So. I remember the days before the internet. When I wanted to know stuff, I had to ask my dad or get out one of the Encyclopaedia Britannicas. We had a full set of them in the cupboard, and they were written in the 60s. I used to choose a letter and read through, learning stuff about straaaange countries like Albania and what Americans called "chips". It took a long time to learn something new, and it was usually from somebody older and wiser than yourself. I also remember the first time "drive-thrus" came around. I was like "what... you drive past the restaurant and they hand you food through the window?" It sounded fucked up to me, and I felt slightly dirty when I first did it. It was the first time I had food in my car, and it just felt wrong. Plus Mother said it would give me a heart attack, so I only had one a year. And there were only 4 channels. You had a choice of what to watch, which was usually "sensible stuff", "boring stuff", "moron stuff" or "weird stuff". I usually went for the weird stuff, but Mother said it was written by idiots, so I usually switched back to the BBC after half an hour. And then Mother bought a mobile phone. It was about the size of a shoebox, with a thick aerial and a black chunky box around it with optional leather case. You had to stand in the garden to use it. Later we upgraded our Acorn computer to a PC. I remember my Mother screaming "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!" the first time I reached for a mouse (mouses were straaaange). She assumed that if I wiggled the mouse the computer would crash during startup. So we both stood at a distance of 5 metres and watched Windows 95 boot up. Then we screamed as the little paperclip started talking to us. And I got Scorpinox for Christmas. And Lego pirates.