She stared at the open door ahead of her. He wasn't home right now. He was away at work. She could leave. She could pack up everything she ever owned and walked out into the street, make for the nearest hotel, and stay there. Marianne gripped her forearm, eyes locked on that front door, open to the rainstorm raging outside. Her hands lingered about her belly, mind wandering.
What if he found her? He loved her, but did he love her that much? To stay his hand in a fit or rage?
She looked down at her bare feet, toes curling into the apartment's 70's era carpet. She swallowed hard.
I have no friends. I haven't talked to Mom and Dad in years. I wouldn't even know where to find them, and all I've got - I've only got 300 dollars. That's not even enough for one night in a hotel.
She looked behind her at the kitchen, the dishes finished but not put away, the table a wreckage of life's little shipwrecks. Bills splayed out like a pale fan, half-eaten snacks left there to crumble and grow stale, little baubles and pens and screws leftover from half-finished projects laying about. Her eyes tracked back to the open door.
It seemed to invite her, lovingly, gently. Leave.
And the thought genuinely frightened her. For the first time in a long time, she considered it seriously. She remembered, in the beginning, she had had the thought so many times, though he quelled it with a shower of apologies, whole bouquets, boxes of peppermint Hershey bars. Then he began to threaten to kill himself, even kill her, but did he really mean it? Would he really? He loved her. He did.
He loved her.
She walked to the door, grasped the handle, and she closed it, heading back into the kitchen to clean the house before he got home.