Brendan dug himself out with his busy hands, and shouted towards the sky. His voice was heavy with quilt and grief, beating out all other noise. " I'm sorry! I tried to wrestle the keys, but you insisted on driving! I'm sorry I couldn't move in with you! I wasn't ready! I thought you would reject me, so I pushed you away! I never realized how I took you for granted! Now I see and I'm so sorry!"

Brendan collapsed against the tree, tears flooding his face just as much as the rain. It made a strange combination that only served to remind him of Travis. His gentle, calloused hands that held me... His sweet smell from chewing gum nonstop... The way he always tried to comfort him, no regard to how many times I shoved him away... I never knew how much I'd miss him until now. The rain finally settled into a dreary, cloudy sheet after hours of. It covered the blue sky above the trees, trying to block the sun, which still shone through. Brendan gathered his things once the weather let up. His bag was soggy, everything inside ruined. Despite this, a smile seemed painted on his face. Brendan walked back through the path, with a little pep in his wet steps. His hands clung to the old harmonica like a child promising to never let go. He made it back to the entrance of the forest, feeling smooth and calm. Brendan looked back down the dark path, smiling still from the new feeling. He whispered a goodbye before leaving, pledging to never forget the good times and the bad.

• First of all, Bromance, it's set my heart afire my good fellow. I kind of wish you kept the zombies in the whole of it, I do love zombies almost as much as homosexual flutters, though it was absolutely fine without it. I found myself falling into this post, but one thing that kept gnawing at me was the flow of the post as a whole. There was some dis-junction in the transitions from Brendan's innermost thoughts into what was going on real time. That could use some work, perhaps relating his thoughts into an action in the environment. It would make it feel less choppy like I am being yanked out of warm fuzzies and shoved into the harshness of reality. But overall this post has a fantastic feel.
• I give it a great big A+

 

[Wanderfool]

The night in the forest was cool and moist, dew from the tall trees still quietly dripping on the earth below giving the huddled group of explorers soothing relief from the dry heat that had plagued the day. The grey clouds were breaking apart in the sky, blessing their camp with light from the full moon. The breeze carried the rich smell of the earth and flowers. Kelsey took a deep breath and shuddered in delight. The night was so still, not even the crickets or birds were out to sing. The peace was almost overwhelming, especially after that past few nights on the move after their meeting with the earth dragon. Kelsey looked over to his childhood friend, Shawn and smiled, rubbing her shoulders as he said softly "Morgan should return soon." She turned and gave him a grateful smile, but quickly turned away looking back to the ground.

Kelsey grew concerned for her, wondering how she was adjusting to her new found power. As he was about to ask, the sound of soft footfalls distracted his thought as Morgan appeared at the edge of camp with his usual swagger. Kelsey felt his heart skip a beat as he swallowed. It was hard not to watch him. Wherever he went, eyes seemed to follow him. He was indeed handsome, but his personality made his near perfect beauty smudged. He had an ego that towered the gods and a sharp intellect that made everyone else dull in comparison. It seemed impossible how a human being could be blessed with such good traits.

Kelsey felt a frown crease brow as he thought about it. He had to have some diminishing quality, he supposed. But as he ogled at him, he felt his face flush. He was impossible, but his charm was undeniable. He watched as Morgan placed the bags on the ground to tie them up and hoist them away from the wildlife as he said softly "I found a small spring nearby and filled our water jugs." Kelsey blinked slowly, nearly missing his statement, taken by smooth velvety sound of his voice. At the last moment, he nodded and thanked him. Morgan frowned and snapped "Were you even listening?" Kelsey sneered at him and snapped "Yes, your highness." Morgan smirked and gave a small chuckle as he muttered "How cute." Before he turned and said "I'm going to bathe in the spring." He completed his task and began to walk back off into the forest.

Kelsey watched him as he walked away, almost longingly as he vanished into the trees. A few moments passed before Shawn broke Kelsey's stupor, saying quietly "You may go bathe too, if you wish." Kelsey looked back to Shawn and asked "But what about you?" Shawn fiddled with the ground before she said "I will watch the camp until you return. I will be fine." She tried to force a small smile, but ended up looking unconvincing. Kelsey looked over her, about to question her further but she turned and snapped quickly "I just want to be alone." Kelsey drew away from her, shocked by her unusual behavior, but complying with her demand as he stood and began to wander off in the direction Morgan had walked in.

Kelsey wandered for an unknown amount of time, until the area became misty, and the sound of splashing echoed in the distance. As the mist grew, it became harder to see in front of him, holding his hands in front of in an attempt to steer himself away from obstacles. He walked a few more paces without bumping into anything, just as he wondered when he would reach the edge of the water; he plunged into a heated pool of water, sinking to the depths before he willed himself to swim upward, gasping and hacking as his head breached the surface of the water he splashed around, trying to blink the water from his eyes. What he saw when his vision cleared nearly caused him to drown again.

Morgan was floating in the middle of the spring, his alabaster skin glistening from moisture, his deep violet blue eyes staring at him in what looked to be a mix of concern, confusion and amusement. Kelsey finally began to float as he looked at Morgan's honey blonde hair drip as he reared his head back and began to laugh heartily. Kelsey felt his face burn as he contemplated just letting himself drown as he sunk in shame, trying to swim his way back to shore to go plan some other form of suicide because drowning would be uncomfortable. As he crawled up on shore, his auburn hair clinging to his face as he sputtered, Morgan asked "How do you manage to completely embarrass yourself daily?" this only made Kelsey more self-conscious as he tried to wring out his clothes, sniffling to himself.

He cursed Morgan in his head for being so impeccable, so graceful and smooth. He couldn't win and not somehow lose. He had always been awkward and being around Morgan only made him realize exactly how awkward he was. He ignored the slow splashing behind him until he felt the back of his shirt being grabbed and yanked back into the water. With a huge splash he fell back into the spring and when he came up for air to yell at Morgan, he was faced with the fact that the man he loved was no more than two inches away from him naked as the day he was born. Immediately, he felt as if he had blown a gasket, and any curses he had to yell were gone from his mind, replaced with the closeness between them as Morgan trapped him, looking in his eyes as he asked softly "Have you been dumbfounded by my very visage?" Kelsey stammered, unable to answer him as he drew closer.

Morgan smirked and said tenderly "I always thought you were cute." He brushed Kelsey's hair out of his face and held his cheek, moving his face closer to his as he asked playfully "Will you let me kiss you Kelsey?" he gazed in his eyes as Kelsey began to hyperventilate. Was he insane? What was he doing? Morgan smirked and let his lips touch Kelsey's gently. As if the water had suddenly became scorching hot, Kelsey almost screamed and scrambled out of the water, clawing his way to shore as he tripped upon standing but still going, running away from the spring as fast as he could. When he felt safe, he touched his lips and leaned against a tree, screaming in his mind.

What had Morgan been thinking? Why did he have to kiss him? The amount of questions kept increasing, his mind running a mile a minute, the sound of his pumping heart driving him as mad as his thoughts as he contemplated the lingering warmth of his silky lips, and the strong but gentle touch of his hand. He remembered his eyes vividly, the mesh of violet blue that set him on fire. Kelsey covered his face with his wet sleeves and sank to the cold ground. Why did he have to kiss him? It only made him yearn for him more. As infuriating as he was, he couldn't help but weep a little as he breathed "I love him." It was a sad and irrevocable truth and as much as he loved him in that moment, he hated him all the same for toying with his heart.

Alrighty, now as I do love where this post was headed there were a lot of grammatical issues and syntax errors that can be easily fixed with a second read over. There were many points within the post where I found myself confused as to whom of Morgan, Shawn, and Kelsey was being talked about. Some gender mix-ups definitely, and those in all made it very hard to read. I would really love it if you looked this over one more and edit it. Pay more attention to what you imagine going on in that moment. You and I have the same focus issue, as my posts can be a little scatterbrained as well. Just take your time in writing, let the ideas just flow through your finger tips! But you definitely captured the romance aspect~

Things to Keep in Mind:

• Pay special attention to inward thoughts for roleplaying to capture the reader.
• Be careful about using too many "he"s or "they"s to start off a new sentence.
• Don't get too distracted in your excitement to get to the end.
• One Idea at a time.
• Keep up the good work! ^.^b