Ze nev Ivaku vey of speking

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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvment and has accepted a 5
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and
it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united
urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking
German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Feld Komander Karl Mkarzy dos not coperat viz nev vey of speking. >:{
Of curs ze intelektul amerikans vil folo ze trend to aper sofistikated.
*Captain Gregori Vasilev steps up.*

Я считаю, что это оскорбление к разговорному языку и что это лишь уловка, на недоносков, чтобы заставить нас говорить, как они говорят. Восточной Братья подняться! Родина зовет к вам! Стенд в нарушение этого предложения, а драться! Сталкеры зоны, присоединяйтесь к нам тоже! Европейский союз будет очередь на вас, когда они заканчивают бушует "Родина". Стоять и сражаться!

*Vasilev leaves.*


What he said...
I deesegree-a veet thees noo vey ooff speekeeng becoose-a it cumpletely undermeenes zee must ipeec lungooege-a ooff Svedeesh. Let's fece-a it, Germuny is oofer reted, joost zee huuker dune-a zee street frum vhere-a yuoo leefe-a.
This is an old email I got two years ago.

shame on you, Asmo.

Well, when you are Pao and have the time to see everything on the interwebs...It's old.
Not even God?
This is Dutch.

Well, random "j's" and double "o's" will be added later on.
Oy! don't compare dutch to german.

Dutch is a FAR uglier language than that. We'd also use a D instead of a Z and wouldn't have removed the double letters, we are rather fond of them >.>
You all have ugly hookers anyway, and that's all I need to know about Holland.
His friends just discovered youtube.

And Spanish is still a better language.

Estoy de acuerdo contigo. Español es mejor que esta manera de hablar en inglés. Pienso que sea ridículo. :/

Translation: (I agree with you. Spanish is better than this way of speaking in English. I think it's ridiculous. :/)

I sort of like English the way it is (the mutt of the Germanic languages). As long as it doesn't affect native orthography or phonics all that much, I'm not too concerned.