As I sit here at 2:34 am and stare at my computer I wonder why I'm still conscious at this hour. I've always been one of those early to bed early to rise individuals, and falling asleep has never been an issue. I guess some of it are these weird dreams I've been having the last week or so. I've been having more nights of not being able to fall asleep, and its seriously messing with me. Maybe my anxiety is getting to me. Then again, that's what they make pills for.
The pills only seem to make the dreams more vivid, though, which isn't helping. So, here I am at 2:36 am typing away and avoiding the much needed sleep for fear of being jolted awake in a cold sweat. I suppose I should tell you the dream now, right? That's how it usually works anyways--
The dream is always the same, but it takes place at different times during the day. I'm laying down in my bed staring at the ceiling above when I notice something in the corner of the room. It looks like a dark stain that I haven't noticed before. If it's nighttime I turn my light on to get a better view. Curious I sit up and lean forward to try and get a better look. Mind you my room isn't that big so I can easily make things out from the safety of my bed. As I peer at this dark stain coming from the corner it starts to slowly grow and drip along my light mint colored walls. I'm transfixed at watching this as my eyes follow the branching design. It creeps across my ceiling and entangles itself around my fan, managing to stop the propellers. If might light is on the light will flicker and suddenly turn off. Backing up against the head of my bed I can only watch paralyzed as the dark substance slowly drips down from my ceiling fan onto the foot of my bed in long, slow drips. Drip. Drip. Drip. It begins to pool on the end of the bed slowly growing and moving closer to my crunched up feet. Somehow I managed to gather the courage to move forward and look closer at the growing puddle of dark liquid saturating the foot of my bed. Every rational part of me is screaming at me not to get closer, but my body moves on autopilot until I'm hovering right above it. It doesn't have a distinct smell and the texture is almost like tar, and as I peer at the substance trying to figure out what it is a decrepit hand plunges out and reaches for my face!
That's always when I wake up, nearly screaming and my heart racing. Of course I'm literally shaking as well and it takes every ounce of my will power to lay back down and calm myself that it's just a dream. Yeah, not fun. Dreams are the subconscious way of telling us things about ourselves or our lives right? Honestly I have nothing in my life that should warrant such dreams, so it must mean nothing. Well, maybe it means something, I don't know. I will say this. I like to sometimes watch those 'ghost story' shows and I've always been a sucker for scary stories and movies (despite being somewhat of a scaredy cat). So maybe I have an overactive imagination. But I won't dismiss the fact that there may or may not be ghosts living among us.
So what's any of that have to do with this long explanation? Well, I live in a small farm town community and there are some train tracks about a mile and half down from my house. I've probably lived in this house for about 15 years of my life and nothing has ever been too out of the ordinary for me. Okay so occasionally when I'm home alone I get the weird feeling I'm being watched or think I hear voices talking in the living room when I know the TV is off, but I still attribute that to my imagination. However, lately I've been sort of seeing things in the corner of my eye. Those weird darting shadows, or that slight movement you sometimes catch. I keep thinking that it's just my cat prowling around, but when I look up nothing is there and my cat is asleep on the steps or outside. I've started to notice that it happens mostly in the hallway leading to my room.
Since I've been having these weird nightmares I randomly decided to do some research. That's what they always do on the TV shows right? Plus I just have no life sometimes and need to take my mind of real life. So the internet became my friend for a few hours. I come to find out that a few years before my family and I moved here there was an accident on the train tracks down the street. Guy's car stalled on the tracks and well you know how the story goes. Needless to say the guy died. Nothing scary or out of the ordinary about it. Well turns out he used to live in the same house I'm in. So me with my overactive imagination am a little paranoid from seeing the weird shadows. But that's not what's keeping me awake tonight. If I seem a little distracted, it's because I am.
So yeah--remember that dream I described? I saw a small dark stain in the corner of my ceiling today in the same area as in my dream. I forgot to mention too that outside my bedroom is the pull down latch that leads to the attic. Maybe I am just being paranoid but I SWEAR I keep hearing scratching noises coming from it. Maybe it's just mice, as we get a lot of those living across from a cornfield, but still. I've heard mice scampering around and this just doesn't remind me of it. At times it's almost like a deliberate light tapping. Plus those weird fleeting shadows I keep seeing in the corner of my eye when in my bedroom...yeah.
So now it's 3:35 AM, took me an hour to write this, and I'm STILL wide awake. The scratching has stopped for now, it's been about 5 minutes. Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I am losing it. I've been fighting the urge to go investigate the scratching/tapping noise; maybe there is more going on here. I don't know and part of me dreads to find out. However, human curiosity can make you do dumb shit.
Of course now that I think that, I can hear the scratching again. Maybe I should just go for it and see what is making the noise. What's the worst that could happen--I see a ghost?