Beating up a muthatruckaaa...

[Levusti]

So my sister came home from school crying and telling me she was upset.

Then I asked who the sorry bastard was who made her cry so I can punch his face in.

Turns out Zayn from One Direction had disbanded.

 

[SlamifiedBuddafied]

Teenagers. Scare the living shit out of me.

 

[Santario]

You are such a good older sibling!

 

[Minibit]

Well what're you doing on Iwaku? GO PUNCH ONE DIRECTION!

 

[Levusti]

We're shopping for dresses right now for a competition she has.

And I heard her bump her foot in the dressing room or something.

I call out to her. "Are you alright?"

She screamed from the dressing rooms, "OF COURSE NOT MY HEART IS BROKEN. WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

She then proceeded to sing Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart."

I could help but giggle a little then offered her to go eat some Chinese take out.

Then she barked at me, saying, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME? I WILL TAKE THOSE CHOPSTICKS FROM YOUR CHINESE TAKEOUT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FAT ASIAN ASS IF YOU ARE."

As I cower in fear, I am contemplating something nice and not violent to eat, like McDonald's.

 

[Minibit]

We're shopping for dresses right now for a competition she has.

And I heard her bump her foot in the dressing room or something.

I call out to her. "Are you alright?"

She screamed from the dressing rooms, "OF COURSE NOT MY HEART IS BROKEN. WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

She then proceeded to sing Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart."

I could help but giggle a little then offered her some Chinese take out.

Then she barked at me, saying, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME? I WILL TAKE THOSE CHOPSTICKS FROM YOUR CHINESE TAKEOUT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FAT ASIAN ASS IF YOU ARE."

As I cower in fear, I am contemplating something nice and not violent to eat, like McDonald's.

Can I please follow you around with a camera and air your life on TV? You'll be whatever the asian equivalent of Fresh Prince would be. xD

 

[Levusti]

Update.Everything is painful.

Did you like that dress?

"It's hard to like anything when I feel so much pain."

Do you need help putting away those dresses?

"Yes. The weight of the pain burdens me so much that the effort of returning these dresses is nearly unbearable."

 

[Minibit]

Update.Everything is painful.

Did you like that dress?

"It's hard to like anything when I feel so much pain."

Do you need help putting away those dresses?

"Yes. The weight of the pain burdens me so much that the effort of returning these dresses is nearly unbearable."

omg I'm dying. Save these transcripts, read them to her when she's twenty, hilarity ensues

 

[Windsong]

I guess you could say..

He went his Own Direction..

-sunglasses-

 

[Ser K+]

I guess you could say..

He went his Own Direction..

-sunglasses-

...Yeah...
*guitar solo*

 

[Santario]

Oi the over dramatic life of a teenager. lol Buy her some black lipstick she'll be okay in a month.

 

[Levusti]

FUCK MY LIFE CAN SOMEONE LIKE LITERALLY SLAP THIS GIRL.

The puns. They don't. Fucking. Stop.

Where do you want to go after this?

"There's only One Direction we can go."

Stop the puns.

"No, I don't think you understand what I'm *Zayn* (sayin'). "

I understand just fine, thank you.

" Can we get some ice cream? I'm feeling really *Louis-y* (lousy)."


I am about to strangle the bitch.

 

[Dervish]

She had to learn that boybands last as long as a roll of toilet paper eventually.

 

[☆Luna☆]

I'm kinda glad that I've never had problems like this.

 

[Levusti]

So we've finished shopping and had dinner with the family and I thought everything's okay.

Which means she's stopped freaking me the fuck out.

Except now in her bedroom she's erected a shrine with her One Direction posters, her CD albums, playing 1D all the time and eating ice cream in front of it.

It almost seems like she's kneeling in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus listening to Gregorian chants.

But with Zayn Malik and corny music.

And instead of praying the rosary and reciting its prayers, she's devouring dairy and repeating "I am not okay."



This is the final log of Captain Levusti.

 

[Santario]

Ahahaha! Sounds typical just try to avoid her for a while.

 

[Windsong]

So we've finished shopping and had dinner with the family and I thought everything's okay.

Which means she's stopped freaking me the fuck out.

Except now in her bedroom she's erected a shrine with her One Direction posters, her CD albums, playing 1D all the time and eating ice cream in front of it.

It almost seems like she's kneeling in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus listening to Gregorian chants.

But with Zayn Malik and corny music.

And instead of praying the rosary and reciting its prayers, she's devouring dairy and repeating "I am not okay."



This is the final log of Captain Levusti.

Something something casting down false idols something something pillars of salt and hell.

 

[Dervish]

So we've finished shopping and had dinner with the family and I thought everything's okay.

Which means she's stopped freaking me the fuck out.

Except now in her bedroom she's erected a shrine with her One Direction posters, her CD albums, playing 1D all the time and eating ice cream in front of it.

It almost seems like she's kneeling in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus listening to Gregorian chants.

But with Zayn Malik and corny music.

And instead of praying the rosary and reciting its prayers, she's devouring dairy and repeating "I am not okay."



This is the final log of Captain Levusti.

If you can, get a bunch of googly eyes, and when she's out, go to town on all of the posters in her room.

Take pictures.

 

[Hana]

Haha, I wish I had an older brother. You seem like a great older sibling.

My little brother is 13 and he's kind of convinced he's God's gift to girls (and possibly boys). Siblings.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]