Public Service Announcement: Don't be an abusive roleplay partner!

[Diana]

Greetings Iwaku! Today we'd like to give everyone a notice about the very uncool problem of roleplayer abuse. This is not the typical issue of a random member being an obvious asshole. But rather, a roleplayer who treats their partners so terribly, in a way that is pestering and manipulative, until it becomes abusive. The result makes that partner feel uncomfortable and unable to enjoy roleplaying on Iwaku because they are being harassed. :( The sad part is that people don't realize they are being abusive, just like the abused don't realize that this behavior is NOT okay and that they can report these members.

Here are some signs of abusive behavior:

Are you spamming your partner with an obscene amount of "Why haven't you posted yet?" "Are you going to post?" "Where are you?" "Hurry up and post!" "Are you still interested?" "Do you want to quit?" kind of messages?
All of these things are fine to occasionally ask your partners. Sometimes you have to remind someone to post or see if they still want to play. If you are leaving your partners messages like this everyday, you're being obnoxious. If you're leaving these messages MULTIPLE times a day, you're being a crazy person.

Are you guilt tripping your partner with lots comments like "Don't you like playing with me?" "Do you hate me/my character?" "Why won't you post for me?" "Why don't you like me?" "You like _ better than me." "I must be a horrible player." "You never post fast enough." "You're not paying enough attention to me."
We all have these days where we feel some of these comments and sometimes you need to confirm if a partner is enjoying the game. But bombarding your partners with these on a regular basis is rude and unkind. Guilt tripping your partners is NEVER okay. People play with you because they WANT to, and comments like this make them feel like they are forced to.

Are you constantly leaving messages on your profile, in the rant threads, or even other people's profiles that say things like "Ugh! Why does everyone ignore me!" "All of my partners suck!" "I'm tired of shitty partners." "I'm deleting all my rps because people haven't ___." "So many people write so crappy."
Again, every player needs to rant sometimes. But if you are doing this ALL THE TIME and even throwing these kinds of comments AT your roleplayer partners, it makes the people you play with feel terrible. It makes other members afraid to talk to you or play with you because they don't want you to talk that way about them.

Have you gotten a lot of comments from partners telling you to calm down, leave them alone, be patient, and even flat out TELLING you that you're being unreasonable?
If you're getting several people telling you things like this - why haven't you listened? One person being annoyed with you means that they have a problem. MANY people being annoyed with you means YOU have a problem.


There may be other signs too of abuse, but these are the most common and recognizable. If you are a member who seems to have a severe problem with keeping roleplay partners (we don't just mean the normal trial and error of finding partners!), check this list and see if you are inadvertantly being an abusive partner. Remember, we all do these things and have these feelings - it's when you do them IN EXCESS that it becomes pestering.

Are YOU currently feeling harassed by a roleplay partner? You should report them if you are unable to explain to them their behavior has made you uncomfortable. You may not be the only member! Staff can investigate and take care of this for you.

Remember guys! Be respectful, be kind, and enjoy playing!

 

[chibili]

I've been guilty of "Are you still interested?" but I try not to bother anyone too much....................

 

[MiNaGi]

I only start asking people that if they, like, don't answer for three or more days, because on the first day they don't answer I think "Oh okay" then I forget it for a few days and if the person hasn't replied I ask if it's still of their interest. I don't like pestering people, I did it once and it went so horribly wrong, so I know the consequences.

 

[Legion]

I especially agree with the whole rant thing, and the guilt trip thing. I had someone I used to role play with that did that a LOT.

He would constantly talk about how so many people were crappy role players, and he would talk about how he didn't want to play with anyone, sometimes right after he asked if anyone wanted to role play. He would often do things like ignore people for days and then later when you came back asking why, he'd act like you had been ignoring him. He also constantly changed his username to increasingly angsty things, and often just stopped role plays mid-game because he "felt like you didn't want to do them any more" or because he was "such a bad roleplayer" that nobody could want to play with him, despite the fact that you had never even alluded to those things, much less explicitly said them. Eventually he ended up leaving the site because "nobody liked him anymore". And the site was so nice that people still insisted that they liked him, even with this behavior, but he ignored them.

I feel like his entire existence was a ploy for attention, either that or he loved feeling self-pity. I hate being hard on him, because who knows what circumstances he had, but the facts were that he didn't make it fun or easy to be around him.

DON'T BE THAT GUY who nobody likes because you do this kind of thing!

 

[guygombaa]

Sometimes, if somebodies disappeared for a long time, I'll send them a message. Just one. Usually something along the lines of "Are you still in?" Or "Hey! We miss you!"

Just one. I feel uncomfortable and get nervous that people will think im being pushy.