Why is it so hard for me to have a good time? It's been almost ten years since you passed away. Valerie, you were like a sister to me, your family WAS my family for a time. I remember waking up, and opening presents with my family, only to be called by your little brother. Were you watching from above? Did you see me crying, not spending Christmas at home? We were all so lost, then, when we lost you. Rett syndrome, one of the worst Autism spectrum disorders there is. And, I know you weren't supposed to live passed 13, and you lasted till 16, but it's still just so hard. I still miss you, sis. We all do. Maybe one day I'll be able to smile with my children on Christmas morning. It certainly isn't going to be this year.