Why I want to slap my mother's mouth off

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Zypher, Jun 22, 2010.

  1. Okay, so today was a day like any other, I get up, I look around for a job on the computer for a little bit, I deal with my 17 year old brother making fun of me because I stepped on a piece of glass, which may or may not be infected and hurts like a sonoffabitch whenever I walk on it reducing me to kind of hobble about a bit, talk to my mother who claims I'm not pulling my weight, eat some food, soak my foot in some healy salty thingy with water because I can't afford to go to the doctor to get antibiotics or anything like that, listen to her bitch about her thighs and back being in pain because she was stupid when younger and messed it up (probably in part to having me when she was only a month into being 18), etc etc.

    So, as I was soaking my foot to try and get better so I can actually walk normally my little four year old brother decides that he wants to play this xylophone toy RIGHT NEXT TO ME as I'm trying to watch a movie. I tell him stop, he doesn't, I turn up the volume, he plays louder, I take the toy away, he whines and my mother yells at me, I finally manage to convince him NOT to play the damn thing right there and my mother yells at me for having the TV up too loud. I understand and start to turn it down (note: the remote takes forever to turn the volume down on our TV for whatever reason) apparently that's not fast enough for my mother so she starts yelling at me for having it up to loud. On top of that she had JUST taken her anxiety meds to calm down which CLEARLY haven't taken their effect yet. I tell her to calm down and I'm turning it down. She continues to bitch. Finally I tell her to shut up and to back off I'm doing it. To which she starts screaming at me in front of my grandmother and my 17 year old brother who decides to aggrivate me more.

    At this point I'm stuck in one spot, the four year old messing with me, the 17 year old messing with me, my mother screaming at me and I'm busy trying to soak my foot. I was overwhelmed and very annoyed. (Granted this annoyance and aggrivation has come from a daily dose of my mother being angry at me for no good reasons, my 17 year old brother saying "Oh, you hurt your vagina? Walk it off you pussy" and other comments to that effect.) Finally I say, "Shut up or I'm going to backhand you." My mother, taking this as me meaning to threaten her walks in front of me and begins to yell, once again.

    I get fed up and slap her on the butt, hard enough to get her attention but not intending to do harm. (Yes I know it's not right to strike my mother let alone any woman and for this I really do feel remorse) Apparently I missed a bit and hit her thigh which she starts to scream at me about because I know it's "injured" (again, I don't think I reacted appropriately and there is no excuse, it was the wrong choice in the heat of the moment.) Although, apparently it didn't hurt her because she resumed her screaming and yelling, finally going outside to smoke.

    I decide to retreat to my room in the basement to avoid further yelling and screaming, all the while my brother keeps telling me that I'm lucky he didn't beat my ass right there in front of our grandmother and that he was still heated and could turn on me at any instance.

    Let me take you aside for a moment to explain my 17 year old brother. He thinks that since he got a job and helps my mother pay the bills that he runs the household and therefor has more right to do whatever the fuck he wants whenever the fuck he wants, up to and including drinking at random hours of the night, disrupting me in my room (Which is really just the storage area of our basement family room because "I'm not really supposed to be living there") again, at all hours of the night (Which I allow because, yes, it is also the family room not just my bedroom but at 3 am when I'm trying to sleep you'd think he'd be courtious enough to at least quiet down or leave? Nope) On top of that he's aggressive and belittling. He constantly points out my sexuality as a negative (which I feel shouldn't happen because he has no right to attack me for simply being who I am)

    Now, an hour or so passes and my brother comes downstairs and tells me that I need to get out of the house, that nobody wants me there and that I have a bad attitude. My grandmother is also apparently being kicked out for her "bad attitude" because she tried to explain my situation to my obstinate mother. (Who you will understand shortly why her mouth needs to be slapped off) This goes into a shouting match between me and my brother, who for as far as I know has made this rule up on his own (turns out he did and my mother just didn't contradict him)

    I pack a few things, still yelling with my brother, telling him to shut up and back off of me. He tells me that he still wants to beat my ass. Normally I wouldn't take that, I would grab the nearest blunt instrument and knock him around the head because, I'll admit I'm not as physically strong as he is. But of course he would instantly roll over into the victim stance, call the cops and send me away because I'm 21 and he's 17 but he's allowed to strike me whenever he feels like it because he's "Mommy's Tiger"

    As I get upstairs I continue to argue with my brother, my mother joins in and my grandmother jumps to help defend me. Historical betrayals of my mother by my grandmother are brought up (i.e. she was beat by her boyfriends while my grandmother supposedly sat there and drank the noise away. These stories I have no way of proving the validity, but I just choose to assume both parties had a fault in this) Then I turn it on my mother for my abuse as a child that I suffered at the hands of my father. She claims it was different because she tried to intervene, I argue (in tears by this point) that it doesn't matter, because she kept him around and it still happened. (Of course she retorted that being married is a different dynamic that isn't easily broken. In which I draw the conclusion that it's okay to have your husband beat on your children for a while because the only way to get away is by a divorce. Side note to that: My father, not my blood relative, I was adopted by him at three when my mother married him, he also babied and protected my 17 year old brother and 16 year old sister, both of whom are his by blood. Hell, half the time I have a hard time recalling my childhood because I've subconsiously blacked almost all of it out.) Then it goes around and around blaming each other for bad parenting, for things that can no longer be changed, for things that have been apologized for which apparently aren't good enough for my mother. I admitted my fault in hitting my mother, I apologized and yet she continued to scream and shout and belittle me, all the while my 17 year old brother keeps joining in and helping her attack me verbally.

    My brother and I begin to yell and finally the situation between us degrades into us fighting. He attacks me, I try and injure him as best I can but he ultimately ends up punching me on the back of the head til my 16 year old sister comes in and breaks us up. My brother walks out in a huff, acting superior still to me and as the "acting head of the household: Self titled" comes back to yell some more.

    Finally me and my grandmother leave because it's been decided I'll stay with her until this blows over. On the way out my mother continues to berate me, telling me I'm worthless and don't do anything, (Whereas watching her children i.e. the 1 year old, the 2 year old and the 4 year old while she is out smoking or "laying down because of her hip" constitutes me being a lazy layabout who does nothing for her.) She decides to attack me for who I am. The words as she tries to slam the door are "Faggot!" By now I had enough, I was broken, sobbing and that reversed my feelings into hatred and anger. I slam the door back open (which she jumped at and threw her arms up because she thought I was going to rush her. I'll admit I took some pleasure in her fear of me, not my proudest moment but when I get attacked like that it's not okay.) I tell her "I'm not going to hit you but I'm about to get in your face" My sister and brother jump in the way, I fight my way past them and get in her face and we begin to yell. I tell her she has no right to attack me and call me that, she responds with a childish chant of "Go take a dick in the face, take it in the face, take it in the face..." repeatedly. Finally we leave and that's the end of that, but that's why I want to slap my mother.

    I was attacked for who I am by my own mother, apparently my mother doesn't love me enough to accept the fact of who I am, and I admit I was in the wrong at points but she has also allowed my brother to attack me in much the same way as she did.

    *End Rant*
     
  2. Oh sweetheart. (That ain't in a pity voice, by the way, that's actually a bemused chuckle for the way things are for kids these days)

    Shit sucks, no one needs to tell you that, obviously. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, though, truely.

    You can't change what you are, and I'd hope that that isn't even a goal, but if the people who are supposed to love you, or the people you're supposed to care for, treat you like this, this isn't right, obviously, and leaving possibly might have been the best choice.

    You were more mature than I would have been, actually. I would have lost control and just gone at everyone's throat, but then again, that's me.

    Your brother and mother sound like venomous people, and the sooner you get away from them, probably the better.

    I hope you're ok with your grandmother, keep us updated.

    Contact me on MSN or Skype if you need an ear to rant to. You're a good person, Zyph. Don't let them take that from you.

    By the way, I'm bisexual, and I'm DAMNED proud of it. And plus, I just don't see it as right to judge someone's sexual preference. It's their choice, their lifestyle. It's THEIRS.
     
  3. DDDD: Sorry to heat that, Zy.
    A mother is not suppose to do that to their own son. She may not be proud of it, but still, she is suppose to love you as a son. :/
    *hugs* Hope it gets better soon.
    And your brother sounds like a dick... -______-
    And sorry to hear that about your childhood..

    *huggles* :/

    And TK is right.
    Your sexuality is something that you choose. No one can change it.
    I've ranted about that in my blog if you wish to read.
    But, it makes me angry when people say that your going to hell for liking the same sex. It's RIDICULOUS! D<
    No one can tell you who to LOVE. You can't be forced to love something that you don't. It's impossible. I'd killhall someone if they say shit like that in front of me. It irritates me. IT'S NAIVE of people to say something of someone's sexuality. Their all bitches if they do. >____>
     
  4. Thanks you guys, it means a lot that I have great friends here. I'm just tired of this situation and I'm leaving my mother's house very soon. I do need to find a job and find somewhere to live away from the craziness. I feel like I need to leave the state, or country or anything.

    I'll keep everyone updated as much as I can. I love you both.

    Love Live and Pride right?
     
  5. I'm glad Zyphie is leaving, faggot is probably the single insult that truly makes me very angry because of what it refers back to.
    **snuggles**

    You don't deserve to be treated badly for who you are and I am truly sorry that you don't seem to have a family that understands tolerance and acceptance.
    At least you have your grandmother, who seems to defend you. I'm glad you have someone, dear.
     
  6. Glad to see you didn't do anything that you would regret in a court of law. Let them stew in their juices. You're brother will get to wear the big boy pants the first time he gets into a real fight, and your mom will undoubtedly lash out at what's left of her inner circle and either destroy her social interactions all together, or she'll wise up.

    Now that I think about it.. you definitely handled it better than me. I'd have sent my brother through a sliding glass window... again, and my mom would definitely be having fun with getting in touch with contractors because of the holes in the wall.
     
  7. I think you handled it well.

    Sounds like your mom and my dad would get along famously. If so, pretty sure you moving out period would do both sides some good. I mean my dad never called me names so much as he tried to be little me. My advice, if is worth anything is to stay with your grandmother and continue to find a job. I hear its pretty hard back state side, but eventually you'll get an offer for something somewhere. And if its something you hate doing, do it for now and move on when the economy has been fixed. Pretty sure though that your mom doesn't hate you so much as it just a matter of she has spent to much time around you. Kinda like if you hang out with your friends for a while and they start getting on you nerves.

    As for your brother... well I never had any siblings so I don't know what to say there besides that in this case I think you have handled it well. My recommendation for the future? Get to the point where you can kick his as, do so, and then tell him if he ever talks to you again with such disrespect that you will do it again. Heck if you wanted it to be real good you just have to talk him into taking the first swing (especially if he is drunk!) then when its over call the police and report it as a hate crime (I hate that term, but it looks like its more than aplicable here!). Point is blunt force truama is one of, if not the first, was we learn. Point being is I would advise learning how to kick ass because your brother is never going to go away.

    Yeah I don't know if I touch on everything but there is my advice.
     
  8. Move somewhere more tolerant, Zy. Seriously. You don't need to take that kind of crap, even from your own family. You don't owe them anything anymore, even the little ones. If they're so insistent that you don't contribute, let them just figure out how to handle the littles on their own. PM me if you want to talk more. Phox and I still worry about you, and I worry more when I read stories like this.

    <3 Glad you're staying strong.
     
  9. Oi, I can empathize with you, man. My mother was the same way, though she was a violent witch. Had the cops involved twice, haha. Ah well, because of her, I'm living with a friend now, and will soon be rooming with another in her apartment. In any case, no matter what your mother or your brother say, you are your own person, whether they like it or not. So you don't have a job. So what? Everyone lives at their own pace. I'm certain that you were pulling your own weight in your own way, regardless of what a blind parent might say.

    At least you had the guts to retaliate, though. While doing so was risky, I've wanted to do the same to my witch-mother for as long as I can remember. But, keep in mind, you aren't obligated to take care of or live with your mother. No matter what she says, it was her job to take care of you, not the other way around. Unless a parent is truly incapable of living alone, then you don't have to take care of them, even if they say they raised you. Your duty in life is to live it to the fullest and raise children of your own, so that they too may better the world, as I am sure you have and will continue to do. There are as many ways to live as there are people, Zypher, and you have no obligation to folow in the footsteps of others, or take the path others guide you to.

    Keep strong and do not succumb to the weight of this world, my friend. Remember, you have friends here who will always listen. Keep us informed as to the situation, and remember; laughter is one's strongest weapon and medicine. You'll do fine, trust me.