I have that feeling, that urge, to just pick up my pencil and write to my hearts desire. I want to go from page to page, expressing my thoughts and feelings, vent out my past, build on my future, speak untouched words and erase every mistake. I want to look people in the eyes and tell them what they mean to me. Tell them how they affected my life in the simplest ways. How they've hurt or helped me. How they treated me. I want to tell everyone how they look to me through my eyes. I want to let the world know who I really am. How my happiness, my smile, my laughter really is. How I can fake a beautiful life so easily. I want people to know the real me. How my mind works, how my heart hurts, the burdens on my shoulders, the lies I've told, the things I stole, the guilt that haunts me every second of my life. I want to scream out the pain I've felt, the weight of the world on my life, all the problems I had to fix for others, walking through hell to make others happy. I constantly let people walk all over me. I want everyone to know how I felt. Being bullied, pushed around, and lonely. Being an outcast, walking alone on the streets. The feeling of being in plain sight but no one notices me. I want the closest people to me to feel my pain, and comprehend my logic of pushing them away in the end. I want all my enemies to walk in my shoes for a day, and see what they did to me to cause this hate. I want people that don't even know me to understand why I don't speak to them. To learn the fact that I may just be scared to get close to anyone anymore. To know that I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to write down my life from start to finish, with every detail and emotion, with every negative thought, with emphasis on how everything seems to end. I want to write it all, but I can't.