So I want to get something very clear. I am: -Going to therapy -Going through EMDR in a couple months Please forgive me if I sound like I am pitching some sort of sob story, my intent is not attention rather than desperately trying to find something that can help me get some sleep so that I can function each and every day. I'm just looking for tips, ideas, of what to do in the meantime while I work with my therapist with this shit. Not looking for comfort, not looking for anything else besides some idea. That being stated, I've posted this in so many Rant replies I've meant to but I can't get over it. I'm afraid to sleep because of this, and I am exhausted. I find excuses, any, to avoid going to bed. Because of dreams. I know it sounds really stupid and childish but I'm terrified to even shut my goddamned eyes because I might fall asleep and either have the same dream over and over or a really, really bad nightmare. Shit I used to get when I was a child who didn't have a really stable life. The dream one might actually think would be nice, no scariness to it, no creepy creatures or anything. Just my family was whole, grandma was still alive. She kept everything balanced. I keep dreaming of a typical day with her and my family, who were only stable when she was there to keep them from killing each other. Coffee in the mornings while sitting at the dining table with her looking out to the mountains beyond the river, breakfast, playing her favourite board game, nap, going out to either go to the store (we always went to the store however with her everything was a family fling. If one went, everybody went, unless it was something small enough to get at the small store beyond the small Native American museum which she'd send my sister or me for, more nap time for the rest), or we'd go to a park and enjoy the outside. Come back, watch TV, play that board game again, snack, TV, dinner, a movie and then bed time. You would think that memory would be something everyone would love to have after a loved one has passed, but for me it's nothing but a reminder of what the family never will be again. Other dreams are night terrors. Last night I dreamed of my friends dying by the hands of the Slenderman and an old cartoon character. I was going into a room with someone who turned into the Slenderman after putting this mask on, and I had almost put this cursed hat on but freaked and threw it and tried to get out but I fell victim to him. I was too scared to go back to sleep last night and I don't want to sleep tonight because of it. I feel like such a coward but I can't stay awake like this. I have no idea what to do.