Social Anxiety

[Opossum My Possum]

( God, I seem to be posting here a lot. I'm sorry everyone! )


I have severe social anxiety. To the point I don't even leave my house unless my mom takes me somewhere.
And I'm okay at places like the library, especially when I don't have to speak to someone.

But if I have to talk to someone, or ask a question, or if there's too many people around, I freak out.
I don't outwardly freak out.
But inside, my heart is pounding, and I'm scared.

I'm so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing.
Or acting fake, and stiff, or just basically anything.

And my family, well, everyone, thinks I'm making this up.
They say it's an excuse to not go do things like get a job or go to college.

But, believe me, I'd LOVE to get a job, go to college, have friends.
I can't though.
I'm scared, and it makes me ill to think about it.

My mom kicked my boyfriend out the other day, because he hasn't got a job.
And now she's on my case again.

And I know I need a job- I know I need to do something.
But I'm terrified.
And I have no GED yet, even.
I don't feel like anything, I feel worse than nothing.

My family is all so disappointed in me, and I feel like everyone looks down on me and just hates me.
And on top of all this, my dog was put down on Valentine's day- so my mom is sad about that, and I am too.

But I don't like to reach out, because it's awkward for me, so I wait till' everyone is sleeping, and then I cry about it.
Or, I go in the bedroom and cry about it.

I'm just not what my family thought I was going to be.
I've grown up to be a failure, and a waste of space.

I've been suicidal before, I used to cut, as you all probably know.
And I've attempted suicide.

But lately, I'm too depressed to even do that.
I just feel like laying in bed all day.

I know I've posted these topics before, but I just can't seem to get over any of this.
I feel sick and tired, and I just want my life to stop.

I feel like this a lot of the time, and then I have my good moments, and I want to live.
I have a surgery coming up, and I don't even want to do that sometimes,
like, I'll just think "let this kill me instead".

It's gotten pretty bad, but I don't tell anyone in my family, because they'd just put me down more.
And no one really takes it seriously.

I don't even take it seriously.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don't have any energy to draw or anything.


I can't even see my counselor either, because I'd have to leave the house for that.

I just ... idk.

sorry for spamming with the emo, guys.

 

[Diana]

*squints* That's really small text. I am old, I can't read stuff so smaaalll!

But *raises hand!* that's me! 8D Social Anxiety Anonymous. And people were and occasionally still are assholes about it. >> Social Extroverts are the worse, because they have noooo ideeeaaaaaa what it's like to feel that way. And probably never will. It's one of those shitty things you just have to deal with. >:[ The only time I have ever been comfortable talking to people has been on the internet, cause I know they can't physical reach out and beat me to death if I say something dumb. >>;


I didn't get my first job until I was um... 26 or 27 or 28 I think? (it's been a couple years now, I can't remember when it was. c__c) So it's not weird that you've never worked before. I CAN say, the only way to get passed those feelings is to force yourself to do it, or have a helper-buddy kinda hold your hand through it. By sheer luck, my brother had a job at the place first and he was a good employee. So the boss bent the rules and hired me. So A) I got a lucky break for someone with no GED or former experience (cause I had actually applied to a lot of places over the years but NEVER got call backs for interviews) and B) I had someone familiar there so I didn't feel alone/stupid/as terrified.

After working there for a couple weeks (as a Cashier no Less, that was terrifying x_x) it helped my social anxiety A LOT. Like, an AMAZING amount. I felt a lot more confident about talking to and dealing with strangers.

It didn't -cure- it, cause I still have a lot of anxiety, buuut I think that has more to do with the fact of me being an extreme introvert. Introverts just don't like to deal with people, and there is NOTHING wrong with that!

I doubt this is all that helpful. >> But you're definitely not crazy.

 

[Lonely Angel]

Wow....everything you said (up to the cutting point) was me when I was about 16ish. I was TERRIFIED of doing anything on my own. I was always homeschooled, and I felt like everyone would know I was weird as soon as they looked at me. I could stand quiet places, like church or the library, but interacting with people was out of the question. I would have panic attacks all the time, even going to the movies was a trial.The internet (and especially role-play) helped me conect to other people a little for a few years. But I took some GED classes when I was 20, and it was a small class, so I got used to being around other people gradually. After that I started college. I took ONE class my first semester so I wouldn't freak myself out, and it was art so it was something I loved. Turns out other people loved my art too, and I made friends. I just started my first job now that I'm 22 and so I get where you're coming from there. I still panic a little sometimes and I really don't think it can be cured, but there are things that help, so please don't give up!

 

[Super Cat]

I never had social anxiety as bad as you have described, but I was always fairly nervous around other people. Which made me that shy, quiet kid that talked to no one except his small group of friends. I ended up going to college and once again I didn't talk to anyone really, and just had another small group of friends. I enjoyed the internet a lot more, but then I ended up deciding to join the military. Maybe not one of the wisest decisions in my life, but it was incredibly helpful. I got thrown into a situation where you are around a bunch of people you don't know, you are getting yelled at constantly and you have to work together or fail. It really helped me out a lot, and just being in the military helped boost my confidence. Now I don't have a problem talking to people, in fact I like to look people straight in the eye when walking around. But I do still get nervous when talking to a new person, and I don't think that will ever go away.

The only suggestions I could provide have already been posted. You just need to start exposing yourself to the situation slowly and build up a tolerance to it.

I suppose you could join the military like me, but I would advise against it. I don't think it is your style and it probably wouldn't be as beneficial in this situation.

http://feelafraidcomic.com/67.php

 

[Fluffy]

I understand, dear. My social anxiety is pretty bad too. In fact, I'm one of those types that freaks out when it gets bad enough. >< I get all sweaty, my pulse goes crazy, I can barely breathe--and then I run out crying until someone stops me. I quit my retail job because it caused me too much stress. I kept getting panic attacks, plus it would drain me in every way possible because I was an introvert having to play the role of an extrovert. I can only do well in quieter, less social environments. Like offices. In fact, paperwork and filing is one of my passions. xP Maybe you can look into that kind of work?

At the least, you could look for a volunteer job of that caliber. (I started out as a volunteer receptionist for a blood center, it was very awesome and inspired me to be a little more outgoing.) Taking phone calls isn't very easy or fun, understandably... However, it is great practice for getting over that fear. And doing tasks on the computer, on paper, whatever is a great way to help you focus on something other than people. Get some work experience under your belt and maybe you'll feel confident enough to pursue your GED. From there, maybe you'll know where you want to go. Take baby steps. You can conquer the anxiety if you want to badly enough, trust me. Just got to give yourself enough time and patience. :] I've found animal shelters to be comfortable environments, too. You don't always have to talk to people or if you do, you talk to few. It depends on what jobs they give you, I suppose. When I volunteered, I mostly cleaned cages, fed them, played with them, and entertained young children who weren't interested in animal shopping.

Someone in my support group pointed out that anxiety is as real as diabetes. Sure, it's not as bad as having a broken pancreas... What they have in common though is that they're both incurable. They're both fucked up problems that you and your loved ones have to be willing to accommodate to. If I had diabetes, I know for certain my boyfriend would willingly consume sugar free food with me, and see to it I get my insulin when needed. Just like how he'll leave social environments with me when I'm feeling panicky. :] It helps to find yourself a support system that can help you feel comfortable, even if that system is made up of only 1 person. Hell, even animals help. Petting a dog or cat is therapeutic, though I prefer cats because they make those soothing purrs. lol Dogs actually trigger anxiety attacks for me when they get too hyper. >>;

I know some simple coping methods for anxiety, too. Everyone has their different ones, but I encourage you to give these a try! They help not only me but friends of mine who have anxieties. When I'm in a room or at work or whatever and feeling anxious, I like to chew a piece of gum or suck on a mint. It's a cheap, effective way to help you keep your cool. I also find rubber bands and stretchy bracelets useful. I get fidgety when I'm nervous, so it's nice to have that manipulative object to play with. Somehow, it works.

I know coping methods for cutting, too, if that becomes a problem for you again. (Assuming it's not since you said "used to". My eyes can't adjust well to your little font too well. xD) If you're interested, feel free to ask. <3 I've been living with a pain addiction since age 15, so I know a thing or two.

I hope you'll find the courage to step out of your comfort zone and get your life on track, Sevy. Life sucks now, but trust me when I say that things get better. Just don't pass up any golden opportunities! Where I'm at now is not the best in the world, but it's on the right path. Even though I'm unemployed and have yet to finish college, I'm happy. You're successful when you're happy. Keep riches, material goods, all that stuff out of the equation. Please, always remember that.

 

[Asmodeus]

If my own experience is anything to go by, social anxiety is influenced, in a very large way, by the degree of power you feel you have over your life.

Throughout school and college I was the guy who hid in restrooms and stationery cupboards (literally) so he wouldn't have to talk with people or make eye-contact. And it took me till I was 23 to have my first relationship. My only friends came in the form of a D&D group that I stumbled upon whilst drunk and that was only after I had lain on a muddy river bank crying and telling them that I was a cunt and they should just leave me. Eventually, their pity won through.

In desperation, I joined the Army at the age of 21 and was forced to take command of a 30-man platoon. This compelled me to work on my voice and my eye-contact. Then I worked at a care home, where the ability to make persuasive arguments was the only thing that stopped you getting attacked by the patients.

And now... now I work as a debt collector in a call center, and, as you may have noticed, torment Iwaku with an extroverted persona that would make politicians blush.


The key? A sense that I am in charge of my life. When I was dependent on others, my mannerisms, my confidence - even my voice - was stilted. It's amazing what kind of metamorphosis you can undergo when your situation changes.


So, my advice: find that job; own it; and start shaping the world in your image and not someone else's shadow.

It may take you until you're 30. But it WILL happen.