So, I come from a very harsh family. Yet they are all united in hating one person, just one. It is the only time that they do not fight with the big guns, and the only time that they will ever come close to agreeing with one another is when the topic is on one person; me. My family hate me for a various amount of reasons. Possibly because I am one of the only ones to get back up and refuse the life of addiction (though my teen years, that...eh...not a pleasant story. Full of bad decisions and poor judgement it is), to try to be a better...and not become corrupted by their hatred. And because I have refused to be corrupted by them, I think that that in itself has created that nasty thing called envy amoungst my family, and when envy turns its head, nobody, especially the envied, are safe. While they are more comfortable with blaming something on the scapegoat of the family, also happens to be me, I've realized something; I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. This isn't going to get better, and as horrible as it sounds, their hatred of me might very well be the only reason they have not killed each other yet because they all have a common enemy that they feel they must fight against. I get called a wicked person because of the choices I made when I was a teenager, though they aren't my choices now. They weren't all that bad (well, the drug and drinking problems were pretty up there but I never hurt anyone, just myself). But because I chose the road I did, wasn't as successful (and let's face it, I probably will never be a good person in the eyes of my family, nor as important to them as my sister), and made those bad choices in life in the days of my youth, I set myself up for this position. Though before my teen years I wasn't regarded as important as my sister because I was biologically the youngest (my little sister is adopted. They'd never treat her like this), and the youngest isn't really expected to be great (my family aren't exactly the sane kind of people, they are the kind of people you go out of your way to avoid on the sidewalk). Anyway, I realized something; I'm the glue that keeps them together while being their world's most hated person. I may not have very pleasant family get together life (I imagine now that I know what it is like to be a nudist in a prim and proper household of clothing loving people), nor will I really ever have a normal life because I'll constantly be playing the part of bad guy so I can keep my angry congress of baboons from slaughtering each other. I don't mean to sound cheesy while I write this, I just feel lighter after coming to this conclusion. I guess that I am a little depressed at this. I won't ever have a normal family, nor will I ever be seen as anything but bad when it comes to being around them and friends of the family. But in another way, I am glad that I may be the reason they have stayed together and have really bonded. I feel alone in a room full of people, and I'm not even sure that I can call myself a good person anymore because if my family catch wind of what I am doing they'll start to fight again and will pick each other apart. I feel hollow, yet I feel whole, like I've suddenly been given the answer to why I felt so unneeded amoungst my family and friends. I know the typical answer would be to just fucking ditch them because that isn't a family, but I am scared that the title of scapegoat and bad person once I am gone will fall on my sister, who I know won't be able to take it. Yet I can't help but feel sad that I won't ever be able to share my success with them. I don't even know why I am posting this to be honest, I just feel of all places, I'd rather express this because it was really just tearing me up, and I needed to talk about it.