Patty's Odd Writings



Original poster
So, I decided to post a few of my odd writings from over the years for you Iwakuans can enjoy. ^_^

<style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: underline } P.western { font-size: 16pt; font-weight: bold } P.cjk { font-size: 16pt; font-weight: bold } --> </style> Man and Wife get Killed by a Piece of Hermaphroditic Chocolate

In Rockford this last week, a young man was killed when he stepped on a bar of chocolate in a local gas station. Normally, this would be an incident of the man paying for the bar of chocolate that he stepped on but, in this case, the chocolate was a Hermaphrodite. Because the man was a science teacher and his class was dissecting earthworms that week, he was telling his wife about it. The chocolate overheard, got offended, and fell off of the rack and under the teacher's foot. He stepped onto the chocolate and was about to go up and pay for it when it jumped out of his hand and started smearing chocolate all over the man's face. He got the chocolate into his nose and suffocated. The man's wife was so terrified that she had a heart attack. The chocolate was charged with double homicide and has been given the Death Penalty. When we asked the chocolate what it wanted before it died, it just said it wanted, "Some hugs and kisses from his family at Hershey."

Attack of the Evil, Killer Dandelions…102…
"Billy, I'm bored," Jenny said as the two children were sitting angelically on a bench in the park.
"Well, Jenny, let's go to old Mr. McDoogle's house. I've heard he's nice and gives out cookies," Billy replied, sweetly.
"Okay, Billy. That sounds like fun," Jenny responded, just as sweet. They, then, started off down the street. Yet, what they didn't know was, in fact, the maker of the EVIL, KILLER DANDELIONS! MUAHAHAHAHA! (For more information about the evil killer dandelions, see: Attack of the evil, killer dandelions 101. Muahahahaha.)

It happened one dark, stormy night. Mr. McDoogle was alone in his laboratory.
"I'm alone in my laboratory!" He yelled, "Muahahahaha!" He was completely insane. "I'm completely insane!" McDoogle cried. "Crud!" He pooped on the floor. Only, it wasn't poop. It was the evil, killer dandelions!
"You are our master," They chanted as the bowed, kneeled, and kissed his feet.
"Okay!" Mr. McDoogle agreed.
As Billy and Jenny came skipping down the street, McDoogle was plotting. They thought everything was okay. It wasn't.
"Look, Billy, Mr. McDoogle's house! Let's go," Jenny said. The two kids skipped up to the front door.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"Ah! The doorbell rang!" Mr. McDoogle exclaimed. Mr. McDoogle hated the sound of a doorbell.
"I hate the sound of a doorbell!" he continued. Yet, he was very fond of cute, pink bunnies with fluffy, white tails.
"Yet, I am very fond of—wait…Hey!" And that's what Mr. McDoogle gets for repeating the narrator.
"And that's what I get for repeating the narrator," Mr. McDoogle sighed. "What's wrong with me? Oh, yeah! Evil Maniac mode!" He turned back into an evil maniac and went to answer the door. Standing in the doorway were two children, a boy and a girl, looking as sweet as could be.
"Hello, Mr. McDoogle. We came for some cookies and milk," Billy and Jenny said in perfect unison.
"Are you always this sickeningly sweet?" Mr. McDoogle asked, bewildered.
"Of course!" Jenny said, seeming offended.
"Otherwise, everyone would know we were," Billy and Jenny's eyes started glowing red, "Power –hungry aliens from the planet Zotack!" They said together.
"The Planet 'Tic-tac'?" McDoogle asked.
"The Planet Zotack!"
"'Zantac'? Isn't that an allergy medicine?"
"Oh! You mean 'Kit-kat'…"
"Screw it! We're out of here!" The two aliens turned and started to walk away.
"Wait!" Mr. McDoogle cried at their retreating backs. "Would you like some…
The two children whipped around. "Butter?" Jenny asked, smiling. "We've been looking for butter…"
"Yes," Billy continued, "It's a delicacy on our planet…"
"Well, I have a lot of butter," Mr. McDoogle grinned. "Let me show you." Mr. McDoogle led them inside and showed them his personal stock of Butter made by the dandelions. "This is my stock of special butter. Each one has a surprise inside. All different," Mr. McDoogle replied. Billy and Jenny each grabbed a tub of butter from the wall and opened them.
"It smells so good!" Jenny said, smelling it.
"But where's the surprise?" Billy asked. Suddenly, two dandelions came out of each tub and started rubbing their faces all over Billy and Jenny's cheeks, causing them to suffocate. (It was a tragic accident.) After Billy and Jenny were dead, the Dandelions did their victory dance, yelling "You like Butter! You like Butter!" They then rebelled and killed their master, Mr. McDoogle.

(Silly ramblings)
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif].....where is my shoe? do you know.....i am so completely lost without my shoe....i cant walk anywhere without it....i am stuck at this desk forever....wait! i know where the wonderful shoe of walking is! it is across the room...wait i have to walk to go get it....AHH! i am stuck will someone give me my shoe! hmmm......i think if i throw my other shoe at it i might be able to hook it......oh no! my other shoe is over there now too! what am i to do?!.....ah whatever this floor isnt that kold..........AHHH! yes it is! grrr. i guess that i could roll over there and get them.....but th[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]at would mean t[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]ouching the kold floor......well it was nice knowing ya all....wait i barely know anyone! what am i to do!? ok whatever.........someone came and got my shoes for me.....crisis averted by mere chance...[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]ahhh here at school.....wait i hate this place! why must i be submitted to this torture!? i will not conform to your vile wonderball of pixies! do not look into a laser too long as your brain will turn into a tonka truck! BEANS! you will not be cleansed of your satanic ritual of the tacos! i am the one who will urinate on your dog!.....what was i thinking? i dont know and you shouldnt either....wait i was reading a fanfic last night and i had to. yep thats about it. but at least i have both my shoes on.....where are my pants though? ahh!.......till next time...[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]...wait a second...what is he doing?! give it back! give it.......NOW! you evil, vile people! Steal my cheeseballs will you.......HA! take that! you shall now be without potato stix! wish for a trade? how dare you insult my potato stik eating skills!! i shall not give them back!.....NO! not the books! anything but the books! here! potato stix galore!.......mmm......cheeseballs......i luv's junkfood without the troubles of acne! Unlike those greasy potato stix......evil potato stix! they shall burn in the confines of the deep-fryer!.....i shall leave now.....the world is a scary place and i need to go make it scaryer.....[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]i am sick.....but i stay home from evil school!...evil school........i laugh at all who go to school today! HAHA!...oh.....ow...that hurt......note to self: never do evil laugh when sick......i need a hear me? I need a hug!......damnit! stupid shall die! DIE!......okay...i shall leave...i might hurt myself if I do this any longer...[/FONT]
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I love the chocolate story! I WANT LIVING CHOCOLATE!

And the second story breaks the forth wall, but in a very comical and fitting way!

And the ramblings about the shoe is DELICIOUS!