Ballad of Stars
"I've been living on the edge so long, where the winds of limbo roar". I can't spend a day without paying my metaphorical tribute to music. What's there not to love about differing from a stereotype? The one book-worm that many assume thinks too much about himself, a completely sucker for music. Art in general, I might add. We as a society are growing to accept minorities as one, no special features, no pros, no cons. We are not ourselves, we're not individuals, we're "human". I hate that. Demented pseudo-psychology trying to unify us by transforming us into the beings we've grown to hate. Embracing a false sense of empathy planted into our brains by the ones who already have everything they ever wanted in life. We've been barking at the wrong tree for way too long, may this pseudo-intellectual here add.
Oh, dear diary, how many times will you have to deal with my condolences to humanity? Probably way too much. Today was as dull as usual, if that's what we're here to discuss. I guess I've just grown tired to describe it. "Waking up, leaving to college, having to deal with the overwhelming sound of voices that always gives me a headache, coming back, sleep, repeat". "To be someone in life", what a saying. "Be someone, but not the someone you want, the someone I want, cool?". I better stop before I descend too much into the "egocentric melodramatic teen" downward spiral I'm already too much dipped in. But what else is there to say? Have I really plummeted into two pitiful paragraphs a day? Lex, you truly are losing steam. If only I did justice to my pseudonym. Though, choosing the most simplistic option is a rather difficult task when there're no options at all to choose from.
~I still wonder about Chris's whereabouts occasionally, changing subjects. The pillar that kept me safe under society's dropping boulders. Never self-centered, always giving me the advice I hoped to hear from a bigger brother. Simplifying the complex with an almost supernatural ease. It's been almost four months he's moved, if I haven't descended into Alzheimer's just yet. Constantly trying to introduce me to new people, as if that was going to solve every problem I ever had. Needless to say, Chris's social skills were always something to look up to. New girlfriend every three months or so. But you know about this already. This isn't neither the first nor the last time I'll speak of him here. I miss the bastard. Though, I guess we speak occasionally, text-messages and such. It's not nearly as intimate as it used to be. Perhaps someday I'll pay him a visit."
The universe has its own morbid way of being ironic. It wasn't longer than two, maybe three days after I wrote that one page that I got the news. Chris got shot in the chest three times by robber who tried getting his girlfriend's purse, or something. The news reported that witness said he jumped in front of her immediately after he sighted the gun. He did save her, but died almost immediately. It had to be him, didn't he? I'm not a voucher for the theory that the universe nor its creator actually cares at all about us, but if he does, he sure has something against me. He has to. I won't give this to the Chaos Theory, I won't. I couldn't, I can't. I stayed within that state of mind for weeks. Beating myself up with a stream of never-ending depressing thoughts. The one friend I ever had, gone. Twice, by that matter. I thought I was immune to depression by now. Father died from a car crash; Mom died when giving birth to my brother, which died from complication after-birth; Lived with an uncle for almost ten years, I mean, why this? I never shed a tear to any of them, but why did I have to collapse to this?
I couldn't stop thinking about the lessons he tried teaching me, back in the day. When he kept trying to introducing me to girls. Vouching for whatever non-existent chance I ever had. Giving me advice. He sure was a brother to me. He always wanted me to succeed socially. No matter how reluctant I was to the utopic possibility. I can't help but to wonder if I should try to change. I mean, he followed his own advice and I never once saw him frown. Perhaps that is the "secret formula", perhaps that's what he kept trying to say. Perhaps... Perhaps not. I can't tell for sure - until I try, I guess.
I wonder how intimidating the wall of text will be - if it is at all, I legit am sorry. Then again, I'm all up to dissing the concept for something entirely new. At the moment, I'm up for anything faintly among those lines that sounds interesting. Though, the forever pessimistic me will always bet this won't draw many people's attention anyway, so. For those who do find it interesting, the teeny tiny details will be decided through PM, as usual, but the framework is there. As for my "conditions", as per say, I'm completely neutral to libertine, add it, don't, I don't care. As the title says, I'm looking for a female, and this is slice of life, so, nothing all that crazy, though, we can discuss the details.
I guess that's all.
PM me if you find it interesting at all, or the concept appeals to you.