Some impertinant questions

R

Raven Cultist

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Original poster
I originally typed this out yesterday and then the website crashed so I have had more time to think things over and vent a bit however at least the first question is a bit wingy so i thought it should still go in the counseling thread.Feel free to skip my first paragraph it's a bit self pitying.

1) I'm 16, live in England and go to a reasonably posh Grammar school; I'm currently in year 11. I'm currently undergoing the classic avalanche of exam after exam. I'm quite bright but i lack work ethic however this leads to teachers having really high expectations of me, and I generally feel really ashamed when I sometimes disappoint them. At large I feel like even when I get time to collapse and spend time on myself all the actual enjoyment I used to feel is gone. I play a computer game for ten minutes which i used to love and then realize I just feel pissed off and turn off. I have quite a few friends but none are the sort that you can really properly talk about anything with. The closest person I have to someone I can vent to has anorexia and feels anything which goes wrong ever is her fault and all the time I see her she's just getting thinner and thinner. Sorry this has just turned into a whine, onto my actual question.

Does life really get better once all the crap you go through to get qualification after qualification is over? Is it really worth it or is adult life just as miserable as from my point of view, (primarily based on books and media,) it seems to be?

2) Why do people have children? It's always puzzled me and the few adults I don't feel it would be rude to ask don't really explain. As far as i see children are the stereotypical drain on finance and personal aspirations without any real benefit or at least the grief teenagers give their parents compensate for it.



Edit: Thinking now my slightly blunt way of talking especially in question 2 may be offencive to some so premptive apologies all round.
 
Question 1!

Whether or not life gets better and is "worth it" will be entirely up to your point of view. D: Even right now, with all of those things in your ranting, it's how you respond to it and let it affect you that determines whether or not it's sucky-ass balls and ruins everything, or is something you just take the knocks for and learn from. Granted some stuff sucks ass, no matter what point of view you have. >< BUT, how you deal with it is all on you.

So, yes, even after school is over and you go get a job, life will be exactly the same! But instead of going to school and dealing with teenager stuff, you're going to work and dealing with crazy adult stuff. And the issues that come up are almost always the same too, except as an adult you have to pay for everything. D:

Question 2!

I have no idea. I hate babies. After babysitting a newborn and helping raise him, it's awful and I never ever want one of those things! D: I like older children just fine but... uugh nooo! Too much work! Too much responsibility! Too much money! Do not want!
 
Life is what you make of it. Does it get better after school? For some. For others they go though one disappointment to another. In the end you have to choose your path, learn from your mistakes, except what you can't change and rally for what you can. I follow a personal philosophy of following my bliss. A friend once said the way I talk sounds like a daoist. This is the right path for me I think, but there are things I still wish to change in my life. I could be disappointed in myself, which I am sometimes, but mostly I look at it as an opertunnity to grow.

Life is about outlook.

As for children. There is a wonder about children that some people feel strongly pulled by. Call it a biological instinct to procreate if you'd like. Not everyone wants children. It's okay not to want children. It's okay not to want children and change your mind as you get older. People WILL judge you, but do you really care what those people think? Me, personally, I want children very much, but I need that special someone who wants to make a family with me and it's really stupid to look for a future father, so I'd rather look for a partner and playmate. But! Be honest. Slightly off topic I know, but it's important to say. People go into dating wanting things. Being honest with what you want, what you don't want and what's a deal breaker is just common decency so both parties aren't wasting their time after a few dates.
 
I agree with the others in this question. When it comes to secondary school, I can sympathize with you. I wanted to do everything perfectly and to please everyone, but certain things lacked interest for me so doing it was a joyless experience with no end goal for myself and even the things I did want for myself I made miserable by demanding perfection. Therefor, my advice to you is similar to the others in that you need to figure out what it is you're working toward. It gets easier when you set yourself an end goal and you figure out what's needed to achieve that goal, and to realize that you can do things without being perfect at it. I feel you should ask yourself what you want to do with your hard work, so that when you achieve something or need to input effort, you can remind yourself that it's going to put you closer to your goal.

For instance, post-secondary, what do you want to do in life? For me, my hopes of becoming a respected scientist in my field made a lot of the academic work feel more rewarding. You should consider the things that you do and ask if they're right for you, and if they support your goal. I think you'll be happier when you have something to work towards.

As for the second, different strokes for different folks? I do wonder why specific people have children, now and then, because they seem to dislike the fact that they do and wish that they didn't have to deal with their bratling. However, for people in general, it is something of mix: a desire to raise another person and give them an even better life than you had, a wish to create a lasting impression of yourself on the world, and the desire to give the love between two partners life. However, this is not to say that having children or not having children is better than the other option. My neighbors growing up were a couple who'd been married for nearly twenty years; they were happy just the two of them and had never desired children. On the other hand, one of my dearest friends is expecting a child soon and she's happier about it than I've ever seen her; she wants to love and dote on this child more than anything in world. Once more, just going back to what you want out of life! You can be either of those people, you should just choose to be the one that makes you happy.
 
Life sucks, especially for teenagers. I can remember having my own swamp of problems because I was learning to love myself, dealing with abuse, having self confidence issues... Like you, I also had a lot of people to impress with academics. With all the misfortune you experience, you sometimes wonder if it's even worth it to try. I can say from experience that yes, it is worth it. That is, if you want positive change badly enough. You have to really work for the goals you set for yourself, which is half the fun. There will be obstacles, of course. You'll make mistakes, maybe even hurt people. The important thing to remember is to keep going. Work towards what will truly make you happy. Not what makes OTHER PEOPLE happy.

Anyway, as for how life gets when you're an adult? It won't change too much. Instead of school, you'll be looking for work unless you're going right into college with good funding. You get to start building towards the life you've always wanted. It will be difficult, full of drama, and have disappointments. Just as well, there will be accomplishments, you'll meet new people, and you'll develop even more as a person. <3 Plus, as an adult, you have freedom to choose what path you walk on. And that my dear could very well be the path to things getting better. Just believe in yourself, as corny as that sounds.

Now, the babies... There are a lot of reasons people want them. A lot of women discover that later on in life, they feel the NEED to nurture something. Some of them solve this by adopting pets, others pursue the path to motherhood. It's completely normal. I have friends who are mothers already who say they need to have another baby. xD For couples, it's as simple as wanting a bundle of joy to raise and call their own. I have a baby due in March. The pregnancy is unplanned, but not unwanted. It'll be a challenge, but it's worth it. Raising a kiddo comes with great rewards, and you have another being to love for life. Some people want children, some people don't. Just have to figure out what decision will be best for you.
 
Thanks for responses feeling considerably more positive today as have justdone my final history controlled assessment, Biology and chemistry ISAs, andgot back my English marks for essays,(A*woot.) Four more weeks till i have toanything even resembling an exam. As recommended I am trying to think a bitmore in the long term. Decided to finally make my decisions regarding A-levels I'vebeen putting it off for ages, given my ambition is to become a photographer (portraitideally to earn a living, artistic and prints for fun,) i have a little bitmore freedom with choices so I'm taking Art, theatre, philosophy and the finalone was going to be business and economics but my Current English marks aremaking me think otherwise anyway decisions decisions.


Also thank you all for giving me a different perspective on the children issue.
 
*waves arms around*

I'm English and I went to a Grammar School where I was bright but had no friends and was perpetually depressed and thought life was going to be shit! :D


Now I live in America with a SEXY-AS-FUCKERY wife, a good amount of savings, a Masters Degree, job prospects and a near-completed novel.


LIFE GETS BETTER! MUCH MUCH BETTER!

And we've vowed never to have kids, cos a lot of people in our lives have been royally fucked up by having them.




Grammar Schools are artificial environments of paradoxical crap and the teenage years are a clusterfuck. But if you can get through them and find out your real self, a whole world can open up for you. I suffered like a motherfucker when I was your age, but that just made me all the more grateful and hungry for the opportunities that came my way. So when the love of my life popped her head up on my radar I did everything I could to get the money, resources, courage and emotional maturity together to change my life and make myself worthy of her.

Now I'm so happy I could shit myself.



THIS COULD BE YOU!


LIFE GETS BETTERRRRRRRRRRRRR!
 
Thankyou, il try to pull my socks up and be more positive(or at least not whine, i don't want to become one of these optimistic people that think life has some overarching purpose)
 
>:[

WHY NOT?
 
Its meerly that want to have as little in common with the evangelical christians that come to my door with clocktower magasine as possible.
 
Don't be contrary just to be contrary. That's the easy way to nihilism. You don't have to believe THEIR version, but remember they are people just looking for answers in this crazy mixed up world too. When you realized they're just lost and frighten like everyone else, it makes more sense.
 
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