1. I'm really thankful for all the chances that I keep on getting in life, even past all the many mistakes I've made, and all before I even reach my twenties. It's so easy to forget that there are people who love me and believe in me, after I threw away a couple of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities out of misguided thoughts about how to fend for myself. I was
never alone, and though I only realize that now and I still have my moments of 'don't you dare pity me/let me hate myself in solitude', people like
@Sen, my mother and my father, and loads of other people show me how truly blessed my life is in the end. I was one of those people who had
everything going for me until I hit the proverbial fork in the road where I had to decide for myself, and I chose to do it alone. When I was feeling lonely and alone, I forgot to turn to the people who loved me the most. Now that some paths had closed for me I really have to reflect on what I want to be, and what I want to get, I look back and remember these people and realize that it... Doesn't really have to be so hard. I keep on making it difficult for myself, but there
are people backing me up and pushing me forward, if I let them.
2.
@Sen has always told me that she loves me for my kindness, even if sometimes I find it hard to see that trait in myself. Let me be honest, I wasn't always the genial and positive presence I try to be nowadays. I was much more sullen, lost, and self-absorbed way back, and I still have my diva moments even now. Yet this girl keeps on telling me that I am a kind person. My parents told me that they love that I had a bright and inquisitive mind as a young girl, and that I always ask questions and enjoy puzzles and problems. ... I'm not sure if I still have that side to me now. My closest friends told me that my laughter had always been infectious and memorable, is that a good thing? lol I laughed more freely and more often more than three years ago, and it always elicited laughter from them... So... I guess I did a good job in letting them forget about their worries and their own problems by being that source of laughter for everyone. My closest friend since grade school loves me because I was the one who did that first step in befriending her when she was still the scary bully back then, and because I'm imaginative and always had my head in the clouds. I think that was what bonded us together, her responsibility and my whimsy.
3. ... This is the hardest question of the three, but I did say not to skip it. Can I say that I love myself for being myself, even if in the end, I am a deeply flawed person? That I love myself for being more aware of my shortcomings now, than I used to? I was always the person who ran away from reality and rejected it if it didn't make me happy. That was why I was known as the school bookworm. I'm no longer the cloud cuckoolander 24/7, but I still have my imagination. And I love that I can still get lost in imagining all the scenarios and stories in my head. My dreams are still interesting and colorful, and honestly book or story material if I could only remember them solidly after waking up. Is it okay for me to love myself when I know there's still a lot of things I need to do? ... Yes.