No Niche to Fill

[Tarieles]

So, I've been feeling a little down lately about myself. I'm not going to blame this one on depression, because this has bugged me for a long time.

I am terribly average at all I do. If not average, I'm under average. I've tried to find my niche, but I've never been able to find something I'm really good at. I am awful at mathematics and science, I'm average at best with English and writing, I can't commit things to memory enough to even learn conversational language other than English, I just can't find something I'm good at. I love video games, but I'm really not that great at them. I love writing, but I'm really only okay, and I've spent so long trying to improve, I think I'm at the best I'll ever be. I'd love to be able to draw, but I am awful when it comes to spatial things. I like to worldbuild, but I just don't have the attention to stay with it for long periods of time. I love to play music, but I'm not really good at playing instruments or singing. I just don't really know what to do to find what I'm good at. I just get discouraged at everything I do, because something deep down knows that I'm really not that great, so I just eventually... stop doing what I love. I'm down to roleplaying and gaming as the only thing I really do anymore that I actually enjoy.

How did you learn to find your niche? Because I sure as hell can't find mine.

 

[Poe Dameron]

I'm not an expert when it comes to roleplaying, gaming, worldbuilding, etc so I won't speak of those but more on the "real life" stuff.

Finding one's niche, or a specialty in life that you feel you can excel at and contribute to society (and perhaps make a living from), I'm guessing that's what your looking for but haven't discovered yet? There's various ways to find it, you can either search hard for it or find it by accident. Mine's was a combination... I thought I was born to be an engineer but hated the work and business aspects of it, got out of it, one thing led to another and I believe I've found my specialty as a master planner.

Advice I'd give in finding yourself is to open your eyes to the world with an open mind and heart. And even if you consider yourself "average" in all aspects, sometimes it's the attitude and passion that sets you apart from the rest (in the eyes of those searching for talent) and gets you to places you never imagined you'd be.

 

[Kestrel]

Never compare yourself to the absolute best. Like. If I would only enjoy drawing until I could paint photorealistic images I'd be looking at years of hating what I do for years on end. I'd never even get there if I kept comparing. On top of that I'd never be able to develop personal style choices that make me love my favourite artists so much if I just tried to be as good at the same things.

Not everything need end up a masterpiece either. Like, Beethoven is cool and all but look at how many people listen to whatever formula the pop machine pushes out next. You can complain about the supposed quality of the latest song but point is, it still makes people dance and that's beautiful in itself. Which gives it a good reason to exist.

Likewise, how many roleplays are actually awesome versus average, and do you think iwaku would survive without the average ones?

It's good aim to excel, but not at the cost of losing what makes you love what you aim to excel at. Average doesn't mean without value. Most things are average.

 

[Aelita]

I used to feel this way a lot. I was one of those kids that adults really showered with praise. I was in all the gifted programs in elementary and middle school. Every story, poem, spelling test, art project, etc. from my childhood was put on a pedestal and applauded loudly by the adults in my life. I was made to think I was some kind of genius, but really I just had a lot of resources at my disposal and had developed a number of skills early. In high school I leveled out with the other kids and it messed with my head big time. I kind of ceased to have an identity when I ceased to be the ideal student. I've learned that if you pin your worth on a skill or set of skills, you're setting yourself up for self-destruction.


With that in mind, here's my advice:
First, stop thinking in terms of being "good" "bad" or "average." They're just concepts and completely relative ones at that. The rules behind them are always changing and the goalposts are always moving. You could write a best-seller and people will still say your writing is bad. Words like that serve critics more than artists.
Second, think about all the possible callings that you've already crossed off your list because you decided they were just wrong for you for some reason or another. I used to say "I'm bad with kids. I can't understand them." And now I'm teaching one to read, another one to talk and it's invigorating. I had just made up this myth about myself because I was obsessed with sorting my skills into columns like I was filling out a character profile for myself. Same goes for running. I used to say "I'm just not a runner" and now I run all the time and I love it. Just had to open my mind.

Kestrel is right. Comparing yourself to others is a far too negative path. Win or lose you won't find sustainable joy in it. Go for stuff that's meaningful to you and makes you happy just to do it. I know it sounds like a suspiciously easy solution but I swear by it. Good luck on your search, bruv.